


Pathétique

by LuckE1



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Child! Tobio, Classical Music, Depressed! Akaashi, Fluff, Gen, Heavy Themes, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Musician! Akaashi, Orchestra, Volleyball coach! Bokuto
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-31
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-06-19 03:56:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 17
Words: 129,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15501804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuckE1/pseuds/LuckE1
Summary: Pathétique – in music, meaning “passionate” or “emotional,” or evoking the emotions of pity, grief, or sorrow.Single-father Akaashi is on his last rope. With his desire to give his son a better life, and to escape the struggles within his own life, he is ready to end it all.But, a certain volleyball coach brings beautiful colors into his dull world.Musician AU, Akaashi-centered.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! I'm back! And it's a different fandom this time.  
> I'll be honest- I'm pretty nervous about venturing into a different fandom. But I've had this story on my mind for a few years now.  
> So, here we are! I really hope you guys enjoy this new adventure with me!
> 
> Also, just as a warning, there is going to be a lot of heavy themes throughout this fic, i.e. suicide, self-harm, etc. Just giving you guys a trigger warning for the entire thing.
> 
> Thank you Tayu-chan and Velvloid for being wonderful supporters for me. I greatly appreciate you guys being here through this scary process.
> 
> Happy reading!

Chapter 1

 

~

_Pathétique – in music, meaning "passionate" or "emotional," or evoking the emotions of pity, grief, or sorrow._

_~_

 

Music.

A universal language.

_"He's yours."_

A conversation without words.

A bow pulled across a string, the light tapping of a drum, the warm, rich sound of the French horn, all coming together to create one sound.

_"I'm moving out of the country. I can't take care of him."_

He could see it; the lights were hot on his face as he stepped out onto the stage to take a seat with the rest of his comrades, his violin in hand. He could hear the applause roaring from the darkened audience, the lights far too bright to make out any one face clearly.

And then, he could hear the tuning note sound, and he lifted his violin up by his chin and raised his bow to touch the strings, pulling and pushing it along the threads.

_"No. I don't want anything to do with him. He's under your care now."_

A sound.

There was a sound vibrating from his hand. Then, there were several sounds all vibrating at once. The vibrations moved and he could feel the stage underneath his feet begin to quake.

_"Goodbye, Keiji."_

He could feel the music in his feet.

_"Akaashi…"_

In his body.

_"Akaashi?"_

In his chest…

"A-kaa-shi?"

In his heart.

" **Akaashi-san**!"

 

Akaashi jolted, lurching forward to brace himself against the desk. He blinked rapidly as the yellowish room filled his sight, the computer to his left still playing the piece that he had gotten so lost in. He scrambled to pause the music on the computer and whirled around to see a few women standing behind him with irritated looks on their faces.

"Akaashi-san, the conductor needs the new parts now," one of them said. Her brow quirked in mild frustration and her lip was pulled to the side, almost in disgust.

"Mmn. Everyone is waiting on the stage!" the other girl added, folding her arms across her chest.

Akaashi blinked and turned around to see the clock on the wall of his tiny office. It was a little after 3 in the afternoon, but rehearsal should have started on time. And without the music, the musicians would have nothing to read for the rehearsal.

"Ah, right," Akaashi said, fumbling for the folder of music on his desk. "I'll be right there."

The women standing in the doorway of his office glanced at each other with disapproving looks before sauntering off towards the auditorium.

"He's worked here for  _how_ long as the librarian and he  _still_  can't get the music to us on time?" one of them whispered.

"Shh! His door is open! He'll hear you!" another said.

"I don't care! He needs to get us the parts on time. He's  _Akaashi-sama's son_  for crying out loud. He should know how to handle an orchestra!"

Akaashi's brows pinched over a twitching eye.

 _Calm, slow breaths,_  Akaashi told himself.  _The day is almost over. Just keep calm._

Akaashi grabbed the packet of music and stood to his feet, sighing as his back ached from sitting for so long. He stretched out his back before leaving the tiny office, his foot nudging the door shut with a harsh slam that rattled the loose window and startled the sound engineers next door. He could hear them hollering after him for keeping things quiet but he promptly ignored their voices.

Akaashi headed down the long, pale hallway, walking past the conductor's office. He read the black name on the plate that was stuck on the door. The characters were engraved in fine, smooth lines.

Conductor Mori was a harsh man. He was tall and broad, looming over the orchestra members like a brick wall. And yet, a majority of the orchestra members will go out to a bar and have a drink with him, all with smiles on their faces. It was a circle of respect that Akaashi had no place in.

Not that he cared or had time for such activities.

With another deep breath, Akaashi continued down the corridor and through one of the side doors of the auditorium. Immediately, Akaashi's eyes landed on Conductor Mori standing on his box on the stage, hunching over a music score on his stand. He was speaking to the orchestra, humming and singing out different parts and explaining exactly how he wanted it to sound.

There were several times when he had entered into this auditorium with a smile on his face. The lights would be bright and colorful against the royal blue curtains. The wooden stage glistened and sparkled after a fresh buff, and the room would always have the same smell. His father would hold onto his hand and…

His father…

_"You're keeping it?!"_

_"You are making the biggest mistake of your life, Keiji!"_

_"Can't you see that you're throwing away everything you've worked for?!"_

_"Get out of my sight."_

_"I don't want to see your face."_

Akaashi winced, clutching the parts to his chest.

The auditorium did not light up like it used to.

Akaashi tried to let the door quietly shut behind him, but it always made a horribly loud click, letting anyone and everyone know what poor soul had been late to rehearsal.

When the door inevitably clicked behind him, the conductor whirled around on his platform and eyed Akaashi with a surprised gaze. But his face quickly contorted to disgust, his nose lifting in contempt.

The tension was incredibly thick.

"How nice of you to join us, Akaashi-san," Mori called out, his voice echoing in the auditorium.

Akaashi felt several more eyes on him, making his ears burn. He quickly made his way up to the stage, ignoring the looks of disdain from the orchestra members. He zipped up the steps and handed the stacks to the designated principals, allowing those members to pass out the rest of the music to their sections.

"Anyway… Once you get your part, look to bar 32 on the first movement," the conductor continued as Akaashi made his way around the orchestra.

None of the members said a word to him as he passed out the parts. He bit the inside of his cheek and repeatedly told his face to stay neutral.

He finally made it to the back of the orchestra, where the percussionists sat. He gathered up their stack of music and handed it to the only friendly face he knew around the orchestra.

"And he finally arrives."

Akaashi's brow twitched. It was unfortunate that the only friendly face at the moment was messing with him.

"So, where were you?" Konoha whispered as he took the stack of music from Akaashi. "You took forever to get here. Mori-san is really mad."

"Just got distracted," Akaashi said, handing him one last part.

Konoha did not look convinced, and Akaashi repressed an annoyed sigh. He just wanted Konoha to take the parts before Mori threw his rage at the both of them.

"Distracted?" Konoha grumbled. "That's your excuse every time."

Akaashi finally released a short sigh through his nose. He shrugged, not in the mood to hash out everything with Konoha, even if he  _was_  his only friend.

"You know, if you keep being late, Mori is going to find a replacement," Konoha said, tucking the parts under his arm and placing his hand on his hip.

Akaashi furrowed his brows. He turned around abruptly, feeling his jaw moving back and forth as he began to grind his teeth.

"I appreciate your concern," Akaashi said as he took steps to leave the stage. "But I can handle it."

Konoha sputtered behind him. "Oi, Akaashi! Wait a sec!"

Akaashi sighed, feeling a headache coming on. It only added to the ache in his chest. He passed Mori on the way off of the stage without a word, but he could feel the conductor's harsh eyes following his retreating back as he walked up the side of the auditorium.

"All right. Now that you have your parts, let's just do a read-through," Mori said, straightening his back.

His suggestion made Akaashi freeze. He whipped his head back to see Conductor Mori standing tall with his baton in the air. The string section all lifted their bows, waiting with strict concentration and heavy silence. The brass and woodwinds readied their instruments, their backs straight and ready to inhale.

Then, Mori lifted his baton and then lowered it back down.

And sound blossomed from the stage in an instant.

Akaashi darted to a nearby pillar to hide out of sight, pressing his back against it and holding his breath.

He knew the piece very well. He had performed it before, many times. It started with the same beautiful chords in the strings, the sound swelling and expanding to the brass and winds, and then tapering off with a roll of a suspended cymbal.

Akaashi's heart was pounding. For a moment, his dull little world had started to glow. The dreary colors of the wall brightened, the hues popping before his very eyes.

The hollow feeling in his chest was replaced by warmth that he had not felt in a long time.

He felt that he could lose himself in the flow of the music.

 _Yes,_  Akaashi thought, closing his eyes.  _This sound is… amazing._

His muscles relaxed and the tips of his fingers tingled. He could feel his chest vibrate from the sound as it travelled throughout the auditorium, bouncing off of the walls and rising through the floor. He could feel the pulse of the drums in his teeth.

_It's almost enough. I can almost feel the sound completely._

The sound dwindled down to a light hum in the brass and woodwind, the timpani rolling softly. Akaashi took a slow deep breath.

_Okay. Up next is the solo._

He closed his eyes and gripped his shirt near his heart.

He wanted the music to reach him.

He wanted the sound to course through his whole body.

He wanted to  _feel_.

Akaashi lifted his arms, holding an invisible violin and bow tucked under his chin delicately. He raised the bow, ready to strike at the right speed.

_It begins delicately…_

Akaashi pulled his arm down.

_Like… this…_

Suddenly, a sharp sound pierced through the auditorium, making Akaashi jolt and snap his eyes open.

The violin in his hands had suddenly vanished, the illusion shattering before his very eyes. He blinked rapidly as his eyes adjusted to seeing the dull and drab room once again, the colors all gone.

_What is that?_

Akaashi shifted against the pillar and then he peeked around the side to gaze up at the stage.

The first violinist was staring sternly at his music, his fingers moving rigidly along the strings.

_Wait…_

_That's… that's not how it goes._

Akaashi could feel his teeth grinding against each other as the sound pummeled his ears.

It sounded as if the violinist was trying to be as loud as he possibly could. But Akaashi knew better.

 _This solo isn't supposed to be loud,_ Akaashi said.  _It's supposed to be soft, delicate._

_You're telling a story. Don't you know that?_

He pouted, biting his lip and glaring up at the principal violinist, watching him as he continued his solo.

 _I could play that better,_ Akaashi thought bitterly.

Back in college, he could play circles around this current violinist.

He was the best in the school.

He always played with the right notes, the right tone.

He could play that better!

_"Can't you see that you're throwing away everything you've worked for?!"_

Akaashi felt his chest cave in, his heart squeezing painfully. He leaned back against the pillar and sighed heavily, closing his eyes and blocking out the sound that grated against his ears.

_Well… I could have played that better… before…_

The hollow feeling in his chest returned, making the ache throb on every pulse. For a few fleeting seconds, Akaashi had felt relief—relief from the stabbing and sinking pain in his chest. He longed for a day when that relief would become permanent.

But… how long until then?

Akaashi took slow, deep breaths, letting the pain die down until he felt numb. His eyes fluttered shut, sucking in another harsh breath to hold back the tears, and then he let his shoulders slump.

He opened his eyes and pushed himself up from the pillar. With one last fleeting glance back at the violinist, he hurried out of the auditorium, the solo ending just as the door clicked shut behind him.

* * *

Akaashi could feel his eyelids growing heavier as each second ticked by. The music player on his computer was minimized and quiet, the screen overtaken by multiple search tabs of music websites. Conductor Mori wanted more music ordered, and Akaashi had to find the right price to please him.

Being the Orchestra Librarian for the Tokyo Philharmonic Orchestra was stressful, especially when they just performed a concert. Once a concert was over, he had to collect the old music, organize it, and then make sure the new music was ready to go. And when he was done organizing, he was calling publishing companies to find the best deals on music and scores, making sure that the music was clean of pencil markings by the time the musicians received the parts.

And then, there was the job of writing in the proper bowings for the string sections. That job took the longest, but it was the one that Akaashi knew best.

He was currently pressing a white eraser into a yellowed piece of music, gently pushing the jagged pencil marks away and blowing away the shavings. He wished the musicians would press more lightly with their pencils. This particular piece was rented, for crying out loud.

Akaashi felt his brow twitch. He was in no mood to get chewed out by Mori for fines about "damaged" music. He had been messing up enough lately already.

 _I'm already on Mori's bad side,_  Akaashi thought.

_It seems that all I do nowadays is mess up._

_When can I get a break from this?_

"Akaashi!"

Akaashi nearly jumped out of his skin at the voice coming from behind him, making him drop his eraser in the process. He turned his head back to see Konoha standing in the doorway with his hand sheepishly rubbing the back of his neck.

"Whoa, sorry. Didn't mean to scare you," Konoha apologized.

Akaashi quickly schooled his face and put up a hand.

"You did no harm," Akaashi said. He leaned down and picked up his eraser from the floor, turning back to the desk to continue his work.

"Still working?" Konoha asked.

"Mmn. These parts have to go back to the rental company with no marks on them," Akaashi explained. He sent a glare over his shoulder. "The percussion parts seem to be particularly messy."

Konoha chuckled lightly, his hand carding through his hair.

"Sorry about that," Konoha said. "I keep telling the guys to go easier on the music, but…"

Akaashi sighed, his shoulders slumping. He turned back around, facing away from Konoha.

"It's not your fault. I know they do it to spite me," Akaashi said.

"Akaashi…" Konoha whispered.

Akaashi winced, trying to ignore the pain in Konoha's voice. He sat up straighter and mentally shook the pain away from his mind.

"What are you doing here anyway? I thought you guys were rehearsing the new piece," Akaashi said, working on rubbing out a stubborn breath mark.

"Huh? Oh, uh, yeah. We were. But… rehearsal ended," Konoha said.

Akaashi froze.

His eraser was still pressed to the music, his hand beginning to shake. He blinked a few times, tossing around the sentence over in his mind. He turned his head back to look at Konoha with a strained expression.

"It… ended?" Akaashi asked.

Konoha leaned against the doorframe, folding his arms across his chest. He nodded towards the hallway.

"Yeah. We already cleared the stage for the night," Konoha said.

Akaashi's heart jolted, rising up to clog his throat. He stood to his feet and craned his head up to look at the clock.

It was half past five in the evening.

"Oh,  _crap._  I'm late! _"_  Akaashi said frantically. He turned towards his desk and quickly began to pack up his things.

"Eh? Akaashi, what's wrong?" Konoha asked, pushing himself up from the doorframe.

"How could I be so late  _again?"_ Akaashi said under his breath, shoving his laptop into his shoulder bag along with his notebook and pencils. He would just have to come in early the next morning to finish cleaning the music. He had no time for this now.

He turned towards the door and quickly flipped off the light switch to his tiny office. He gently pushed Konoha out of the way and shut the door behind him.

"Hey, what's going on? Akaashi—"

"Sorry, but I have to go," Akaashi said. He gave a short, quick bow. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Oh, uh… okay, Akaashi," Konoha said as Akaashi brushed past him. "Hey, we should go get a drink sometime! Just, you know, to hang out."

Akaashi simply waved his hand in the air and gave a noncommittal hum as he turned the corner and hurried down the hallway towards the exit.

_He's going to be so upset that I'm so late…_

Akaashi's hand gripped the strap of his bag and he huffed quietly.

_I just hope he had a better day today._

He made it to the end of the hall and pushed the door open that led to the street. He took one step out and then skidded to a halt before he collided with a tall, broad body. Akaashi's eyes lifted to meet none other than Mori's, a cigarette pinched in between his fingers. His eyes narrowed when his gaze met Akaashi's, sending a shiver down Akaashi's spine.

Akaashi swallowed thickly and lowered his gaze, giving the looming conductor a quick bow before scurrying past him.

"Those copies need to be cleaned and sent back by Monday," Mori said, making Akaashi stop on the sidewalk.

Akaashi could feel the exhaustion of the long day creeping up on him, his shoulders aching and neck stiff.

_I know, Mori-san. I'm trying to get everything done._

He turned to look back at Mori, his shoulders tense. He took a slow breath through his teeth and nodded once.

"I will get it done," Akaashi said, his voice small.

Mori studied Akaashi for a minute before he took another puff of his cigarette and blew white smoke into the air.

"You know, Akaashi, I expected better from you," Mori said. "Especially with you being Akaashi Kyosuke's son and all."

Akaashi winced at hearing his father's name roll off of Mori's tongue. He could feel his watch ticking on his wrist, the seconds going by quickly. He glanced down the street towards the station, his hands fidgeting by his sides.

"In all honesty, I had hoped that you would've been sitting as principal," Mori said, taking another long drag of his cigarette. "But you never showed up to the audition that day."

Akaashi's eyes snapped back to meet Mori's gaze, his heart flipping inside his chest. His eyes narrowed, feeling something hot burning in his stomach. His hand clenched his bag while his other formed a shaking fist.

 _I don't need you bringing up my failures,_  Akaashi thought bitterly.  _I don't need any of this._

The sound of an oncoming train pulling into the nearby station jolted Akaashi back to reality. His watch felt heavy on his wrist, feeling another second tick by.

_Right. I've got to get going._

Akaashi suddenly bowed at the waist to Mori, his arms stiff by his sides.

"Sorry, but I have to get going," Akaashi said. The apology tasted like vinegar on his tongue.

Mori simply hummed and Akaashi quietly huffed as he straightened and hurried down the sidewalk and into the train station. He quickly boarded the parked train just before the doors closed behind him. He glanced down at his watch to look at the time and he clicked his tongue in annoyance.

_I'm a failure at my job._

_Am I a failure at being a parent, too?_

* * *

When the train finally pulled to a stop a few minutes later, Akaashi rushed out of the station and down the street to the small building next to the fire station. He glanced up at the colorful "Preschool and Daycare" sign that hung above the doors.

He rushed up to the entrance, squinting through the glass doors as he approached. The building looked mostly empty on the inside. It made Akaashi's gut twist like a wet rag.

He quickly entered inside and glanced around the quiet space for that familiar face.

"Ah, Akaashi-san!"

Akaashi jolted and whipped his head to the side.

In the corner of the room was the preschool teacher, her hair pulled back into a ponytail and her usual tired smile on her face.

Standing next to her was a small boy with black hair and deep, navy blue eyes.

And his name was Akaashi Tobio.

Tobio was staring hard at the ground, barely even moving. He did not even look up to see his father entering the building. It made Akaashi's heart quicken in alarm.

Had something happened?

The preschool teacher lifted her hand in a wave, beckoning Akaashi to approach. Akaashi snapped out of his stupor and hurried over to them, his eyes trained on his son's solemn face until he stepped in front of the teacher.

"Sorry I was late," Akaashi apologized to her.

 _How many times am I going to apologize for this?_  Akaashi thought guiltily.

The teacher sighed, letting her smile drop a little.

"I know your schedule is busy," she said, sounding a little disappointed. She turned to Tobio and gently patted his head, startling the boy a little. "But I'm sure Tobio is happy to see you!"

Akaashi glanced down at his son, who stood stiffly next to the teacher. He looked unsure of what to do and he would still not meet Akaashi's eyes.

"Hey, kiddo," Akaashi greeted with a small smile. He knelt down to his son to better see his drooping face. "How was your last day of preschool?"

Tobio's mouth wobbled, his eyes staring fiercely at the ground. His little hands were in trembling fists by his sides and his brows were pulled together tightly.

Akaashi's smile slipped into a frown at his son's reaction. Had it really been another bad day?

"What's wrong, Tobio?" Akaashi asked, tilting his head to try and find Tobio's eyes.

But Tobio lowered his head even more. He sniffled a little, his arm coming up to wipe his nose.

"No one wanted to play with me," Tobio said with a quivering voice.

Akaashi inhaled sharply and winced.

 _Again?_  Akaashi wondered. He let out a soft sigh and rested his chin on his bent knees.  _How many times is he going to leave crying?_

"I'm sorry, Tobio," Akaashi apologized, reaching up to run his fingers through Tobio's hair.

But Tobio flinched away from Akaashi's hand, more tears coming down his cheeks. Akaashi's hand slowly fell back down to hug his knees, his brows scrunched up as he watched Tobio's shoulders wrack with silent sobs. His little hands reached up to rub his eyes pitifully.

"Oh, my," the teacher gasped from above them, and Akaashi tilted his head up to look at her. "I figured he was just quiet today. I had no idea he was this upset."

Akaashi shook his head gently and put up a hand.

"No worries. It's not your fault," Akaashi said. He pushed himself up from his crouched position and stood on his feet.

"But I really hoped Tobio would have a good day today. Especially since it was his last day," the teacher said, leaning down to rub the back of Tobio's head. "He looked like he was doing fine."

Akaashi watched as Tobio's hands dropped from his eyes and he stared up at his teacher with sad, wet eyes. He sniffed a few times, the tears still coming out in thick drops. He huffed a few times to try to catch his breath and he wiped his face with his sleeve.

"Are you feeling better, Tobio?" the teacher asked.

Tobio sniffed, his arm still rubbed furiously against his eyes, and he nodded slightly. The teacher smiled and patted his back.

"Good. Keep taking big breaths," she said sweetly.

Akaashi watched as his son finally dropped his arm from his eyes and stared up at his teacher, tears still clinging to his lashes.

Akaashi's heart ached. He seemed to calm with his teacher's comforting hand, but when it came to his own father, Tobio had flinched away.

_Maybe I am failing at being a parent…_

"Okay, Tobio. Let's get you signed out so you can go home, okay?" the teacher said.

Tobio nodded and waddled over to backpack in the corner, haphazardly stuffing his toys and crayons away. The teacher turned her attention back to Akaashi, her smile fading slightly.

"Have you found a kindergarten for him?" she asked.

"Oh, uh," Akaashi stumbled, "Yes. It's the one that's closest to my work."

"Closest to your work?" the teacher said, puzzled. She thought for a minute, placing a hand on her chin. Then, her eyes lit up in recognition. "Oh! You mean the kindergarten that's using Fukudorani High's empty classrooms?"

Akaashi nodded once, his heart squeezing.

He remembered making the last minute enrollment for Tobio into the kindergarten program, but he had not realized that their building was closed for the year due to construction. So for the upcoming year, Akaashi would have to escort his four-year-old into a high school. To say that he was nervous was an understatement.

"It's a great school—both the kindergarten and the high school. I know a lot of teachers over there," the teacher said as Tobio padded back over next to her. "I'm sure Tobio will find some wonderful friends there."

Akaashi glanced down at Tobio, whose eyes were reddened but dry, at least. He extended his hand down to his son, and slowly and tentatively, Tobio reached up to grasp it.

It brought a small smile on Akaashi's face. It was a small victory.

"Oh, and Akaashi-san," the teacher said, pulling Akaashi's attention back.

When he looked up at her, her face had gone a little stern with her smile pulled tight. Akaashi could feel cold sweat beading on his neck, and he straightened his back, feeling stiff.

"Try not to be late anymore, okay?" she said. "Tobio is at a critical age where he needs his parents to be there for him."

Akaashi winced.

_Parents, she says._

_Meaning both._

Any shred of happiness that he had felt just a split second earlier had now been completely shattered.

He squeezed his son's hand, nodding once, the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"I know."

* * *

Akaashi's chest felt heavy, as if a ton of bricks were sitting on his heart and lungs.

At some point during the walk home, Tobio had wriggled his hand out of Akaashi's, opting to clutch on to his tiny backpack's straps. He was no longer crying but his eyes were trained on the ground, his face pulled together in a tired pout.

Akaashi sighed, his eyes stinging.

 _If you had been paying attention to the time, maybe you wouldn't have been so late,_  Akaashi told himself.

_And maybe… maybe he wouldn't hate you right now._

Akaashi's hands curled into tight fists, feeling strangely overwhelmed.

His father, his boss, his son…

 _Why can't I connect with anyone?_  Akaashi thought as he and Tobio came to a stop at an intersection.

_"No. I don't want anything to do with him. He's under your care now."_

Akaashi inhaled softly, hearing that smooth, crystal voice echo in his ears from memories past. He remembered the suitcase by the front door, a screaming baby…

… those cold, cold blue eyes.

_"Goodbye, Keiji."_

A car zipping by yanked Akaashi out of his thoughts and back to the present, making him gasp and blink rapidly until his vision cleared. He took a moment to catch his breath, feeling the sweat glide down his neck, and then he glanced back up at the road.

The traffic was heavier than usual. Everything from smaller cars to big trucks passed by in front of his eyes, all of them seemingly faster than normal.

Akaashi's shoulders sagged, his brows pulling together as his mind drifted into a haze.

_I wonder…_

Akaashi watched as a large bus passed by.

_… if I were to step out into the road…_

Another bus passed.

He felt his foot move.

And he suddenly was drawn closer to the edge of the road.

_… would it kill me instantly?_

"Daddy?"

Akaashi's heart leapt inside his chest and he jumped, whirling around to see his son staring up at him with a strange look on his face.

"Tobio…" Akaashi whispered.

"The light is still red," Tobio said, lifting a hand to point to the crossing sign across the street. "We can't cross, yet."

Akaashi followed his finger with his eyes and spotted the red light flashing on the other side of the road, indicating the pedestrians to stay put. He glanced back down at Tobio, his heart hammering inside his ribcage.

"Right," Akaashi said breathlessly. He leaned down and gently took Tobio's hand. "Good job watching. I wasn't paying attention, was I?"

Tobio just stared up at him wordlessly, his face pinching in confusion. Then he faced forward, oblivious to the whole ordeal. He did not notice the slight tremor in his father's fingers.

* * *

Monday came in a flash, and Akaashi was worse for wear. He had to come in over the weekend to finish cleaning the rest of the music, dragging his gloomy son along with him. Luckily, none of his other coworkers had come into the music hall day, so he felt calm. Being around his coworkers always made him feel on edge and anxious.

Once both he and Tobio were dressed, they walked out of their small apartment and headed down the road towards the train station. They boarded the train on time— _thankfully_ —and headed in the direction of Fukudoroni High School.

Akaashi was nervous. He knew that the kindergarten building was under construction, but to hold classes at the local high school? Was that such a good idea?

He glanced down at his son, watching him as he stood quietly nearby. His blue eyes were focused on his shoes, his lips pulled into a pout. It was Tobio's usual expression, except for the squint in his eyes and his fidgeting hands.

It seemed Akaashi was not the only nervous one.

The train pulled to a stop at the next station and Akaashi gently guided Tobio off and out to the street. He had not said a word to him all weekend, and the guilt sat heavier on Akaashi's shoulders. He really should not have been late to pick him up on his last day of preschool.

_Failure._

There was that voice again, ringing in Akaashi's ears.

_You're a failure._

_You should just disappear._

Akaashi shook his head, shoving the thoughts back down into the dark parts of his mind.

Not today, he decided. He would not have these intrusive thoughts today.

He took a deep breath and led Tobio into the front doors of Fukudoroni High School. He asked the woman at the front office about the location for kindergarten classrooms and she pointed him down the correct hallway. Akaashi gave her a quick bow and then led Tobio in the right direction. It led down a short hallway on the west side of the school. They came up to a classroom with colorful decorations posted on the door.

"Okay, Tobio, this is your classroom," Akaashi said, looking down at Tobio.

Tobio's face scrunched up as if he ate something sour and he reluctantly followed Akaashi into the classroom. There was a man in the far corner who wore a gentle smile, and had a mole under his right eye. He was talking to some of the other kids with a soft voice.

Akaashi glanced down at Tobio again and gestured towards the man in the corner.

"That must be your teacher. Let's go meet him, okay?" Akaashi said.

Tobio's lips pulled into a grimace and he shook his head, taking a tentative step back.

Akaashi sighed softly and reached down to take Tobio's hand, gently tugging him forward and pulling him into the classroom. He could feel Tobio resisting, his heels desperately trying to dig into the carpet.

When they got close, the man glanced up from the students and smiled brightly.

"I'll be right back," he told the other kids before leaning up. He met Akaashi halfway and stood with his hands on his hips. "Welcome! I'm the kindergarten teacher, Sugawara Koushi."

Akaashi bowed politely to him. "It's nice to meet you. I'm Akaashi Keiji," he introduced.

"Nice to meet you, Akaashi-san," the teacher greeted with a smile. He turned to Tobio and leaned over on his knees to offer a gentle smile. "And this must be a new student! What's your name?"

Tobio blinked up at Sugawara, and then lowered his head, his hands clenching the frayed straps of his backpack.

"A-Akaashi To… Tu… Tobio," Tobio stuttered out with furrowed brows.

Akaashi managed a small smile and patted his back gently. He looked to Sugawara, keeping a hand on Tobio's shoulder.

"Um, I have Tobio signed up for the aftercare program since my work runs long…" Akaashi said, unsure of where he was going with his sentence. Luckily, Sugawara's eyes lit up and he nodded.

"Ah, okay! Pick up will be in the gym," Sugawara explained.

"The gym..." Akaashi echoed. "Got it. Thank you, Sugawara-san."

Sugawara waved his hand in the air. "Please, call me Suga. It's easier that way."

"Oh, uh. Okay, Suga-san," Akaashi said. "Um… so, where is the gym exactly?"

Suga smiled and then pointed towards the doorway.

"The entrance is just down the next hall, actually. It's on the right side. You can't miss it," Suga said.

Akaashi nodded. "Got it. Thank you, Suga-san."

"Mmn!" Suga smiled and nodded. He glanced down at Tobio and held out his hand to him. "Well, Tobio, are you ready for your first day?"

Tobio stared at Akaashi's hand with a furrowed brow. He bit hit lip, his eyes quickly snapping up to meet Suga's gaze, and he shook his head furiously.

"Tobio…" Akaashi whispered.

"I-I… I don't wanna go," Tobio whispered sadly.

"Oh, dear…" Suga said softly.

Akaashi's lip pulled to the side, his brows pulling together.

_He's like this because of you._

Akaashi huffed out an annoyed sigh, mentally telling that voice to shut up. He then knelt down to Tobio and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Just try it, okay, Tobio?" Akaashi said. "You might make a new friend."

Tears suddenly spilled from Tobio's eyes and his trembling lips pulled into a pout. He sniffed harshly and lowered his head down to the ground.

"I'll be your friend, Tobio," Suga said, taking both of Tobio's hands.

Tobio looked up at Suga, tears still falling down his cheeks. He seemed unsure, and so he turned to look up at Akaashi, his eyes pleading.

Akaashi winced, raising his hand to pat Tobio's head. He felt unsure of how to handle the five-year-old's mood and was at a loss of how to help him. He knew that Tobio needed to go to school. But he also knew that Tobio had problems making friends. He could only hope that this year will be different.

_Maybe if you spent more time with him, he'd have more friends._

Shut up, Akaashi thought, forcefully shoving the thought away from his mind.

"C'mon, Tobio," Suga said, standing to his feet. He held on to Tobio's hand and gestured to the other kids in the classroom. "Let's go meet some of the other students, okay?"

Tobio hesitated, looking back up at Akaashi again with pleading eyes. Akaashi nodded at him, pushing his shoulder gently.

"Just try, Tobio," Akaashi said. "You never know. You might have a good day."

Tobio blinked up at his father for a moment, and then he quickly frowned, fresh tears sliding down his cheeks. He jerked his shoulder away from Akaashi's hand and took a small step forward towards Suga, lowering his head to stare at the ground. Akaashi sucked in a quiet breath and held it in his lungs.

His chest burned.

Suga gripped Tobio's hand, a concerned frown touching his lips. He quickly pulled his lips up into a sheepish smile, looking up at Akaashi tentatively.

"I'll make sure he finds someone to bond with," Suga said.

_Bond. What an interesting way to phrase that._

"S-Sure," Akaashi said. He waved his hand at Tobio, trying to catch his son's gaze. "I'll be here this afternoon to pick you up, Tobio."

Tobio sniffed and turned his head away sharply. He remained silent, pointedly ignoring his father.

Akaashi stood, dumbfounded, as Suga waved to him instead. His hand lowered to his side and he turned to the door. Every joint was stiff as he headed out of the classroom, throwing back one more tentative glance in the room before scurrying out to the hallway.

_He's never going to make friends. He always pushes them away._

_Just like you._

Akaashi felt his gut churn as he stomped down the hall, his hands curled into tight fists. His breaths started to quicken as the thoughts came barreling at him even more.

_You're a terrible father._

Stop it.

_You're worthless._

No.

_It's no wonder she left you._

Akaashi reached up and tugged on his hair, feeling a sharp pain on his scalp.

_You should just disappear._

**"Oi! Pass it to me!"**

Akaashi jolted to a stop.

His thoughts dissipated in a flash as he turned his head towards the loud, boisterous yell that echoed from down the hall.

Just down the hall, there was a pair of doors, one of the doors opened ajar. The word "West Gymnasium" hung over the door.

 _Gymnasium?_ Akaashi thought.

His feet led him down to the doors.

A squeak of shoes, the sound of a palm slapping against the ball…

It was just like the best times of his high school career.

"Over here!"

"Nice cover, nice cover!"

Akaashi poked his head in the door.

What harm would it do to just look?

**"Give it to me!"**

Akaashi stopped in his tracks, his eyes widening.

Black and white hair. Golden eyes. And a smile that could blind the sun.

He leapt from the court, arching back with his arm tensed and ready to strike. The ball flew directly to him in a perfect arch and his powerful arm spiked the ball down on the floor on the other side of the net with a ceremonious slap. It hit unreturned and bounced back against the far wall.

Akaashi stood, stunned, as the man landed back on his feet. He pumped his arms, letting out a loud roar.

"Yes! Hey, hey,  _hey!"_

Akaashi's eyes widened at the sound as it echoed around the room. And then he blinked back to life, his heart stuttering in his chest.

The room was filled with color.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, guys! I'm back with another chapter!
> 
> Thank you, Tayu-chan and Velvloid for supporting me and reading through this beforehand!! You guys are awesome and I can't thank you enough for being with me on this journey from the beginning. 
> 
> And once again, there may be heavy themes throughout any given chapter, so just giving you another warning.
> 
>  
> 
> Happy reading!

The ball, with its green, red, and white colors, bounced several times until it rolled to a stop against the gray mats against the wall. The golden wood floors of the court shined and glistened against the bright lights above.

And at the center of it all stood a man with black and white hair, golden eyes, and a wide, innocent grin.

"Hey, hey,  _hey!"_  he yelled, lifting his hands into the air. He turned to the other people in the room, presumably high school students. "Did you guys see that?!"

"Nice kill!"

"Wow! Can you teach me to spike like that?"

Akaashi was still standing in the doorway of the gym, his lips barely parted and his dark eyes wide.

_Amazing,_  Akaashi thought.  _So much power…_

_Is he a student?_

"Yeah, yeah! Teach us how to do that, Coach!"

Akaashi blinked rapidly, turning his gaze to the other students still on the court. They had quickly surrounded the man, their eyes sparkling with determination and a hunger to learn. Akaashi could feel a tiny flutter in his chest. Their eagerness was almost contagious.

"Ah, of course I'll teach you!" the man said, puffing up his chest and standing tall. He pointed his thumb to his heart and barked out a laugh. "You guys just have to get better than me!"

Akaashi felt his brow twitch but his ghost of a smile still remained on his lips. It was an arrogant thing to say but his words did not seem to discourage the young high-school students. Actually… they seemed more motivated than before.

"We will, Coach! We will!"

"Yeah, but how can we get to your level, Coach?"

The man rubbed his nose, his other hand still on his hip.

" _Well,_  it starts with a lot of training. Speaking of which, you guys need to do your laps and then head to class!" he shouted, dropping his other hand to rest at his hip.

The team groaned in displeasure but conceded, hurrying to jog to the side of the court in a heap. The coach huffed out a laugh and then hollered out some words of encouragement to get them to move faster. The team groaned in response but pushed further, their legs stretching out into a quick-paced jog around the edges of the court.

Akaashi watched on, his eyes still glued to the passionate coach in the center of the room.

How did he get those players to stay motivated? How did he get them to listen to him?

How did this coach stay so bright?

_You will never be as bright as him._

Suddenly, a sharp  _ping_  from Akaashi's pocket pulled him away from the disparaging thoughts. He glanced down and shoved his hand in his pocket to yank out his phone. He glanced down at the screen and felt his heart seize.

_1 New Message_

_Father_

His shoulders immediately stiffened, his hand gripping his phone like a vice. He angrily punched in the numbers for his lock code and opened the text.

_Keiji, I will be stopping by the performance hall today. I expect everything to be in order when I arrive. I have an announcement._

Akaashi frowned, every muscle in his body tensing. He closed out of the text and stuffed the phone back into his pocket, forcing out an angry huff.

Why in the world was his father showing up at the hall today? What was this big announcement? The thought made him grind his teeth in his mouth, the feeling sending shivers down his spine.

Akaashi sighed and glanced back up, hoping to see that coach's bright smile again, but his stomach bottomed out the moment he looked around the court.

The coach was gone… and so were the vibrant colors that had once filled his sight.

Akaashi bit his lip, his heart sinking into his swirling stomach. A heavy sigh escaped his lips as he turned on his heel, leaving the dull court behind.

* * *

The music hall was buzzing by the time Akaashi arrived. The orchestra members, on their morning break, were lumped together in the hallways and talking in hushed tones.

"I heard  _he's_  coming today!"

"Really?! Why so suddenly?"

"I don't know! I just heard Mori-san talking about it. He should actually be here any moment."

Akaashi bit his tongue to hold back a grown, his eyes rolling. He could not stand these young girls in the orchestra. They were nothing but trouble.

"Ah, that's exciting! He's such a handsome man, too!"

"Shh! His son is coming!"

Akaashi hunched his shoulders, a vein bulging on his forehead. He hugged his bag close to his body and hurried past the giggling girls, ignoring their strange glances. He made it to his tiny office and shut the door behind him. He took a moment to breathe, letting his shoulders rise and fall gently, before plopping down in his uncomfortable chair.

There was a stack of music on the desk, right next to his computer. Akaashi scooted his chair forward and leaned over the stack, noticing that the music needed to be reorganized and placed back into the library in their proper order. He sighed, his hand coming up to scrub his face.

_What a pain…_

He dropped his hand from his face and his eyes slid over to the computer. His gaze landed on the music player icon on the bottom.

Akaashi bit his lip, his hand slowly reaching over to grab the mouse.

_Well… it wouldn't hurt to listen to a few different pieces before I work._

Just as he raised his finger to click on the music player, his door slammed open with a loud  _wham!_

"Akaashi!"

Akaashi nearly fell out of his chair, his arms bracing himself against the edge of the desk. He inhaled sharply, feeling his cheeks turn red, and he whipped his head around to see the intruder.

"Konoha-san!" Akaashi scolded.

Konoha chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Ah, sorry, Akaashi. I didn't mean to scare you," Konoha said.

Akaashi straightened himself in his chair and scowled, his brows pinching and eyes sharp. He took a slow breath and turned back to his desk to start sorting through the chaotic pile of music on his desk.

"Did you need something, Konoha-san?" Akaashi asked with as much patience as he could muster.

Konoha looked puzzled for a moment before his face lit up.

"Oh! Right!" Konoha leaned against the open door, folding his arms across his chest. "So, the word on the street is that your dad's coming by today."

Akaashi bit the inside of his cheek so hard that he tasted blood. He swallowed thickly, feeling himself shudder from the sensation. He took a breath through his nose and stared down at the music in front of him.

"Yes. I suppose he is," Akaashi said.

"That's so cool! Are you excited to see him?" Konoha asked.

The piece of paper pinched in between Akaashi's fingertips, crinkling at the edge.

_"Get out of my sight. I don't want to see your face."_

Akaashi swallowed. He placed the paper back down on his desk and calmly tried to smooth out the wrinkles his fingers had caused. He clenched his jaw and stared at Konoha through the reflection of his computer screen.

"If I have time," Akaashi answered.

Konoha chuckled, Akaashi's struggle going unnoticed.

"Yeah, I can see that. Your dad's a busy man, right?" Konoha said. "With him owning both the Tokyo Philharmonic and _now_  the Tokyo Opera Company, his schedule must be full."

Akaashi hummed. He remembered the announcement that came out when his father decided to purchase the opera company. He had become a well-known figure in the music world in Tokyo, his name popping up often in the classical music magazines. Now that his father had ownership of the opera company, his name was bigger than ever.

And Akaashi Keiji, his own son, was never mentioned. Not in any article or blog or biography. As far as the public knew, Akaashi Kyosuke was just a successful musician and business owner. Not a loving father.

"Say, Akaashi…"

Akaashi blinked back to life, the dull room coming back into view. He turned his head back to eye Konoha still leaning against the door, his shoulders hunched in on himself. His smile was gone and his gaze had softened, unlike his usual self. It made Akaashi pause.

"Hm?" Akaashi hummed.

Konoha's lip pulled to the side and his brows furrowed slightly. He took a slow breath before looking Akaashi in the eye.

"Is your relationship with your dad—"

"Hey, Konoha-kun!"

Konoha jumped, his elbows rearing back and bumping against the door. He snapped his head to the side to see one of the female percussionists running up to him.

"He's here, Konoha-kun! Akaashi-sama just arrived!" she announced.

Akaashi's brows immediately fell over his eyes and he frowned hard at her announcement, watching as the woman reached up and tugged on Konoha's arm.

"You wanted to see him, right?" she asked.

Konoha looked torn, his gaze flitting back to Akaashi. He opened and shut his mouth a few times before he made any attempt to respond.

"Uh, well… yeah, but I—"

"Then let's  _go!"_

The woman tugged hard, peeling Konoha's back from the door.

"Ah, okay, okay! I'm coming!" Konoha said. He glanced to Akaashi and quickly fumbled out, "You're coming, too. Right, Akaashi?"

Akaashi nodded and lifted his hand. "Yes. I'll be there in just a moment."

That seemed to placate Konoha, and he let himself be dragged down the hall.

Akaashi, on the other hand, felt his chest cave in.

_Why here? Why today?_

_And why bother to let me know about it?_

He sighed, scrubbing his hands down his face. He breathed deeply, trying to calm his fluttering heart. After a few minutes of calming himself, he dropped his hands from his face and scooted his chair back. He craned his neck back to look at the faded tiles on the ceiling and begged the heavens to give him mercy.

Akaashi sighed at the silence and then forced himself onto his feet. He headed out of his office, watching as the recording engineers scurried down the hall and into the auditorium. He slowly followed after them, holding his breath as he reached for the door and pushed it open.

His heart jolted at the familiar voice booming from the stage and his eyes darted to conductor's platform.

Tall, dark hair with speckles of gray swept to the side, a nice suit…

Akaashi Kyosuke stood on the stage in all of his elegance, his intimidating yet charming personality oozing out to the orchestra members. His charismatic nature has little effect to Akaashi, though. He knew the true nature of the beast within his father.

A crafty wolf in handsome sheep's clothing.

He swallowed, hanging his head, and let the door shut behind him, the loud click echoing in the auditorium. He winced soon after and snapped his head back up to look towards the stage.

Steel blue eyes met his, and Akaashi winced again.

_I want to disappear._

His father eyed him briefly as he approached the stage and then turned around to face the orchestra. He clasped his hands in front of him, and Akaashi could picture the huge, phony smile on the man's face.

"Well, good morning, everyone!" Akaashi's father greeted.

The orchestra collectively greeted him back, all with smiles on their faces. Akaashi slowly made his way up to the side of the stage, hovering by the steps. He kept his eyes focused on his father's shoes to avoid any chance of locking eyes.

"As you all are aware, I am now the owner of the Tokyo Opera Company," he continued.

Several orchestra members clapped or tapped their feet on the stage in applause.

Akaashi stared down at his hands as he nervously played with his fingers.

"Yes, yes, thank you," his father continued with a smile. "Anyway, I am not here to announce that. But, I  _am_  here to announce that a good friend and colleague of mine has just finished writing his very first opera. And I want this orchestra to collaborate with the Tokyo Opera Company to perform the premiere of his opera."

There were several smiles and gasps. Some members even clapped and cheered in excitement. Akaashi's brow quirked at the announcement.

An entire opera? With this short of notice?

That would take so much work. There were several parts and acts and scripts that he would have to look at to prepare the orchestra for their parts.

And…

Akaashi's eyes flitted over to see Mori standing next to his father with a wide, confident grin smeared across his face.

… how soon did the orchestra need their parts to begin rehearsing?

"Now I know that you all just received music, but I've spoken with the chairman and also with Mori-san and we've all agreed to postpone that concert so you all can focus on the opera," his father continued.

Akaashi bit back a groan.

That would mean more paperwork for him.

"Well, then. I think I've done enough talking," his father said, making the orchestra members chuckle. "I'll be around the next few weeks to see the progress. But, in the meantime, the composer himself is here and and he's going tell you about his opera."

He gestured towards the man standing on the other side of Mori, who lifted a hand and waved to the orchestra.

"I'll leave the stage to him. Thank you for your cooperation," his father concluded with a short bow.

The orchestra members clapped again as his father stepped down from the podium. He headed straight towards the steps, right where Akaashi was hovering. Akaashi held his breath and felt his shoulders stiffen, his hand reaching over to clasp his wrist tightly.

_Don't notice me. Please, don't notice me._

Akaashi looked up and felt his heart flip inside his chest.

His father was staring right at him.

"I have the music in Mori's office. Why don't you come with me to retrieve it?" his father asked.

Akaashi swallowed, his hand tightening around his wrist. He lowered his gaze and nodded once, moving to follow his father down the steps and out of the auditorium. He glanced up as they exited to the hallway, staring at the back of his father's head.

_"Dad, look! I got the string to make a sound!"_

_"Very good, Keiji. Now try again, but a little firmer this time."_

_"Okay… how's this?"_

_"Excellent."_

Akaashi's stomach twisted uncomfortably. His father was not the same man he knew as a child.

Or maybe Akaashi just did not realize what kind of man his father truly was.

They entered into Mori's office and Akaashi's eyes immediately landed on the three cardboard boxes on the desk.

"Ah, now let's see… where is that order list?" his father mumbled, gently shifting the boxes around and grabbing a clipboard. He held it out to Akaashi. "Ah, here we go. This is the list of parts. Be sure that every part is collected at the end of all this."

"Right," Akaashi said.

He reached forward and grabbed the clipboard, trying to pull it back, but his father kept a firm hold on the clipboard. Akaashi looked up at his father in surprise, his eyes wide and his heart pounding in alarm.

"Are you really satisfied with this, Keiji?"

Akaashi felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand, a chill shooting down his spine. He schooled his face and attempted to look calm, but his treacherous fingers began to tremble on the clipboard.

"What are you talking about?" Akaashi asked.

"This  _job_ , Keiji," his father said, his brows lowering over his cold eyes. "You could have had so much more than this."

Akaashi grit his teeth, his nerves quickly shifting to anger. His fingers gripped the clipboard harder.

"You were on your way to be principal of  _this_  orchestra, but you never showed up to audition," his father said.

Akaashi's heart was trying to pound its way out of his chest.

"And why was that?" his father continued, glowering.

Akaashi glared back, his brows low over his brows.

"Because you had to go and make  _unwise_  decisions that ultimately came back to bite you. I told you that girl was trouble for you."

_Don't say any more,_  Akaashi thought.

His knuckles turned white with his grip on the clipboard.

_Don't you dare say another word._

"And instead of performing with the top musicians in the country, you're stuck with that… that  _child."_

Akaashi snatched the clipboard out of his father's grasp.

"I'm not  _stuck_  with anyone. And his name is  _Tobio,"_  Akaashi spat. He caught the look of surprise on his father's face before he walked over to one of the boxes on Mori's desk. "And he  _is_  your grandchild, in case you've forgotten."

"And he wouldn't be here if you hadn't gone and done a foolish thing with that irresponsible—"

" _Enough,"_  Akaashi interrupted.

He could hardly breathe, his chest tight and his shoulders tense. The air was suddenly too hot, and it felt as if the walls were closing in on him. He needed to get out of the room, out of the same space of his own blood.

Akaashi angrily slammed down the clipboard on one of the cardboard boxes. He quickly picked up the heavy box and trembled out, "I've got work to do."

He turned away from his father without another word and stormed out of Mori's office. He hurried down to his own office and let the box drop on his desk, rattling the computer. He quickly turned to slam the door of his office closed and then he slammed his fists against it once.

_Damn him!_  Akaashi thought, his eyes burning.  _How dare he say any of that!_

He breathed uneven, harsh pants as he leaned forward until his forehead touched the door. His heart felt swell, the white anger slowly fading. He could barely hear his father's words through the blood roaring in his ears.

_I was the one who made a mistake,_ Akaashi thought.  _Not Tobio. Don't you dare blame him._

Akaashi sighed and unclenched his fists, letting them slide down from the door. His hands ached from how hard he had pounded them on the door. He took in a breath and held it painfully in his lungs.

_Leave my son out of this._

* * *

"Bye, Suga-sensei!"

"See you tomorrow!"

Tobio sniffled and wiped his face, watching as his classmates each rushed to meet their mothers and fathers in front of the school. He stood next to his teacher— Suga-sensei, as he introduced himself to the class that morning. He was busy waving to the other kindergarteners as they left for the day, his warm eyes glancing back to Tobio every once in a while.

It had been a long, lonely day.

Suga-sensei had introduced Tobio to every student in the class, trying to get Tobio to interact with the other students. But every time Tobio attempted to smile or play, the other kindergarteners would cry in terror at his face. Tobio ended up alone at recess and at lunchtime, except for when Suga would come and talk with him.

And by the end of the day, Tobio had been in tears several times.

Tobio rubbed his eyes with his fists and sniffled as another classmate hurried to meet his mother. He glanced around the front of the school, waiting for a familiar face to walk up, but the parking lot was quickly emptying as the parents and teachers were going home for the day.

Tobio grimaced and looked down at the ground, staring at his lonely shadow. It was soon joined by a taller shadow, and he felt a soft touch to his head. He quickly snapped his head up, hoping to see the familiar black hair of his father, but he was instead greeted with a warm smile and silvery hair.

"Okay, Tobio! Are you ready to head down to aftercare?" Suga asked, patting his head again.

Tobio frowned in disappointment, feeling his eyes well up with tears. He bit his lip and looked back down at the ground.

"Oh, no, no, Tobio," Suga said, kneeling down to look him in the eye. He placed his hands on Tobio's shoulders and squeezed gently. "You're not going to be alone, I promise. Look."

Suga pointed to another student standing a few steps away, his bright eyes following a butterfly. Tobio somewhat recognized him—the boy with the bright orange hair in his class.

Tobio frowned.

He did not like that boy.

"See? Shouyou is going to aftercare, too," Suga said.

Tobio frowned harder, a tear escaping his eye. He pouted and looked away, sniffing the snot back up his nose before it fell.

Suga smiled sheepishly at him and patted his shoulder.

"Well, maybe you can talk to him in aftercare," Suga suggested, tugging on Tobio's shoulder. "Shouyou! Let's go to aftercare!"

Shouyou spun around and smiled brightly at Suga. He lifted his hand into the air.

"Okay!" he said cheerfully.

Tobio pouted as Shouyou rushed over to latch onto Suga's other hand. Suga smiled at him, and then guided them both back inside and down the hall. Shouyou was bouncing for joy, nearly pulling Suga's arm from his socket, as Suga opened the door to the gym.

As soon as they entered, there was a slapping noise followed by a loud yelp.

"Nice kill!"

Tobio glanced over, watching as several high school students lined up in front of a net on the court. His eyes grew wide as he watched the students leap into the air and slam a ball down on the other side with a satisfying smack.

It was… incredible.

"Hey, hey,  _hey!"_

Tobio jumped at the loud voice and turned towards the source.

A man with black and white hair was walking over towards them, a huge smile on his face and his gold eyes twinkling.

"Uncle Bokuto!" Shouyou shouted suddenly, making Tobio flinch again.

He glanced over to watch his orange-haired classmate scurry over and jump into the man's arms, giggling and hollering.

"Ah, there's my shrimpy nephew!" the man said, ruffling his hand in Shouyou's hair.

"Uncle Bokuto!" Shouyou laughed, pushing his hands away. "I'm not a shrimp! I'm gonna grow big and tall!"

"Big and tall, huh?" Bokuto asked with a smirk. "Just like me, right?"

Shouyou's eyes shined and his face reddened as he broke out into a wide grin.

"Yeah! Just like you!" Shouyou said.

Tobio's eyebrows scrunched up as he watched them, his eyes brimming with more tears. His own father had never treated him this way but yet here Shouyou was, his uncle acting as if he was the greatest kid in the world.

"Okay, okay, Shouyou," Suga-sensei walked up to both of them and pulled Shouyou from the man's arms. "Let your uncle get back to work. He has to coach, remember?"

"Aw, but can we hang out afterwards?" Shouyou asked with wide eyes.

"Of course, of course," Suga said.

Both Shouyou and his uncle smiled brightly at each other, his uncle lifting up a hand for Shouyou to give a high-five.

"See, little man? Uncle Bokuto will make time for—"

Suddenly, the man stopped, his golden eyes landing on Tobio. His smile slipped into a concerned frown, his brows pinching and his head tilting.

"Oh? What's the matter, little guy?" he asked Tobio.

Tobio flinched a little, a tear falling out of his eye. He lowered his gaze to look at the ground, his lips wobbling.

"Oh, Tobio, what's wrong?" Suga asked, kneeling down beside the boy and stroking his hair. When he was met with silence, Suga sighed and turned back to Bokuto. "Ah, this is Tobio. Tobio, this is the high school volleyball coach, Bokuto-san. Can you say hi?"

Tobio's lips wobbled again but he glanced up at Bokuto, blinking carefully at him. Bokuto smiled softly at him before looking to Suga for an explanation.

"It was his first day at kindergarten," Suga explained. He leaned closer to Bokuto, whispering softly. "He… didn't make any friends today."

Bokuto's brows pinched but he kept a smile on his face as he turned back to look at Tobio.

"Aw, did you have a rough day, bud?" Bokuto asked, reaching forward and ruffling Tobio's hair.

Tobio blinked in shock at the touch, looking up at Bokuto with wet eyes. He nodded slowly and a few tears escaped.

"Poor guy," Bokuto said, pulling back his hand. His face brightened into a cheery smile. "Chin up, Tobio-chan! Maybe if you have time, we can play later. How does that sound?"

Tobio winced, taking a step back and clinging onto Suga's shirt. Suga patted his back gently.

"Maybe you guys can play before your dad picks you up," Suga suggested.

Tobio pursed his lips, looking up at Suga silently.

"Yeah! My Uncle Bokuto can teach us volleyball!" Shouyou shouted as he jumped up and down.

_Us?_

Tobio frowned hard and scowled at Shouyou, making him squeak and put up his fists.

"W-What? You wanna fight?!" Shouyou yelled.

Tobio pouted and turned his head into Suga's shoulder, still scowling. Suga continued to pat his head gently as he calmed Shouyou down.

"Now, now, Shouyou, no need to get worked up," Suga said with a soft sigh.

Bokuto smiled apologetically at Suga and then reached over to ruffle both Shouyou and Tobio's hair.

"Don't worry, Tobio," Bokuto said. "It'll be okay! I can show you some awesome volleyball moves once practice is over."

Bokuto flashed Tobio a wide, sparking smile. Tobio swallowed, turned his head away from Suga's shoulder to peer up at Bokuto. He sniffled a little, hesitant and insecure, but he nodded slowly in response.

Bokuto's face lit up and pumped his arms excitedly. "Yes! Sounds good, little man! See you soon!"

Bokuto hollered as he stood to his feet. He waved at Tobio and ruffled Shouyou's hair before jogging back over to his team, barking out orders. He seemed to shine, his personality colorful despite his black and white hair.

Tobio sighed and turned back to look at the door to the gym, waiting for a familiar face to appear beyond the doors.

* * *

Akaashi rubbed his temples, feeling his head pound. He could practically feel his brain pulsing with each heartbeat, the soft tissue thudding against the inside of his skull.

The entire day had put a terrible taste in his mouth that he could not wash out. Seeing those familiar eyes, cold and fierce, staring back at him made him sick to his stomach. All he wanted to do was leave.

But he could not leave until he got Mori's approval of the bowings that he had written in on a violin part.

And the intimidating conductor was currently having a drink in his office with none other than his father.

Akaashi sighed at seeing the two of them laughing with tumblers in their hands through the narrow window. The violin part was tucked under his arm, bow markings littered up and down the white page. He took a deep breath and raised a hand to rap his knuckles on the door.

Mori's head turned towards the door, his smile faltering slightly at seeing Akaashi's face. He lifted his glass and gestured for Akaashi to answer.

Akaashi swallowed and held his breath as he entered.

"Um, I have the bowings written out for the violins," Akaashi said after shutting the door behind him. He glanced over at his father, who sat quietly in the corner with a small smile on his lips.

Mori took another swig of his drink and held out his hand.

"Right, right. Hand it here," Mori said.

Akaashi handed him the part and stood back, tugging and fiddling with his fingers. He tried to keep his gaze on the ground, glancing up at Mori every so often. His eyes drifted to his father in the corner, and his stomach nearly dropped when he found his father looking right back at him.

Akaashi quickly glanced away, his knuckles cracking as he wrenched his fingers harder in a nervous fit. He cut his eyes to the clock in the room and winced.

He was going to be late picking up Tobio.

Again.

"Ah, yep, yep," Mori said, throwing down the violin part on his desk. "Looks fine. Make sure all of the parts are ready by tomorrow."

Akaashi winced, pulling on his fingers harder.

"Um… I don't know if I can get them all done by tomorrow," Akaashi said.

Mori cut his eyes up at him, the pleasantries that he had earlier now completely gone.

"What do you mean you don't know if you can get them done? I need those parts ready to rehearse tomorrow morning," Mori growled.

Akaashi jolted, dropping his hands to his sides and holding Mori's gaze. He glanced over at his father, who sat stoically with a small frown tugging on his lips.

Akaashi sighed.

What in the world was this?

"Um, I can't stay any later tonight, but I can try to get it done by lunch tomorrow…" Akaashi said.

"What?" Mori asked. He slammed his glass down on his desk with a loud clack and put his hands on his hips. "What in the hell is keeping you from doing your  _job?"_

Akaashi fidgeted in place as he glanced up at the clock, his hands opening and closing.

"I can try to come in early," Akaashi suggested, looking back to Mori. "But I have to drop off my son—"

"Tsk."

Akaashi's jaw clicked shut at the scoff coming from the corner. He glanced over to see his father eyeing him and taking a sip from his drink. Akaashi bit his lip, suddenly feeling like he was 22 again.

_"You're ruining everything I ever gave you!"_

_"How could you throw away your life like this?"_

_"You're a disgrace to the Akaashi name!"_

Akaashi shuddered at his father's voice from the past, the haunting words that were thrown at him so carelessly and recklessly. He turned his gaze to the ground for a moment to take a deep breath and recollect himself. Then, he raised his head to look back at Mori, who still stood stiffly at his desk with his hands on his hips.

Akaashi took another slow, shaky breath through his nose and opened his mouth to try again.

"I can try to come in right after I drop off my son at kindergarten," Akaashi said. "But I can't stay later tonight because I have to go pick him up right now."

Akaashi tried to make the urgency in his voice obvious and clear, his eyes glancing up at the clock every so often. Time was quickly ticking away.

Mori sighed and raked a hand through his hair, looking to Akaashi's father. His father sighed and finished off his drink, moving to stand to his feet. He set the glass down on Mori's desk and then shoved his hands in his pockets, turning to face Akaashi with a disappointed stare.

"Keiji, let's chat," his father said.

Akaashi's anger flashed hot and quick in his chest, his brows furrowing and fists squeezing by his sides.

"No," Akaashi said firmly.

His father's eyes widened before they narrowed into accusing slits. Akaashi felt his own eyes narrow, daring his father to show his true colors.

" _Keiji,"_  his father whispered. He turned away from Mori and stepped into Akaashi's face. "This is not the time for your rebellious attitude."

"That's not what this is," Akaashi whispered back. "It's me  _trying_ to be a responsible father."

Akaashi tried to ignore the huff of irritation that came from his father's mouth and he walked past him to face Mori, who now looked bored and tired.

"Sorry, Mori-san," Akaashi said, bending at the waist in a bow. "If I could take the parts home, I would. But since I can't, I will come in early tomorrow to work on them. They will be done by noon."

Mori was silent for a moment, his hand coming up to scrub his face. He sighed heavily and dropped his hand, his palm slapping against his thigh.

"I guess that will have to do, then," Mori said.

Akaashi leaned back in time to watch Mori grab his glass and slam the rest of his drink down his throat. He rested the tumbler back down on his desk and rubbed his eyes.

"Just make sure you get it done before noon," Mori said.

Akaashi tilted his head down in a slight bow and hummed. "Yes, sir. I will get it done."

Mori flipped his hand, dismissing Akaashi's politeness. "Right, right."

Akaashi bowed his head one last time, just for good measure, and turned to leave. But, suddenly, a strong hand stopped him by his elbow, the grip making him wince. His father leaned close to his ear.

"Don't think you've gotten out of this so easily," he threatened, his voice low.

Akaashi shuddered and eased his arm out of his father's grasp. He clenched his jaw, avoiding his father's cool eyes, and headed out of Mori's office. He was so shaken that he had forgotten to grab the violin part from Mori's desk.

Akaashi took deep breaths, calming himself as he headed down the hall to his office. He quickly grabbed his things and practically sprinted down the hall towards the exit. He vaguely remembering hearing Konoha's voice call out to him but he was too frazzled to stop. He pushed through the exit doors and pounded his feet on the pavement towards Fukudorani High School.

His bag felt heavy on his shoulder. His father's words were heavy as they clung to his mind, making his temples pound and his chest ache.

_What a terrible son._

Akaashi nearly groaned. The voice was back.

_How can you be a good father when you don't even know how to be a good son?_

"Shut up," Akaashi whispered to it as he boarded the packed train.

_You really hate your father, don't you?_

Akaashi took a slow breath, glancing around at the faces on the train. He was almost concerned that the people could hear that awful voice.

_It's only a matter of time until Tobio feels the same way about you._

"Tsk," Akaashi clicked his tongue and turned his head to glance out the window, watching as the busy city passed by in a flash. He gripped his shirt near his heart. This voice had to stop before it completely consumed him until there was nothing left.

_Tobio is going to hate you._

Akaashi felt his heart clench and his chest ached. His fist squeezed his shirt and wrinkled it.

"Stop…" Akaashi whispered, his hand wrenching his shirt.

_You don't deserve to be his father at all!_

Before Akaashi could scream, the train pulled to a stop. Akaashi's breath left his lungs in a heap as he scrambled to get off the suffocating space. Once he had regained his breath, he hurried down the one block to Fukudorani High.

Once the building was in sight, Akaashi rushed into the school and towards the gymnasium, huffing and puffing as he finally reached the door. He pushed open the door and took a moment to catch his breath, hunching over on his knees. He had finally made it. He had finally reached the school and—

"Hey, hey, it's okay, Tobio. Don't cry."

Akaashi snapped his head up at the sound of choked sobs and wet sniffles.

Tobio was on the far side of the gym, tears falling down his cheeks and a frowning Suga rubbing his back. A few volleyball players from the high school team glanced over at him every once in while as they cleaned up the gym, pitiful looks on their faces.

Akaashi took a breath and rushed across the gym, minding the players, and over to Suga and Tobio's side.

"It'll be okay, Tobio. He'll be here any min—oh! Look, Tobio! Your daddy's here!" Suga said, giving Tobio a small smile.

"Sorry I'm late," Akaashi apologized as he walked up.

Suga pushed himself up to his feet, giving Akaashi a strained smile.

"Is this going to be a habit?" Suga asked, quirking a brow with a cheeky smile on his face.

Akaashi swallowed, feeling his stomach cave in. "I… I hope not."

Suga's face softened, his face betraying a small hint of worry. But the concern was gone in a flash, his face breaking out into a wide smile.

"Well, it doesn't matter! You're here now," Suga said. He turned back to Tobio and knelt down to him. "See, Tobio? I told you he was coming."

Akaashi glanced down at his downtrodden son. He was scowling at the floor with tears still running down his cheeks.

_What a face,_  Akaashi thought.  _How can he look so angry and sad at the same time?_

Akaashi sighed, internally chastising himself for being late, and then he knelt down to his son.

"Hey, Tobio. Sorry I'm late," Akaashi said. "How was your first day?"

He reached out his hand to touch his head but Tobio recoiled, roughly pushing Akaashi's hand away. Akaashi frowned, his heart thumping painfully against his ribcage.

"Tobio?" Akaashi said, a little taken aback by his son's behavior.

Tobio did not respond. Instead, he turned his head away and rubbed his face. Akaashi's chest felt tight.

Were the voice's words coming true?

"Hey, hey, hey, little man! Why the long face?"

Akaashi inhaled sharply at the voice. He turned his head back and glanced up at the tall figure standing above him. Once again, the world twisted into beautiful colors. The gold of the man's eyes shined and the lights on the ceiling made them sparkle. The volleyball tucked under his arm was a bold white, green, and red, and his blue shirt seemed to shine like the night sky.

And the voice was completely silent, leaving Akaashi to feel more at peace than he had in a while.

"Hm? Who are you?"

The man was suddenly directing his gaze towards Akaashi, his golden eyes focused and sharp, yet inviting.

"Oh," Akaashi said intelligently. He stood to his feet, unsure of how to form words. This man, who he had only seen really once, had caught him being unable to console his disheartened son. How was he supposed to respond to him?

"Ah, hey, Bokuto!" Suga greeted. He glanced to Akaashi and gestured towards the man. "Akaashi, this is the high school volleyball coach, Bokuto Kotarou. Bokuto, this is Akaashi-san."

_Bokuto. So that's his name,_  Akaashi wondered.

"It's nice to meet you, Bokuto-san," Akaashi greeted with a small bow.

"Likewise!" Bokuto said with a million-watt smile.

"Akaashi is here to pick up Tobio," Suga explained, turning back to look at the boy in question.

"Oh! So you're Tobio's dad!" Bokuto said. "He's a swell kid! I got to meet him earlier."

Akaashi glanced back at Tobio, seeing him still scowling at the floor. He looked entirely too pitiful.

"Mmn," Akaashi hummed. "He's a good son."

Bokuto tilted his head to peer around Akaashi's shoulder. His smile faltered a little and he hurried by Tobio's side.

"Hey, hey, little man," Bokuto said. "What's wrong? Didn't you have fun watching volleyball?"

Tobio sniffed and glanced up at Bokuto. His lips wobbled slightly.

"N-No one wanted t-to play w-with me," Tobio cried.

Bokuto frowned sympathetically at him before breaking out into his shining smile again.

"Well, in volleyball, you have a team, and a team will never let you down," Bokuto said, untucking the volleyball from his arm. He held it up to Tobio, the boy watching him carefully. "You wanna learn how to play?"

Tobio blinked, the tears slowly drying. He nodded and then slowly reached out to take the volleyball from Bokuto's hand, making Bokuto smile brighter.

"Awesome!" Bokuto shouted. "I'll teach you all kinds of stuff! How does that sound?"

Akaashi felt a pang of guilt in his chest. Bokuto was able to comfort Tobio with just his words. Tobio's eyes were devoid of tears, and they seemed to sparkle with new life.

So why couldn't he do that for his son?

"Great! You can hang on to that volleyball if you want, Tobio," Bokuto suggested.

He stood to his feet and turned to Akaashi with a timid smile. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"At least, he can if it's okay with you, Akaashi!" Bokuto said.

Akaashi blinked at the lack of an honorific. He found himself nodding in response.

"Ah, good!" Bokuto said, his hands returning to his hips. "Well, I'll let you guys get going. Have a good day, Tobio! It was nice to meet you, Akaashi!"

And with that, Bokuto took off towards the locker rooms, pushing one of his students into the door with a holler.

Akaashi sighed, watching as the colors faded from the room once again. He glanced down at Tobio, who was staring down at the volleyball in his hands.

"Ready to go, Tobio?" Akaashi asked.

Tobio glanced up at him and then nodded slowly. Akaashi nodded back and reached down to grab his hand. Tobio turned his head away from him, his hands clutching the volleyball instead.

Akaashi tried to swallow past the painful lump in his throat. He retracted his hand by his side.

_See? It's starting to happen right before your eyes. He'll cling to someone better._

Akaashi quickly turned to Suga, ignoring the disturbing voice, and said his goodbyes. He led Tobio out of the school, the two not exchanging a word on their way home.

_You can't even have a conversation!_

Akaashi bit his lip, the hole in his chest deep and excruciating.

_You're a failure!_

_Failure!_

The voice did not stop until he got home and drank himself into a stupor. And only then, when his head and shoulders were heavy with alcohol, did the voice disappear, leaving him longing for the loud, boisterous voice of a bright volleyball coach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucke1)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, all! Another chapter for you!  
> Thank you Tayu-chan for your lovely editing and Velvloid for your constant support. I owe you guys!
> 
> And by the way, there's a trigger warning for suicide attempt.
> 
> Happy reading!

_"Oh, hi, Akaashi-san. I guess we're stand partners, then?"_

_"It's no wonder you're the concertmaster. You're very good, Keiji."_

_"Maybe we can discuss this part over a drink or two? Want to meet me at my place tonight, Keiji?"_

_"Keiji, I… I really like you."_

_"Please take care of me."_

_"Keiji…"_

_"I'm sorry, Keiji. This is an opportunity I can't refuse. We have to break up."_

_"He's yours."_

_"I'm moving out of the country. I can't take care of him."_

_"No. I don't want anything to do with him. He's under your care now."_

_"Goodbye, Keiji."_

 

Akaashi jolted awake with a gasp, his eyes snapping open to stare at the pale ceiling.

His chest rose and fell rapidly as the remnants of his dreams faded, the voice echoing into the deep recesses of his mind. He rubbed his face, his fingers sliding over the sweat-slicked skin. He startled a little when he felt tears in his eyes.

Of all the people to dream about and it had to be  _her_.

He scrubbed away the tears from his cheeks and eyes and then pushed his fingers through his damp hair. He turned to look at the clock, seeing that it was almost six in the morning. Just a few minutes before his alarm would go off.

"Damn it," Akaashi mumbled, letting himself plop back against his pillow. He sighed and stared up at the ceiling. He could faintly hear the soft pitter-patter of rain hitting the window. He groaned, slapping his hands over his eyes. It would be another day of walking in the rain. " _Damn it._ "

It had been a full week of rain in the city. It was constant and steady, and always seemed to pour the hardest when Akaashi walked outside.

Akaashi sighed and threw the blankets off of him, sitting up in bed. He groaned and rubbed his shoulder. His body felt heavy. It was as if his blood was replaced with silver and his bones with lead.

_Just stay home. You're not needed at work anyway._

Akaashi grit his teeth, feeling his jaw tense as he walked over to his closet to search for his favorite shirt.

The voice was growing stronger lately. Maybe it was because of the nasty, dreary weather. Or, it could be that Tobio's cold shoulder and harsh glances had finally gotten to him. Or maybe it was his screw-ups at work, and Mori's bland gaze.

Or was it his father's judgmental eyes as he watched him?

Akaashi took out his favorite button-up shirt from the closet and threw it over his shoulders. Maybe it would give him good luck for the day.

As he reached for the third hole, the button popped out and fell to the ground. He stared down at the button that fell in between his feet as if it offended him.

_Ha! So much for having good vibes._

Akaashi clicked his tongue, practically ripping the shirt from his shoulders.

"Shut up."

* * *

The walk to Fukudoroni was wet and miserable.

Tobio's scowl seemed permanent on his face, his hand reluctantly holding onto Akaashi's.

"Just a little further, Tobio," Akaashi said, pulling Tobio closer so he could fit underneath the umbrella.

Tobio stayed silent, not even looking up to meet his father's eyes. Akaashi sighed softly as they turned the corner and into the gates of the high school. The week had been full of discipline issues. Every day, Suga had to mention to Akaashi how Tobio's behavior with Shouyou had been steadily declining as the week went on. When he would ask Tobio why he would pick a fight, Tobio just pouted and shrugged, not providing enough of an answer. It was troubling to say the least.

And, to top off the horrible morning, Akaashi had a terrible nagging feeling that he had forgotten something.

Just as they were about to enter into the school, two high-school students ran past, knocking into little Tobio. Tobio tumbled backwards, falling on his back right into a deep puddle.

"Tobio!" Akaashi yelled, hurrying to the boy's side. He held the umbrella over his son as he helped him up to his feet. "Are you all right?"

Tobio sniffed and nodded, his eyes welling up with tears. Akaashi winced, noticing that his small uniform was now soaked and dirty. The boy would be freezing all day.

The older students winced and hissed at their mistake, standing in the doorway of the school building.

"Um…" one of them mumbled, looking nervous.

"We… we didn't even see him," the other said.

Akaashi threw a quick glare over his shoulder, eliciting a few squeaks out of the students, and then turned back to his son.

What was he supposed to do now? Tobio could not go to school in these wet clothes. But he did not have time to rush back home to change him—he would be late for work.

And his father was supposed to be in today.

Akaashi sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing his temple gently with the tips of his fingers.

_Why? Why today of all days?_

"Hey, hey! What's going on, guys?"

Akaashi's eyes snapped open and he turned around.

Standing in the doorway was none other than the boisterous volleyball coach, his head cocked in curiosity and his hand holding on to the strap of his duffle bag. His golden eyes peered down at Tobio, noticing his wet clothes and trembling lip.

"What happened, little guy?" Bokuto asked, leaning down a little and balancing on his knees.

"Ah, Coach Bokuto!" one of the older students startled.

"It was an accident," the other said. "We were running and knocked into him."

Bokuto's friendly demeanor fell as he turned towards the boys, his thick brows lowering dangerously over his golden eyes.

"Did you apologize?" Bokuto asked the two students.

The two students exchanged fearful looks before turning back to the coach to shake their heads sadly. Bokuto pointed to Tobio, who stood sniffling with a baffled look on his face.

"Go apologize!" Bokuto commanded. And when the students hesitated, exchanging strange looks, Bokuto's anger kindled hot. " _Now!"_

The students squeaked and then immediately bowed at the waist, blurting out indiscernible apologies before scrambling into the school and out of sight.

Akaashi stared after them as they disappeared, surprised at Bokuto's sudden dominance. He glanced up at Bokuto, the volleyball coach glaring down the hallway with furrowed brows. He huffed out a soft sigh before turning back to lock eyes with Akaashi. Akaashi stared back at him, feeling suddenly at peace. His heart no longer raced uncontrollably and the knot in his stomach loosened.

It was as if everything was right in the world.

The spell was suddenly broken, however, when Bokuto's eyes flitted over to Tobio. His gaze softened and he hurried over to Tobio's side, kneeling down next to Akaashi. Akaashi stood back up on his feet and held the umbrella over them both to keep them dry.

"Hey there, little guy!" Bokuto greeted, a big grin on his face. "You're all soaked! Here."

Bokuto unzipped his duffle bag and pulled out a big, fluffy towel. He plopped it on Tobio's head and quickly ruffled his black hair.

"We'll get you dry in no time!" Bokuto said. He suddenly paused in his ruffling, a frown painting his lips. He lifted up the towel to peer down at Tobio's face. "Do you have some dry clothes here?"

Akaashi cleared his throat, feeling shame start to close up his airways as Bokuto glanced up at him expectantly.

"Um. He doesn't," Akaashi answered. He could hear the voice chuckle in his mind.

_What kind of kindergarten parent doesn't bring a spare change of clothes? He's five! He should have a change of clothes for him, you moron!_

Akaashi sucked in a breath and lowered his head. His grip on his umbrella tightened and then slackened with his breaths.

Bokuto glanced back to Tobio and then rubbed his chin thoughtfully.

"Hmm, let me think here, uh… Oh!" Bokuto snapped his fingers and then grinned. "I bet Shouyou has a spare uniform that you can borrow for today!"

Tobio scowled while Akaashi's brows pinched in worry.

_You're being a burden…_

Akaashi grit his teeth, internally chastising himself for putting his son through this ordeal. How could he even call himself a father after this?

"Is that okay?" Bokuto asked both Tobio and Akaashi.

Akaashi swallowed, blinking back to reality.

"Um… I don't want to cause trouble," Akaashi explained, but Bokuto waved his hand in the air.

"Nah, it's no trouble! Besides, I don't want this guy to get a cold. I'm supposed to show him more volleyball moves today!" Bokuto said, placing his hand back on Tobio's head.

Tobio's eyes sparkled at the mention of volleyball, his scowl melting off of his face and his frown softening. He looked up at Akaashi in silent permission, and Akaashi's gut churned.

"Well… as long as Shouyou is okay with it, then I guess it's fine," Akaashi answered.

Bokuto smiled brightly and then turned back to Tobio, patting his towel-covered head.

"Great! Well let's get you changed!" Bokuto said, standing to his feet. He turned to Akaashi, offering a genuine grin. "I can walk him to class for you. Suga had told me that you had to get to your job early in the mornings."

Akaashi furrowed his brows, wondering what all Sugawara had said about him.

_Suga probably talks about how horrible of a father you are._

Akaashi winced but he quickly schooled his expression back to his neutral, blank face. He nodded once to the volleyball coach.

"Thank you," Akaashi said.

The coach smiled, putting two of his fingers up to his brow in a cheeky salute.

"No problem! I'll make sure he gets to class safe and sound," he promised. He glanced down at Tobio and held out his hand. "You ready?"

Without hesitation, Tobio nodded and grabbed Bokuto's hand. Bokuto waved to Akaashi and then led Tobio through the doors and into the school building. The door closed behind them, the two of them walking down the hall hand-in-hand.

The sight was like a knife to Akaashi's gut.

_See that? Tobio doesn't need you._

_That volleyball coach and Suga can take care of him better than you can._

_Pathetic. You're so pathetic! Pathetic!_

Akaashi hissed, gripping his umbrella hard until his knuckles turned white. He turned away from the school building and hurried to the station, trying to push the voice from his mind.

_I know that I'm pathetic,_  Akaashi told the voice.

An image of  _her_  flashed into his mind, just like in his dream. He could see her lips forming the same word to him.

Pathetic.

_I know this_ , Akaashi told the voice again.  _So please. Just stop._

* * *

After coming in late, and dealing with a grumpy deliveryman, Akaashi hid away in his office to work on his pile of paperwork. His hand was cramping by lunchtime as he tried to write markings on the sheet music.

That nagging feeling was still eating away at his stomach.

What did he forget?

Think, Keiji.  _Think._

Soon enough, a few loud knocks pounded on Akaashi's door, making him jump. His hand jolted, making his pencil scratch along the music sheet, creating a long mark. He sighed and clicked his tongue at the mistake and quickly flipped his pencil over to erase the mark.

There was another knock, more insistent and impatient.

"Just a minute," Akaashi called.

He could hear the doorknob jiggling and then the door opened, sending in a fresh wave of cold air. Akaashi sighed as he continued to erase the long mark, feeling his annoyance spike.

"I'll be with you in just a—"

"Keiji."

Akaashi's hand froze, his chest immediately tightening and his shoulders tensing. He placed his pencil down and turned his head back towards the door.

His father loomed in the doorway, a crease in between his brows and his lips pulled into a harsh frown.

_Hehe. Looks like he's here to scold you again._

Akaashi bit his lip and calmly turned back around to face his desk. He picked up his pencil and continued erasing the mark on the page.

"I'm busy," Akaashi said coldly as he scrubbed the page harder. He made a mental note to go easy on his writing in the future. The mark just would not come off.

"We need to talk," his father said.

"Can it wait? I'm trying to get these parts redone," Akaashi said.

"No," his father said, his voice growing. "You've been avoiding me all week."

"Not really," Akaashi said. "I've just been doing my normal routine, which doesn't usually include you."

His father let out a quick huff of air, almost sounding like an irritated growl.

"I'm just trying to open more opportunities for you," his father said.

Akaashi turned his head back to his father, leveling him with a harsh stare.

"Is that what you're doing? Or are you just trying to bring fame to the Akaashi name?"

His father stared at him incredulously, his jaw slackened and his eyes wide, and Akaashi winced, realizing how he had snapped.

_He's disappointed in you._

Akaashi's brows pinched as he stood to his feet. He gathered his music sheets and tucked them into a folder, holding it under his arm. It was far too stuffy in that office.

He avoided his father's eyes as he brushed past him to leave his office.

"I need to get my work done," Akaashi said on his way out.

He only got in a few steps before he heard his father's voice echo down the empty hall.

"Have you even picked up your violin since you took in that child?"

Akaashi stopped in his tracks, his fingers curling tighter around the folder under his arm. He turned back to look at his father, his forehead creased with stress lines.

"What?" Akaashi said.

His father folded his arms across his chest and lowered his brows.

"Your violin," his father repeated. "The one I spent a fortune to get for you, remember? Have you even practiced?"

Akaashi winced, turning his head away. He remembered the day he got that violin. His father handed over the brand new instrument with a disapproving gaze. His eyes were filled with condescension, and he had spewed harsh threats, making Akaashi promise to guard the instrument with his life.

Now the instrument was in its case, collecting dust under his bed.

_Way to waste what your father gave you._

Akaashi winced and turned his head away, feeling guilt settle uncomfortably in his stomach.

_Ha! You should feel guilty! He probably hates you now!_

_Just like every person that has come into your life!_

"I haven't had time," Akaashi said, pushing the voice down and away.

"Of course you haven't," his father scoffed.

Akaashi winced, turning back down the hallway.

_I bet you sound terrible now. You shouldn't even bother with it._

"I have to go," Akaashi said firmly.

Without looking back, Akaashi marched down the empty hallway towards the back storage rooms, trying to create as much distance between him and his father as possible. He was unsure of where he was going but he knew it had to be somewhere his father would not be.

He entered through the first door he saw and slammed it shut behind him, leaning his back against the cool metal and closing his eyes. He huffed out a few quick breaths, relishing in the heavy silence.

When the panic finally left his chest, he opened his eyes and glanced around the room. There were several black instrument cases neatly stacked on wooden shelves.

Ah. It was the spare instrument storage.

If an orchestral member had a broken instrument right before a concert, they can come to this storage and find a spare lying around. They were horribly out of tune but it was better than not playing at all.

Akaashi's eyes flitted to the shelves where the smaller string instruments rested. The label for violins was taped on the second shelf and there was one black case sitting upon it.

Akaashi bit his lip, glancing back at the door behind him.

_"Have you even practiced?"_

Akaashi took a deep breath, placing his folder down, and marched towards the shelf. His hand shook as it reached for the case and he closed his hand into a tight fist to fight the tremors. Once he regained control, he opened up the case and stared down at the instrument inside.

The violin was a deep brown color with the bow stored into one side of the case. The curves of the instrument were worn and even one side was chipped, showing its age.

Akaashi swallowed as he carefully took the instrument out of its case. He held it in his hands for a moment, remembering what it felt like to actually hold it. He closed his eyes and remembered all the times he would wait backstage, listening to his peers warming up and talking in hushed voices.

His heart skipped a beat at the thought. He suddenly felt eager.

He glanced down and carefully adjusted the chin rest. He reached down to grab the bow to adjust it as well. Once both parts felt right, he lifted the violin to his shoulder and tucked it under his chin. His fingers smoothed down the strings, hearing the slight whine from its scratching.

Akaashi almost felt a tug on his lips.

He thought back to the last piece he had performed. It was an orchestra concert: Tchaikovsky's 6th Symphony, nicknamed "Pathétique." He could hear the fourth movement so clearly in his mind, the sad shrill of the strings in a heartbreaking chord that descended until the winds came in. He could play those beginning notes. He remembered them as if he performed the piece just yesterday.

He adjusted his fingers into the proper position and lifted up the bow to touch the string.

He inhaled and closed his eyes, ready to caress the string.

And then, he pulled the bow down.

But, it was not the beautiful first note of the heartbreaking fourth movement.

Instead, it was a harsh shrill sound that pierced Akaashi's ears, making him snap his eyes open and tense up on the spot.

His hands shook, making the bow bounce on the second string. Tears sprung to his eyes in the horrifying realization that…

…that he could not play as well as he used to.

_Hahaha! Really? That was the best you could do?_

_What happened to being the best? What happened to being the player with the most potential to succeed?_

_What happened to little Keiji?! Hahaha!_

Akaashi's chest caved in as he lowered the violin and the bow to his sides.

What was he going to do now?

Was his performing career completely… over?

Had he… missed his only chance?

"Those are for orchestra members only."

Akaashi jumped, nearly dropping the instrument, and turned towards the door.

His eyes widened, fresh tears threatening to spill.

His father stood in the doorway with a disappointed look on his face.

"Put it away before you break it."

Akaashi startled, scrambling over to the case to put the violin away. He dabbed his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt before shutting the case and flicking the latch. He sniffed in a quiet breath and then grabbed his folder, turning to walk out the door. He kept his eyes on the floor as he passed his father. Just when he thought he was in the clear, he could hear his father mutter under his breath.

"Disgraceful."

Akaashi sucked in a sharp breath and fled down the hall, desperately wanting to escape. He ended up back in his office, locking the door this time, and he slid down to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest.

_Oho, disgraceful? That's a new one. I'll add it to the list._

Akaashi's hands gripped his pants and he sighed, leaning down to rest his forehead against his knees.

The universe definitely hated him. This, he was sure of.

* * *

"Okay, everyone. Gather up your bentos or your money. It's time for lunch!"

The kindergarteners cheered happily as they hurried off their seats to the cubbies in the back of the room to search their backpacks for their lunches. Tobio slid off of his seat and headed to the back. He scowled as he reached down to scratch at his pants.

Shouyou's spare clothes had been wrinkly and too small for Tobio, but it was all he had to wear since his father forgot to bring in a second set of clothes.

The thought made Tobio tear up. He was uncomfortable and just wanted to be in his own clothes.

He grabbed his bento from his bag and waddled behind his classmates, scowling as Shouyou pushed him out of the way and into the spot in front of him.

"Hey! You just cut in front of me!" Tobio said.

Shouyou turned his head back, his eyes wide and bright.

"Eh? No, I didn't! You were just too slow!" Shouyou said.

Tobio grit his teeth, his brows lowering over his eyes.

"I'm not slow!  _You're_ slow!" Tobio spat.

"If I was slow, then you would've beaten me to the line!" Shouyou said back to him, sticking out his tongue in defiance.

"You dummy! Dummy Shouyou!"

"Eh?! I'm not dumb!"

Before either one of them could scream another insult, Suga stepped in between them and pulled them back by their collars.

"Fighting again? Tobio, Shouyou, I told you two that we need to be friendly here. We're a team, remember?" Suga said, frowning at them softly.

The two boys exchanged dirty looks before turning their heads away in pouts. Suga sighed at them and gently pushed their backs to get them back in line.

"Let's just have a peaceful lunch today, all right?" Suga whispered to them. He turned to the rest of the class and smiled brightly. "Okay, everyone! Let's head to the cafeteria!"

Suga led the kindergarteners down the hallways to the cafeteria where the other kindergarten classes were, already munching on their food. They all sat around smaller tables, each setting their bentos down and unwrapping them. And in a simultaneous  _Itadakimasu_ , the children dug into their lunches.

Tobio reached out for his own lunch and unwrapped it, his belly rumbling from hunger. But when he took off the plastic cover, his heart sank.

His bento was empty.

Tobio stared at the empty container, wondering if food would just suddenly appear if he concentrated hard enough. But no food came.

His father had forgotten to pack his lunch.

His brows pinched harshly and he scowled, hot and angry tears filling his eyes. He sniffled, trying to hold them back, but his breath hitched inside his chest and he hiccupped, causing the other students to stare. Even Shouyou paused to look up at him, his cheeks full of rice.

"E-Eh? Tobio? What's wrong?"

Tobio glanced up to see Suga quickly coming to his side and touching his back.

"Why are you crying?" Suga asked, kneeling down to peer at his face.

Tobio's eyes squinted as the tears spilled and he pointed to his bento.

"D-Daddy didn't pack m-me a lunch," Tobio whimpered out.

Suga's eyes widened a bit before his brows upturned sadly. He reached up to pat Tobio's head.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Suga said. He tried to calm Tobio's sniveling but his hiccups only got worse as he kept thinking about it. "We'll figure something out, okay? Don't cry, Tobio."

Tobio glanced down at his lap, wondering where it all went wrong this past week. He knew he had argued a lot with Shouyou, and that made his dad upset. He spilled his milk the other morning, all over his dad's paperwork. He was upset then, too. So now was he being punished? Was his dad doing this to show him he was unloved?

Tobio rubbed his eyes and growled, his sadness quickly being replaced with anger.

_Fine! If daddy doesn't want to love me, then I won't love him!_

"Hey, hey, hey! What's going on over here?"

Tobio snapped his eyes open and raised his head to see Bokuto, the volleyball coach.

"Wah! Unmble Bwoto!" Shouyou peeped, spitting rice over the table.

"Ah, hey there, favorite nephew!" Bokuto greeted with a wide grin. He looked to Suga and then down to Tobio, his grin softening. "What's going on?"

Suga stood to his feet and gave Bokuto a strained smile. "It seems Tobio's father forgot to pack him a lunch today."

Bokuto's brows rose up on his forehead and he frowned. He scratched his head, his other hand going to his hip.

"Well, that's no good," Bokuto said. After a moment of thinking, he suddenly smiled and held out his hand. "I know! Wanna come with me to the teacher's lounge? Someone brought meat buns!"

Tobio blinked away the remaining tears and nodded reaching up his hand to hold onto Bokuto's. Bokuto smiled and pumped his fist.

"All right! To the lounge we go! We'll be right back, Sugawara!" Bokuto hollered over his shoulder.

He gently tugged on Tobio's hand, guiding him out of the cafeteria and down the hall. After a few steps of Bokuto humming, he turned to Tobio.

"Hey, Tobio, do you like milk?"

* * *

Akaashi blinked back to consciousness, his eyes bleary as the yellow wall of his office came into view. He sighed and buried his head into his folded arms to hide from the light. He sighed heavily as his head pounded against his skull. The headache started right after his confrontation with his father and it had not let up since, even with taking pain medicines. Then, apparently, he had dozed off at his desk without him even realizing it.

_This is what you deserve, you know._

Akaashi groaned, feeling annoyed and tired of hearing that same voice berating him over and over in his head.

_If you had only done what your father had said four years ago, then you could be the one on that stage._

"Stop," Akaashi said, leaning up from his arms and glaring down at the table. He did not need this. Not today. Not now.

Not ever.

_You should have never taken in Tobio!_

"Enough!"

Akaashi slammed his palm on the table painfully, leaving tingles pulsing through his fingers. He sighed and massaged his aching hand, working out the stinging sensation left behind.

He felt woozy and dazed. How long had he been asleep?

What time was it even?

He blinked and turned in his chair to look up at the clock. The room swam as he tilted his head up and he squinted to try to focus on the numbers.

_Ugh, what is wrong with me?_  Akaashi thought.  _How bad was my headache, anyway?_

When the clock cleared, his heart sunk and his eyes widened in panic.

It was after six in the evening.

"Damn it!" Akaashi shouted, jumping up from his chair. He scrambled to get everything into his bag. "Damn it, damn it!"

_Ah, late again? That's not surprising for you, is it?_

Akaashi grimaced as he pulled on his jacket and hurried out of his office, slamming the door shut behind him. He ran down the empty hallway and burst through the door. He was immediately met with a downpour of rain, the droplets thicker and heavier than it had been all week. He skidded to a stop underneath the awning, gazing up at the sky, wondering why the world had been so cruel.

"Late for something?"

Akaashi's heart lurched and he glanced over to see his father standing in the corner of the awning, a cigarette in one hand and his cell phone in the other.

"I just need to pick up my son," Akaashi spat.

His father rolled his eyes and glanced down at his phone.

"Yeah, it's always about that boy, isn't it?" he responded.

Akaashi glared at him and clicked his tongue, stomping out to the edge of the awning and taking a deep breath.

"Didn't I warn you about that Kageyama girl?" his father called to him before he could take a step out into the street.

Akaashi froze at hearing  _her_  name coming out of his mouth so easily. He turned his head back to scowl at his father but he knew it was weak. His father just looked back at him with furrowed brows.

"I knew she was trouble but you still went for her anyway," his father said. "And, of course, you just had to go and get into bed with her—"

" _Enough,"_  Akaashi snapped. He turned his head away from his father and balled his hands into fists. He took a few slow breaths, his chest feeling tight and panicked. "She… she might've been a mistake, but I don't regret taking in Tobio."

"You don't?"

"I don't," Akaashi said, a little hesitation in his voice. It was as if he was trying to convince himself of it.

He could hear his father sigh and shuffle around a bit.

"Right. Keep telling yourself that," his father said.

Akaashi's hands shook and he huffed out an angry sigh, remembering that he left his umbrella in his office. But instead of turning back, he marched forward into the rain, feeling the droplets pound into his back. He did not dare look back at his father's disappointed stare any longer.

After practically sprinting to the train station, and then sprinting again after the train ride, Akaashi finally made it to Fukudoroni High. He burst through the front doors and rushed down the hallway.

He rushed into the gym, huffing and puffing. His chest felt as if it were on fire and his body was freezing from the pouring down rain.

To his horror, most of the lights had been turned off except for a few in the far corner. And his heart sank at the sight.

Tobio was sitting on the ground, hugging his knees to his chest, while Suga sat with him, his arm wrapped around his shoulders. He was hushing the boy softly, his hand coming up to rub his head.

Akaashi's stomach wrenched like a wet rag and he rushed across the wood floor to get to them.

"Tobio!" Akaashi called as he approached.

Suga glanced up at him as he approached, the man putting on a patient yet tight smile. He patted Tobio's shoulder and whispered something to him. And when Tobio pulled his face from his knees, Akaashi's heart sank.

There were tear tracks marking his cheeks.

_Ah. You made him cry again._

"Tobio," Akaashi said, getting on his knees in front of his son. "I am… I am so,  _so_ sorry that I'm late."

Tobio's lips wobbled and he leaned back down into his knees, pointedly ignoring his father. He sniffed and held his legs tighter against his chest.

Akaashi stared down at him with concerned eyes. He looked to Suga, who was staring down at Tobio sadly.

"He's had a rough day," Suga explained, reaching up to pat Tobio's head. Tobio flinched at first but relaxed. He glanced up at Akaashi with a sheepish expression. "Has… has your job been taking all of your attention?"

Akaashi blinked at him. Where in the world did this come from?

"Uh… well, I mean, I guess things have been a little strained," Akaashi answered.

Suga hummed, ruffling Tobio's hair and pausing before continuing.

"I think… you forgot to pack Tobio's lunch today," Suga said, his smile slipping slightly.

Akaashi's eyes widened, his gaze snapping down to his son. Tobio kept his face buried in his knees.

And then, Akaashi suddenly remembered. That nagging feeling he had throughout the day that he had forgotten something.

He had forgotten to pack Tobio's lunch.

_You let your child go hungry. Your father was right._

_You are a disgrace._

Akaashi rubbed his hand down his face, the guilt gnawing painfully on his spine. He sighed and dropped his hand from his face, kneeling down next to Tobio.

"I'm so sorry, Tobio," Akaashi said in a low voice. "I'll do whatever I can to make it up to you."

Tobio sniffed and shook his head against his thighs.

"Tobio…" Akaashi whispered, reaching out to him. "Please, forgive me. I was wrong."

The moment his hand touched Tobio's shoulder, his son leaned up from his knees and shoved his father's hand away, an angry glare on his face. Akaashi gasped softly and retracted his hand.

"Tobio!" Suga said in shock.

"No!" Tobio yelled.

Akaashi blinked at his son, his heart pounding against his chest. Tobio was staring back at him with such vicious blue eyes that it reminded him of  _her_. He had her eyes, after all. Full of hatred and disgust that only she could give.

And now, his own son was directing that same look towards him.

"No, no,  _no!"_  Tobio yelled, tears streaming down his face. "I don't forgive you! I'll never forgive you!"

"Tobio…" Akaashi whispered.

"You don't even want to be around me! You don't care!" Tobio shouted.

Akaashi shook his head, his hand reaching out to his distressed son.

"Tobio, what are you—"

"I hate you!"

Akaashi froze, the large space suddenly falling completely silent. Suga stared down at Tobio, his eyes wide in shock. He reached out to touch Tobio's arm but the little boy did not stop in his screaming.

"I wish you weren't my dad! I hate you!" Tobio screamed.

Akaashi's chest suddenly felt tight, making it hard to breathe.

_He… hates me?_  Akaashi thought.  _He… he actually…_

The voice appeared back into his mind, laughing and mocking him maniacally.

_You see?! You see this?! I told you! I told you that he hates you!_

_Everyone hates you, Keiji!_

_You're nothing!_

Akaashi felt his eyes water as tears filled them and threatened to spill. He closed his eyes for a moment to try to dry them before they could fall.

_I see,_  Akaashi thought.  _So you don't want me to be your dad, either._

* * *

Akaashi felt like a walking zombie, his nerves shot and his body trembling with every step. The rain had luckily stopped on their walk home but it did nothing to soothe the storm inside his chest.

He managed to make a big, hot meal with a tall glass of milk for Tobio.

They had not spoken to each other since they had gotten home.

Akaashi could not bear to eat anything. His stomach was in knots, the voice screaming and laughing at him all evening.

He knew he was on the verge of panicking, but he tried to keep his cool until Tobio went to sleep.

After an hour of letting Tobio color, Akaashi finally spoke up and told him it was time for bed. Tobio glared, but yawned and trotted off to bed without a word.

Akaashi sucked in a breath, almost ready to let himself spiral into a panic, when he saw Tobio's favorite blanket laying on the couch. He swallowed and picked up the blanket, walking on unsteady feet back to his son's bedroom.

Inside, Tobio was sprawled on his bed, already fast asleep. Akaashi took the opportunity to walk over to his bedside and drape the blanket over his body. With shaking fingers, Akaashi pulled the blanket up to his son's chin. His small son still had tear tracks on his cheeks from the rough day at kindergarten, and the sight of it made Akaashi's heart squeeze and his stomach clench. He moved his hand to touch his cheek, ready to wipe the stains away.

_"I hate you!"_

Akaashi's hand froze—a mere centimeter away from Tobio's cheek.

_"I wish you weren't my dad! I hate you!"_

Akaashi winced and withdrew his hand, letting it fall to his side. The ache in his chest was throbbing, squeezing the air out of his lungs. He took in a shaky breath and quickly left his son's bedroom, shutting the door with a soft click. He stared at the shut door with wide eyes, resting his palm against it.

_"I_ hate _you!"_

"I hate me, too, Tobio…" Akaashi whispered. He grimaced, his hands curling into fists as he pushed himself off of the door. "I hate me so  _much."_

Akaashi walked away from the door, his mind in a complete haze. He staggered down the hallway, his feet fumbling in the dark. He tripped over the couch blanket and stumbled into the wall. He managed to catch himself, his legs barely holding him up. His breath caught in his throat, his heart threatening to break.

"I'm so sorry, Tobio," Akaashi whimpered. "I'm so, so sorry."

Tobio's voice echoed in his mind as his feet led him to the front door to shuffle on some shoes. He swallowed thickly and bit back the tears as he pulled the front door open, not bothering to bring a jacket into the cool night.

"I'm sorry," Akaashi apologized as he shut the door behind him.

Then, he dragged his feet down the hallway of their complex and descended the stairs, barely managing not to completely trip and collapse. He left the complex and headed down the sidewalk, his mind reeling.

_You're leaving your son all alone at home. What a great father you are!_

Akaashi grimaced as the voice popped back into his mind. He passed by a streetlamp and turned a corner.

_If he wakes up while you're gone, he'll hate you even more._

"Shut up," Akaashi whispered roughly.

_You shouldn't even go back home._

Akaashi cursed the voice again and took another turn, walking until he heard the sound of trickling water. He stopped and glanced over, seeing that he was near a suspension bridge that hung several meters above the nearby river.

"A bridge…" Akaashi whispered, blinking at it softly.

_You should just disappear._

Akaashi's heart leapt inside his chest at the thought.

"Disappear…?" he asked aloud. "But… what about—"

_Tobio deserves a better father than you, doesn't he?_

Akaashi felt his eyes water and he choked on a lump in his throat.

He suddenly took a step towards the bridge.

_That's it. Go and disappear._

Akaashi crossed the street in a daze, making his way towards the walkway. The bridge was empty at this time of night—not even a single car passed by. He made it to the edge, his hands gripping the railing. He leaned forward and gazed down at the water below.

It was a far drop.

_Do it._

The voice was relentless tonight. Agitated and impatient.

It made Akaashi feel just as impatient and restless.

Desperate to escape.

_Climb up there and jump._

Akaashi took in a trembling breath as the voice grew louder and louder. He lifted his foot and slowly climbed up and onto the railing, his legs shaking as he maintained his balance. He glanced down at the water below, growing lightheaded at the sight.

Was he really about to do this?

"What about Tobio…" he whispered in a quivering voice.

_Text his teacher. Suga-sensei can take better care of Tobio than you!_

Akaashi choked on a sob and he slowly reached into his pocket. He took out his phone and fumbled through his contacts, looking for Suga's contact information. His thumb shook as he opened up a new message and started to type out his words.

To: Sugawara–Tobio's teacher

>Hello, Sugawara-san. I am sorry to be texting you so late, but it seems that I cannot take care of Tobio any longer.

Akaashi felt another sob crawling up his throat, taking a moment to pause and catch his breath and regain his balance. Once he felt in control over his body again, he focused back on finishing the text.

>Please take care of Tobio for me. I'm sorry.

His thumb hovered over the send button.

_"Disgraceful."_

_Send the text._

Akaashi grit his teeth, feeling his air trapped in his lungs.

_"I hate you!"_

It was so hard to breathe.

_Send the damn text and end your miserable life!_

Akaashi lowered his thumb.

_"Goodbye, Keiji."_

_DO IT!_

**"Oh, uh… h-hey there!"**

Akaashi gasped, his shoulders stiffening. Instead of sending the text, his finger slipped and he closed out of the text box completely, deleting its contents.

That voice… was familiar.

Akaashi swallowed and slowly turned his head towards the source of the voice. The sight made his eyes widen.

Black and white hair.

Broad shoulders.

Golden eyes.

It was the high school volleyball coach from Fukudorani High School.

What was his name again? It started with a B…

Oh, right.

"B-Bokuto-san…" Akaashi whispered, too softly for Bokuto to hear.

But Bokuto's eyes widened a little as he recognized Akaashi's face. His face was bright against the dark night.

"Oh! It's you again! Remember, from this morning?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi's heart did a strange leap in his chest and he blinked at the man.

Bokuto remembered him?

He slowly nodded in response, making Bokuto smile.

"I thought so! I didn't know you lived around here!" Bokuto said, smiling brightly.

Akaashi blinked, his eyes darting around. He was still standing on the railing, his legs suddenly feeling like jelly.

"Um…" Akaashi mumbled.

"Akaashi, right?"

Akaashi snapped his eyes back to Bokuto, staring at him in shock.

"Huh?" Akaashi asked intelligently.

"Your name," Bokuto said, his smile still wide on his face. "Your name is Akaashi, isn't it? I think that's what Suga told me… gah, did I get it wrong?"

Akaashi was stunned. Bokuto had even remembered his name? How on earth did he remember that? They had only spoken a few words to each other.

"Y-Yes." Akaashi finally found his voice, interrupting Bokuto's rambling.

Bokuto glanced up at him, his grin splitting his face and his golden eyes glowing in the dark.

"Really?! That's awesome! I'm so good at this!" Bokuto said proudly.

He glanced up at Akaashi and slowly took a few steps towards him. Akaashi remained frozen on the railing, watching Bokuto carefully.

"Aren't you cold up there?" Bokuto asked. He raised his hand to Akaashi, beckoning him to come. "C'mon, I can get you a drink or something."

Akaashi stared at Bokuto's outstretched hand and then looked back at his face. His expression was open and genuine, not faltering in the slightest.

Akaashi swallowed, feeling his heart thudding against his chest.

Time seemed to stand still as he lowered his hand down to rest in Bokuto's palm. Bokuto's hand was warm.

Bokuto smiled and gripped Akaashi's hand firmly. He said nothing as Akaashi turned from the railing and hopped down.

Akaashi's knees immediately gave out as soon as his feet touched the walkway. He dropped his phone to cling onto Bokuto's jacket, the small device skidding across the concrete. Luckily, Bokuto's strong arms kept him upright before his face smashed into the ground.

"Whoa, whoa! Easy there!" Bokuto said, holding onto him with ease. He helped him stand on his feet. "Your legs are probably stiff from the cold air. We should get coffee or something!"

Akaashi glanced up at Bokuto, his hands clenching onto the fabric of Bokuto's jacket. He stood up straight, his wobbling legs finally able to support his weight. But Bokuto kept a hand on his shoulder blade, his palm warm and secure.

"Um… I, uh…" Akaashi fumbled. "I have to g-get back home. Tobio is…"

Alone.

Akaashi felt the guilt eating away at him bit by bit at the horrifying realization that he had left his five-year-old son alone in his apartment. What in the world was he thinking?!

"Ah, no problem! I can walk you home," Bokuto said cheerfully. "And I can get you a coffee or something on the way."

Akaashi's brows pinched in worry as he knelt down to grab his phone. When he stood back onto his feet, Bokuto's hand went back to his shoulder blades, gently pushing him away from the railing.

"You don't need to do that," Akaashi said.

"Nonsense!" Bokuto said, taking a step forward. Akaashi followed as Bokuto's hand gently pushed him. "I know a great coffee shop around here! I always pick up something on my way home from volleyball!"

Akaashi looked at him with curious eyes. "Volleyball?"

Volleyball at this hour? Was it with his students?

But Bokuto nodded happily, not affected by the peculiar look on Akaashi's face.

"Some of my friends and I get together to play a few pick-up volleyball games. We lost track of time tonight, though. Got out pretty late!" He laughed and patted Akaashi's back. "Anyway, wanna go get that drink or coffee? I promise it's good!"

Akaashi hesitated, turning his head to look back at the railing behind him. He waited for the voice to come back and fill his ears with the same nonsense as before, but he only heard silence. The voice had disappeared.

Suddenly, Akaashi felt Bokuto's hand clench the back of his shirt.

He turned his head back to look at Bokuto, wondering if something was wrong. Bokuto's face was still bright with a smile, but his eyebrows were subtly lower and more pinched than before.

Akaashi sighed, relenting to Bokuto's face.

"Yeah, I'll give it a try," Akaashi said softly.

Bokuto hesitated for a moment, and then he lit up like a Christmas tree. His grip on Akaashi's shirt loosened, his palm flat on his back.

"All right!" he shouted. "Let's go get that drink!"

Bokuto's hand pushed him further away from the railing and guided him down the sidewalk. He described his favorite drink at the coffee shop, Akaashi listening to every word. He did not look back at the bridge again and Bokuto's right hand stayed firmly on his back.

Akaashi did not notice the tremble in Bokuto's left hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucke1)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Chapter for you all!  
> Thank you Tayu-chan and Velvloid for your editing and support :)
> 
> And thank you to those who left kudos and comments!! They were very much appreciated and it helped me to write another chapter.
> 
> Happy reading!

Akaashi's hands were still shaking.

His legs threatened to collapse at any given moment.

The only thing keeping him from crumbling apart was the sturdy hand on his back.

He glanced over at the man walking close beside him, now able to get a good look at him. Bokuto's eyes seemed to glow and his smile was wide and bright. He seemed so confident as he walked next to him, his gait tall and firm with each footstep. His hair was stiff with gel, white streaks contrasting his natural black hair. Akaashi briefly wondered what it would look like if it were down, loose and free from hair products.

"Oh! There it is!" Bokuto said, glancing down at Akaashi. His free hand pointed to a small shop sandwiched in between two office buildings. "They stay open late, so luckily we still have time to catch them before they close."

Akaashi swallowed, nodding once. His body was so shaken that his stomach was in knots. He was certain that if he drank anything, it would come back up instantly.

They entered into the shop, Akaashi following Bokuto like a lost puppy. Bokuto let the door close softly and then he turned to the counter, lifting a hand in the air in greeting.

"Yo! I'm here to pick up some sweets!" Bokuto announced.

Akaashi raised a brow at him. "Sweets?"

Bokuto glanced down at him, giving him a wide grin. "They sell donuts, too. You should try one! They're really good."

Akaashi huffed out an amused breath of air.

"Is everything really good here?" Akaashi asked, remembering that Bokuto had praised the drinks at the shop just a few moments ago.

Bokuto nodded once, his movements confident. "Of course! C'mon."

He pointed out the menu to Akaashi, waiting patiently nearby for him to decide. The words blended together in a haze, Akaashi realizing his adrenaline was still flowing through his body. The cool night air had done nothing to calm his nerves.

He took a slow breath, releasing his air in one trembling puff. He glanced over at Bokuto, who was staring back at him encouragingly.

"Get whatever you'd like!" Bokuto said.

Akaashi could not resist his charm. He relented and stepped up to the counter, stuttering out his order for a latte. Bokuto smiled and added his own order of six donuts, one Long Black, and one hot chocolate.

Akaashi raised a brow at him curiously.

"Two drinks?" Akaashi asked him.

"Ah, yeah. My roommate likes this weird, bitter crap," Bokuto said, making a weird face.

Akaashi's lips twitched into a fragile smile, amused. He also liked the sweeter drinks, so he could relate to Bokuto's distaste in the stronger stuff.

They received their drinks in neat to-go cups, Bokuto balancing both drink orders in one hand as he shimmied the straps his donut bag up his arm.

"There we go!" Bokuto said, unstacking his drinks. He glanced at Akaashi and nodded towards the door. "Ready? I'll walk you back to your place."

Akaashi pinched his brows. "You really don't have to."

"Naw, I insist!" Bokuto said. "What if you freeze out here? I'd feel terrible if you ended up a popsicle. Tobio wouldn't be happy."

Akaashi winced and turned his head away.

_I wouldn't be too sure about that,_  he thought.

He held his coffee with both of his hands, relishing in the pleasurable warmth that radiated from his cup. He blew over the hole and took a tentative sip, being cautious not to burn his tongue. The milky coffee filled his mouth and slid down to his belly, making his chest warm. He sighed softly and fondly once he took the cup away from his mouth. Bokuto was right. It was one of the tastiest coffees he had ever tried.

"So… a latte, huh?"

Akaashi snapped out of his daze and turned to look at Bokuto. He was gazing back at him with a softer smile.

"Oh," Akaashi said, looking down at his cup. "Yeah, uh… it's what I usually order whenever I get coffee."

Bokuto suddenly wrinkled his nose. "Isn't it kinda bitter?"

Akaashi tilted his head and glanced down at his cup.

"Not necessarily. It does have espresso in it, but it has a lot of milk in it, too," Akaashi said.

"You like milk?" Bokuto asked.

"Mmn," Akaashi hummed. "I suppose I do."

"Ahh, so that's where Tobio got it from!"

Akaashi glanced at him with wide eyes. Bokuto must have noticed his puzzled look because he laughed and nodded his head.

"I bought him a milk the other day. He sucked up the whole carton in record speed. I've never seen a kid like milk as much as he does!" Bokuto said.

He barked out another fit of laughter, making Akaashi feel warm. Everything about this conversation felt so natural and peaceful.

He hadn't felt this warm in years.

"So," Bokuto started, grabbing Akaashi's attention once again. "What do you do? I tried asking Tobio but he didn't tell me."

An image of his father's angry face flashed in Akaashi's mind, fading just as quickly as it appeared.

It sent a shiver down Akaashi's spine.

"I am the orchestra librarian for the Tokyo Philharmonic," he finally answered as he glanced down at his cup. He waited for the question to come.

_"Wait a minute. Are you related to Akaashi Kyosuke?_ The _Akaashi Kyosuke?!"_

It was what everyone asked him when he introduced himself. People were most likely shocked that Akaashi Kyosuke had a son. And after that, there were more questions about his father and nothing about himself.

Akaashi winced, his hands tightening on his cup.

He was so tired of living under his father's thumb.

He waited, knowing that voice would come back up any at minute and tell him to turn around and jump off that bridge—

"Whoa! I'm not quite sure what that means, but it sounds cool!"

Akaashi blinked and snapped his head back to look at Bokuto. Bokuto was smiling down at him, a peculiar look on his face.

"So, you work with the feel… the uh, the fill… harm… harmonic?" Bokuto asked.

It almost brought a smile to Akaashi's face. Bokuto was trying.

"Philharmonic," Akaashi answered.

"Ah, Philharmonic. Right, right," Bokuto said. "That's the uh… the orchestra thing, right?"

"Mmn," Akaashi hummed.

"So you're in that?!" Bokuto said, raising his voice.

Akaashi's face fell and he averted his gaze. He suddenly felt ashamed to answer. Would Bokuto judge him for not being good enough to be in the violin section?

"Not… not necessarily," Akaashi answered. "I don't play in the orchestra. I organize the music and make sure it's ready for the musicians."

"Ohh," Bokuto said.

Akaashi winced again, waiting for the disappointment to come. He could hear it, Bokuto telling him that it sounded like a boring job, and Akaashi had no place telling him any of this whatsoever and he should just run back home—

"That's important though, isn't it?"

Akaashi jumped at Bokuto's voice, peeking at him out of the corner of his eye. He looked genuinely curious, his gold eyes staring at him.

It was amazing. How did he do that?

"Um…" Akaashi stuttered, unsure how to answer.

"I mean, if the musicians don't get their music, then they won't be able to play at all, right?" Bokuto said. "So… you must have the most important job of all!"

Akaashi inhaled sharply, his stomach and chest fluttering wildly. He felt tears prick his eyes and he turned his head away, hunching his shoulders.

How could he say all that so easily?

"I… I've never thought of it that way," Akaashi said. He glanced down at the ground, clutching his latte close to his chest.

"Well, you should start thinking it that way!" Bokuto said, nudging Akaashi's shoulder with his own.

Akaashi looked at him, taking note of his soft expression. He looked like a giant puppy, wagging his tail and ready to please. It was amusing and almost charming.

They turned the corner, only a few blocks from Akaashi's apartment. Bokuto took another swig of his hot chocolate, smiling and sighing at the sweet taste. He licked his lips and then glanced back to Akaashi, a curious look on his face.

"How did you even get into the music stuff anyway? Do you play an instrument?"

Akaashi's chest tightened.

_"Disgraceful."_

He swallowed and bit his lip nervously, unsure of exactly how to answer. He felt his entire demeanor flush with anxiety once again as he opened his mouth to stutter out a pathetic answer.

"I… I used to play v-violin."

"Really?!" Bokuto asked. "That's amazing! Do you still play?"

Akaashi shook his head, unable to meet Bokuto's excited gaze. But out of the corner of his eye, he could still see Bokuto's face and shoulders fall.

"Huh? Why not?" Bokuto asked.

_"And now you have that… that child!"_

_"Goodbye, Akaashi."_

_"I hate you!"_

Akaashi swallowed but found his throat dry. He took a quick swig of his latte, the hot liquid burning his tongue and the roof of his mouth.

"Um… I haven't have time since I've had to… take care of Tobio," he answered, a little awkwardly.

He refused to let Tobio be the reason he did not play anymore. He refused to blame his son for the decline in his skills. He will not let him live with that kind of guilt. He won't.

"Ohh, so… Tobio wasn't… planned?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi's eyebrows scrunched together and he shook his head, keeping his eyes fixed on the ground.

"I… I didn't even know he existed until he was six months old."

What the…?

Where did that come from?

Why in the world would he tell Bokuto this?

It was not like he was best friends with the guy. He only met him a few weeks before, and even then, they barely said a few words to each other. Why would he be spilling his life to this man?!

_Keiji, you dumb idiot. What are you thinking?!_  Akaashi thought to himself.  _He doesn't care about any of that! Why are you opening your big mouth?!_

"Oh, really?" Bokuto said, his voice much softer than before. He hummed in thought, looking at Akaashi tenderly. "And… his mother…?"

Akaashi breathed through his nose quietly, suppressing a sigh. He throat closed up and he would barely choke out a response.

"Not around," was his answer.

It was all he could say. The lump in his throat prevented any other words from escaping.

"Oh…" Bokuto's voice seemed far away, his brows scrunched together in a wince, unfitting for his face. It made Akaashi sick to his stomach, knowing that he was the reason that Bokuto made such a face. "I'm, um… I'm sorry."

Akaashi swallowed, trying to force the lump down, but it only grew, making it harder to breathe.

"No need to apologize. It's just how it is," Akaashi said.

They walked an entire block in a thick silence, their footsteps lightly tapping on the damp sidewalks. They were almost to Akaashi's apartment, just one more building to pass. He could just excuse himself and tell Bokuto he could walk home from here.

But Akaashi could feel Bokuto's eyes on him, antsy to say something.

"You know…"

Ah, he finally spoke.

Here it comes. The questions about Tobio's mother.

_Where is she?_

_Who is she?_

_Why is she not here?_

_Is there something wrong with Tobio?_

_Is there something wrong with_ you?

Akaashi risked a glance at him, expecting that same disgusted look that he had always received in the past. But when he turned to him, his eyes widened, surprised when he saw how calm Bokuto's face looked. He was not wearing that downtrodden expression anymore, but instead, it was peaceful and thoughtful.

"Tobio seemed to enjoy volleyball," Bokuto said. Akaashi gazed at him curiously, surprised at the change in subject. "I mean, he didn't really do anything but he liked watching our practices. I tried to show him some things but he seemed kind of shy about the idea."

Akaashi stared at him, surprised yet again by his words and actions. He did not pry into Akaashi's situation at all. He just… wanted to play and talk about volleyball.

"I'd like to teach him! I mean, it could get him out of his shell some and he could make some friends. Maybe even have you play with him! Ah, but… it's probably a stupid idea," Bokuto said, looking suddenly frustrated at himself. "You're probably this high-quality musician and I'm talking about a sport you probably never played before."

Akaashi glanced at him. "Oh. No, I've played before."

Bokuto's head snapped back to look at him, his eyes wide and his brows creeping up his forehead.

"Really?" he asked.

Akaashi nodded once. "Yes. I played throughout middle school and high school."

"Eh?! Are you serious?" Bokuto said, raising his voice. Akaashi nodded and hummed in response, making Bokuto even more excited. "That's amazing! Maybe you could help Tobio to play."

Akaashi looked away shyly. He was appreciative of the offer but he felt out of his element. It had been nearly ten years since he had even touched a volleyball.

"I'm not so sure. It's been a while since I've played," Akaashi said.

"Aw, c'mon, Akaashi!"

Akaashi felt his chest flutter at hearing his name escape Bokuto's mouth. It sounded so harsh and rugged, yet passionate and genuine.

"Don't sell yourself short! I'm sure you could still play," Bokuto said. "I bet you were a captain by your third year! You seem like captain material."

Akaashi winced, clutching his cup. "I didn't play my third year."

Bokuto's smile fell just as quickly as it had appeared.

"Huh? Why not?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi's brows furrowed even further.

_"Huh? Volleyball? No. Quit the club. Focus on your studies and on violin. You need to get into that music school."_

"My…" Akaashi's chest tightened, the butterflies dissolving into uncomfortable, hot embers. "My parents made me quit."

Bokuto's brows suddenly upturned, his forlorn look back on his face. Akaashi cursed himself for making this happy person look this way. It felt wrong.

"Oh." It seemed to be Bokuto's go-to response. It made sense, knowing Akaashi was not all of an interesting person. "That really sucks."

Akaashi sighed and then hummed, nodding once to confirm that yes, it really did suck.

He loved playing volleyball in high school. It was a safe environment that made him feel loved for once in his life. But once he was forced to quit, he spent hours upon hours in solitude, practicing his instrument. And while he loved playing in orchestra, it never did feel quite like a team.

They finally arrived at the correct apartment complex, Akaashi leading him up the one flight of stairs and to the right door.

"Well, this is me," Akaashi said, turning to Bokuto. He bowed his head a little, almost in shame. "Um, thank you. For the drink. And for walking me home."

Bokuto brightened, despite the heavy conversation, and grinned from ear to ear. He seemed happy enough just to receive a thank you.

"No problem, Akaashi!" Bokuto said. "Tell Tobio I said hi."

Akaashi felt his face pale at the mention of his son.

He wondered if he still hated him?

"Right," Akaashi answered after a moment. "I will."

Bokuto nodded and then turned to leave, but stopped short, jostling his bag of donuts. He waved with his elbow, his hands still full of the two drinks. It brought a small smile to Akaashi's face, despite his stomach being in knots.

"Later, Akaashi!"

"Have a good evening, Bokuto-san."

Akaashi watched Bokuto leave his complex and then he turned to his door. He took a deep breath before turning the knob, only slightly thankful that he had not locked himself out. He stepped inside and saw that it was exactly how he had left it. There was no sign of Tobio, so he must have still been asleep in his room.

Akaashi shuffled out of his shoes and then walked to the couch, setting down his latte and then plopping himself down. He sat for a moment, his hands on his thighs as he stared at the wall in front of him in heavy silence.

He thought about all of the events that led him to this point. How did he even get here? How did he meet up with Bokuto again?

Then, all at once, it hit him like a ton of bricks.

_What… what was I about to do?_  Akaashi thought, his mind drifting back to the bridge.  _Was I… really going to kill myself?_

His body began to tremble violently and his hands curled into fists. He tried to control it but the panic had set in like a virus, grabbing Akaashi by the throat and not letting go.

Tears pricked his eyes and he choked on a sob, his hand covering his mouth to muffle the noises. He inhaled sharply and hiccupped, his shoulders shaking with sobs.

He hunched over, watching the tears hit the ground in between his feet. He felt miserable and out of control, unable to breathe. And it was suddenly so stuffy in the room and it was hot and tight.

And he could not  _breathe_.

"Daddy?"

Akaashi gasped, sitting up and whirling around to the hallway.

There stood Tobio, his fish plushie under his arm and his other hand rubbing his eye.

"Tobio…" Akaashi whispered, the tears frozen on his cheeks.

Tobio looked at him strangely, his head cocking to the side. His brows were pinched together, an almost worried look on his face.

"Why are you crying?" Tobio asked. "Did you fall?"

Akaashi sucked in a breath and held it in his chest, willing the tears to stop falling down his cheeks. His lips wobbled, threatening to let out another sob.

He stood up from the couch and wiped his eyes, releasing his breath slowly. Then, he turned to Tobio and walked over to him, his chest still slightly jumping. He wrapped his arms around Tobio and hoisted him up.

"No, I didn't fall," Akaashi said, his voice cracking slightly. "But I almost did."

Tobio looked up at him, his eyes a little wide.

"Were you scared?" he asked.

Akaashi remembered how it felt to be on the railing, his life in the balance.

The water had been rushing below, high because of all the rain.

And his thumb was ready to press down to send his suicide note.

He glanced down at his son and pulled him to his chest, resting his cheek on the top of Tobio's head. More tears spilled from his eyes as he nuzzled his son, his arms and legs shaking.

"I had never been more scared in my life."

* * *

Bokuto glanced down at his shoes as he walked back to his apartment in complete silence. His heart was thudding wildly against his chest and it had not slowed one beat. He felt almost sick to his stomach, the hot chocolate tasting like chalk in his mouth.

His legs carried him to the elevator of their apartment complex and he pressed the number for the fourth floor. He usually would take the stairs, his energy still pumped after a night of volleyball and stuffing his face with donuts.

But tonight…

A figure in the distance, standing on the railing.

Alone, a phone in their hand.

Their body trembling so badly…

Bokuto shook his head, flinging the thoughts away. He took a deep breath as the elevator dinged for the right floor and he dragged himself down the hall and to the right apartment. He balanced the cups in one hand and pulled out his keys to unlock the door. Upon entering, he could see the dim light in the living room was still on and he headed that direction.

On the couch was his roommate, his hair a mess from a fresh shower and dorky, thick-rimmed glasses on his face. But, of course, the glasses only seemed to add to his charm.

"Oh, Bo. Finally," Kuroo said as Bokuto moved into the room. "You took forever to get our drinks."

Bokuto pushed his lip out in a pout as he handed Kuroo his coffee.

"You could always come with me to get it, you know. And I don't see how you can drink coffee this late at night," Bokuto said.

Kuroo took the coffee and gave Bokuto a sleepy smile. He tapped the stack of papers in front of him with a red pen.

"I've got papers to grade. And didn't you get the same thing?" Kuroo said, pointing to Bokuto's cup. Bokuto lifted it tried to give a smile that did not look strained.

"Hot chocolate!" Bokuto said.

Kuroo rolled his eyes and glanced back down at the stack of papers in front of him, taking a sip of his steaming coffee.

"You're such a kid," Kuroo said harmlessly. "That place  _is_  a coffee shop, you know. You should try something different. Like a latte, or something."

Bokuto glanced down at the logo on the side of his cup. Now that he thought about it, he remembered that Akaashi had ordered a latte.

His hand squeezed his cup, the plastic crinkling.

Bokuto remembered the terrified look on Akaashi's face as he turned around, his body trembling on the railing.

Akaashi had looked so frightened and shaken. Even when they had ordered the drinks and Akaashi's trembling had stopped, he looked defeated and worn.

Bokuto swallowed.

What would have happened if Bokuto had gotten to that bridge a minute too late?

"Bo?"

Bokuto jolted back to reality and snapped his head up to look at Kuroo. Kuroo was looking back with a frown on his face.

"Huh?" Bokuto asked.

"You okay? You… look upset," Kuroo said. He sat up on the couch and peered at Bokuto's face when he did not answer. "Did something happen?"

Bokuto blinked at him, not answering. He thought of Akaashi's terrified face, his body leaning towards the edge of the bridge, his wobbling legs as he got down on the ground…

"Bokuto?"

Bokuto jumped and glanced at Kuroo. He briefly pushed Akaashi's terrified face from his mind to give Kuroo a wide smile.

"Nah, I'm good!" Bokuto answered, and he walked around the coffee table to plop down on the other couch in the room, sitting stiffly.

Kuroo's brow rose in question but he did not push it, which Bokuto was thankful for. He turned back to his papers and took another sip of his coffee.

"If you say so," Kuroo said, flipping a page. "Come to think of it… We left volleyball at the same time. What took you so long?"

Bokuto tried to smile but he knew that his face looked strange.

"I… ran into someone," Bokuto explained.

Kuroo looked up from his students' papers, his eyes squinting at Bokuto through his glasses.

"You ran into someone? Who?" Kuroo asked.

Bokuto fidgeted in his seat, his thumbs caressing his cup as he stared down at the black lid. The hot chocolate was probably cold by now.

"Just… someone I know," Bokuto answered.

Kuroo frowned, his face contorting into something resembling a grimace.

"Geez, Bo. What's with all the mystery? You run into an old girlfriend or something?"

"Wha— No!" Bokuto said, reeling. "It's just…"

His mind drifted back to Akaashi's face, his trembling hands, his glassy eyes. His words were often self-deprecating, and his body language was small, seeming to hide from Bokuto's gaze.

Bokuto sighed. He could not keep it in any longer.

Curse his big mouth and inability to cope by himself.

"Kuroo, can I… can I ask you something?"

The words were out of his mouth before he could help it. He glanced to Kuroo, watching as he sat up straight on the couch and crossed his legs.

"Yeah, sure. What's up?" Kuroo asked.

Bokuto fiddled with his cup more and took a deep breath, his teeth biting down on his bottom lip.

"Have you… have you ever talked to someone who… wanted to kill themselves?" Bokuto asked, peeking up at Kuroo.

Kuroo's eyes widened and he unfolded his legs. He put down his pen and took off his glasses, hunching forward on his knees and suddenly giving Bokuto a solemn expression.

"Bokuto, I need you to tell me what's going on," Kuroo said. He winced but still locked his eyes on Bokuto. "You're not… you're not thinking of… of…"

Bokuto shook his head wildly, his hand frantically waving in the air.

"No, no, no! I'm not thinking that way at all!" Bokuto said.

Kuroo's brows lowered in concern, still unconvinced. "Are you sure?"

"One-hundred-ten percent sure!" Bokuto said.

Kuroo stared at him, and then leaned back, more relaxed. He folded his arms across his chest and stared at Bokuto carefully.

"Okay. Then… this person you ran into. They… they think about killing themselves?" Kuroo asked.

Bokuto looked down at his cup sadly, his teeth gnawing on his bottom lip.

"I… I think so," Bokuto said. He swallowed thickly, not wanting to discuss the intimate details of what happened. If anything, he wanted to forget the horrifying look on Akaashi's face and make sure that he never felt that way ever again. "I just want to help them."

Kuroo sat back against the couch cushions and rubbed his chin, taking in deep breaths.

"Well, I guess just be encouraging. Do you know them very well?" Kuroo asked.

Bokuto shrunk in on himself. "No. I met them a few weeks ago."

"And did you know they were going through something?"

"No. Not until…"

Not until tonight.

When he was standing on a railing, ready to end it all.

"Hm. Well, that'd be the first thing. Get to know them better," Kuroo said. He shrugged his shoulders softly. "Be their friend."

Bokuto blinked at him and then reached up his hand to rub his chin.

"Be… their friend, huh?"

* * *

Akaashi could barely keep his eyes open as he meandered through the kitchen to make lunches. After a long night of sobs and tears, he woke to find that his eyes were swollen and his throat tender.

Tobio was sitting at the table, quietly munching on his breakfast. He had looked completely confused and maybe even a little frightened at seeing his father fall apart the night before. He went back to bed without picking a fight, his little eyebrows pinched and his eyes locked onto Akaashi's face.

If Akaashi had not been so tired, he would have considered the silent morning awkward.

And the whole thing with Bokuto…

_"I bet you were a captain by your third year! You seem like captain material."_

_"That's amazing! Do you still play?"_

_"So… you must have the most important job of all!"_

Bokuto had spouted those things so easily. His smile was bright and for the first time in years, Akaashi felt like he belonged. Like he was welcomed into his inner circle.

And the best part was that the voice was completely silent when he was in Bokuto's presence. He felt fresh and free, those thoughts no longer plaguing him.

It would have put a large smile on his face this morning.

If it weren't for one problem.

_You missed your chance._

_If you had just done what I said, then you wouldn't be bothering anyone anymore._

The voice was back in full force.

Akaashi's heart was heavy in his chest at every insult, his hands shaking as he tried to tie up Tobio's bento. He took a slow breath and placed the bento in Tobio's backpack.

"Okay, Tobio," Akaashi said, looking towards his son. "Ready for school?"

Tobio finished off his glass of milk and nodded, a white mustache coating his upper lip. Akaashi smiled, walking over to his son and wiping the milk away with a napkin.

"Okay. Here's your backpack," Akaashi said, handing his son his small backpack.

Tobio eyed him as he put on his backpack. Akaashi knew his face probably looked horrible but he tried for a smile anyway, regardless of how scary he looked.

Akaashi dragged his tired body out of their apartment, leading Tobio down the street and towards the school.

_What was it your father said? Oh, yeah. Disgraceful._

_You're a disgraceful piece of trash._

_No one wants you._

_Just disappear._

_Disappear._

_Disappear!_

Akaashi sucked in a harsh breath, his heart seizing in his chest. He glanced down at Tobio, trying to focus on his son.

"So… Tobio," Akaashi called.

His son glanced up at him, eyes curious and wide. It made Akaashi's stomach clench when he remembered the harsh words that came out of that tiny body just the other day. Those words of hatred echoed in Akaashi's brain, and the voice mocked him.

"Um," Akaashi stuttered, his voice quivering slightly. "I heard Bokuto-san is showing you volleyball moves."

Tobio's brows lifted, the sunlight highlighting and brightening the dark blue in his eyes. He nodded excitedly.

"Did you try to play at all?" Akaashi asked.

Tobio's face fell and he looked away, his brows lowering into a scowl. Akaashi grimaced, realizing what was coming. He was patient, though, and waited for Tobio to find the right words on his own.

Soon enough, Tobio's lip twitched and then trembled. He sucked in a quivering breath and opened his mouth to speak.

"I…" Tobio said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I was too s-scared."

Akaashi frowned, his brows upturning. "Scared? What are you scared of?"

Tobio's eyes shined and his hands were in fists, but his strong willpower was enough to keep the tears at bay.

"I was scared that no one would p-play with me," Tobio said. He reached up to clutch onto the straps of his backpack. "S-So I didn't play."

Akaashi swallowed, understanding his son's dilemma. He took a deep breath and reached out his hand slowly. He touched Tobio's head, thankful that his son did not pull away.

"Well, Bokuto-san would play with you," Akaashi said.

Tobio looked up at him, his face tender and curious. "Really?"

"Really," Akaashi said, and he smiled tiredly at Tobio. "Maybe you can ask him today. What do you say?"

Tobio paused, pouting his lips. His face fell back into his usual scowl and he looked down at the sidewalk.

Akaashi winced and retracted his hand from Tobio's head. Had he gone too far? Had he pushed him too much?

_He hates you. Remember?_

Akaashi grit his teeth, his back and shoulders tensing with sudden anger that flashed hot. He was desperate to prove that voice wrong and shut it up for good.

But how could he do it without Bokuto by his side?

"I… I'll ask Bokuto-san for you today," Akaashi said.

Tobio whipped his head up to look at him, his eyes wide and the scowl gone.

"You will?" Tobio asked.

Akaashi smiled and nodded. "I will. And he won't say no."

Tobio paused, blinking up at his father nervously. "Promise?"

Akaashi extended his pinky finger to Tobio, managing to keep the voice at bay just for the moment.

"I promise."

_Oh? Making a promise are we?_

_Let's hope you can keep it._

Tobio hesitated, but then lifted his hand to hook his pinky with his father's. Akaashi squeezed his finger with his own before releasing and straightening his back. He could count on Bokuto. He knew he could.

After a few more blocks, they made it to Fukudoroni High. They managed to avoid all of the taller students that ran past them as they walked down the hallway. They made it to the kindergarten classroom where Suga stood, his smile pleasant on his face as he greeted the other kindergarteners. When Akaashi and Tobio walked up, a concerned frown replaced Suga's smile, his brows pinching together in worry.

"Oh, Akaashi-san. Are you okay?" Suga asked, his eyes roving over Akaashi's face.

Akaashi nodded and waved his hand. "Yes. I just didn't get enough sleep."

Suga blinked at him, uncertain. But he nodded and then looked down to Tobio.

"Hi, Tobio. Are you ready for class today?" Suga asked with a soft smile.

Tobio's face scrunched up pitifully but he nodded. Akaashi patted his head, thankful that Tobio did not push him away like the day before.

"I'll see you later, okay?" Akaashi said.

Tobio nodded once, and turned to enter the classroom without another word.

_Oh, there he goes. Are you going to break that promise you made with him?_

Akaashi pushed the voice aside and took a deep breath.

"I'll ask Bokuto-san when I see him!" Akaashi called out to his son. Tobio stopped and turned his head back, surprise written on his face. "I'll go ask him right now, okay?"

Tobio paused, his eyes locked with Akaashi's. Then, he nodded, looking sure of himself, and padded off to his cubby to drop off his backpack.

Suga watched the scene unfurl and then turned to Akaashi with a soft smile.

"Things better now?" he asked.

Akaashi gulped, anxious and nervous. He opened his mouth to speak but froze, a horrifying thought sneaking its way into his brain.

_Please take care of Tobio for me. I'm sorry._

Akaashi winced. He had almost forgotten that Suga was the one he was going to text to come get Tobio after he…

_Disgraceful._

He puffed out a quick breath of air and then looked up at Suga with a strained expression.

"It's getting there," Akaashi said. "I think."

Suga smiled sympathetically and he reached out to pat Akaashi's shoulder.

"Hang in there. I know it must be difficult being a single parent. You're doing the best you can," Suga said.

_Ha! He has no clue, does he?_

Akaashi ignored the voice and nodded at Suga. "Thank you very much."

They said their goodbyes and Akaashi turned to leave, heading towards the front office to ask for Bokuto. He had to keep his promise to Tobio no matter what. He had to get Tobio to not hate him anymore.

Just as he was about to turn down the hallway, Akaashi heard a shout along with the satisfying sound of a hand slapping a ball. He stopped and turned his head to see the gym's doors wide open, the volleyball club members going at it.

Akaashi took a step forward and hovered in the doorway. He watched as the players all lined up for spiking practice, each one running up to the net and slapping the ball down on the other side.

The sound brought back memories of his own team so many years ago. He remembered how they almost reached nationals his second year, and how his team vowed to go to nationals the following year.

Akaashi sighed.

He did not stick around long enough to find out.

"All right! It's my turn!"

Akaashi's eyes lit up at the voice and he snapped his head towards the sidelines where the famous volleyball coach stood. He was grinning wildly, his eyes locked onto the setter standing beside the net.

"Give me a good toss!" Bokuto called.

"Yes, sir!" the student shouted, getting into position.

Bokuto tossed the setter a ball, the student receiving the ball with his fingertips and pushing it upwards towards the ceiling. It was a higher toss, Akaashi noted, not too close to the net.

Bokuto did his run-up, his arms stretching behind him before leaping into the air. He had a huge smile on his face as his arm flung downwards at the right time, sending the ball to the back line.

The sound sent shivers down Akaashi's spine.

"Yes! Good toss!" Bokuto said, reaching over to ruffle his student's hair.

"Ah, th-thank you, Coach!"

Bokuto smiled and released his student. He stood tall, smiling brightly. He looked well rested despite being up late the night before. Akaashi could barely contain the slight jealousy he felt at that.

Bokuto's eyes suddenly locked with Akaashi's, his grin faltering only for a second before returning on his face. He turned to the members, his hands on his hips.

"Okay, guys! Go get dressed. See you this afternoon!" Bokuto said.

The members heaved a collective sigh of relief before scattering to clean the gym or head to the lockers. It left Bokuto to turn his attention back to Akaashi, his legs carrying him over to the doorway.

"Akaashi!" Bokuto called with his hand in the air, skidding to a halt in front of him. "It's good to see—"

He stopped suddenly, his smile falling. Akaashi swallowed nervously, wondering if something was wrong. But Bokuto put on a tentative smile, his hand coming up to rub the back of his neck.

"Ah, did you not sleep well last night?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi blinked slowly, still feeling the puffiness from the night prior. He sighed and hunched his shoulders.

"Not exactly," Akaashi said.

Bokuto frowned, and it was almost as pitiful as one of his son's frowns.

"Sorry. I probably shouldn't have suggested getting coffee so late at night," Bokuto apologized.

Akaashi immediately put up his hand to stop him.

"No, don't apologize," Akaashi said. "I… actually wanted to thank you. For everything you did last night."

Bokuto's eyes widened comically and he froze, stunned silent for a moment. Then, his eyes lit up and a smile broke out on his face.

"Of course, Akaashi!" Bokuto said. "I'm always willing to help!"

Akaashi smiled. Of course Bokuto was willing to help. He was sure that he could keep his promise to Tobio.

"Um, if you don't mind, I have a favor to ask you," Akaashi said, fiddling with his fingers.

"Oh? What's up?" Bokuto asked, cocking his head to the side and placing his hands on his hips.

Akaashi glanced down the hallway towards Tobio's classroom, his fingers wrestling with each other in a nervous dance.

"Tobio wants to play volleyball, but he's nervous that no one will want to play with him," Akaashi said. He looked back to Bokuto, his chest aching and hopeful. "Do you think you could teach him some of the basics?"

Bokuto's eyes flashed and he smirked, pointing to his chest with his thumb.

"You can leave it to me!" Bokuto said confidently.

Akaashi smiled softly, feeling relief. He almost felt pride in his chest for putting that voice in its place.

"Thank you, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said with a slight bow of his head. "I'm sure he'd really appreciate it."

"Of course!" Bokuto said, almost shouting. "And you can come play, too!"

Akaashi lifted his head and stared at him with a puzzled expression.

"What?" he asked.

"Hm? You said you used to play, right?" Bokuto said. "You should come play with some of my friends! We meet up on Thursday nights."

Akaashi blinked at him. "I… I don't know. They all sound like experienced players."

Bokuto waved his hand in the air. "Nonsense! Some of them don't play all that often. I'm one of the only ones who plays regularly!"

Akaashi fiddled with his hands again, feeling self-conscious and unsure. He bit his lip, wondering if he could actually step out onto the court again after ten years.

"I'm not sure," Akaashi said finally, and he dropped his hands by his sides. "Can I think it over?"

Bokuto nodded enthusiastically. "Sure! Take all the time you need."

Akaashi smiled, ready to thank him and be on his way.

"But!" Bokuto spoke again, a playful smirk on his lips. "In exchange for teaching Tobio volleyball,  _you_  have to come with me to the coffee shop at least once a week!" Bokuto said, pointing at Akaashi.

Akaashi stared at him, wide-eyed and frozen.

Go with him to get coffee? Once a week?

"It's either that or you come to play volleyball on Thursday nights," Bokuto said, rubbing his nose. He seemed so proud of himself in that moment.

Akaashi glanced down at the ground, a strained smile on his face. When would he find time to get coffee? And what about Tobio? And his job?

He looked back up at Bokuto, who was still standing tall and proud with his hands on his hips.

"It looks like I don't have a choice, do I?" Akaashi asked.

"Nope!" Bokuto said with a chuckle.

Akaashi sighed, feeling perturbed by the sudden invitation. But he glanced up at Bokuto and relished in the peace that he felt.

And the voice was silent.

"Okay, Bokuto-san. What day works best for you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucke1)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Here's a new chapter for you!  
> Thank you Tayu-chan for your lovely editing and Velvloid for the support!! Couldn't do it without you guys!
> 
> As I've said before, this fic contains a lot of dark elements, so be aware and be safe.  
> TW for dark themes and misuse of drugs/alcohol.
> 
> Happy reading!

"And then, Kuroo came into school with his hair all messed up! He said that he styled it that way but I think his bedhead was just worse than usual."

"Kuroo-san sounds like an interesting person."

"He is! He's got this vibe that he's a partier but he's a total nerd."

"A nerd?"

"Yeah! I mean, he teaches chemistry at Fukudoroni."

"Is that so? I think I'd like to meet this Kuroo-san."

"Oh?! I'll have to introduce you to him!"

The coffee shop in the early evening was bustling with all kinds of people. Both the young and the old were gathered around the tables with donuts and drinks, talking in low tones. It was a dramatic difference from the late night that Akaashi had first entered this establishment. Of course, that was so late at night that all of the other shops had probably closed by then.

Akaashi and Tobio had found a booth in the corner, and Bokuto came in just five minutes after they had arrived. Tobio was busy munching on a donut, his eyes scanning the restaurant to stare at the pretty lights that hung across the ceiling. He seemed content, which Akaashi was thankful for.

"You can really pack it away, Tobio! I'm impressed," Bokuto said. He grabbed another donut and put it on Tobio's plate, his eyes flitting over to his kid-sized cup. "Oh! You need more milk, Tobio?"

Tobio blinked at him and then at his cup. Recognition lit up in his eyes and he rapidly turned to Bokuto, nodding fiercely. It made Bokuto laugh proudly.

"Of course! Milk is good for your bones! You'll be an amazing volleyball player in no time," Bokuto said. He stood to his feet and grabbed Tobio's cup, uncapping the lid and looking at Akaashi seriously. "Don't eat my donuts while I'm gone."

Akaashi gave him a deadpan look. "I wouldn't dare, Bokuto-san."

Bokuto's serious expression vanished as his lips curled into a smile.

"I knew I could count on you! Be right back!" Bokuto said, walking over to the counter to order more milk for Tobio. Akaashi watched him with a soft smile, his chest warm despite the knots in his stomach.

This was their third meeting at the coffee shop, and Akaashi had never felt quite as warm as he did on Saturday nights. Normally, Saturday nights were spent quietly in his apartment, drinking away while Tobio watched a movie or colored at the coffee table.

Being sober, and  _alive_ , Akaashi decided, seemed much better than the alternative…

"So, Tobio!" Bokuto said as he placed his new cup of milk on the table. He slid into the booth, sitting across from Akaashi, and leaned over the table on his elbows. "You liking volleyball so far?"

Tobio sucked on his straw, his cup in between his hands. He nodded, eyes wide and focused. It was the most awake Akaashi had seen his son in months.

"Oh yeah? Do you remember all the positions?" Bokuto asked.

Tobio swallowed the milk and removed the straw from his mouth. He paused, his face scrunching up in concentration.

"Wing Spa–Spo… Spiker. Middle Blo… Blocker. Lib… um," Tobio stuttered, putting a hand to his chin.

"You can get it! Just think," Bokuto said.

Tobio frowned harder, staring at his milk with his typical concentrated face.

"Li… Libero?" Tobio asked, looking up at Bokuto.

Bokuto smiled. "Bingo!"

Akaashi hid his smile behind his glass, feeling a sense of pride swelling inside his chest. It was slowly pushing out the panic, bit by bit.

He could get used to this.

"What else is there?" Bokuto asked Tobio.

"Um… the… Ace?" Tobio asked, receiving a dramatic head-nod. "And… Setter."

"Perfect! You've got the basics down," Bokuto said. "Do you know what position you want to try for yet?"

Tobio shook his head, looking a bit overwhelmed. Bokuto smiled and cackled, reaching across the table to ruffle his hair.

"No worries, little man! You still have to learn the basics before you see what position to play," Bokuto explained. "And maybe even Shouyou can help you pick out a position!"

Tobio's excited face once again fell at the mention of his classmate's name, making Akaashi quirk a brow. He glanced down at Tobio with a peculiar look.

"What's wrong, Tobio? Do you not like Shouyou?" Akaashi asked.

Tobio pouted, glaring at his milk. "No. He's annoying."

Akaashi's face paled as he remembered that Shouyou was Bokuto's nephew. Feeling mortified, Akaashi straightened his back and hissed out a sharp, " _Tobio."_

Tobio flinched slightly but Bokuto broke out into a boisterious laugh, his hand holding his stomach.

"It's no big deal, Akaashi! Those two haven't been getting along since the first day of kindergarten," Bokuto explained.

Akaashi blinked at Bokuto, wondering why he had not heard anything about this until now. He knew that Tobio had not made any friends, per se, but to make an enemy? That had not happened since his first day of preschool. And boy, was that Oikawa child a problem. He did not want another incident like that to happen ever again.

"Eh? Akaashi, why do you look so worried? It's not a big deal," Bokuto said, breaking through Akaashi's thoughts.

Akaashi blinked back to reality and tried to school his expression back to normal, hoping the color would come back to his face.

"But, Tobio is fighting with another classmate. I should be worried, shouldn't I?" Akaashi asked, his eyes glancing down at his son.

But Bokuto waved his hand in air casually. "Nah. They don't get along but I don't really think they're  _fighting."_

"What do you mean?" Akaashi asked with a quirked brow.

"Well… I think they're both hard-headed and stubborn, which makes their personalities clash. But neither one of them have thrown a punch or anything," Bokuto explained. He suddenly smiled brightly. "Actually, they both do well in volleyball together!"

Akaashi's eyes widened in surprise and he tilted his head down to look at Tobio, who was absently playing with his straw.

Was Tobio really not getting picked on? Was he finding a possible friendship during his training in volleyball?

Akaashi glanced to Bokuto and smiled softly, watching as he interacted with his son. Instead of a pang of jealousy, Akaashi felt relief. Having Bokuto teach Tobio volleyball was possibly doing some good. And all Akaashi had to do was go on these coffee runs.

Akaashi lifted up his latte to his lips, the taste warm on his tongue and comforting to his belly.

He could get used to this.

* * *

Akaashi was unsure what he was expecting when he was asked to sit in on the rehearsal to make sure the string bowings looked right.

But  _this_  was not it.

"No, no, cellos! What are you doing? You're supposed to crescendo with the phrase. Why are you not following what's on the page? I need  _more_  than this!"

Akaashi slouched down in the auditorium seat, his hands curling around his clipboard. Mori was in rare form today, getting angry at every little thing. It must have been because the composer was out today. If he had been in on the rehearsal, Mori would have been more reserved.

Usually, when Mori was upset, he had the habit of picking on a particular section. And today, the cellists were the unlucky victims that Mori had selected.

But Akaashi could not help but feel a little smug. Those cocky cellists were finally getting what they deserved.

" _No!_  What is this? Are you even looking at the music?" Mori fussed, throwing his hands up in the air. He huffed out an aggravated sigh and started to spout off some choice words.

Akaashi released a little sigh of his own and leaned his head against the back of his seat, his eyes staring up at the dark ceiling. While he enjoyed watching the string sections get berated, there was no way he could get any work done with Mori constantly stopping.

"All right, all right! You obviously haven't practiced this. I guess we need to take our lunch break," Mori said, setting his baton down on his stand. He turned to step down from his box and glared at the strings. "I suggest you use this next hour  _wisely."_

The string players paled and immediately shifted in their chairs to look at their music closely. They would not be eating today, Akaashi briefly thought.

Akaashi took in a deep breath and stood up, taking it as his cue to leave. At least he could get some food in his system before sitting through another long rehearsal.

He retreated from the auditorium and turned to make his way down to his office where a delicious sandwich was waiting for him. He could feel his stomach rumble in anticipation.

Bokuto had talked Akaashi's head off about how good the donuts were at the coffee shop, but he failed to mention that the little shop's lunch menu was also superb. He had ordered a sandwich the other week and it had become his new favorite.

Akaashi smiled at the thought. It would only be a few more days until he got to go to the coffee shop again with Bokuto and he truly could not wait. It was turning into his favorite day of the week.

As Akaashi turned down the hallway where his office was located, he stuttered to a stop, his movements stiff. His happy mood immediately fell through the floor and he could feel his face falling into a scowl.

Leaning next to his closed office door was his father, his arms folded across his chest. He had a peculiar look on his face, and it made Akaashi feel uneasy.

_Oh, he's got that look on his face! He probably wants you to do something!_

The voice teased and scoffed at Akaashi's misery.

Akaashi sighed, steeling himself before he walked down the hall. As he got closer, his father raised his head and locked eyes with him, still no hint of any specific expression on his face.

"Ah, Keiji, so you  _are_  here," his father said, straightening up. "We have matters to discuss."

Akaashi frowned at him and shifted towards his office door.

"Is this about my job?" Akaashi asked as he opened his door. "Because if it is, I don't want to hear it."

His father's brow twitched but Akaashi ignored it as he stepped inside his tiny office.

"No. It's not that," his father said.

Akaashi sighed quietly through his nose as he placed his clipboard down. He shifted through some papers on his desk to make himself look busy, hoping that his father would just leave.

"Then what is it?" Akaashi asked.

His father straightened his back as he stood in the doorway, his hands moving into his trouser pockets.

"It's about your mother."

Akaashi jolted, his hands freezing in their movements. He glanced over his shoulder to eye his father.

"Her performance tour in Europe finished the other day and she's coming home tonight. The three of us are going to have dinner together this weekend," his father explained.

Akaashi blinked at him, feeling goosebumps prickle on his skin as anxiety traveled through his nerves.

"Um," Akaashi stuttered, his resolve faltering.

He started fiddling with his hands again, his fingers tugging and pulling on one another. He knew exactly what this was all about. It was not some family get-together where he and his parents meet up to discuss how their lives have been or how his mother's performances were.

No. This was all political. If Akaashi did not attend, there would just be talk about it in the musical world, and his name would be tarnished as a "horrible son who would not even meet with his parents for dinner." Akaashi had no choice. If he ever wanted to show his face in the music realm ever again, he had to go.

"What day?" Akaashi asked.

"Saturday evening," his father answered immediately. "At five."

Akaashi's face paled. That was the day that he and Bokuto had chosen to go to the coffee shop. And not only that, but what was he going to do with Tobio?

His knuckles cracked as his fingers wrenched harder.

"I… What about Tobio?" Akaashi asked.

His father frowned harder and lifted up his hand to wave it in the air.

"Just find a babysitter," he scoffed and he turned to leave. "And don't forget. Five sharp."

Akaashi watched as his father left the doorway, his footsteps echoing down the hall. His stomach was suddenly in knots, the sandwich that he had been longing for all morning now forgotten in his bag.

_Ugh, this sucks,_  Akaashi thought, plopping down in his chair and hunching over on his knees.  _Not only do I have to cancel my plans with Bokuto, but I also have to find a babysitter for Tobio. Who in the world can I ask to—_

Akaashi's thoughts stopped abruptly as a thought popped into his head. He pondered it and tossed it back and forth, wondering if it was such a good idea.

He sighed and groaned, holding his head in his hands.

"I don't have a choice, do I?" Akaashi murmured to the empty room.

He begrudgingly sat up in his chair and pulled his phone from his pocket. He searched through the contacts and quickly pressed the call button before he could change his mind.

"Hey, hey, hey! What's up, Akaashi?"

Akaashi took a deep breath.

"Hello, Bokuto-san. Could I ask you for a favor?"

* * *

"Dinner is in the fridge. You just have to heat it up. There's some for you, too."

"Okay! I can handle that."

"And Tobio's medical information is right here. His doctor's number is right next to it."

"Ah… okay! I'll keep it on hand."

"And if you need to call for anything, just keep calling until I pick up."

"Akaashi…"

"And in case of emergency—"

_"Akaashi!"_

Akaashi snapped his mouth shut, turning around to face Bokuto, stress lines etched into his forehead. Bokuto was sitting down on the couch next to Tobio with a confident smile on his face.

"Everything will be fine, Akaashi," Bokuto promised. "Me and Tobio are just gonna hang out! I've got a movie ready if he wants, and tons of snacks prepared! And I know when his bedtime is, so it's all good."

Akaashi fidgeted in place, his hands fiddling with the sleeves of his suit jacket. He glanced down at Tobio, who was busy coloring. Akaashi had never left Tobio with anyone besides his teachers before. It made his stomach feel tight with nerves. But as he watched Tobio color, he did not look bothered or upset. So Tobio obviously trusted Bokuto, which made Akaashi feel sick for a completely different reason.

Akaashi sighed, reaching up to adjust his tie.

"Right," Akaashi said quietly. "But… let me know if there's any trouble, okay?"

"There won't be, but you'll be the first one I call!" Bokuto said happily.

"Except—"

"Except if there's an emergency.  _Then_ I would call police, or whatever. But there won't be an emergency."

Akaashi sighed, instead reaching down to tug on his sleeves. His suit felt tight.

"Okay," he wheezed, dropping his hands to his sides. "I'll go now."

He walked over to Tobio's side and leaned over to pat his head. Tobio barely spared him a glance as he kept coloring.

"Be good for Bokuto-san, okay?" Akaashi said to his son.

Tobio nodded, turning back down to look at his paper. Akaashi took a deep breath and headed towards the front door, adjusting his suit jacket as he went. Bokuto followed him, his smile comforting and calming.

"Everything will be great," Bokuto said, placing his hands on his hips. "Just focus on having a good time."

Akaashi grimaced, feeling his eyebrow twitch.

_Easier said than done,_  Akaashi thought, tugging on his fingers.

"Thank you, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said with a sigh. "I'll see you later."

"Bye!" Bokuto said, waving as Akaashi left the apartment.

Akaashi sighed again as he wandered down the steps of his complex and out to the main street. He stuffed his hands on his pockets as he walked, trying to slow his fluttering heart before it flew right out of his chest. He put a hand to his chest to feel its quivering beats.

"It'll be fine. Everything will be fine," Akaashi breathed.

_Ha! Maybe at home it'll be fine. But what about at the restaurant?_

The voice sneered and laughed at Akaashi's attempts to relax, making his anxiety rise. It was such a frustrating thing that as soon as he's away from Bokuto, the voice comes back in full force.

He hailed a taxi and told them the address, his lip twitching when he read the name of the restaurant to the driver. Who on earth would name their restaurant  _Rest House_  anyways? Was it really a fancy place? Akaashi almost felt overdressed. He hoped his father was right when he said it was a black-tie event.

The taxi pulled to a stop in front of the restaurant and Akaashi stepped out, eyeing the tall, elegant windows. His lip twitched nervously. Perhaps this  _was_  a fancy place, after all.

He entered through the front door and was immediately met with a host, his eyes piercing through his red-framed glasses. After giving his name, Akaashi was led into the restaurant, passing by chic decorations and sophisticated businessmen along the way.

When the host led Akaashi to a table in the center of the room, two familiar faces caught his eye. He startled as the host bowed and gestured towards the table. Akaashi offered the host a quiet thank you and then turned back to the table.

Instead of just one pair of sharp, critical eyes, there were now two.

And the woman sitting at the table was eyeing him with mild disdain.

"Keiji," she greeted.

Akaashi gulped, and bowed his head slightly at the woman before him.

"Mother."

* * *

"So this is how you write out my name. Like this, see?"

"Like… this?"

"Almost. Make the mark here a little bit curvier."

"Oh."

Tobio moved the red crayon down on the paper, his eyes wide in concentration. He moved it to the right, curving the line outwards instead of straight.

"Okay. How's this?" Tobio asked, leaning back and looking up at Bokuto with wonder.

Bokuto smiled brightly. "Perfect! You must be some kind of genius!"

Tobio's eyes shined and a light blush formed on his cheeks. He glanced down at the paper, looking excited. It was the happiest emotion Bokuto had ever seen on his face.

"So… you like coloring?" Bokuto asked.

Tobio glanced at him, pondering the question. After a moment or two, he nodded.

"That's really cool! You do a good job, little man," Bokuto said. "What else do you like to do?"

Tobio pursed his lips, appearing deep in thought. When recognition lit up in his eyes, he quickly shuffled his papers around on the coffee table until he came upon one sheet. He lifted the sheet up, a drawing of a familiar face on the page along with a green and white volleyball.

"Oh!" Bokuto said, recognizing the handsome face on the picture. "Is that me?!"

Tobio nodded, handing the picture over to him to see. Bokuto took the picture and studied it, noticing the spikes in his hair and how he was standing next to the net with his hands in the air. The volleyball was flying in the air, ready for the stick-figure-Bokuto to spike.

Bokuto's grin was wide as he looked down at Tobio.

"This is awesome, Tobio! Have you shown your dad this?" Bokuto asked.

Tobio's brows suddenly twitched and he frowned, shaking his head. He picked up a crayon and fiddled with it.

Bokuto's smile faded. "Huh? Why not?"

Tobio found another blank piece of paper and started to color a new picture, creating little harsh scribbles.

"He's too busy," Tobio explained.

"Too busy?" Bokuto said, his lips pulling down into a frown.

"Yeah. With work," Tobio said. "He works all day and then when he gets home, he just wants to rest."

Bokuto frowned, rubbing the back of his head. "I'm sure he tries really hard to spend time with you."

Tobio shook his head, still scribbling little lines on the paper.

"He's always late to pick me up. He forgot to pack my lunch," Tobio said. "I don't think he cares."

Bokuto blinked at him, surprised that those words would come out of a five-year-old's mouth. He bit his lip, thinking back to that bridge just a few weeks ago.

_"I have to g-get back home. Tobio is…"_

Akaashi had looked so concerned then that Bokuto thought he was going to be sick. There was no way that a man with those eyes could  _not_ care. He knew in that instant that Akaashi regretted his decision, and all he wanted to do since he got down from the railing was get home to his son.

But, of course, Bokuto couldn't tell Tobio that.

"He cares," Bokuto said, reaching over to touch Tobio's shoulder. "He just…"

Bokuto thought of all of Akaashi's deadpan looks, his dry jokes and snarky remarks.

Okay. Well, maybe Tobio had a point.

"He does care, Tobio. He just doesn't always know how to show it," Bokuto said.

Tobio peered up at him, his hand pausing in his scribbling.

"How to… show it?" Tobio asked, blinking at him.

"Mmn! Like, he might not know how to be a really caring dad because maybe  _his_  dad or mom didn't show him how. What are your grandparents like?" Bokuto asked.

Tobio's brows quirked, pressing together strangely.

"I don't know," Tobio said. "I've never met them."

* * *

If anything, Akaashi could positively say that the food and service at the restaurant were excellent. He ate several plates of the bread and devoured his share of the appetizer. His meal of choice was great so far.

The meal would have been perfect…

"You're still the orchestra librarian? Keiji, I expected you to be in an orchestra by now."

…Except for the constant berating on his character.

Akaashi kept his head low and his eyes on his entrée. He pushed his food around on his plate, his stomach slowly turning sour.

It was a shame. It was such a waste of food.

"He's told me he hasn't practiced since he's had to care for the child," his father answered his wife after swallowing a mouthful of his meal.

Akaashi cut his eyes at him, his heart picking up speed with anger. His father stared back at him, his usual condescending look on his face.

His mother clicked her tongue and politely wiped her mouth. Akaashi held his breath, watching his mother carefully. She was an elegant woman, poised in grace and sophistication. As world-class pianist, Akaashi Akemi was always travelling, giving concerts to thousands of audiences all over the world.

She had high expectations for anyone. Just like her husband.

Akaashi held back a sigh.

Why couldn't she have kept travelling for a few more months?

"My goodness, Keiji," his mother said with a sigh, straightening in her chair. "What a mess you've created."

Akaashi sighed, putting down his fork. The chair suddenly felt uncomfortable and his tie was too tight around his neck.

He wanted to go home.

"Honestly, how are you going to help run the company with your kind of reputation?" his mother asked.

Akaashi stiffened, his eyes practically popping out of his skull as he snapped his head up from his plate to stare at his mother incredulously.

Do  _what?_

"Um… help run the company?" Akaashi asked, his brows pinching.

His mother stared back at him, equally as confused, before turning her gaze to her husband. She gave him a flat look, a similar expression that Akaashi gives Konoha almost all the time.

"You didn't tell him," she stated.

"I thought it would be good to discuss it with all of us here together," his father answered.

His mother paused, her eyes sharp. She nodded once and then folded her hands on her lap.

"I see. Well, maybe you should go ahead and tell Keiji about the plan," she said.

Akaashi grimaced. He still was not receiving any answers. His parents were talking about him as if he were not seated right in front of them.

"Yes, yes," his father said as he placed his napkin down on the table. He leaned forward, resting his arms on the table. "Keiji, you're going to start training to work alongside me."

Akaashi blinked at him, and then his eyes widened.

"What? Work… in your office building?" Keiji asked.

"That's right," his father said. "I can't give you anything more than a desk job at first but you'll work your way up to vice president."

His mother nodded in agreement. "We need to raise your status so that you'll be reputable as the heir of the Akaashi industry and the future owner of the Tokyo Philharmonic."

_Heir? Me? Take over my father's company?_  Akaashi thought.

He thought of what it would be like to work on a daily basis next to his father: taking orders, making copies, learning the tricks of the trade. To any other son of a famous CEO and president, the opportunity would be a dream.

But to Akaashi, it felt more like a nightmare.

And then there's the issue of Tobio. His father's office was on the other side of the city, much further away than he would like. He could commute the distance, but then he would be extremely late to pick up his son from school. And Akaashi did not want to transfer Tobio out of Fukudoroni. He had been doing so  _well_  there with Bokuto by his side. It would not be fair to him.

"I…" Akaashi whispered. "I'm not sure about this."

His parents froze on the spot, both of their eyes wide with shock. When the shock had worn off, his father leaned forward and glowered at him.

"You think you have a say in this matter?" his father asked.

Akaashi tensed, his hands closing into fists.

_Oh, here we go. You're upsetting him again. How typical, little Keiji._

He breathed through his nose and tried to block out the voice.

"You can't just tell me to change my job like this," Akaashi said. "I have to consider my options. This job will take more of my time, and that's not what Tobio needs. He needs more stability, not less of it."

"Oh for goodness' sake, Keiji," his mother scoffed. "You're giving up everything for that child. You could have had so much more if you had just let the adoption services take him."

Akaashi winced, remembering that fateful day. He remembered how close he was to handing that little bundle over to the social services. He had already signed the paperwork, ready to give him up.

But then, a little hand wrapped around his finger and beautiful blue eyes stared up at him.

And Akaashi knew then that he could not abandon him.

"Tobio is my son. I couldn't just give him up," Akaashi said.

"But it's not like you  _wanted_  him," his mother retorted.

Akaashi stared at her with a dropped jaw. He could feel a shiver run down his spine.

"That… that doesn't matter, though," Akaashi said. "He's my own flesh and blood. I… I couldn't just…  _abandon_  him."

"Oh, don't be so dramatic, Keiji," his mother said, taking a sip of her wine. "You were going to advance in your career. That's not abandoning."

"But it's selfish," Akaashi responded softly.

His father rolled his eyes and rubbed his temple. Akaashi could practically feel the tension rising at the table.

"If you're so concerned about the boy then hire a nanny for him," his father mentioned.

Akaashi frowned, staring down at the table.

"He won't like that," he answered simply.

"Must you make things so complicated?" his father said under his breath. He took his hand from his temple and looked at him with boredom in his eyes. "And why is that?"

Akaashi grimaced. "He'll… be lonely."

His mother quirked a brow. "Lonely? If the boy has a nanny, he'll have someone there to take care of him."

"But it won't be  _me,"_  Akaashi stressed.

"And?" his mother said, looking at him for an answer. Akaashi only looked back at her in confusion. "What difference does it make? You need to give your career more priority. It was such a disappointment to us when you said you were going to keep it."

" _Him,_ " Akaashi corrected, feeling irritated that his parents keep forgetting. "And could you have done the same thing? If you could go back in time, would you have been able to give  _me_  up?"

His mother took one, maybe two seconds to look at him. And then, she spoke evenly and bluntly.

"If I had given you up, I would've been able to take another tour instead of being stuck on maternity leave," she said simply. "So, I suppose, in a word, yes. I would have given you up."

Akaashi sat frozen at the table, his mother's words echoing in his head. Several emotions flooded through his system all at once, his hands shaking and quivering in his lap. The emotion he finally settled on was anger and he let it consume his entire body until he felt hot.

"What do you mean?" Akaashi said, his voice low and unsteady. "Did I really ruin your career for you? Was I that much of a nuisance?"

His mother's eyes widened slightly but her brows lowered.

"You were not a nuisance, no. But you were the reason I had to turn down a tour in America," her mother said.

Akaashi shook his head. "A tour? That's all? You would have given me up to play piano more?"

"That opportunity could have opened so many doors for us," his father added, looking more agitated.

Akaashi felt his control slowly starting to slip as he closed his hands into fists, his nails digging painful crescents into his palms. He glanced down at his lap, feeling his arms shake as he desperately tried to control his rage.

"Why…" he whispered out. The question was threatening to spill from his lips, ready to pounce and tear everything limb from limb until there was nothing left.

"Why?" his mother echoed, one brow raised in question.

_Go ahead,_  the voice taunted.  _Say it._

Akaashi winced, his palms surely bleeding by now.

"Why what? Why did we not take that opportunity?" his mother asked. "It was simple, really. It was required that I stuck around while you were born."

Akaashi grimaced. That was not what he wanted to ask. Not at all.

_You're so pathetic if you can't even say this one thing!_

"It was our only option. It was tough, but I was able to get back into a tour sooner, thanks to our butlers and teachers that could take care of you," she continued.

_Yeah,_  Akaashi thought bitterly.  _You left me with them and I was alone for days. The only time I got to speak to someone was when I had a meal and the butler would talk to me briefly._

_So say it, little Keiji!_  the voice egged on. _Say it and be BRAVE!_

"So you can do the same for your child. We can find a good butler for him."

_SAY IT, KEIJI!_

Akaashi felt something snap.

"Why did you even keep me?!" Akaashi shouted, looking up from across the table.

His parents both jumped at his tone, their eyes blowing wide. There were sounds of light clattering throughout the dining room as the other patrons dropped their utensils to stare at the center of the room.

But Akaashi could barely hear it past the roaring beat of his heart hammering inside his ears.

"If you were so miserable in your lives, then why did you even choose to keep me?!" Akaashi shouted. "You should have just given me away as a child! We all could've been happier! We all could have  _won!"_

Akaashi banged his fists on the table, rattling the silverware and wine glasses.

"Maybe I would've had adoptive parents who didn't leave me with butlers or nannies all day long. Maybe I would've had parents who didn't buy my happiness and then brush me off or neglect me!" Akaashi spat, glaring at both of his parents.

He could vaguely hear whispers buzzing around the restaurant.

But this time, the voice just egged him on, screaming at him to continue.

And so he did.

"Or maybe I would've had parents who supported the things I enjoyed. Parents who wouldn't shove their opinions and impossibly high standards so far down my throat that I felt like I couldn't  _breathe."_

Akaashi's blood was boiling and his fists were sore from banging them on the table. His head was starting to split from how loud he was yelling.

But he still had one more thing to say before he could finish. He had to say his piece.

And the words bubbled up his throat before he could stop them.

"I wish you had never even had me!"

_SLAP_

Akaashi was stunned silent as his head snapped to the side and he collapsed out of his chair onto the floor. He fell hard on his side, eliciting sharp gasps from other people. He could barely register what had just happened until he felt his cheek stinging painfully. He lifted a hand to his face and touched his cheek. When he pulled his hand back, there was blood.

Akaashi inhaled sharply at seeing the small drops of blood on his fingertips. He glanced up towards the table, eyes wide and jaw dropped.

Standing above him was his father, his face contorted in disgust and the back of his hand red.

Akaashi began to quiver.

His father had just slapped him so hard that he bled.

It hurt.

It hurt so much that the pain radiated to his teeth and jaw.

But nothing could compare to the pain that throbbed inside his chest.

And to make matters worse…

_Haha! You foolish boy! What did you expect?_

…the voice was laughing at him.

Akaashi, still holding his cheek, slowly leaned up from the floor. He was about to stand to his feet when he heard a booming voice amongst the commotion in the restaurant.

"You watch your mouth or I'll find someone to replace you."

Akaashi glanced back up to see his father still standing above him with his hands in tight fists by his sides. He stared up at him, still in shock, still in pain.

_You fool! You stupid, stupid fool! How did you think saying all that would be a good idea?_

He grimaced, moving sluggishly to stand on his wobbling legs. When he looked around, he could see the other customers and waiters staring at him with shell-shocked expressions.

He glanced back to the table to see his mother sitting quietly, her hands in her lap and her gaze sharp and condescending.

_Oh, would you look at that? Your own mother isn't even going to come to your rescue._

_How pathetic._

Akaashi swallowed, shuddering when a metallic taste slid past his tongue and down his throat. He briefly wondered if he lost a tooth.

Taking a quivering breath and keeping his hand on his cheek to stop the blood, Akaashi turned towards his parents and bowed his head.

"Thank you for dinner," Akaashi mumbled.

And then, he turned to leave, not daring to look back. He could hear his father spouting something at him from behind, but he did not hear it.

All he could hear was the laughter of that wretched voice inside his head.

* * *

Bokuto watched as Tobio munched happily on his dinner, his little cheeks full of rice. It made Bokuto smile as it reminded him of his nephew. The only difference was that Shouyou tried to talk while his face was stuffed with food. Tobio was mostly silent—something that Bokuto was not used to.

"Is it good?" Bokuto asked, eating the last bite of rice on his plate.

Tobio nodded and then swallowed. He reached for his glass of milk and sucked it down through the straw.

"Ah, I could tell that you liked it. Your dad cooks really well," Bokuto said. "Is this your favorite food?"

Tobio placed his glass of milk back down on the table and looked at the food on his plate.

"Not really. I like pork curry," Tobio said.

"Oh, pork curry is pretty good!" Bokuto said.

"Mmn, with egg on top!" Tobio said, his eyes getting big.

Bokuto laughed and guzzled down the last of his own glass of milk. Tobio did seem like a shy kid but it was really that he just did not have much to say. He had to pull the words out of him to get him to speak.

"Okay, so if that's  _your_  favorite food, what's your dad's favorite food?" Bokuto asked. He was genuinely curious, hoping that if he surprised Akaashi with his favorite meal, it would brighten his day.

But Tobio's brows furrowed and he looked up at Bokuto with a strange expression.

"I don't know. He doesn't really eat that much," Tobio answered, making Bokuto frown a little. But then, Tobio pointed towards one of the shelves in the kitchen. "He likes to drink out of that big bottle a lot, though."

Bokuto followed Tobio's finger to peer at the shelf, his heart fluttering when his eyes spotted the bottle.

It was a tall glass bottle of hard liquor.

Bokuto blinked at it, feeling his chest constrict. He drank that stuff right in front of his son? Or was it more like he tried to drink in private and Tobio just happened to see?

It made Bokuto's heart ache.

Suddenly, the lock from the front door clicked, the sound of jingling keys muffled on the other side of the door.

Bokuto sat up straight in the chair and looked out from the kitchen towards the genkan. Akaashi was home already? But he was not expecting him to be home until after Tobio's bedtime. Why was he early?

The front door opened and in walked Akaashi, his body moving slow as he shuffled out of his shoes.

Bokuto smiled, not bothered by his early arrival. Maybe he could even talk to him for a bit before he left!

"You finish up, okay?" Bokuto said to Tobio. "I'll be right back."

Tobio nodded, still chewing away at his rice.

Bokuto stood up from the kitchen table and headed out to the living room, a spring in his step. He was pretty excited about hanging out with Akaashi for even just a few minutes. Maybe he could even convince him to come to volleyball, even though the last few tries had been unsuccessful.

"Akaashi! You're home early!" Bokuto said as he approached the genkan. Akaashi turned to face him, the light from the hall hitting his face. "We haven't had dessert yet, so you're welcome to—"

Bokuto froze, his smile instantly falling from his face.

Akaashi's cheek was red and bruised. There was a cut on his cheekbone, and a faint trail of dried blood running to his jaw.

"Akaashi…" Bokuto whispered as he took a step forward. He lifted his hand and touched his cheek gingerly, the pads of his fingers barely grazing the wound. "What happened?"

Akaashi winced slightly and bit his lip. He looked worn out and exhausted even though it was just a few hours ago that he was jittery and restless. Now, Akaashi looked like a ghost of his former self.

"Nothing that you need to worry about," Akaashi said, turning his head and pulling away from Bokuto's fingers. Bokuto let his hand slowly lower back to his side, a little dejected. "It's not a big deal."

"Not a… Akaashi, you have a cut on your face. You're bleeding," Bokuto said, wincing.

Akaashi's brows twitched and then furrowed, his eyes refusing to meet Bokuto's gaze. He visibly swallowed and then bowed his head.

"Thank you for watching Tobio," Akaashi said. "I've got it from here. You can go ahead and go home."

Bokuto frowned, hesitating by the doorway. He fidgeted in place and shifted his weight on his feet.

"Um… are you sure you're all right?" Bokuto asked, his brows knitted together in concern.

Akaashi slowly moved his head back up and, finally,  _finally,_  he met Bokuto's gaze. His eyes were blank and glazed over, looking like a shell or even a corpse.

Bokuto shuddered, not wanting to think of that again.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It was just an accident," Akaashi said. "Thank you for your concern, Bokuto-san."

Bokuto paused, still twitching in place. He did not want to leave but… did he have the right to stay? Was he even allowed?

"O-Okay, Akaashi. If you say so," Bokuto said. "But! If you need any help with anything, you can call me!"

Akaashi nodded. "I will. Thank you, Bokuto-san."

Bokuto bit his lip. Was that all he was really going to say?

"Yeah. S-Sure, Akaashi," Bokuto said. "I guess I'll be heading out then."

He turned to the kitchen and waved at Tobio from the doorway.

"Bye, Tobio! I'll see you on Monday!" Bokuto called out.

Tobio's brows upturned sadly but he waved back before tilting his head back down to stare at his food.

Bokuto turned his attention back to Akaashi, who bowed his head to him one more time.

"Have a good evening," Akaashi said.

"Mmn," Bokuto hummed, his brain going in a million different directions. He slid his feet into his shoes and gave Akaashi a strained smile. "I'll… see you next week."

Akaashi nodded and waved him off, opening and closing the door for him.

Bokuto stood outside of Akaashi's door for who knows how long. His brain was telling him to just barge right back in and demand to know what happened. But he knew his friendship with Akaashi wasn't so solid. He had gained his trust, definitely, but they were not so close that he wanted to pry.

Bokuto reached up and gripped at his hair in frustration, pulling at the stiff strands until they fell loosely into his face. How was he supposed to handle this situation?

With a sigh, Bokuto stuffed his hands into his pockets and dragged himself down the hallway.

He needed to talk to Kuroo.

* * *

When the door clicked shut, Akaashi braced himself.

_Oh he's finally gone!_

_Are you going to wallow in your misery now?_

_You pathetic fool!_

_Did you see how everyone looked at you at the restaurant!_

_You should just disappear!_

_Disappear!_

The voice was overwhelming, choking him nearly to death on the way home. It was barely contained in his short conversation with Bokuto, but it was desperate to speak. Akaashi had to get Bokuto out before the demon inside of him could claw its way out.

He did not want Bokuto to see him like that.

Akaashi grit his teeth and then winced, feeling the harsh throb on his face. He lifted his hand to his cheek and touched it, feeling the pain reverberate to his neck.

His father really hit him  _hard._

Akaashi sighed and dragged himself to the kitchen to search for painkillers. He glanced at Tobio, who still sat at the table with food in his mouth, ignoring everything else that surrounded him.

_He won't even greet you. He's probably still mad at you._

Akaashi sighed and pulled out the bottle, opening it and gulping down three pills.

_That's not enough._

Akaashi's heart jolted, his mind in a haze as the voice spoke to him. His face scrunched up, wondering what the voice meant.

_That's not enough pills. You need to take more if you want the pain to stop._

Akaashi turned the bottle around in his hand, looking for the recommended dosage. His eyes squinted as he looked for the label.

_No, no! That doesn't matter, you fool. You know you need more. Your face hurts, doesn't it?_

Akaashi lifted a hand to his cheek again, feeling the cut and the nasty bruise that would surely blossom on his face.

It did hurt.

_Then take more. A little more won't be too bad._

_Go on._

_Take them._

Akaashi reopened the bottle, letting more pills spill out into his palm. Without even thinking twice, he put all of the pills into his mouth.

_Now, go get something to help wash them down._

_You need something to help numb everything._

Akaashi's eyes flitted over to his strong liquor on the shelf, the bottle still full.

_Go on. Drink._

_It will help you relax._

Akaashi placed the near-empty bottle of pills down on the counter and moved over to the shelf. He grabbed the bottle and then made his way to the living room.

"Daddy?"

Tobio's voice made him pause and he glanced over at his son who was finishing up his dinner. He was staring wide-eyed at Akaashi, his gaze focused on his cheek.

"What happened to your face?" Tobio asked.

Akaashi winced, feeling the stinging intensify. The painkillers had not kicked in yet.

He tried to give a wobbly smile to reassure his son.

"I just had a little accident," Akaashi explained.

Tobio blinked at him, looking oddly concerned for some reason. His hands tightened around his chopsticks.

"Do you need a bandaid?" Tobio asked.

Akaashi wanted to smile, but his face hurt so much that he found that he couldn't. The bottle in his hand grew heavy and he ended up shaking his head.

"No, it'll be fine. The bleeding stopped so it should be okay," Akaashi explained. "You should get ready for bed soon, okay?"

Tobio's face contorted into a strange expression as he blinked at his father silently.

Akaashi sighed, wondering what was going through his son's head.

_He's probably thinking how weird you are. What a useless father._

Akaashi ignored the voice screaming in his ear and walked into the living room to plop down on the couch. He pulled his phone from his pocket and set it on the table in front of him before he turned to the bottle in his hand. He popped open the bottle and immediately started to guzzle down the strong alcohol. It burned his throat on the way down but he loved how heavy it made him feel. It took away the washed-up feeling he had earlier.

The voice slowly faded away, which he was thankful for, so he kept drinking and drinking. He was unsure how long he sat there on the couch. It could have been minutes or hours.

But eventually, his chest started to burn. His stomach clenched and then twisted, making him put the bottle down on the coffee table. He put his hands to his stomach and curled up on the couch. His head felt dizzy as the room started to swirl rapidly.

_What's… happening?_  Akaashi thought.

The pain in his belly was sharper now, and the edges of his vision darkening. His eyes slowly started to close as he pressed his hands tighter to his stomach.

"Daddy?"

He could faintly hear a voice nearby and he struggled to open his eyes. In front of him was Tobio, his eyes full of concern. The boy had his pajamas on already and had his plush fish under his arm. He looked ready for bed and was probably waiting for Akaashi to tuck him in. But the thought made Akaashi feel dizzy and nauseous.

How much time had passed since he grabbed the bottle from the kitchen?

Had it really been a few hours?

Akaashi forced himself up from the couch, his stomach throbbing in protest.

"Sorry, Tobio. Let's get you tucked in, okay?" Akaashi stuttered out with a trembling breath.

But as soon as Akaashi took a step, his legs crumbled beneath his weight and he toppled to the ground, landing hard on his stomach.

"Daddy!" Tobio shouted.

Akaashi groaned in pain and rolled over on his side, his hands pressing on his stomach. He felt a small hand on his shoulder and he lolled his head to the side to see his son standing in front of him with a scared look on his face.

"Ah, T-Tobio…" Akaashi whispered.

He tried to stay focused on Tobio but his son quickly started to blur into different colors, his vision fading.

"Daddy, wake up! What's happening?!  _Daddy!"_

Tobio's voice sounded like nothing more than a distant echo as his vision faded to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to let you all know, my job picked up and I'll be really busy. So if a chapter is late, then that's why. Please check out my tumblr account for any updates on the posting schedule.
> 
> Thanks!
> 
> Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucke1)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, guys! I'm back with another chapter!
> 
> This weekend was really insane for me so I am just incredibly happy to get this chapter out.
> 
> Thank you, Tayu-chan for the lovely editing job! Could not have done it without you :)  
> And thank you, Velvloid, for being a constant supporter for me!
> 
> Happy reading!

_"Do you think he's sick?"_

_"He might be. Should we take him to the doctor?"_

_Six-year-old Akaashi Keiji was in his bed, his head warm while his body was freezing cold. He shivered, pulling the blanket up to his chin as he watched the household butler and maid talking above him._

_"It could be just a cold. We have medicine around here, don't we?"_

_"Yes. We'll need something to lower his fever."_

_"How high is his fever?"_

_"Let me get the thermometer."_

_Keiji felt sick and heavy._

_He sniffled and his hands gripped the sheets._

_Where were his mommy and daddy?_

_"Okay, Keiji. Take this."_

_Keiji was handed a tiny cup of purple liquid. He swallowed the medicine down and then shivered, the awful taste coating his mouth and running down his throat._

_Then, a plastic rod was pushed under his tongue. He struggled against the feeling in a moment of panic but was quickly stopped when a hand touched his head. He froze and glanced up to see the butler looking down at him sympathetically._

_"It's just a thermometer, Keiji. It'll be okay."_

_Keiji blinked at him and then relaxed, focusing his eyes on the white thermometer sticking out of his mouth. The device beeped a few moments later and the maid ripped it from his mouth._

_"37.8."_

_"That's not too high. It must be just a cold."_

_"You're right. But we'll have to monitor him, right?"_

_"Yes. Akaashi-sama might be angry if we have to call him while he's away on business."_

_"You're right." The maid looked at him. "Just get some rest, Keiji. We'll check on you in a bit."_

_Keiji's lips trembled as he opened them, wanting to beg them to stay. But the two of them turned out the light in his bedroom and left him to lie in his bed, alone. His stomach pricked and churned with nausea and his head felt stuffy. His sight blurred as the tears filled his eyes and a sob escaped his throat._

_"I don't feel good," Keiji sobbed, his hands reaching up to scrub at his cheeks. "I'm scared… I'm so scared."_

_Keiji coughed wetly and hiccupped, unable to control the cries any longer._

_"I don't wanna be alone…"_

* * *

"Daddy? Daddy!"

Tobio had rushed to the couch and pushed on his father's shoulder. His plush fish had long been abandoned by the edge of the hallway, dropping it in a panic when he saw his father collapse onto the ground.

"Daddy, wake up! What's happening?!  _Daddy!"_

Tobio gave his father's shoulder another push but his efforts were in vain. His father remained crumpled on the floor, his hands still clasped to his stomach and his face scrunched up in pain.

When he realized his methods would not work, Tobio sucked in a harsh breath and held it, his lips beginning to tremble. He glanced around the room for something,  _anything_  that could help. He paused and reached up to grab at his hair, his brain working into overdrive.

_What was it that Daddy said I'm supposed to do if something bad happens?_  Tobio thought as he tugged on his locks. His gaze landed on his father's cell phone that was resting on the coffee table.

It suddenly clicked in Tobio's mind.

_Oh! Right! I'm supposed to call for help!_

Tobio hurried over to the phone and picked it up with both hands. He pressed the home button, the screen brightening to life. He swiped his finger on the screen, unlocking it, and then pressed on the phone button at the bottom. His dad had shown him how to get to the call screen on his phone just in case something happened.

Tobio was proud that he had remembered, but now that he was at the call screen, he could not remember what numbers to press.

_I… I don't remember who to call,_  Tobio thought sadly. His lips trembled more as his eyes pricked with frustrated tears.  _Who do I call?! What do I do?!_

Just as he was about to spiral into a panic and break into tears, his drawings on the coffee table caught his eye. Right on the top of the stack was his practice writing of Bokuto's name.

Tobio's eyes widened, remembering the curvy lines of Bokuto's kanji. He quickly looked back at the phone and pressed a few buttons until he made it to his dad's list of contacts. He squinted his eyes as he scanned the different names, none of the characters looking familiar.

Then, he reached a contact with the same character as Bokuto's name.

He bit his lip when he saw a few different characters after the name. He looked back at his paper, comparing the two. It wasn't exactly the same but… he did not have many other options.

Tobio took a deep breath.

And then he pressed on the contact.

* * *

The ceiling was mocking him. Bokuto could almost  _feel_  it.

He sighed and lolled his head to the side on his pillow, glancing at the red numbers of his alarm clock. The time was close to eleven-thirty in the evening.

Bokuto groaned and rolled back over, pulling the covers over his head. He was exhausted and his eyes were heavy, but his brain would just not shut off tonight.

After seeing Akaashi in that wild state, he felt strange and out of place. He was not sure whether he wanted to lie down or go for a run. The various emotions swirling around in his head made him feel almost sick. He had resolved to talk to Kuroo as soon as he got home, but his wild-haired roommate was out for the evening.

Bokuto sighed and reached up to comb through his smooth hair, the strands loose from his earlier shower. He just needed to rest. He would call Akaashi in the morning and check in on him. No big deal. Maybe he could even call and invite him out to the coffee shop in the morning since they missed their regular meeting time.

Bokuto nodded to himself about the plan and let his eyes close slowly. He could feel his body begin to get heavier and heavier. He was almost on the cusp of sleep—

Until a sharp ring pierced his ears.

Bokuto shot up in bed, startled awake. He fumbled around on his nightstand to grab the loud device.

"Ughh, who the hell is calling so late at—"

Bokuto stopped in his grumbling when Akaashi's name appeared on the caller ID. He gasped lightly and scrambled to answer the phone.

"A-Akaashi?" Bokuto whispered, his voice rough from lack of use.

The line was silent except for a few sounds of shuffling in the background. Bokuto looked at his phone, making sure that he did not hang up, and then put it back to his ear.

"Akaashi, you there?" Bokuto asked.

There was a small squeak. And then, a tiny voice spoke.

"Bu… Ba… Bokuto-san."

Bokuto sat up straighter, his heart fluttering in his chest.

"Tobio?" Bokuto asked.

There was a pause, and Bokuto could picture Tobio nodding.

"Y-Yeah," Tobio answered. His voice sounded shaky and almost scared, and Bokuto felt his heart leap in his throat.

"What's wrong, Tobio? What are you doing up this late?" Bokuto asked. His hands gripped the sheets like a vice, making his knuckles turn white.

"Um… Daddy is… he fell down and…" Tobio gasped in between his words, a few small hiccups in between. "…and he's… he's not getting up!"

Bokuto's blood ran ice cold in his veins.

"What?! He fell?" Bokuto asked.

"I… yeah. He was about to take me to bed wh-when he fell down. Now, he's not getting up," Tobio said. "It… it looks like he has a tummy ache."

Bokuto's brows pinched. "A tummy ache?"

"Yeah. He's holding his tummy and… he looks bad," Tobio said. "I… I don't know what to  _do!"_

The last part of his sentence ended in a tiny wail, the sound breaking Bokuto's heart.

Bokuto threw his sheets off of his body and jumped out of bed, rushing to grab clothes. He balanced the phone on his shoulder as he put on his pants.

"Don't worry, Tobio! I'm heading over there right now, okay?" Bokuto said. "Just stay on the phone and keep talking to me, all right?"

"A-All right," Tobio said.

"Good, good. Just hang in there, okay? I'm on my way!" Bokuto said, throwing a light jacket over his shoulders.

"O-Okay."

Bokuto rushed out of his bedroom and sprinted down the hall of his apartment to the genkan, stuffing his feet into a pair of shoes by the door. He flung the front door open and rushed out into hall towards the stairs. He rushed down the staircase, practically leaping down the flights.

"Okay, Tobio. Go take a look at your daddy. Are his eyes open?" Bokuto asked, rushing out the front door of the complex and out into the cool night air.

There was some light shuffling on the other line. "No. They're closed."

_Damn it_ , Bokuto thought.

"Okay, well… what about his chest? Is it moving at all?" Bokuto asked. He sprinted down the darkened street and crossed at the intersection.

"Hm…" Tobio hummed softly and paused, most likely taking his time to watch. "I-It's moving."

Bokuto huffed out a sigh of relief but did not slow his pace. "That's good, Tobio! Really good."

"It is?" Tobio asked.

Bokuto nodded even though Tobio could not see and turned the corner at the end of the street, breaking out into a sprint.

"Yes, it is! Good. Just keep watching that. If it stops moving, you have to tell me right away, okay?" Bokuto said.

Tobio sniffed hard on the other line and when he spoke, his voice trembled.

"O-Okay."

Bokuto huffed out a breath, thankful that he had been training with his students recently. He grit his teeth and picked up his speed, the phone jostling beside his ear with each heavy step he took.

"Okay, Tobio. I'm almost there. How's your daddy doing?" Bokuto asked.

"Um… his chest is still moving," Tobio said.

"Good! You're doing a great job, little man," Bokuto said with a lilt in his voice.

He hurried past that familiar coffee shop and down the last few blocks towards Akaashi's apartment complex, talking to Tobio about anything and everything. His favorite desserts, his kindergarten class. Anything to keep the little boy calm.

After another turn, Bokuto sprinted the last block to the building. He hurried past the front entrance and quickly made his way up to Akaashi's door.

When he reached the right apartment, he frantically knocked on the door.

"Tobio! I'm at the front door. Can you let me in?" Bokuto asked through the phone.

He heard a clattering sound on the line, and soft footsteps from the other side of the door. He waited, keeping the phone by his ear in case Tobio struggled or needed help.

But within a few moments, the door finally unlocked and a stressed, red-eyed Tobio appeared.

Bokuto sighed in relief and hung up his phone. He quickly tucked it into his pocket and knelt down to Tobio, putting his hands on his shoulders.

"Are you okay, Tobio?" Bokuto asked, looking him over. Tobio nodded, his eyes starting to shine. Bokuto rubbed his arms comfortingly and nodded in response. "Okay, take me to your daddy."

Tobio nodded once and then quickly turned to run back into the living room. Bokuto was right behind him, not even bothering to remove his shoes.

When they reached the living room, Bokuto's heart nearly leapt out of his chest.

Akaashi was on the floor with his hands pressed against his stomach and a light sheen of sweat coating his forehead.

"Akaashi!" Bokuto yelled, hurrying to Akaashi's side. He fell on his knees next to him and gently touched the unconscious man's shoulders to move him onto his back. "Akaashi? Akaashi! Can you hear me?"

Akaashi did not respond but his face tightened and a small groan escaped his lips. Bokuto eased on his shoulders and glanced down at Akaashi's hands that were clasped at his stomach. He swallowed nervously and then reached down to gently press his hands on his belly.

Akaashi whimpered at the pressure, his face contorting in pain. Bokuto immediately let up on the pressure, wincing at the sound. What in the world was going on? Was he really sick?

He glanced to the coffee table and spotted the bottle of liquor that he had seen earlier that night. He picked up the bottle and held it in his hands, noticing how empty the bottle had been.

Was Akaashi just drunk?

No, that did not explain Akaashi's stomach pain.

Unless…

He turned to look at Tobio, who stood by with a nervous look on his face.

"Hey, Tobio," Bokuto called, grabbing the boy's attention. "What was your daddy doing before he fell? Do you remember?"

Tobio looked startled for a moment but he quickly nodded. He pulled on Bokuto's arm, trying to get him to stand. Bokuto followed the boy quietly, throwing a nervous glance over his shoulder to see if Akaashi was still breathing.

"He took some medicine because he got a scrape on his face," Tobio said, tugging Bokuto into the kitchen. He pointed to one of the counters. "Um… I think the medicine is up there."

Bokuto spotted the pill bottle and snatched it up, his stomach bottoming out when he felt how empty it was. He read the label, seeing that it was extra-strength pain medication. He glanced to Tobio, his heart fluttering wildly in his chest.

"Do… Do you know how many he took?" Bokuto asked softly.

Tobio's hands flitted to the hem of his pajama shirt. "A lot. I think."

Bokuto almost dropped the pill bottle.

_Shit!_  He thought, rushing back into the living room and by Akaashi's side.

_Shit, shit, shit, shit!_

He scrambled for his phone and yanked it from his pocket before turning Akaashi back onto his side. Akaashi groaned at the contact, his hands moving to press harder at his stomach.

"Okay, Tobio. I think I know what's wrong. I'm going to call for help now, okay?" Bokuto said after he had dialed the number for emergency services.

"Wha-What's wrong with him?!" Tobio asked, rushing forward to clutch onto Bokuto's arm.

Bokuto patted his head with his free hand. "Don't worry, Tobio. As long as help arrives soon, your daddy will be okay."

His phone immediately clicked through.

"What is your emergency?"

Bokuto's jaw quivered as he spoke.

"Uh, yes. I think… I think my friend might've overdosed."

* * *

_"The night's rest didn't seem to help."_

_"Yes, he does look worse. Do you have the thermometer?"_

_Keiji could barely keep his eyes open as his heavy body seemed to sink further and further into his bed. Each breath he took came out in thick rasps, making his chest burn and ache._

_He just wanted his mom and dad. Where were they? Why weren't they here?_

_"Here it is. Okay, Keiji. Open up."_

_The cool plastic rod entered his mouth again and wiggled its way underneath his tongue. He did not put up a fight this time. His body was too weak._

_It was a longer pause this time before the device beeped loudly. When the maid took it from his mouth, she gasped._

_"39.9."_

_"That's really high!"_

_"What should we do? Should we call the family doctor?"_

_"No. This is much more serious. I think we need to take him to the hospital."_

_The hospital? Keiji tried to shake his head. He didn't want to go to the hospital._

_He was scared._

_"The hospital?! But what about Akaashi-sama?"_

_"We'll have to call him on the way."_

_The next thing he knew, Keiji was being hoisted into the air. He scrambled to hold on to something, terrified that he would be dropped._

_"All right, Keiji. We need to take you to the hospital, okay?"_

_Panicked tears sprung from Keiji's eyes and he shook his head against the butler's shoulder._

_"Please, no!" Keiji wailed. "I don't want to go! I'm scared!"_

_"We have to, Keiji," the butler responded as they descended the staircase of their home. "Your fever is too high. It's too dangerous to let it go without treatment."_

_"I'll take the medicine!" Keiji protested, squeezing the butler's jacket. "I'll do it!"_

_"I'm sorry, Keiji. But our medicine isn't enough."_

_Keiji squeaked and then whimpered, realizing that he had lost. He buried his head into the butler's chest and sobbed, scared out of his mind._

_"I want Mom and Dad…" Keiji whimpered softly, his voice muffled by the butler's jacket. "I don't wanna go. I don't wanna go…"_

_The butler ignored his cries, however, and hurried them out to his car. He placed Keiji in the back seat, forcefully tugging his jacket out of the boy's grip. Keiji cried harder, his hands feeling empty and cold. He curled up into a ball on the back seat, pushing his face into the leather seat._

_Keiji felt the car rumble to life and he shifted slightly as the butler took sharp turns. He curled up tighter, his body beginning to shake uncontrollably. His tears fell down his cheek and to his ear, covering the seat. He shivered at how cold it felt._

_He wanted his Mom and Dad._

_He repeated it like a mantra, hoping that at any moment, those two familiar faces would arrive and hold him._

_But Keiji, even at the age of six, knew better._

_His parents weren't coming for him._

_They would never come…_

_The car slowed to a stop, Keiji almost falling off of the edge of the seat. He pulled his head up from the seat with a wet tug, his hair slick with sweat and tears. The back door opened and he was scooped up again from the seat._

_He reached up to hold onto the butler's jacket but startled when the material was different underneath his fingers. He glanced up to see a woman in a green shirt with a facemask covering her mouth._

_"It'll be okay, little guy. I'm a doctor and I'm here to help you," the woman said._

_Keiji whimpered, feeling his hands clench in the woman's shirt._

_Where did their family butler go? Did he just leave?_

_Keiji felt more tears run down his cheeks._

_He had never felt so…_

_…alone._

* * *

The ride to the hospital was eerily quiet.

When the paramedics arrived at Akaashi's apartment, they quickly checked his pulse and then immediately put him on a stretcher. Bokuto requested that they ride in the ambulance with them and the paramedics allowed them to join.

The dam finally broke when the ambulance took off down the road and tears fell from Tobio's eyes. Bokuto pulled the small boy into his lap and tucked his head to his chest. The tiny body beneath his palms quivered with each hiccup, making Bokuto's stomach twist.

So now, the two of them sat in the waiting room. Tobio was bundled in Bokuto's arms, his eyes heavily lidded as he started to drift in and out of sleep. Bokuto rubbed his back gently and slowly rocked him in the seat. He had no idea how long they had sat there in the waiting room, but he was beginning to get restless. He wanted answers and he desperately needed to know if his friend was okay.

And the biggest question he wanted answered was why?

Why on earth had Akaashi taken so many pills?

And to wash it all down with hard liquor?

Why, Akaashi?

_Why?_

Bokuto winced, holding little Tobio closer. There was a tense buzz humming inside his chest, and his leg began to bounce nervously.

He knew that Akaashi was most likely troubled, especially after coming home from the dinner with a huge bruise on his face. He would not be surprised if Akaashi's parents were the cause. But would Akaashi really try to take his own life after an altercation like that?

Bokuto shook his head before resting his cheek against the top of Tobio's head.

No, Akaashi would not try to take his own life right in front of his son. Akaashi would not want to traumatize his kid like that.

There had to have been another reason.

There just had to have been.

"Um, excuse me, sir?"

Bokuto nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt a light touch on his shoulder, jostling Tobio in the process. He glanced up to see a young nurse staring down at him with an apologetic expression on her face.

"Sorry! I didn't mean to startle you!" she apologized.

Bokuto stroked Tobio's hair, trying to get the boy to fall back asleep, and he smiled at the woman kindly.

"It's no worries," he said. His smile turned sheepish. "Um… is Akaashi okay?"

The nurse smiled softly. "That's why I was coming to get you. The procedure went well and he's in recovery now."

"Procedure?" Bokuto asked, his forehead wrinkling in worry.

"Ah, right. He had to undergo a gastric suction," the nurse said.

Bokuto cocked his head to the side, staring up at her with a questioning look on his face.

"Gastric suction?" he echoed, his brows knitting together. He held his hand over Tobio's ear to block out the nurse's words, just in case the boy was still awake.

The nurse nodded. "It means he had to get his stomach pumped."

Bokuto felt the color drain from his face. He pressed his palm tighter against Tobio's ear.

"Um! Is that bad? Is he okay?" Bokuto asked.

The nurse smiled and waved her hand in the air gently.

"Take it easy! The procedure was a success," she said with a light chuckle. Bokuto breathed a sigh of relief, his shoulders sagging. "He's still unconscious but you can go up and see him if you'd like."

Bokuto straightened his back and looked up at the nurse with shining eyes.

"Can I?" he asked.

"Of course!" the nurse responded with a smile. "Just follow me."

Bokuto scrambled to his feet, readjusting the sleeping child in his arms. He followed the nurse to an elevator and up to the floor with the recovery rooms. After going down a long hallway, the nurse gestured towards an open door.

"Right in here," she said with a bow. "And since you brought him in, you can stay as long as you'd like."

"Ah, thank you," Bokuto said, bowing back.

She nodded her head in response and headed down the hall.

When she was gone, Bokuto faced the open doorway and took a deep breath, his shoulders rising and falling. Then, he walked inside and gazed around the dimly lit room.

Akaashi was lying on the bed near the wall with several wires attached to his hand. There was a monitor on the side that measured his vitals, his heart rate going at a sluggish 58 beats per minute.

Bokuto's stomach did uncomfortable flips as his heart fluttered. It was hard to see someone in this state, especially when they had been the picture of health just hours ago.

Bokuto glanced to his left and saw a long couch placed right by the doorway. There was a stack of extra blankets and a spare pillow, too. The nurse must have figured that Bokuto would be staying a while.

He sighed and walked over to the couch, using one hand to move everything around. Then, as carefully as he could, he rested Tobio down on the couch and covered him with the spare blanket. He paused for a minute to watch Tobio, in case he woke up or needed something. But the child was out for the night, allowing Bokuto to breathe a small sigh in relief.

Bokuto sat in the empty space left on the couch and leaned heavily on the armrest, resting his temple against his fist. He stared at Akaashi, his heart squeezing.

Was he going to wake up soon? How long did it take for someone to recover from something like this?

Bokuto just wanted answers but instead, he was getting overwhelmed with more questions.

He sighed and looked at Akaashi, his hands curling into fists.

"I'm not going anywhere, Akaashi," Bokuto promised, wondering if Akaashi would have heard him at all. "I'm going to be right here when you wake up. I promise."

* * *

_It was dark when Keiji opened his eyes._

_His eyelids were heavy and puffy from all the crying he had done for the past two nights at the hospital. He had been having trouble sleeping in the bed, especially with that obnoxious breathing mask on his face._

_He remembered hearing the doctors talking about something called "pneumonia." Keiji was unsure what exactly it was but it sounded scary._

_He coughed wetly, his breath fogging up the mask briefly. When the fit passed, he swallowed and turned his head to look towards the door of his hospital room. The long couch against the wall had a spare pillow and blanket resting neatly on one of the cushions. But other than that, the couch was empty._

_Keiji frowned, turning his head to glance at the tall window in his hospital room._

_The chairs next to the window were also empty._

_Keiji sighed, feeling his eyes sting once again._

_Those seats had been empty for two days. No one had come to visit him at all. Not the butler nor the maid. Not even any of his classmates._

_But the people Keiji wanted most in that room were his mother and father._

_Where were they? Why were they not here?_

_His hands gripped the blankets, the tensions causing his arms to tremble. He was scared. He was not sure what was going on or why he was sick or how long it would take for him to get better._

_Keiji squeezed his eyes shut, forcing the tears to fall down his cheeks._

_"Mom, Dad…" his raspy voice whimpered in the dark. "Please."_

_He begged softly as tears began to soak his pillow. He began to shiver, his fever still having a strong grip on him._

_"I don't want to be alone," Keiji cried. "I don't want to be alone!"_

_It became harder and harder to breathe as his lungs burned with each gasp and hiccup. But he still begged to the ceiling for a miracle of some kind, not caring how it happened._

_But Keiji, even at six years old, knew better._

_Keiji bit his lip, holding back his cries as he stared up at the dark ceiling._

_Yes. Keiji knew that he would always be alone._

_"I don't want to be alone," Keiji whimpered softly._

_"I don't want to be alone."_

_"I don't… want to be…"_

 

"Alone."

 

 

When he slowly came to, he was greeted with a white ceiling.

Akaashi blinked slowly, his body feeling heavier than he had ever felt before. His head spun lightly as he tried to get his bearings straight. His stomach was in knots, feeling empty and nauseous, and the bed he was lying on was eerily familiar, and the thought made him feel worse.

He was in the hospital.

But how did he even get here? Did the butler or a maid come to take him? Was he sick again?

What day was it?

Akaashi lolled his head to the side to stare towards the window of his hospital room. The chairs next to the windows were empty.

It was just as he expected it. Those seats would always be empty.

He stared back up at the ceiling, the knot in his stomach transferring up to his chest, wrapping his heart in a snare and squeezing tight. His eyes pricked with tears, the droplets dancing along his eyelids and threatening to slide out.

It was unbearable. The loneliness was choking him to death.

No one would ever understand.

He was so, so tired of being alone.

But that was how it would always be.

A tear slid out of his eye and trailed down his cheek to his ear. Akaashi sniffed slowly, calming his breathing so he would not break out into sobs. He was too exhausted and frustrated to cry. He had had enough. He was  _done._

Akaashi raised his hand to wipe the tear from his face but a sharp pain prevented his hand from lifting off of the bed. He winced and glanced down at his hand, seeing the IV needle stuck in a vein. He sighed, frustrated that he could hardly move, and he looked down at his other hand to see if it also had been tangled up in wires.

Just as he was about to lift his hand, his eye caught a figure slouching on the couch on the other side of the room. He squinted, his vision still fuzzy from the anesthesia.

Who was that? His father? No, it couldn't be.

He blinked rapidly to push away the grogginess.

And then, he sucked in a harsh breath.

Sitting on the couch with his eyes shut and arms folded across his chest was Bokuto. His once gel-slicked hair was now loose, covering his forehead and eyebrows, and his usual intense expression was gone, replaced with a calmness that only sleep could bring.

What was he doing here? Did Bokuto bring him here?

Was he… not alone?

Akaashi wracked his brain and struggled to remember how he gotten in the hospital. He was still confused from his earlier dream, his brain desperately trying to differentiate between the dream and reality.

Then, a thought hit him like ton of bricks.

Tobio.

Where was Tobio?!

Akaashi felt woozy as he tried to sit up and he fell back against the pillows with a strangled grunt. The force rattled the bed and the small end table next to him, causing a plastic cup to clatter to the ground. The sound echoed softly in the room, startling the man on the couch and making his body flinch.

"Huh… what's… Eh? Ah! Akaashi!"

Akaashi turned his head to see Bokuto jumping to his feet and hurrying to his side. His hand came down to rest on Akaashi's shoulder. Akaashi instantly stilled in his sluggish thrashing.

"Hey, hey, it's okay. Calm down," Bokuto said, his voice surprisingly soft. "You've had a rough night, so take it easy, okay?"

Akaashi blinked at him blearily. He tried to reach up to touch Bokuto's arm, his heart pounding against his chest in a panic.

"T… To…" Akaashi's throat was too dry to speak.

"Hm?" Bokuto hummed, cocking his head to study Akaashi's words. Then, his eyes lit up. "Oh, Tobio? He's fast asleep on the couch. Can you see him?"

Akaashi turned his head towards the couch and squinted. He could make out a tiny lump hidden beneath a mass of blankets on the corner of the couch. The lump moved up and down rhythmically, indicating sleep-filled breaths.

Akaashi sighed in relief and allowed himself to relax against his own pillow. He stared back up at Bokuto and opened his mouth to speak again, but only a croak came out.

"Oh, lemme get you some water. The doctor said it should be fine once you wake up," Bokuto said, pouring a glass of water. When the glass was half filled, he suddenly stopped and gave Akaashi a sheepish look. "Unless you feel nauseous. Do you feel nauseous?"

Akaashi shook his head. He had felt lightheaded and sore and strangely empty, but the nausea had passed. Bokuto smiled at his answer and plopped a straw into the cup. He moved the cup under his mouth and directed the straw to Akaashi's lips. Akaashi hesitated, his lips pooching out in a pout and his eyes giving Bokuto a deadpan look.

"Oi, this is no time to let your pride get in the way," Bokuto said with his own proud smile on his face. "Just drink it, Akaashi."

Akaashi rolled his eyes and opened his lips for the straw. Once the cool liquid slid down his throat he felt instant relief. He sucked down the whole glass and cleared his throat when the glass was taken away.

"Better?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi took a deep breath through his nose and nodded once.

"Yes. Thank you, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said, his voice hoarse.

Bokuto set the glass down and smiled brightly. "Of course, Akaashi! Happy to help."

Akaashi nodded and then glanced around the hospital room. It was eerily familiar to when he had been hospitalized for pneumonia as a child, but this was a surprise. Having Bokuto by his side was very comforting, and it made the experience of being in the hospital less scary.

Speaking of the experience…

"Why am I here?" Akaashi asked, looking at Bokuto expectantly.

Bokuto's eyes widened a little. "You don't know?"

Akaashi cocked a brow. Was he forgetting something?

"Um… no?" Akaashi said.

Bokuto opened and shut his mouth, his brows pushing together and a crease forming.

"You… had to get your stomach pumped," Bokuto answered.

Akaashi's brows rose to his forehead and his lips parted. He glanced down at his stomach and moved his hand to rest on top of it. He pressed lightly and immediately felt a stab of dull pain travel from his stomach and up his spine to pulse through his ribs.

That  _hurt._

"Hey, don't do that," Bokuto said, taking Akaashi's hand away. Akaashi stared up at him groggily. "The doctor said you'll probably be real tender for a few days."

Akaashi swallowed and then nodded slowly. Bokuto released his hand, his face still looking a bit dejected and sorrowful. His brows were upturned a little sadly and his usual playful smile was nowhere in sight.

Akaashi's heart did a strange flip in his chest at the sight. He hated seeing him like this. And it did not help that Bokuto's wild hair was now drooping and falling into his eyes.

"Akaashi…"

Bokuto's voice pulled Akaashi from his thoughts and he locked eyes with him. Bokuto's teeth were gnawing on his bottom lip, and he almost looked frustrated at himself. He took a moment to fidget before resolving himself, standing up straight with his hands in fists by his sides.

"Akaashi, what… what  _happened?"_ Bokuto asked, exasperated.

Akaashi looked at him owlishly, barely blinking as he processed Bokuto's words.

"Huh?" Akaashi asked. "What do you mean?"

Bokuto grimaced, his hands shaking. "What happened last night to make you take so many pills?"

Akaashi's brows furrowed and his lip pulled to the side. He shook his head slowly, confused.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I only took three pills last night…" Akaashi said, his voice sounding unsure.

Right? He did only take three didn't he? That was what he remembered, anyway.

But when he looked up at Bokuto, he was surprised to see his friend's face contort into a sour frown.

"Akaashi, they found nearly fourteen whole pills in your stomach!" Bokuto said.

Akaashi grew stiff, his eyes slowly widening as Bokuto's words sank in.

Fourteen?

_Fourteen pills?_

"And that didn't include the ones that had already dissolved!" Bokuto said, his voice rising a bit in his emotional state.

Akaashi bit his lip and absent-mindedly fiddled with the sheets as the shock set in. The texture was a little rough in between his fingers.

"I… I don't…" Akaashi whispered, his voice barely audible.

"And then you went and drank a whole bottle of alcohol!" Bokuto said, his voice cracking.

Akaashi's heart broke at the sound and he rolled his head to the side, his eyes pricking with tears. His hands clutched the blankets, his arms shaking.

"Sorry," Akaashi apologized with a trembling voice. "I didn't even r-realize that I took so many pills." He took a shaky breath as he tried to control his speeding heart. "I could've sworn that I only took a few."

There was a quiet pause, and then Akaashi felt a hand rest on his, forcing open his fist and gripping it tightly. He turned back to look at Bokuto, a tear falling out of his eye. Bokuto was looking down at him with such a soft expression that it made his chest hurt.

"It's okay, Akaashi. It'll be okay," Bokuto said, his thumb gently running over the back of Akaashi's hand. His other hand reached up to wipe away the tear that was running Akaashi's cheek. "I'm just glad that Tobio called me in time."

Akaashi stiffened, his eyes widening. He shifted a little, staring up at Bokuto in shock.

"Tobio called you?" Akaashi asked, his voice a little louder despite its hoarseness.

Bokuto paused, a little taken aback by his outburst, and then smiled gently.

"Yeah. He was the one who called me about it and I came over as soon as I could," Bokuto said.

"But… Tobio can't read," Akaashi said, his face scrunching up. "So, how did he…?"

Bokuto squeezed his hand. "Your kid is sharp, Akaashi. You should be proud."

Akaashi turned his head to see his son still sleeping away on the couch. He sighed gently, his eyes burning with pride.

"Yeah," Akaashi said. "I am."

Bokuto's smile curved up higher on one side for a moment and he gently shook Akaashi's hand to grab his attention.

"It'll be okay, Akaashi," Bokuto said. "Take some deep breaths, okay? The doctor said that your lungs might have some residual fluid from the procedure, so he wanted to make sure that you were breathing properly."

Akaashi slowed his breathing down, realizing that he had started to get choked up. A few tears spilled from his eyes and he frantically reached up to wipe them away with his free hand, startling when he felt that his cheek was covered in a thick bandage. He ran his fingers over the bandage gently and pressed on it to feel the bruise. It made him squeak and wince.

It confused him for a moment, his brain reeling.

But then, the events of the night came back to him in flashes.

_"We need to raise your status so that you'll be reputable as the heir of the Akaashi industry."_

_"You think you have a say in this matter?"_

_"It was such a disappointment to us when you said you were going to keep it."_

_"So, I suppose, in a word, yes. I would have given you up."_

And then, he heard his own voice lashing out in desperation.

_"I wish you had never had me!"_

**"Hey!"**

His hand was gently tugged away from his cheek and he was met with golden eyes, worried yet firm.

"Do you like poking yourself where it hurts? Stop doing that," Bokuto said.

Akaashi swallowed, letting his hand fall back to the bed. He glanced down, trying to remember what happened after his father had humiliated him in the middle of the restaurant. He apparently went home since Tobio had called Bokuto. But what happened after that? Did he really drink so much? Did he really take almost twenty pills?

"You were hit, weren't you?"

Akaashi jumped, his fingers curling around the bed sheets. He looked up at Bokuto with a look of surprise. And the man in front of him was staring at him with such a firm stance that it sent shivers down Akaashi's spine.

"Um…" Akaashi mumbled.

"Who hit you, Akaashi?" Bokuto asked. He put his hand on his shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. "Who was it?"

Akaashi bit his lip, suddenly feeling ashamed and embarrassed to even admit it. It was not as if he was ten years old and getting disciplined. He was an adult.

A lousy, good-for-nothing adult.

"Akaashi." Akaashi looked up at Bokuto sheepishly, and Bokuto was looking at him with the gentlest expression in the world. "Please tell me."

Akaashi sighed, lowering his eyes again. His free hand squeezed the sheets and he took a deep breath.

"My father," Akaashi answered. "Discussions at the dinner table got a little… heated."

Bokuto grimaced, his thumb moving comfortingly across Akaashi's hand while his other hand squeezed Akaashi's shoulder.

"Is that why… why you took so many pills?" Bokuto asked, carefully treading back into dangerous territory.

Akaashi winced, his hand unintentionally squeezing Bokuto's. His forehead winkled as he thought, turning the idea over in his head.

"I don't… remember why I took so many," Akaashi admitted.

Bokuto frowned. "You… don't?"

"No," Akaashi said, shaking his head. "I… think I was just so upset that… that I didn't realize what I was doing."

"Oh," Bokuto said, looking at him with a strange expression. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, and he suddenly looked small. "So… you weren't trying to… trying to… ki… kill yourself?"

Akaashi blinked at him, his lips parting as his jaw dropped. He felt his hand jolt in Bokuto's grasp, and Bokuto squeezed his hand in response. Akaashi swallowed, casting his gaze away from Bokuto's concerned eyes.

What?

Did he really think that?

Why... was Bokuto so worried about that?

Did he know...?

"Akaashi…"

Akaashi risked a glance up at Bokuto, his expression small. Bokuto's face was once again contorted into a serious look but it was still filled with so much concern that Akaashi was stunned silent.

"I… I know what you were trying to do at that bridge a few weeks ago," Bokuto admitted.

Akaashi inhaled sharply, his stomach suddenly churning with anxiety. His hand loosened in Bokuto's grasp and began to shake. He suddenly wanted to run, to flee and escape and never be seen again. He had never wanted to share these his inner thoughts with  _anyone_.

And now that Bokuto knew…

Would he leave?

Would Akaashi be left all…

_"Mommy… Daddy!"_

_"Please, I'm so scared!"_

_"I don't want to be…!"_

…alone?

"So, if… if that's what you were trying to do then… well, Akaashi, I just want you to know…" Bokuto started again.

Akaashi flinched at the sound of his voice, suddenly feeling very, very  _afraid._  His stomach was swirling so much that he thought he would pass out.

This was it.

This was the moment he would be left alone again.

"…I'm here for you, okay?"

Akaashi froze, swallowing down a tiny bit of anxiety. He slowly lifted his gaze to stare up at Bokuto and was met with a confident smile.

He…

He wasn't going to leave?

"You…" Akaashi started. "You don't think I'm… weird? Or… disgraceful?"

"Huh?!" Bokuto shouted, his face falling. "What are you talking about?! I would never think that way about you, Akaashi!"

Akaashi stared up at him in amazement. He felt tears prick his eyes, relief suddenly flooding his system. He took a few disjointed breaths, his lungs struggling to keep up.

"I… I thought you wouldn't want to be near me if you knew," Akaashi said. "I thought you would… never want to talk to me again."

"Now that's just crazy!" Bokuto said.

He put his thumb to his chest and straightened his back, determined. Akaashi's eyes widened as he watched Bokuto stand like a hero, a knight in shining armor.

"If you think I'm leaving your side because of this, then you're wrong. I'm sticking next to you whether you like it or not!  _And_  I'm going to help you out with this, too," Bokuto said. "And I'm going to mess up whatever's been bothering you so you never have to go through this ever again!"

Bokuto put up his fist, looking almost furious. It was a great stance if Bokuto had been preparing for battle, but with his floppy hair and disheveled clothes, he looked comical.

Akaashi tried to bite his lips to keep them from trembling, but they curled up into a soft smile.

And then he huffed out an amused laugh, wiping a tear from his eye. Bokuto looked startled, his free hand coming to rest on Akaashi's shoulder.

But Akaashi glanced up at Bokuto, a smile finally on his face.

"I w-wasn't trying to kill myself last night, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said, a small laugh escaping his lips.

Bokuto blinked at him, and then reeled back, staring at Akaashi with wide eyes.

"You weren't?!" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi shook his head and then glanced up at the ceiling, his lips pulling into a frown.

"I think I was so frazzled from the… incident at the restaurant, I forgot how many pills I had already taken. And I kept forgetting over and over until I had apparently taken too many," Akaashi explained. He grimaced a little. "It… It wasn't my brightest moment."

Bokuto reached down to claim Akaashi's shoulder again, offering his own smile.

"We all have little lapses in judgment, especially if we're under high stress," Bokuto said.

Akaashi nodded in agreement, smiling back at him. Bokuto squeezed his shoulder again, and Akaashi relished in the feeling. He never knew how badly he needed Bokuto's comfort until now. Every squeeze sent warm tingles down his spine.

"Speaking of high stress…" Bokuto started. "You said that you and your dad had a… disagreement?"

Akaashi lifted his free hand to touch his cheek and sighed, finally feeling calm enough to speak about it.

"Yeah. He wants me to take over his business one day, but I told him I didn't want to," Akaashi said.

"And he hit you for that?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi averted his gaze. "Well, I might've said some other choice words, too."

" _Akaashi."_

"I know," Akaashi said. He slumped into his pillow and sighed, throwing his free arm over his eyes. "It was such a shame, too. I didn't get to finish my dinner."

" _That's_  what you're concerned about?! Akaashi, you had your stomach pumped only hours ago!" Bokuto said with a concerned smile.

"Ah. So the doctors took away my appetizers, too, then."

_"Akaashi!"_

Bokuto laughed, making Akaashi move his arm to see him smiling down at him playfully. Akaashi smiled back, finally starting to feel his body relax and calm down since the night before.

"Oh! Akaashi! I have an idea!" Bokuto said suddenly, his eyes brightening.

Akaashi cocked his head, waiting to hear his friend's amazing idea.

"What's your idea?" Akaashi asked.

Bokuto grinned from ear to ear. "You should really come out to play volleyball with me and my friends!"

Akaashi's eyes widened a bit. "Volleyball?"

Bokuto nodded fiercely, excited.

"Yes! You would love it! And I bet Tobio would love to come and watch you in action," Bokuto said.

Akaashi chewed on his lip. He would be meeting some of Bokuto's friends that he had been talking about for weeks,  _and_ he would get to play the sport he loved again. He feared what his parents would think but…

_"Disgraceful."_

…they probably did not have a high opinion on him anyway.

"Besides…"

Akaashi looked back up at Bokuto, who was looking a little nervous.

"You… You seem lonely, Akaashi. And well… I want to help," Bokuto said. "My friends are really great and they're very accepting to new people coming to play. So! So… So you should… come. Please, Akaashi? I promise you'll have fun."

Bokuto gave the biggest puppy-dog eyes in the world. It was a hard face to resist, especially since Bokuto had said  _please._

Akaashi sighed and shook his head. There was no getting out of it.

He smiled up at Bokuto.

"What days do you guys play, again?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> By the way, I AM reading each and every one of your comments and I LOVE them so so much. Thank you guys for the support! 
> 
> Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucke1)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this chapter is incredibly long. I lost a lot of sleep over this one.
> 
> Thank you Tayu-chan and Velvloid for editing and giving me feedback. I love you guys, thank you for all you do for me!
> 
> Just to keep you all informed, my posting schedule might still get off balance. It just depends on my work and grad school schedule. I'll post updates on Tumblr if I decide not to post.
> 
> Oh, also!! Check my end notes for an extra comment!!
> 
> Happy reading!

"Easy there. Just take deep breaths."

"Ugh…"

"Are you okay? Does it hurt?"

"Y-Yeah, a litt— _blegh!"_

Bokuto rubbed soothing circles into Akaashi's back as he retched over the toilet. He winced at the sound, feeling his stomach twist in sympathy.

After Akaashi had been awake for a while, and after he was poked and prodded by several doctors, he was released and allowed to go home. Bokuto had helped him to his apartment with Tobio scooped up in his arms. When they got to the apartment, Bokuto had Akaashi sit on the couch while he put Tobio to bed.

Bokuto had planned to help Akaashi change out of his clothes and give him some water before he left, or maybe even make him a little soup to fill his empty stomach. But as soon as Bokuto tucked Tobio in, he heard feet pounding down the hallway that disappeared into the bathroom. And then, he heard the unsettling sound of painful vomiting.

Bokuto sat with Akaashi on the cold bathroom floor for almost an hour, trying to shush and comfort his friend as best as he possibly could. It was painful to watch, but Bokuto stuck it out. He did not want Akaashi to go through this alone. He felt chills run along his spine at the thought that Akaashi could be suffering through this by himself.

Akaashi coughed one more time and reached up to flush the toilet. He sighed and sat back on his feet, breathing slowly. Beads of sweat were sliding down his forehead and neck, making his skin shine.

"You feel better?" Bokuto asked, patting his back near his shoulder blades.

Akaashi nodded and let out a raspy, "Yeah."

Bokuto winced at the sound of his voice. He had gone completely hoarse from throwing up so much. He picked up a water bottle that he had grabbed from the kitchen earlier and handed it over to him. Akaashi took the bottle with trembling hands and uncapped it, taking slow sips to sooth his throat.

"I thought the doctors said the procedure was a success," Akaashi said after swallowing down the water.

"Ah, well…" Bokuto said, rubbing the back of his neck. "They also said that you could feel sick for a while after. They wanted to get the meds out of your system as best as possible."

Akaashi's face morphed into a combination of annoyance and exhaustion, and Bokuto could not help but smile. He stood to his feet and offered Akaashi a hand. Akaashi took his hand and Bokuto helped him to his feet.

"Let's get you to bed, okay?" Bokuto said, putting a supporting hand on his back.

He gingerly led them both out of the bathroom and to Akaashi's bedroom. When they reached Akaashi's bed, they both plopped down on the mattress. Akaashi scooted backward until his back touched the cool headboard, and Bokuto sat cross-legged in front of him.

"At least it's still Sunday, right? You don't have to go do anything today," Bokuto said.

Akaashi sighed and sat back, leaning against the headboard and letting the coolness hit his face. He stared up at the ceiling, looking a little forlorn.

"Yeah, well… let's hope I'm back at full health by tomorrow," Akaashi rasped.

Bokuto frowned. "What? You're planning on going into work tomorrow?"

Akaashi's deadpan expression did not change. "I have no choice. I need to be there."

Bokuto leaned back a little, reeling from his words. Just how strict was his job that he would have to come in even if he was not feeling well? Bokuto wondered how often Akaashi went to work while sick. He shook the thought away, feeling almost sick to his stomach at the idea.

"Akaashi, you're sick! You had a major procedure just a few hours ago!" Bokuto said. "You should take tomorrow off."

But Akaashi shook his head and then leaned back against the headboard again. He took a deep breath and sighed, his expression unreadable.

"I should be back to normal by tomorrow," Akaashi explained. "It's still really early in the morning. I have all day to recover."

"Akaashi…" Bokuto whined. "You can't be just saying that. You've been nauseous since we got back. Your stomach has to be hurting a lot!"

Akaashi averted his eyes, apparently finding the closet to be more interesting.

"It doesn't hurt that much," Akaashi said.

Bokuto quirked a brow. "Oh really?"

A slight hesitation, and then, "Yes."

Bokuto frowned and then leaned forward, reaching out his hand.

"So if I were to do this," Bokuto said as he pressed his hand on Akaashi's stomach, "it wouldn't hurt?"

Akaashi immediately recoiled and hissed, his face pulling into a wince. He gently knocked Bokuto's hand away to clutch his stomach.

"Doesn't hurt that much, huh?" Bokuto said skeptically. Akaashi only glared weakly at him in response, making him sigh. "Akaashi, the alcohol reacted to the pills and it ate away at your stomach. That's why you're in so much pain! You need to  _rest._ "

"Bokuto-san, please…" Akaashi said with a sigh. "I know. I  _know_  this, but…"

Akaashi's voice trailed off and his eyes went blank, his hand moving up to touch his bandaged cheek.

Bokuto's mouth clicked shut, the pieces falling together in one, screwed up puzzle. His face fell sadly as his shoulders sagged.

"Is… Is this about your parents?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi turned his head and blinked out of his daze, the life sparking back into his eyes. He hesitated for a moment before letting his hand slowly fall from his bruised cheek to rest in his lap.

"My parents are not exactly… kind people," Akaashi said. He glanced down to look at his limp hands. "On the outside, they're kind and sophisticated. But deep down, they're incredibly critical of other people, and they have insanely high expectations."

Bokuto remained silent as Akaashi spoke, keeping his hands tight around his ankles. While he was excited to hear more about Akaashi's family life, he also felt a sense of dread. He desperately hoped that Akaashi had some semblance of a normal childhood.

But he knew that it wouldn't be true.

"Both of my parents are incredible musicians. They both play piano really well but my mother went on to play professionally while my father became a conductor," Akaashi continued.

He fiddled with his hands in his lap, looking as if he was straining to keep his face neutral. Bokuto noticed this little habit from time to time. He would tug on his fingers when he got especially nervous.

"They both advanced in their own careers until my mother launched her solo tours. Then, my father ended up as the new owner of the Tokyo Philharmonic. That was nearly twenty years ago now…" Akaashi said, his voice trailing off like an afterthought.

Bokuto cocked his head. "Did you ever get to see any of their performances?"

Akaashi's lip pulled to one side, resembling something like a grimace, and he shrugged halfheartedly.

"Sort of? I mean… I listened to my mother practicing in her studio a lot. And I got to hear some of the recordings from the orchestra when my father came home to analyze the performance," Akaashi said. "But other than that, I didn't get to go to the performance hall much."

"Why not?" Bokuto asked with a raised brow.

Akaashi's lips twisted for a moment, and then he turned his head away, looking a little sad.

"There was no one who could take me," Akaashi answered, his voice soft. "My parents were too busy to look after me at the performances, and the butler and maid were not required to go."

"Oh, so…" Bokuto stammered hesitantly. He bit his lip, not wanting to bring up foul or unpleasant memories. But he was genuinely curious of Akaashi's past, and he had a deep desire to get to know his new friend—especially with everything that had happened in the past few weeks. "So… your parents… Did they never… Were they…?"

"Ah. No, they weren't really around," Akaashi answered, saving Bokuto from the awkward and sensitive topic. But instead of feeling relief at hearing it straight from Akaashi's mouth, it only made him feel worse. "The butler and maid were really the ones who fed me up until I could cook on my own."

Bokuto swallowed. "And how old was that?"

Akaashi glanced up at the ceiling, seeming to calculate something in his mind.

"I guess I was nine or ten when I started cooking for myself," Akaashi said. He huffed out a humorless laugh. "Even when I started showing potential for being a musician, they only paid attention to me to make sure I was practicing a lot."

The story was getting worse as Akaashi kept speaking. It made Bokuto's eyes sting. He remembered his own household growing up with his brothers and sisters. It was always noisy and sometimes he would have to fight for attention.

But Bokuto never once felt unloved or lonely.

He stared down at his hands that were wrapped tightly around his ankles, rocking back and forth slowly to distract himself. His knee began to bounce as another question formed in his mind, and he was anxious to ask.

"Did… Did you hate practicing?" Bokuto asked.

He remembered the day he coaxed Akaashi down from the bridge, when he said through chattering teeth how he played violin. Bokuto had been impressed and sung Akaashi's praises on the darkened street. But he never took the time to ask if Akaashi even  _liked_  it.

"Quite the opposite, actually."

Akaashi's answer startled Bokuto, making him raise his head from his lap to stare at him with wide eyes. Akaashi was staring back, his hand absently touching the bandage on his cheek.

"You didn't?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi lowered his hand and shook his head. "It was quite relaxing, actually. Whenever I felt sad or upset, I could just go play violin. I could express what I was feeling at any given moment."

Akaashi paused to lower his gaze, his lips curling into a small, timid smile. The sight made Bokuto's heart leap.

"It was… really fun," Akaashi said, and Bokuto could hear the love in his voice. Bokuto could count on his hand how many times he had seen Akaashi smile like that.

He wanted to see that smile more.

He suddenly leaned forward, locking eyes with Akaashi.

"Why don't you start playing again?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi blinked at him, his eyes a little wide. "What?"

Bokuto smiled, unable to contain the excitement of his brilliant idea.

"Why don't you start playing violin again?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi paused again, looking at him as if he had two heads. Then his face pulled into a wince.

"I'm really far behind," Akaashi said in a soft voice. "It'll take me ages to catch up to where I was before. I'm…"

He suddenly glanced away and pulled his arms close to his body. He looked so fragile and small that Bokuto thought he would break. And when he spoke again, his voice trembled.

"I'm no good anymore."

Bokuto, unable to control himself, leaned forward and gripped Akaashi's shoulders, holding them tightly. Akaashi startled, his red eyes going wide as he focused on Bokuto's face.

"Don't say things like that, Akaashi!" Bokuto said. "I might not know much about this stuff, but I know that it isn't true!"

Akaashi was on the verge of tears, his beautiful eyes shining in the darkened bedroom.

"I… I tried playing a few weeks ago, at the music hall," he said softly. "My father overheard me and he… he called my playing disgraceful."

Bokuto squeezed Akaashi's shoulders, as if trying to wake him up. His patience for Akaashi's deplorable parents had run thin. The more he heard about these two pompous and arrogant people, the more he felt the burning anger boiling in his veins.

"Who cares what your old man thinks?!" Bokuto said, his voice rising. Akaashi jumped at his voice. "You  _enjoy_ playing violin, right?"

Akaashi, a little stunned, nodded slowly. Bokuto hesitated, letting his hand loosen their grip on Akaashi's shoulders. He smiled and nodded once.

"Good. Then do what you enjoy, Akaashi. Don't let others get in your way. Okay?" Bokuto said, reaching forward to wipe away a stray tear on Akaashi's cheek.

Akaashi took a deep breath and sniffed, his cheeks tinted a light shade of pink. He nodded again, his body more calm.

"Yes," Akaashi said.

"Good," Bokuto said. He let go of Akaashi's shoulders and then rubbed the back of his neck. "I… I'd really like to hear you play sometime, Akaashi."

Akaashi hesitated, his lips twisting a little. "I'm… not sure."

" _Please!"_  Bokuto begged, clasping his hands together and bowing his head. "I never really played or listened to those kinds of instruments before, and I really want to see you play! C'mon, please, Akaashi? Please?"

Akaashi's face fell into his usual deadpan expression. He rolled his eyes and sighed before looking off to the side.

"I… I suppose I could play for you one day this week," Akaashi said.

Bokuto smiled so wide that it made his cheeks hurt. "Really?! You really will?"

Akaashi looked back at him and nodded. "Yeah," he answered. He looked into his lap, his expression anxious. "Just… don't get your hopes up."

"Oh, it's gonna sound great, Akaashi!" Bokuto exclaimed. "I just know it will!"

"Right," Akaashi said, sounding bored. He suddenly yawned, his face looking drowsy. "Sorry. I guess I'm a little tired."

Bokuto nodded in understanding, taking his cue to stand up from Akaashi's bed.

"Do you need me to stay the night or will you be okay?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi slipped into the covers of his bed, apparently retiring fast. He let his head fall onto the pillow and he glanced at Bokuto through heavy eyelids.

"I'll be fine, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said. "Thank you for helping me tonight. I… I really appreciate it."

Bokuto smiled as he grabbed the doorknob to Akaashi's room. "It's no trouble. I'll see you tomorrow, Akaashi!"

"Mmn. Goodnight, Bokuto-san."

Bokuto softly closed the door behind him, letting out a long sigh. The adrenaline from the night left him in one big rush, leaving him feeling exhausted and worn.

As he headed towards the front door, he dug into his pocket and pulled out his phone to look at the time. But when the screen came to life he was bombarded with several missed calls and even more unread texts.

And they were all from Kuroo.

>Bo, where the hell are you?!

>You better be dead.

>That was a lie. I don't want you to be dead.

>Don't make me call the police.

>Don't make me call your mother!

>BOKUTO.

Bokuto sighed as he hurried out the door, his thumb reaching to call his friend back.

He really hoped Kuroo had not called his mom.

* * *

Akaashi groaned as he walked into the music hall that morning. His stomach felt as if there was a hole in it, and it throbbed from its lack of substance. But the nausea had still not worn off, leaving Akaashi to wrinkle his nose at any food he saw.

Maybe he really should have taken the day off as Bokuto had recommended.

Akaashi sighed, seeing as it was too late now.

He dragged his feet to his office, ignoring the shocked expressions of people as he passed them. He knew the bandage on his face was obvious, but he noticed in the mirror this morning that he also had a black eye. He must have looked like a thug. Or a bully victim. Either way, his face was not a pretty sight.

And his coworkers were not the only ones to notice.

Akaashi's phone buzzed in his pocket and he took it out to see the twentieth text he had received since he dropped off Tobio at Fukudoroni.

From: Bokuto-san

>Akaashi, you seriously need to rest! Go home!

Akaashi sighed, pulling up another reply box to let Bokuto know that, yes he was fine, and no, he did not want to go back home. He was not sure how many times he had texted that to Bokuto within the past ten minutes, but it was getting redundant. Bokuto was lucky he had such a caring personality or Akaashi would have ripped into him by now.

His phone buzzed again as he turned down the hallway towards his office and he opened the text.

From: Bokuto-san

>Okay, fine. But I'll bring Tobio to you today. What's the address of your work?

Akaashi sighed and shook his head. Bokuto was really going all out for him.

He typed out a response to Bokuto's offer, but he paused.

_"If you think I'm leaving your side because of this, then you're wrong. I'm sticking next to you whether you like it or not!"_

_"And I'm going to mess up whatever's been bothering you so you never have to go through this ever again!"_

Bokuto's words from the hospital echoed in his mind, making him bite his lip in shame. Bokuto had already done so much for him. He could not possibly make him—

From: Bokuto-san

>I don't take 'no' for an answer!

Akaashi sighed, knowing full well that if he were to decline Bokuto's offer, one of three things could happen:

A, Bokuto would pout but say it was fine and that he would see him later.

B, Bokuto would find the address of the music hall online and just come anyway.

Or, C, Bokuto would become dejected and he would be grumpy for the rest of the day.

C was the most annoying.

With another sigh, Akaashi typed in the address to the hall in the reply and sent it back off to Bokuto. It only took a few seconds for his phone to buzz again and he opened the text to see a collection of strange emojis and  _hey, hey, hey_ 's.

Akaashi managed a small smile. Sometimes, Bokuto's moods shifted so quickly that it gave him whiplash, but when they were positive, he could not help but feel positive, too. The man's smile was contagious, after all.

He turned the corner, his eyes still glued to his phone, and immediately slammed into a tall body, almost making him drop his phone.

"O-Oh, sorry. I didn't see—"

Akaashi's words died on his tongue as the piercing eyes of his father stared back into him.

His happy mood had completely vanished, and the hole in his stomach quivered, bringing nausea back to sit in his throat.

"Ah. I see you decided to show your face today," his father sneered with furrowed brows. "I waited by your office for so long that I didn't think you would show up."

Akaashi winced, taking a step back and out of his father's personal space. He cleared his throat and subconsciously reached up to touch his cheek. The bandage was still thick over his cut and the bruise was tenderer than it was the day before.

"Yes," Akaashi answered softly. Why was his voice shaking? "Mori-san wanted me to look at the bowings for the third act of the opera."

"I see," his father said, his expression remaining the same.

They lapsed into an uneasy silence that made Akaashi break out into a cold sweat. He bowed his head to his father and slowly tried to toe past him.

"Well, I have to get to work now," Akaashi said as he tried to hurry to his office door. It was only a few feet away.

"Have you made a decision, yet?" his father asked, making Akaashi stop.

Akaashi sighed softly, cursing himself for not being able to just ignore him. He turned around to face his father, steeling his expression into a neutral deadpan.

"Decision?" Akaashi asked.

"Yes, about joining my company."

Akaashi tried to swallow but noticed his throat was dry. He cleared his throat uncomfortably and reached up to tug on the collar of his shirt.

It was suddenly stifling in that hallway.

"I, uh… well, not… not exactly," Akaashi fumbled.

_Way to make it sound so noncommittal, idiot. Your social skills are impeccable!_

Akaashi felt his heart stammer at hearing that voice again. Why, just  _why_  wouldn't it leave him alone?!

"Well you better get to thinking about it," his father said gruffly.

His hands were in fists but he had quickly hidden them in his pockets. Akaashi knew that his father was trying to control his temper. His father did not want to lose his cool in public like he had done so a few nights before. It would further taint his image as a perfect businessman.

His father straightened his back, his face relaxed except for his eyebrows, which were still pulled tightly together.

"If I don't have an answer by next week, then I'll be forced to find someone new to take under my wing," his father said as he stalked off down the hall. "Your spot is easily replaceable."

He sauntered off down the hall with his shoulders squared and his head held high. He was the symbol of a proud man on a mission, not letting anyone stand in his way to get what he wanted done.

And Akaashi was left to stand in the quiet hallway with his hands shaking.

He had never felt so  _small._

Suddenly, his phone buzzed, and Akaashi nearly jumped out of his skin. He fumbled with the phone in his hands until he steadied it and pressed the home button. The screen brightened and there was another text from Bokuto.

From: Bokuto

>We're still planning on playing volleyball Thursday night if you want to go. I know you had a rough weekend and might be feeling sick, but I thought I'd ask. Are you in?

Akaashi hesitated, his thumb hovering over the characters on his phone. He was about to decline, his head still full of his father's harsh words. He expected that at any moment, the voice would come back and encourage him to tell Bokuto no. He could feel it. Any moment, that voice would speak, and he would be reduced to a depressed state that he could not dig himself out of for the rest of the day.

But, instead of the voice, Bokuto's words came to mind.

_"Then do what you enjoy, Akaashi. Don't let others get in your way."_

Akaashi gasped, almost dropping his phone. He suddenly felt light and warm, and his back stood tall.

He took a slow breath and smiled softly. He glanced down at the phone and typed back a quick response.

>I'll be there.

* * *

Akaashi fiddled with his shoelaces for the fifth time, untying them and retying them to make sure they were the right snugness on his feet. He could feel his nerves buzzing through him and sending tingles down his arms and to his fingertips.

It had been ages since he had last played volleyball. And now he was going to be playing with others who played on a regular basis.

_You should just go home. You'll slow them down._

Akaashi paused in his tying to consider this. What exactly was he doing here, sitting on the floor of the Fukudoroni locker room? He did not belong here. He belonged tucked away in his office, forever living in his father's shadow. Maybe he really should just go…

"Daddy?"

Akaashi blinked rapidly and turned his head to see Tobio standing next to him. The boy was already dressed in shorts and a blue t-shirt with black sneakers on his feet. He was staring down at Akaashi's hands, which still each held one shoelace.

"Did you forget how to tie your shoes?" Tobio asked.

Akaashi glanced down at his hands, realizing that his shoe was still not tied. He smiled and shook his head, finally completing the laces.

"I think I forgot for a second, but I remember now," Akaashi said as he double-knotted the bow.

"Are you really going to play volleyball?" Tobio asked as Akaashi stood to his feet.

"Yep," Akaashi said. He leaned over on his knees. "You'll have to show me the ropes, though, okay?"

Tobio's eyes shined and he nodded quickly in excitement.

Akaashi smiled at him and then looked towards the locker room door. He could hear the distinct sounds of squeaking shoes and slapping balls as the other men warmed up. It all sounded so familiar, but his confidence was quickly fading.

_You're going to mess up._

Akaashi took a deep breath, putting a hand to his chest. His heart was rattling against his ribcage, and he almost felt as if he was going to hurl, but Bokuto had gone to a lot of great lengths to convince him to come. There was no turning back now.

He glanced down at his son, trying to keep his face calm.

"Ready, Tobio?" Akaashi asked.

Tobio did not hesitate to nod and he led Akaashi to the door. He tried to push the door open himself but found it too heavy, and Akaashi came up behind him to help. The door opened wide and the beautiful sight of the court came into view, the freshly buffed wood gleaming underneath the lights.

Several guys were spiking at the net, and Akaashi glanced around for that familiar face. Bokuto was next in line to spike, bouncing on his heels in giddy anticipation. Akaashi led Tobio towards the sideline to get a better view.

When Bokuto's turn was up next, he took several steps back and lightly tossed the ball to the setter in the middle. The setter pushed the ball up into the air, and Akaashi squinted.

The toss was low, and it was way too far from the net.

Bokuto leapt into the air and tried to adjust. His form was perfect as he reared back his right hand and aimed with his left. He looked like he had the perfect spike ready.

But just before he slammed the ball down on the other side, a looming figure with wild hair jumped high on the opposite side of the net, his long fingers reaching up and forward in an intimidating fashion.

Bokuto grit his teeth, slamming the ball with an open palm. But the taller blocker on the other side quickly moved his arms to the side, efficiently blocking the ball and smacking it straight to the ground next to Bokuto's feet.

"Yeah!" the blocker cheered.

And Bokuto turned to face him and he growled, his face scrunching up in an irritated scowl.

"Kuroo!" Bokuto shouted, and the other shrugged and laughed.

Ah. So  _that_  was Kuroo. He was exactly how Bokuto had described him. Hair and all.

"What? I was just doing what I'm supposed to do," Kuroo teased, his expression smug.

"Ugh, you should just go back to teaching your nerdy science class," Bokuto said, waving his hand.

"You're just jealous," Kuroo said as Bokuto stomped away back to the line.

Bokuto was pouting as he stalked over to the sidelines, but his face immediately lit up when he spotted Akaashi.

"Akaashi!" Bokuto called, waving at him.

Akaashi smiled and lifted up a hand to wave back. Bokuto jogged over to them, smiling widely when he saw Tobio next to him.

"Oh, good! Tobio came, too!" Bokuto said. He knelt down to him and ruffled his hair. "Shouyou is here, too, you know! He'll be so excited that you came."

Tobio pouted a little at this but did not protest. Akaashi smiled, hoping that this meant that Tobio could get along with the boy.

Bokuto stood back up and placed his hands on his hips, smiling with all the excitement in the world.

"I'm glad you made it!" Bokuto said. "We're just warming up now, so you can join us."

"Ah, sure. Sorry I'm late," Akaashi apologized as he twisted his fingers in front of him. His eyes scanned the others as they continued to warm up by the net.

"Ah, not a problem! Did you stretch out?" Bokuto asked, to which Akaashi nodded. "Good! Let's go. Tobio, Shouyou is on the sideline practicing his bumps. He needs a good partner. What do you say?"

Tobio scowled but his eyes shined when he spotted a few balls flying around. He nodded slowly and headed over to where the redhead attempted to bounce the ball in the air. When he saw Tobio coming, he broke out into a smile but, not paying attention, the ball smacked him right in the face. Akaashi paled but Bokuto barked out a hearty laugh.

"He's fine," Bokuto assured. And sure enough, Shouyou was talking animatedly with Tobio, his face red from the ball. "C'mon, let's go meet the others."

Akaashi tugged on his fingers as he followed Bokuto over to where a few of the guys were chatting in a circle. Akaashi could immediately pick out Kuroo from earlier, but the others were new faces.

"Yo, guys! This is Akaashi! He's a friend of mine and is joining us today!" Bokuto introduced.

There were a collection of hi's and hello's as the group greeted him. Akaashi greeted them all back with a small nod.

"This is Sawamura and Azumane. They went to high school together," Bokuto introduced.

"Nice to meet you!" Sawamura said, standing firmly.

"Glad to have a new face here," Azumane said, his hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck.

Akaashi dipped his head in a small bow to them, and then Bokuto moved on to the other two guys in the circle.

"This tall guy is Kuroo. He's my roommate. You know, the one I've been telling you about?" Bokuto said.

"Hah? What kind of stuff have you been telling him?" Kuroo asked with a crooked brow.

"Nothing really," Bokuto lied.

Kuroo narrowed his eyes for a moment before looking to Akaashi, a crooked smile on his face. He reached out his hand for Akaashi, and Akaashi took it to shake.

"I'm Kuroo. Nice to finally see you in person, Akaashi," Kuroo greeted. His voice was dripping with some kind of charm that Akaashi couldn't put a finger on. "Oh, you're a lot shorter than I imagined."

Akaashi felt his eyebrow twitch.

He hoped this man did not treat his students this way or he could really be a pain in the ass.

"Just ignore him, Akaashi," Bokuto said, waving off Kuroo. "And this bored looking guy here is Kenma. Say hi, Kenma."

Kenma had been fiddling with his water bottle, looking bored as Bokuto had mentioned. But he raised his eyes to meet Akaashi's gaze, giving a quiet "hello" in response. Akaashi bowed back.

"Okay, now that that's out of the way, let's play! Akaashi, you're on my team!" Bokuto said.

Sawamura chuckled. "Already claiming him, huh?"

"Have you had any volleyball experience before, Akaashi?" Azumane asked, looking a little concerned.

"I played in high school, but not much after that," Akaashi explained.

"Oh, just like us then!" Azumane said.

"What position did you play?" Sawamura asked.

"Ah, I was the setter," Akaashi explained.

"Eh?! You were the setter?!" Bokuto exclaimed, reeling back dramatically.

"You didn't know that?" Sawamura asked with a raised brow and an amused smile.

"Well then, since we now have  _two_  old setters here, we should have a good match," Kuroo said, placing a hand on his hip.

Akaashi cocked his head, wondering what in the world he was talking about, when Sawamura pointed to Kenma.

"Kenma was also a setter. A pretty good one, too," he explained.

Akaashi stared at Kenma. He could not really get a good read on him, but he supposed that was the part of him that made him so good. If he was unreadable, then the blockers would be easily fooled.

"Shouldn't we ease him into this? I mean, it's his first day here," Azumane said, tapping his fingers together.

"Nah, he'll be fine if he's on my team!" Bokuto said, throwing a casual arm around Akaashi's shoulders. "C'mon, Akaashi. Let's formulate a plan."

Akaashi swallowed but followed him out onto one side of the net where other players had been gathered. Sawamura joined them while Azumane, Kuroo, and Kenma went to the other side.

They started to warm up as a team. They bumped, set, and hit the ball to each other to receive. The others looked natural on the court, receiving and landing hard on their knees.

Then, the ball came towards Akaashi for the first time. He ignored the worried glances of his teammates and put his arms up, ready to receive the ball overhead. The tips of his fingers came into contact and he pushed the ball up, high into the air. It felt natural, his body running on autopilot, and it was as if he was back in high school again. His teammates hooted and hollered, giving him words of encouragement as they continued.

"Just keep doing that, Akaashi," Bokuto said with a smile. "Was your team in high school really good? You look like you came from a good school."

Akaashi blushed lightly at the compliment. "Um. Well, we made it to the semifinals for the spot to nationals but lost on the fifth set."

"Ouch," Sawamura commented. "That's still really impressive. You can see it in your skills that you were a versatile player."

Akaashi's face flushed even more, and he picked at his fingers again to distract himself. "Th-Thank you."

Bokuto smiled and flung an arm over his shoulder again.

"You're gonna do fine. Don't be so nervous," Bokuto said.

Akaashi gave him a weary look. "But what if I mess up?"

Bokuto laughed, a little softer this time.

"Even if you mess up, I'll be there to help you out!" he said. "Okay?"

Akaashi peered at him, taking in his golden eyes and genuine smile. His strong arm was warm and solid around his shoulder and neck, but his words were what made him feel the most secure.

He nodded at Bokuto, his breathing stilted. But Bokuto did not seem to notice and he let go of Akaashi's neck in favor of spiking.

They practiced a few more drills until Akaashi felt his legs tingling. His body was warm, finally. And he was starting to get the hang of his teammates. Even Bokuto seemed more cooperative than he had expected. Well, he  _was_  a coach, after all.

"Yo! Are you guys ready to lose, or what?" Kuroo called from the other side of the net.

Sawamura caught the ball they had been practicing with and tucked it under his arm, throwing a darkened gaze over to the other team.

"Persistent as ever. You guys ready?" Sawamura asked, glancing around his teammates.

"Let's do it!" Bokuto said, raising a fist into the air.

After figuring out a plan, Bokuto pushed Akaashi to stand in between him and Sawamura in the rotation, saying that it would be perfect for when both of them were on the front line. Akaashi nodded in mild understanding, his mind working a kilometer a second. He thought of all the possibilities, where the ball could land, where it could go—

Before Akaashi could even process what was happening, the ball flew past his face towards the back row behind him.

He turned his head back to see Sawamura receiving the ball with ease, his legs steady underneath of him. He was like a solid rock or a firm foundation. His sturdy demeanor was written all over his face.

"Sorry, it's long!" Sawamura called, as he landed on his hands and glanced up.

The ball flew to the other side, Kuroo easily receiving it and popping it up towards Kenma.

Akaashi watched as Kenma's eyes locked onto the ball in a strange trance. Those eyes cut to gaze at Akaashi, making Akaashi suddenly feel exposed and frozen.

And before he knew it, Azumane was in the air and was hitting the ball with all of his might. The ball flew past two blockers on the front line but was quickly received by Sawamura again.

"It's up! Cover!" Sawamura called.

Akaashi glanced up as well and watched the ball slowly fall towards him. He lifted his hands into the air, his body moving on its own.

_Who do I pass it to? Where are the spikers? How do they want their toss?_

"Akaashi!"

Akaashi turned his head back at hearing his name being called, seeing Bokuto raising his hand up.

"Give me a good toss, Akaashi!" Bokuto bellowed.

Akaashi's eyes widened, remembering how he had first met Bokuto so many weeks ago. His form, his hang time, his power… it was all something that Akaahsi had wanted to see again since he stumbled across their practice in the school gym.

Akaashi was not just about to witness Bokuto's power.

He was going to be the doorway for it.

The ball fell perfectly into Akaashi's hands, and he pushed the ball up high, a little away from the net.

And then, he watched in amazement as Bokuto soared into the air next to him. His back was arched and his arm was reared back and ready to strike.

And he had the largest grin on his face.

In a flash, the ball whooshed through Kuroo's extended arms and slammed down hard on the other side of the net. The sound echoed pleasantly in the tall gym ceilings.

Bokuto landed on his feet and whirled around to face Akaashi, his grin even larger than before.

"A- _kaa_ -shi!" Bokuto called in excitement, rushing over and throwing and arm around his neck. "That toss was perfect! Perfect!"

Akaashi struggled to remain upright in Bokuto's grasp. "Um, you really think so?"

"Of course! It was right in the sweet spot!" Bokuto said. He suddenly released Akaashi, looking determined and excited. "I want to do it again. Sawamura! Serve it up!"

Akaashi watched as he rushed off to retrieve the ball, shaking his head in amusement. He did not realize how much fun this would be.

Suddenly, Akaashi felt a tug on his shorts.

He glanced down to see Tobio standing next to him with wide eyes and a slacked jaw.

"Oh. Tobio, what is it?" Akaashi asked, turning to face him.

"Y-You… You play volleyball?" Tobio asked.

Akaashi smiled and crouched down to get on his level. He rested his elbows on his knees.

"Yep. I played when I was in school," Akaashi said.

Tobio looked amazed. "What pos… pu… position were you in?"

"It's called the setter. Remember what Bokuto-san taught you?" Akaashi asked.

Tobio nodded. "Yeah! Bokuto-san said the setter has the most important job!"

Akaashi rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, we're all a team. Everyone's job is important, but... yes. I suppose what Bokuto-san said was true."

"And that's what  _you_  do?!" Tobio asked.

"Um… well, yes. I mean, I was the setter when I was in high school," Akaashi said. He was baffled by Tobio's sudden excitement, especially since his attention was focused all on him and not on someone else, like Bokuto.

"I want to be a setter, too! Can you teach me?" Tobio asked, grabbing his dad's wrists and leaning close.

Akaashi's eyes widened. "You want me to teach you?"

Tobio nodded, his hands clinging to his father. "Yes! I wanna learn! I want to do it!"

Akaashi could not believe what he was seeing. Tobio was interacting with him. And it was more than just what he wanted for dinner. It was an actual conversation.

He felt the annoying burn of tears stinging in his eyes, and a lump formed in his throat. He tried to swallow it down before his teammates noticed his distress.

"O-Okay, Tobio. I can help you learn how to be the setter," Akaashi said.

Tobio's eyes  _sparkled_. It took Akaashi's breath away.

"Hey, hey, hey! Are we ready to go?"

Akaashi glanced up to see that Bokuto was suddenly standing right next to him, the volleyball under his arm. He was standing in between Akaashi and the rest of the players, hiding him from sight. He had a knowing smile on his face, seemingly waiting for Akaashi's tears to dry.

Akaashi immediately took advantage of this and raised a hand to quickly wipe his eyes. He smiled at Tobio and ruffled his hair, and Tobio, surprisingly, let him. He stood to his feet and faced his team, a comfortable smile on his face.

"Yeah," Akaashi answered. "Let's win."

* * *

"Aw, man! We were so  _close!"_

"Sorry. It seems my first set to you was a fluke."

"No, no, Akaashi! It was completely  _my_ fault. If I just had more power…"

"You had plenty of power, Bokuto-san."

"Really?"

"Really."

Bokuto and Akaashi walked down the darkened streets, a sleeping Tobio in his father's arms.

They had ultimately lost the match, Akaashi knowing it was his weakness that let his team down. Plus, Azumane's spikes were  _hard._

But as Akaashi watched Bokuto try to spike his flubbed sets, he knew that Bokuto was stronger. If only his sets had been more spot on...

"Well, I mean… I guess I had some power," Bokuto said, stuffing his hands into his pockets and pouting a little.

Akaashi laughed in his chest and patted Tobio's back as he snuggled deeper into his father's arms.

"You were great, Bokuto-san. I'm excited to play with you again," Akaashi said.

Bokuto perked up a bit, his smile widening. It always amazed Akaashi how quickly Bokuto's moods seemed to switch. He could barely keep up with him.

"You don't have to walk me home, you know. I'll be fine," Akaashi said.

Bokuto stretched his hands up and then rested them behind his head.

"I know. But you have Tobio with you and I wanted to make sure you guys got home safe," Bokuto said.

Akaashi sighed and shook his head, knowing he could not change Bokuto's mind. He decided to indulge the man. He did not have any energy to argue anyway.

When they made it to Akaashi's apartment, he held open the door for Bokuto.

"You want to come in for a drink? I just have to put Tobio to bed," Akaashi said, adjusting Tobio in his arm so he could hold open the door.

Bokuto blinked at him, suddenly looking a bit sheepish. He rubbed the back of his neck.

"Are you sure? It's not like… too late, is it?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi shook his head. "It's barely nine, Bokuto-san. Come in."

That was all the permission Bokuto needed to step into Akaashi's apartment and shuffle out of his shoes.

"Make yourself at home. I'll be right back," Akaashi said, and he headed down the hall to put Tobio to bed.

Once Akaashi changed Tobio into his pajamas, he tucked Tobio into bed and kissed him on his head. His heart felt so warm at seeing Tobio having so much fun watching and learning volleyball. He seemed to have fun with Shouyou, too, which was worrying at the beginning. But he seemed to get along with the boy just fine, even with a little bickering.

Akaashi tiptoed out of Tobio's bedroom and headed back to the living room.

"Bokuto-san, would you like some tea or…"

Akaashi's voice trailed off when he saw Bokuto sitting on the couch with a collection of pages in his hands. Akaashi squinted to see what it was but he could not tell from a distance.

When Bokuto heard Akaashi's voice, he stiffened, putting the pages down on the coffee table.

"A-Ah, sorry!" Bokuto apologized. "This—It was tucked in between the sofa and the wall and I got curious…"

Akaashi raised a brow and walked over to see the papers better, and he sucked in a sharp breath.

It was sheet music. Sibelius'  _Violin Concerto in D Minor._

It was a beautifully classic piece with some wonderful solo parts and intense passages. It was one of Akaashi's favorite pieces.

Now that he thought about it… he had probably tucked that piece in between the sofa when Tobio was brought to him on that night…

"Um… Is this music for violin?"

Bokuto's voice pulled Akaashi back to reality and he glanced over to see his nervous friend still sitting patiently, looking almost like a scolded child. Akaashi realized that he had not said a word since he had been out here.

"Oh. Yes, it's a concerto. A good one," Akaashi said.

Bokuto's eyes shined. "Can you play it for me?!"

Akaashi's eyes widened, and he reared back as if he had been struck.

"Play violin? Right now?" Akaashi asked.

Bokuto was practically bouncing in his seat, unable to contain his excitement. He pumped his fists and nodded furiously.

"Yes! I want to hear you! Please, Akaashi? Please?" Bokuto said, his eyes begging.

Akaashi winced, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. His thoughts immediately went back in time to just a few weeks ago when his father had barged in on him trying to play one of the spare violins.

_"Disgraceful."_

"I… I don't know if I can," Akaashi said sheepishly.

Could he actually do this?

Would he be a disappointment?

Will Bokuto… think less of him?

"You can."

Akaashi snapped his gaze back to Bokuto, eyes wide. Bokuto was staring at him warmly, his eyes encouraging.

"You  _can,_  Akaashi. Believe in yourself a little. I know you can," Bokuto said.

Akaashi inhaled sharply as a shiver rushed through his body. His heart was pattering against his chest in a strange combination of nervousness and excitement.

"Um… well, I guess… I guess if you really want me to…" Akaashi said, unsure of himself.

Bokuto clapped his hands together and nodded, a huge smile on his face.

Akaashi could not resist that look.

He took a deep breath and curled his fingers into fists.

"I'll… I'll be right back," Akaashi said, and he hurried to his bedroom on wobbly legs.

He got down on the floor and peered under his bed, his eyes squinting. A familiar black case was resting right in the middle, the plastic material coated in a layer of dust. Akaashi reached for the handle and pulled it out, the dust falling off of it with ease.

When the case was in his hands, he just cradled it like a newborn. It felt so foreign to hold it in his hands after so many years of neglect.

He suddenly felt guilty.

Akaashi took a deep breath, not wanting to keep Bokuto waiting, and he stood to his feet, carrying the instrument back to the living room. Even though the case was light, it felt like it weighed a ton.

Bokuto's eyes lit up when he saw the case. "Wow! Is that it?"

Akaashi hummed and nodded in response before he carefully placed it on the coffee table. He took a moment to run his fingers along the edge before he clicked the clasps open.

His fingers shook as he opened it, revealing a beautiful, dark brown violin. It was just how Akaashi had remembered it; in perfect condition.

"It's pretty," Bokuto commented, startling Akaashi a little.

Akaashi could not find the words to say so he just hummed again. His heart trembled painfully in his chest and he sighed through his nose to try to calm it.

_Bokuto-san says I can do this. So I will try. For him,_  Akaashi thought.

He took the violin and bow out of the case and fiddled with the strings, letting his fingers trace them. He plucked each string and listened to each note, tuning the instrument until it was where he wanted it to be. Then, he moved to the chin rest, and his fingers shook so badly that he fumbled with it and almost dropped it. Bokuto made no mention of it so he continued to adjust his body to the instrument without a word.

Once it felt comfortable, Akaashi lifted the bow and let it touch the strings. He glanced down at the music, eyeing the Second Movement of the concerto. He knew this piece, and he knew it well.

He took a deep breath through his nose.

And he began to play.

He noticed that his first note was a little squeaky but he pressed on, playing the beautifully sorrowful movement as best as he remembered.

He could hear the accompaniment as he played each note, the orchestra playing those wonderfully sad and romantic chords as he played the solo.

He closed his eyes, picturing himself back on stage when he was in college.

The lights above him were hot, and the auditorium was full.

The stage was crowded with the orchestra, and the conductor stood right next to him, waiting for his next cue as he continued up the line of heavy notes.

The floor beneath Akaashi's feet tingled as the sounds of the brass and strings vibrated the stage.

And Akaashi felt it in his bones.

He felt his body begin to move as he swayed with the motion of the piece, the music starting to swell into a heartbreaking climax.

His bow naturally moved faster, like the notes were already engrained in his body, and he climbed higher and higher along the strings, playing multiple notes at once until he reached the high point.

He could hear the orchestra die down around him as he played the last note, letting it taper off into silence. He lifted his bow in the air to take in the last note, the beauty of it still lingering and echoing in his imaginary music hall.

For a moment, Akaashi was in complete bliss.

He had longed to be able to play like this again, even if his performance wasn't the greatest.

It still was a part of his soul, and he felt relieved to allow his body to experience it.

Why had he not done this before?

Suddenly, a sharp sniffle pulled Akaashi away from his thoughts, the image of the stage quickly melting. He snapped his eyes open and promptly gasped, his jaw dropping.

Bokuto was wiping his eyes and sniffling into his other hand. He was… crying.

Akaashi lowered his violin and the bow to his sides and stood with wide, concerned eyes. His heart was pounding in fear.

"Bokuto-san?" His voice came out in a whisper.

Bokuto wiped his eyes on his sleeve and then looked up at Akaashi with the widest eyes.

"That… that was amazing," Bokuto said. He sniffled a little but looked completely serious. "It was… really beautiful, Akaashi."

Akaashi's hands jerked, almost dropping his violin, but he tightened his grip on it on the last second. A lump lodged itself in Akaashi's throat and his eyes stung.

How long had it been since someone called his playing  _beautiful?_

He can't think of a time when anyone has ever said that to him.

Not even his own friends.

"You… You really think so?" Akaashi asked, his voice choked.

Bokuto nodded. "I know that I'm not really an expert, but… I really think you could be a professional. That was… so pretty. It… made me feel things."

A tear slipped from Akaashi's eye and he scrambled to wipe it away, almost poking himself in the cheek with his bow.

"Thank you, Bokuto-san. It… It means a lot that you said that," Akaashi said, wiping away another stray tear. "But I'm far from being a professional. I have to do a lot of practicing to catch up." He slumped, his hand returning to his side. "And with my job, I don't have any time to practice."

"What if you got a different job?"

Akaashi snapped his head up. He was bound to get whiplash by one of Bokuto's comments one day.

"A different job? You mean I should… quit?" Akaashi asked.

Bokuto scratched his cheek. "Well, I mean… You seem really sad at your current job, Akaashi. And just now, you… you looked so  _happy_. I… I think you would have more fun doing that than what you're doing now."

Akaashi paused, taking in Bokuto's words for a moment. He fidgeted in place, his hands running along the hair of his bow.

"But, what job could I possibly do? I would need hours and hours a day to get back to my top shape," Akaashi said.

"Come work with me!" Bokuto said, leaning forward on his knees.

Akaashi blinked at him. "With you?"

"Yes! I need an assistant coach to help me out and you'd be great with it!" Bokuto said. "And that would give you time during the day to practice all you want. And I can even watch Tobio on the weekends if you need more time."

Akaashi tugged on the end of the bow, using it as a replacement for his fingers.

Was this really an option? Could he really be a professional again?

Could he actually go back to living out his dream?

All of the thoughts swirling around in his head made him dizzy. The adrenaline from earlier was still coursing through his veins, making it hard to concentrate.

"Can… Can I think about it?" Akaashi asked.

Bokuto nodded, and Akaashi could see that the skin under his eyes was red.

"Of course! Take all the time you need," Bokuto said. "Just let me know what you want to do, okay? I'll support you either way."

Akaashi hummed and glanced down at his violin. He felt so conflicted and nervous. It would be an all-or-nothing thing. If he messed up, there was no coming back from it.

"Akaashi."

Akaashi looked up at Bokuto one last time, taking in his smiling face.

And it made Akaashi feel so warm.

"Thank you for playing for me!" Bokuto said. "Can you play for me again sometime?"

Akaashi felt his lips tug into a smile. Bokuto's smiles really were contagious.

"Of course."

* * *

From: Bokuto

>I'm on my way with Tobio! We bought some awesome dinner!

Akaashi smiled down at his phone. Bokuto had told him that he would be getting off early to let his boys rest before a match over the weekend, and so he offered to grab Tobio and pick up dinner to bring to the music hall.

Akaashi was thankful, because he had gotten almost no work done this week.

He sent back a reply and sighed, setting the phone down on his desk and turning back to look at the stack of papers. An entire week had passed since his conversation with Bokuto, and he just could not shake it from his mind. It ate away at him and consumed his every thought, making it difficult to concentrate.

_"I really think you could be a professional."_

Akaashi's lip twitched. He had fiddled around with his violin a little in the past week, just to get his fingers adjusted, and he had already seen some progress. It made his heart squeeze, but he quickly shoved the feeling down.

He did not want to get his hopes up.

He turned back to his paperwork, trying to focus, but his mind wandered again. His eyes flitted to the computer screen and he hesitated, his hands moving to hover over the keyboard.

With a heavy sigh, Akaashi searched the internet for possible violin openings in Japan. He knew it was a stretch, and that finding an opening so local would be near impossible, but he just wanted to see if—

...A match came up on the top of his list.

There was an opening for violin in the New Japan Philharmonic.

And they were based in Tokyo.

Akaashi leaned close to the computer screen, clicking on the audition requirements and deadlines.

The required pieces were… difficult.

But it wasn't impossible.

He could… really go for it.

Akaashi could actually be a part of an orchestra again!

He could really go and be professio—

Three loud knocks pounded on Akaashi's door, making him jump out of his skin. He sighed and swiveled around in his chair so he could stand. He moved to the door and opened it, expecting to see a friendly face with his son.

His heart nearly leapt from his chest.

It was not Bokuto and Tobio.

Standing on the other side of the door was his father.

"Can I have a word with you?" his father asked snappily.

Akaashi swallowed and nodded, leaving his office to stand in the hallway. His father sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. Akaashi nearly grimaced at the gesture. His father looked impatient.

"So. Working with my company. What is your decision?" his father asked with furrowed brows.

Crap. Akaashi had forgotten all about his father's arbitrary deadline that he had made last week. Had it already been a week since then?

In response to Akaashi's silence, his father sighed and reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. He was really starting to get angry now. Akaashi briefly wondered if his entire day had been that awful for him to get to this agitated state.

"I don't have time for games, Keiji. I need your answer.  _Now,"_  his father said, dropping his hand to his side.

Akaashi looked at his father, watching how his brows pinched and his face was skewed in anger. His hands were in fists by his sides, fingers twitching and fidgeting.

_You don't have a choice._

The voice spoke.

_If you want to make him happy, you have to take this job._

_So take it._

_Take it and make Daddy happy._

Akaashi opened his mouth to speak.

_Go ahead. Live under his thumb for the rest of your pathetic life!_

Akaashi snapped his mouth shut, feeling his chest tighten at the voice. He glanced over his shoulder to see his computer in his office. The audition materials for that spot were still glowing on the screen like a beacon of hope.

_"I really think you could be a professional."_

_"It was… really beautiful, Akaashi."_

_"You seem really sad at your current job, Akaashi. And just now, you… you looked so happy._

_"I'll support you either way."_

Akaashi clenched his fists, having made up his mind. He was feeling more determined than he had in ages. And it was all thanks to Bokuto's supporting words.

He turned back to his father, feeling confident, and gave him a deadpan stare.

"Sorry. But I don't want to work under you," Akaashi said.

His father's eyebrows lifted into his forehead in surprise. Then, they lowered right back down in fury.

"What did you just say?" he said in a threatening whisper.

Akaashi's hands shook by his sides but he managed to keep his expression neutral.

"I'm not going to work for your company," Akaashi said. "I think I've found a dream for myself, and I don't want to live in your shadow anymore."

His father's face twisted into a glare, the anger bleeding from every fiber of his being. He stood up taller and puffed out his chest, his shoulders rising as he inhaled.

"After  _everything_  I gave you! After all of the headache I went through to try to get you to where you are, and you just want to throw it all away?!" his father yelled. "How many times are you going to throw away the opportunities given to you?! What kind of son  _are_  you?"

His father continued to yell and shout, backing Akaashi up against the wall. Akaashi tried not to let the fear show on his face but he knew that his father could sense it, and he was taking advantage of every moment.

"You threw away my investments in you! And for what? A stupid child? How selfish could you possibly be? This is  _my name_  you're ruining!" his father yelled.

Akaashi swallowed and put up his hands, trying to calm down his crazed father.

"I'm going to go," Akaashi said, and he took a step to the side to get around his father.

"This conversation is  _not_  over!" his father yelled, yanking Akaashi back by his collar.

Akaashi choked and coughed as he was yanked back, the wind knocking right out of his throat. He glanced up to see his father's hand raised over his head, ready to strike. Akaashi's eyes widened. His father was going to hit him again!

"We obviously did not discipline you enough as a child! I suppose I will have to make up for my own  _mistake!"_  his father yelled, raising his hand a bit higher.

Akaashi squeezed his eyes shut, bracing for impact.

But, the impact never came.

And a boisterous voice yelled close to his ear.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

Akaashi's eyes snapped open and he glanced up.

There was a hand holding back his father's wrist, and its grip was tightening painfully. He followed the hand up a bulky arm, and then he moved his gaze to meet a pair of golden eyes.

Akaashi's eyes widened.

"Bokuto-san?" Akaashi whispered.

Bokuto shoved his father back and away from Akaashi, moving to stand in between them.

"What the hell were you going to do to Akaashi?! Hah?!" Bokuto yelled.

Akaashi could not see Bokuto's face, but he could tell from Bokuto's back that he was angry. His hands were curled into shaking fists by his sides, and his broad back was tensed, the muscles flexing underneath his jacket.

"Daddy?"

Akaashi turned to see Tobio standing behind him, a plastic takeout bag in his hands. He looked concerned and scared, his eyes watery.

"What's going on?" he asked, his voice trembling a little.

Akaashi swallowed and took a deep breath. "Just stay behind me, okay?"

Tobio nodded, his mouth trembling.

"This is private business, boy," Akaashi's father said, rubbing the wrist that Bokuto had squeezed. "This does not concern you."

"Like hell it does!" Bokuto shouted, making Akaashi jump.

"You shouldn't interfere with family matters," Akaashi's father said. "Stand aside. I still have things to discuss with my son."

"What?" Bokuto said. He turned his head slightly, but Akaashi could not see his face. "Akaashi, this is your  _dad?"_

Akaashi, a little thrown off guard, nodded and hummed. "Um… Mmn."

Bokuto's fists shook even harder. His muscles tensed further, looking like he was close to exploding.

"How  _dare_  you try to hit your own  _son!"_  Bokuto yelled. "He's your kid, for crying out loud! Show him some love! He's done nothing to deserve this hatred and violence!"

People had started to gather at the end of the hallway, and Akaashi knew that he had to end this soon or it could get ugly.

Akaashi reached forward, tentatively, to touch Bokuto's shoulder. Bokuto jumped and turned his head to look at Akaashi. The sight of Bokuto's face made him break out into goosebumps, and shivers ran down his spine.

Bokuto was furious.

"It's all right, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said. "I'm fine."

Bokuto's face softened a little and he turned to fully face Akaashi, his eyes roving over his body.

"But, Akaashi! He was going to hurt you again!" Bokuto said, his voice calming.

Akaashi nodded. "I know. But he didn't," he said. He glanced back to his office, the computer screen still lit up with the audition information on it. "And… I think I've got my answer."

Bokuto's face twisted in confusion as Akaashi walked past him and towards his father.

"Akaashi…" Bokuto called out softly.

Akaashi ignored his call and marched right up to his father. He stood tall, confident and poised, while his father still had remnants of his ugly, uncontrollable anger written on his face.

It was in that moment that Akaashi knew he was going to make the right decision.

"I think you need to find a new orchestra librarian," Akaashi said. "Because I quit."

He barely caught the horrified expression on his father's face before he turned around and marched right back to Bokuto, who was eyeing him with reverence.

"You said you picked up food?" Akaashi asked him as he passed him to scoop Tobio in his arms.

Bokuto blinked at him, confused at first, but he soon smiled widely. It was as if he realized what had just happened, and the pieces fell together. He hurried to Akaashi's side and ruffled Tobio's hair.

"Yeah! Little man and I found some really good food! Isn't that right, Tobio?" Bokuto asked.

Tobio nodded and lifted up the bag to show him. Akaashi smiled and kissed Tobio's cheek.

"You did a good job. Shall we go eat?" Akaashi said.

Bokuto hooted and pumped his fist. "Yes! I'm going to eat a ton!"

"Oh, me, too!" Tobio said, seemingly calm despite the episode earlier.

The three of them walked out of the music hall, laughing and talking about their days.

And Akaashi did not look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has art that they'd like to do, please go for it! Just make sure you tag me on Tumblr. I want to see your beautiful artworks!
> 
> ALSO!   
> If you're wondering what piece Akaashi plays on violin, here's a link to a video [here!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxyA5bgpels)
> 
> Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucke1)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, guys! New chapter for you.   
> Just a shoutout to everyone giving kudos or leaving comments. I seriously read every single comment and take note of who gives kudos. It always warms my heart every time I see a new notification about some wonderful readers who have left a comment for me.   
> Honestly, if it weren't for you guys, I wouldn't be writing. So thank YOU ALL for pushing me to do my best throughout this!
> 
> Thank you Tayu-chan for editing and Velvloid for being a constant support. You two are amazing as always.
> 
> Warning!!!  
> There is mention of suicide/self-harm in this chapter. Please be safe everyone.
> 
> Happy reading!

_I quit._

With just those two words, Akaashi's world had completely flipped.

There was far less stress.

Akaashi could play volleyball.

He could see Bokuto and bond with his son every day at practice.

The world was calm and peaceful…

…except for one thing.

The violin screeched.

The practicing was proving more difficult than Akaashi had anticipated.

Every day for the past week, Akaashi had practiced nearly six hours every day. The joints in his hands were stiff and the muscles in his arms were sore. After not playing for five years, getting back into the swing of things had been tiring.

Akaashi sighed as he tried the simple scale again, his fingers trailing up the strings. His fingers shook as the muscles strained to move, and he struggled to get the right pitch. The strings squeaked every so often when his bow quivered.

His arms were exhausted.

He lowered the violin and rolled his neck to relieve his stiff shoulders. His forehead had a light sheen of annoying sweat that would, every so often, drip into his eye. It was frustrating. The whole thing was frustrating.

Akaashi glanced over at the clock, deciding it was probably time to call it for the day. It was nearing the time for him to head to Fukudoroni anyway.

He sighed and walked over to the coffee table and lowered the violin into its case with trembling arms. It fit snugly in its case, just as he had remembered it. He glanced at its sleek design, the few scratches on the surface.

His finger ran over a particularly long scratch on near the side, and he furrowed his brows in confusion. When had his case gotten that scratch?

Akaashi thought back to his college days when he had carried that violin around like a lifeline. He remembered that scratch always being there, though…

His eyes suddenly widened, the memory clicking into place.

That's right. He had gotten that scratch the first day of rehearsal his first year of college…

 

_Akaashi ran as fast as he could to get to the auditorium. He had rushed from his afternoon class, which the professor had let out late._

_Of course the professor had to let out late on the day Akaashi began his orchestra career at university. It was just so typical._

_He ran into the music building and practically sprinted down the hall, dodging other students who were milling about. He only slightly envied their lack of busyness._

_When he reached the end of the hall, Akaashi turned sharply at the corner, ready to climb the few steps to get to the auditorium doors._

_But before he could even fully make the turn, he ran right into another person, taking them both crashing to the ground. A pair of violin cases scattered from their hands and skidded across the hard floor, and Akaashi nearly had a heart attack. His father would kill him if he messed up that violin!_

_He sat up and rubbed his sore elbows, glancing over to see who he had run over._

_The first thing he noticed was smooth black hair that was pulled up in a ponytail._

_Akaashi paled._

_He had totally knocked over a girl!_

_"I—I'm so sorry!" Akaashi apologized, scrambling to his feet. He extended a hand down to her. "Are you okay?"_

_The girl looked up at him, and she took Akaashi's breath away._

_She had the most beautiful navy blue eyes._

_"Oh, yeah. I'm totally fine," she said, taking his hand and giving him a small smile. "I was running late for rehearsal so I was in a hurry, but I forgot my rosin in my car."_

_"Oh! I have some extra if you want to use it," Akaashi said, pointing to his violin case._

_"I can use some?" the girl asked._

_Akaashi nodded. "Of course."_

_The girl smiled, and it made Akaashi's heart somersault. "Thank you!"_

_Akaashi nodded. "We should hurry, though."_

_The girl nodded back. "Right."_

_They both hurried over to pick up their violins, and Akaashi frowned when he saw a fresh scratch in the black case. His brows pinched, feeling a little peeved that it had happened. But as long as the violin inside was okay, then the case did not matter. It did its job._

_They both rushed into the auditorium where other orchestra members were still warming up and getting their instruments together. Akaashi breathed a sigh of relief when he realized he was not late._

_After he had gotten his instrument out, he hurried to the stage where the section leaders were assigning seats for the incoming freshmen. He waited patiently for his name to be called, and when it was called, several eyes laid on him at once._

_"Oh, so we have Akaashi-sama's son with us! That's amazing!"_

_"That's crazy. He'll be better than us in no time I bet…"_

_"Don't be so discouraged! The orchestra will sound good now."_

_Akaashi tried to remain calm as he took his seat, his heart thudding against his chest. He could hear other names being called but he could not register exactly what they were saying._

_Suddenly, he felt someone sit next to him and he turned his head sharply to see who it was._

_His heart fluttered again when he saw that it was that same girl._

_"Oh, hi, Akaashi-san. I guess we're stand partners, then?" she said._

_Akaashi stared at her, swallowing thickly. "How… did you know my name?"_

_The girl giggled, raising a brow. "They kinda announced it, remember? And you're some kind of celebrity around here."_

_Akaashi flushed, bowing his head a little. "Oh, right. Sorry, but I didn't hear your name…"_

_The girl smiled at him. "Oh! My name is—"_

 

Akaashi jolted, ripping his hand back from his violin case. Then he froze, his breath stalling in his chest and his limbs growing stiff.

It had been a while since he had thought about her.

Why did he have to have that memory come to him now of all times?

He did not need this. Not when time was going by so quickly.

He turned away from his violin and quickly gathered his gym bag and water to head to Fukudoroni.

_She left you, remember?_

Akaashi sighed angrily as the voice tried to provoke him again.

"Shut up," he whispered as he left his apartment.

_You are delusional if you think you can master violin again!_

_Even she thought so!_

_She thought you were so pathetic that she dumped that kid off on you!_

"Enough!" Akaashi said, yelling into the hallway of his apartment. He turned around, almost as if he were expecting the source of the voice to be right behind him.

But, as usual, Akaashi realized that the voice was stuck inside of him. Lurking and waiting to strike whenever he felt vulnerable.

He sighed, panting from his delirious meltdown, and hurried down the hall.

He put it far from his mind, thinking about only a loud and boisterous volleyball coach who needed his help today. He had to focus. Focus…

Focus.

* * *

"Uncle Bokuto told me to do it like this!"

"What? That's not what Daddy told me."

"Eh? He does it differently?"

"Yes. We need to do it this way."

Tobio watched as Shouyou stared down at the volleyball in between his hands with a puzzled look on his face. He looked up at Tobio and then tilted his head at him, his face turning back to normal.

"I don't get it," Shouyou said.

Tobio rolled his eyes. "You have to push out your arms! Like this!"

Tobio clasped his hands together and pushed his elbows up, making the insides of his arms face upward.

"You have to receive the ball with your arms like this," Tobio said. "If you bend your arms then the ball will keep hitting you in the face."

"It doesn't hit me in the face all the time!" Shouyou protested.

"It's like every day!" Tobio shouted back, making Shouyou pout. "Now toss me the ball."

Shouyou squinted his eyes at him for a moment before lightly tossing the ball up into the air and towards Tobio. Tobio bent his knees, just as his father had shown him, and he locked his arms together. The ball connected with his arms and tapped up and into the air. Shouyou stood amazed, his eyes shining and his jaw dropped.

"Wow!" Shouyou exclaimed.

"Oi, don't just stand there! Receive it!" Tobio barked.

Shouyou jolted out of his daze and scrambled to get the right position. He crouched down low and tried to receive it, but the ball hit his arm at an angle, causing it to fling to the side and roll along the floor.

"You dummy!" Tobio yelled, scowling at Shouyou. He hurried after the ball.

"At least it didn't hit my face!" Shouyou called after him.

Tobio picked up the ball and started back to his old spot. "But you're supposed to hit it back to me, Dummy!"

Shouyou stuck his tongue out at him and then got into position. "Well hurry up and toss it to me, then!"

Tobio sighed and got ready to toss it, but just before he could throw the ball up into the air, he heard Bokuto calling the players over to the net. Tobio stopped and watched as Bokuto and his father talked to the players.

"Nice work, guys! Now we need to toughen up for next week's game!" Bokuto said with a huge smile on his face. "Let's see some spikes!"

"Yes, sir!"

Tobio's hands gripped the ball as he watched as the volleyball players line up to start spiking. His eyes shined as each player ran up to the net and leaped high into the air to slam the ball down on the other side. He desired to learn more and more about volleyball as quickly as he could so he could catch up to them.

He also wanted to play with his father.

"Tobiooo! C'mon! Bump the ball to me!"

Tobio jolted and turned around. His face fell into a scowl when he saw Shouyou still standing behind him, looking impatient but energetic.

"Are you going to bump it into your face again?" Tobio asked.

"No! I'll bump it right back to you!" Shouyou said.

Tobio pouted. "That's what you said the last time. You need to do better."

"At least I'm not a grumpy pants," Shouyou muttered.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Tobio growled, his brows lowered.

"N-Nothing!" Shouyou said. "Just bump it! C'mon, c'mon!"

Tobio relaxed his face and nodded, his scowl turning into a determined frown. He threw the ball into the air and quickly placed his hands together as Bokuto had shown him. Then, he bumped the ball up and over to Shouyou, who eagerly awaited with his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth.

Shouyou clasped his hands together, ready for the ball. It was getting lower, and—

"Shouyou!"

Shouyou whipped his head to the side at the sound of his name, and the ball promptly smacked him in the face, making him fall backward with a pitiful "bleh!"

Tobio stomped his foot once and pointed at Shouyou on the ground.

"Dummy Shouyou! You said you wouldn't let it hit you in the face!" Tobio yelled.

Shouyou sat up from the floor with his hand holding his forehead. He had a pout on his face as he tried to glare at Tobio.

"I didn't mean to! I heard someone calling me!" Shouyou said.

"Hah? Who was calling—"

"Shouyou!"

At the second call, both boys turned to see a woman with red hair walking into the gym. She had a baby carrier on her arm, a sleepy baby hidden inside.

Shouyou's eyes lit up like fireworks.

"Mommy!" Shouyou yelled, scrambling up from the floor to rush over to his mom.

Tobio watched from where he stood.

Mommy?

Shouyou collided into the woman's side and squeezed his arms around her legs.

"What are you doing here?" he asked her. "I thought you were at home with Natsu."

His mom smiled and embraced Shouyou in a one-armed hug, kissing him on the top of his mop of hair. She knelt down to him and tapped his nose with her finger.

"I thought we could go out to eat tonight," his mom said.

"Really?! We can?" Shouyou asked.

His mom nodded. "Of course! Natsu has been doing so well that I thought it would be a good time to try out a restaurant."

Shouyou grinned from ear to ear and scurried over to the car side.

"Good job, Natsu! You're making Mommy happy!" Shouyou said.

The baby cooed and reached up to grab Shouyou's nose, making the boy laugh.

"She got me, Mom!" Shouyou said.

"I can see that," his mom said with a laugh.

The two of them laughed and giggled while trying to make the baby smile.

The sight made Tobio's brows furrow. His chest suddenly felt strange and his stomach was doing weird flips. His eyes burned and his little hands curled into fists.

He suddenly felt… sad.

Why was he feeling this way?

The woman ran her fingers through Shouyou's hair and then she stood to her feet.

"Okay, Shouyou. Say goodbye to your friend. We're going to go now," she said.

Shouyou nodded and turned back to Tobio, lifting up a hand to wave at him furiously.

"Bye, Tobio! See you tomorrow!" Shouyou yelled.

Tobio barely lifted a hand to wave back, not uttering a word as Shouyou turned away to grab onto his mother's hand. Before they could leave, Bokuto came running over to squeeze Shouyou's mother in a tight hug, and then he turned his attention to the baby. They all looked so… happy.

What was is about this scene that made Tobio feel so uneasy?

Tobio stood frozen in the same spot, the volleyball abandoned on the side next to the wall. He felt his lips tremble a little, and he lowered his head to look at the ground sadly, unable to look at Shouyou and his mother any longer. Even the sounds of squeaking shoes and slamming volleyballs could not make him smile.

"Ah, is Shouyou leaving, Tobio?"

Tobio jolted when he heard a voice call out to him. He had been so distracted that he did not hear the sounds of his father's footsteps coming towards him. He glanced up at his father, who was standing in front of him.

"That's okay. You can come—" His father stopped when he focused on Tobio's face, his eyes widening a little in concern. He quickly crouched down to his level and put a hand on Tobio's shoulder. "What's wrong, Tobio? Did something happen?"

Tobio's eyes squinted, holding back the tears, and he shook his head. His gaze landed on Shouyou and his mother once more.

Tobio's father blinked at him a few times and then glanced over his shoulder to stare at Shouyou. He paused, his lips parting slightly and his eyes growing in realization.

"Is… Is that Shouyou's mother?" his father asked.

Tobio nodded, unsure if his father even saw his response. But his father stood to his feet and turned away from Tobio.

"I see," his father said.

His father's voice cracked and trembled, making Tobio whip his head up to look at him, startled. His father did not move for a moment, his eyes locked onto Shouyou and the woman.

Tobio tilted his head to look at his father's face, and his lips trembled when he saw the sad look in his father's eyes. He lowered his gaze to stare at the ground again, the shiny floor becoming blurry because of his tears.

Suddenly, there was a pat on his head, and long fingers carded through his hair. Tobio moved his head up, the hand staying on top of his head. His father was standing next to him, his eyes piercing yet unreadable as they stared at Shouyou's family.

"C'mon. Let's go on the court," his father said. "I'll teach you how to properly set."

His father did not spare him a second glance as he walked out onto the court to grab a ball. He hesitated, not sure if he should follow. The look in his father's eyes was… strange.

After taking a moment to tug on the hem of his shirt, Tobio rushed out onto the court to stand next to his father. And while he watched and listened to what his father had to say, his mind was still stuck on that image of Shouyou's family laughing together.

* * *

The excerpt of music for the audition was incredibly difficult. It was a passage from a Mahler Symphony.

Akaashi had played the piece before, but that was during a time when his fingers cooperated better. Now, it was as if his fingers were disconnected from his mind, unable to perform any simple movements along the strings.

He hated this sluggish feeling. He hated being  _behind_.

Akaashi briefly wondered if this entire thing was a mistake.

His fingers got jumbled on the string as he tried the faster passage. The notes were uneven,  _damn it_ , and his sound was so squeaky that it sounded as if he were an amateur who had no business playing such a difficult masterpiece.

Akaashi sent a silent apology to the heavens. Mahler would be ashamed.

He removed the violin from his shoulder, his arms beginning to tingle from overuse. He stared at the music, humming the tune over and over and wiggling his fingers to match each note.

What was even going on here? How had he gotten so rusty over the years?

This was  _frustrating._

After humming the passage, Akaashi panted, completely out of breath, wiping the sweat from his forehead with his sleeve. He huffed out an exasperated puff of air and lifted the violin back to tuck under his chin. He raised the bow and started again, his muscles aching all the way to his shoulders.

He had to get this right. He had to finish the passage and he had to get it  _right._  No matter how long it would take, he just had to make it perfect.

Akaashi pushed down on the strings with his bow almost angrily as he started up the passage of music again. The sound was harsh and loud against his ear, but Akaashi was too concerned about getting it right to care. His fingers pressed hard into the strings, sliding along them and moving them as quickly as he possibly could.

_You won't get it right._

Akaashi grit his teeth at the sound of that wretched voice, his fingers still moving along the strings with inaccurate speed.

_This is such a waste of time._

Akaashi inhaled through his nose. He could feel drops of sweat sliding down his neck.

_You will never be anything in this world!_

Akaashi had almost beaten it, the fight against that voice. He moved the bow with more precision and slid his fingers along the strings.

He would win.

He could do this.

He could win that audition and—

_"Goodbye, Keiji."_

"AH!"

Akaashi winced and hissed as sharp pains attacked the tips of his fingers, causing him to nearly drop the violin from his grip. He panted, his entire body shivering, and he glanced down at his left hand.

His eyes widened.

The tips of his fingers had split open, causing trails of blood to start flowing down to his hand. He frantically glanced to his violin and sighed in relief when he saw that the blood had only coated the strings and not the neck or fingerboard.

Akaashi sighed as he placed his bow and violin down on the table. He had not built up enough calluses yet. His fingers were still new to practicing, and this was an obvious sign that he had not been pacing himself properly.

Keeping his hand upright, Akaashi hurried to the bathroom to patch himself up. He turned on the faucet and then looked to his hand, clicking his tongue when he had noticed that some of his blood had gotten on his favorite jacket. Of course, the sleeves had to be a light blue color where the stains would easily show.

With another heavy sigh, he rolled up the sleeve of his jacket, preparing to let the water wash it down.

But when the blood trickled down to his wrist, he paused, sucking in a sharp breath. He stared at the pale, white marks that etched into his skin, the blood sliding along the lines and falling to the tiles floor next to his bare feet. He glanced down at the drops of blood on the floor, his breath seizing in his chest.

He could hear the sound of a baby wailing echoing in the recesses of his mind as the distant memory started to come back.

The cool tile beneath his feet.

Tears on his cheeks.

Exhaustion biting into his bones…

…And a knife held to his wrist.

Akaashi gasped back to reality, almost crumbling to his knees. He held himself up by the bathroom counter, his arms shaking. The blood from his wrist... fingertips… spread out on the counter and slipped down the cabinets.

_Failure._

The voice whispered wretchedly in Akaashi's ear, making him jump.

_There's no way you can do this. You're a failure, Keiji._

His hands curled into fists, the tips of his fingers stinging as they pressed into his palms.

"No…" Akaashi whispered.

_You're useless as a musician, just as you were useless as a father._

"Shut up, shut up,  _shut up!"_  Akaashi said, his voice rising to echo in the bathroom.

_You need to get rid of this stress. Just do what you used to do._

Akaashi inhaled sharply, his eyes moving to look down at his wrist. The white lines were  _enticing._

_Just do it. Go on, you know how._

Akaashi swallowed as he lifted up his wrist to eye the old scars better. It had been almost four years since he had last taken a knife to himself. He remembered how he would struggle to find a job, and then the babysitter would call him in a panic saying that Tobio was crying too much and that she did not get paid enough. And when Akaashi would come home from a long day at his run-down job, he would try to put Tobio to bed so he could try to just get at least one hour of practice time in. Just an hour. But Tobio screamed and screamed and  _screamed_ , and it was all too much to handle.

The love of his life had reappeared just to dump him for a second time.

He was surprised with a child that he suddenly had to take care of.

His multiple part-time jobs were running him ragged, and Tobio's lack of sleep made him even more exhausted the next morning.

His ability to play had already begun to deteriorate.

Everything in Akaashi's world had spiraled out of control until his heavy body felt worn down and fragile.

And that was when the voice first spoke.

_Go relieve the pain you feel. It'll take your mind off of everything that's happening._

It was frightening how controlling that voice was. It had Akaashi convinced that he needed to hurt himself to feel emotional relief. And while the self-mutilation and cutting and drops of blood worked for a short while, Akaashi would always end up in bed alone, those painful feelings still gripping at his chest.

And that voice would still speak, night after night.

_Worthless._

_She left you with this kid. Did she even love you at all? What kind of mother does that?_

_You hear your child screaming in the next room? Why don't you do something?_

_I bet_ she _could take care of Tobio better. She is his mother after all. Why don't you call her and beg her to take you back?_

_You stupid boy. She never loved you and she never will!_

_Why don't you just kill yourself!_

Then, one night, as Akaashi held a large pair of scissors to his forearm, little footsteps grabbed his attention. When he looked up to the doorway of the bathroom, he gasped.

Tobio was  _walking_.

After weeks of falling and crying, Akaashi thought Tobio would never get it. But here he was, all of that hard work paying off right in front of Akaashi's eyes.

With a swell of pride, Akaashi threw the scissors aside and rushed to scoop Tobio up in his arms, proud that his little boy could finally walk.

Later that night, Akaashi vowed never to put a blade to his wrist.

Akaashi blinked back to reality, the images of his memories fading before his eyes. The blood was still running down from his fingertips, and the white lines of his scars were still visible.

He sighed and turned on the sink to let the water run over his hands. It stung briefly, but soon enough, the blood had washed down the drain. When the bleeding stopped, he patched up his wounds with bandages, wincing when he pressed down on each fingertip. Setting at volleyball practice would be painful today.

_And maybe you deserve that pain._

_Just like all of the pain she caused you when she left._

Akaashi sighed, ignoring the voice again. He walked out to the living room to clean the dried blood from his strings and afterwards, he put the violin back in its case. When the clasps were closed, Akaashi sat on the couch and hunched over, putting his head in his hands.

Maybe he couldn't do this after all.

* * *

"No, no! You're supposed to do it like this!"

"What?! I can't do that! I'm not fast enough!"

"Well, learn to move faster!"

"Huh?!"

For the past several weeks, Bokuto had been teaching the volleyball team new spiking techniques, to which Tobio and Shouyou were eager to learn themselves. Bokuto taught them the simplest way to do it: one person toss while the other person spikes. It was difficult at first, but the two of them found a rhythm. Shouyou was spiking the ball every few tosses, and Tobio was learning how to set the ball into the air.

Everything seemed fine.

Except for Tobio's temper.

Recently, Tobio felt more and more frustrated and bitter towards the redhead. His words were clipped and short, and he was quick to yell or start a fight. It was not unusual, but the fights were becoming more and more frequent. Especially whenever Shouyou talked animatedly about his household.

"I'll get it, I'll get it! I just couldn't sleep because Natsu was crying a lot. But Mom said that it's normal and that I even cried a lot!" Shouyou said after a failed attempt to spike the ball. He hurried after the ball and picked it up, his eyes shining with interest as he turned back to look at Tobio. "Does your Mommy ever do that?"

Tobio's brows pushed together, his hands anxiously wiggling by his sides as he tried to keep calm. He pouted and gestured for Shouyou to hand him the ball.

"I don't know who my Mommy is," Tobio said under his breath as he caught the ball.

Shouyou tilted his head and quirked a brow. "What? What do you mean?"

Tobio's brow twitched. "I've just never met her, all right?! Now go stand over there and let me toss to you!"

Shouyou pouted but obeyed, turning to walk back a few spaces. He hesitated, watching Tobio for a moment. And just before Tobio could toss the ball, he blurted his next words as if they just came to his mind.

"It doesn't make sense, though."

Tobio almost stumbled as he abruptly stopped his toss, the ball falling from his hands. He huffed and righted himself, marching over to grab the ball.

"What doesn't make sense?" Tobio scowled.

Shouyou put his hands on his hips. "How you've never met your mommy. That doesn't make sense. Everyone has a mommy!"

Tobio picked up the ball and shot Shouyou a vicious glare in warning, but the redhead still looked at him expectantly. Tobio pouted and turned away to walk back over to his spot.

"Well, I  _don't!"_  Tobio yelled after he turned around.

"But why?" Shouyou asked, tilting his head again. "Did she leave? Or is she sick?"

Tobio's hands gripped the volleyball hard, squeezing it with the intent to pop it.

"I don't  _know,"_  Tobio sneered. "Daddy never told me about my mommy."

Shouyou put his hands on his hips. "Well, that's silly. My daddy goes away for work a lot but my mommy always knows where he is."

"So? Who cares? Stop asking me so much," Tobio fired back, his eyes narrowing. He glanced over at the players and then back to Shouyou. "We're running out of time. You need to learn how to spike the ball since you're so bad at it!"

Shouyou's eyes widened briefly before his brows came crashing down in a less-than-friendly scowl.

"Hey! Don't be so mad at me about it!" Shouyou yelled. "I was just asking questions! Mommy said it's how you get to know your friends!"

"Well,  _don't!"_  Tobio yelled. "I don't need friends! Especially someone as stupid as you!"

Tobio briefly saw Shouyou's shocked expression before he turned away to go back to his spot. Before he could turn back around, he heard feet rapidly tapping towards him, and suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around the volleyball and tugged hard.

Tobio snapped his head down to see Shouyou struggling to rip the ball from Tobio's grasp.

"You take that back! I'm not stupid!" Shouyou yelled.

Tobio's anger burned  _hot._

He tugged on the ball and glared at Shouyou in the eye.

"No! You  _are_  stupid! And you can't even spike properly!" Tobio said, ripping the ball away from Shouyou.

Shouyou's anger also erupted in a rush, and he lunged forward to wrap his arms around Tobio's waist in an attempt to tackle him to the ground in retaliation for taking the volleyball. Tobio dropped the volleyball and tried to push on Shouyou's head to get him away.

"You big, dumb, meanie!" Shouyou yelled.

"Get  _off!"_  Tobio shouted.

But the look in Shouyou's eyes was vicious. And he opened his mouth to speak.

"I bet your mommy didn't want to be your mommy because you're so mean!"

Tobio's anger turned white hot, the energy surging through his limbs and making him quake.

The rage built higher and higher until it was at its maximum.

And then, something inside of him  _snapped._

"Shut up, shut up, shut  _up!"_  Tobio yelled.

Tobio grabbed onto Shouyou's hair painfully and yanked  _hard_  until the arms retracted from their tight grip on his waist. He heard a tiny yelp squeak from Shouyou's mouth but he ignored it in favor of shoving him roughly to the ground, the redhead landing hard on his face.

Tobio stood panting, the fury still coursing through his veins like a steady flow of lava. He just felt so  _angry_  and  _upset_  and…  _jealous_. He just wanted Shouyou to  _stop._

He glanced down at Shouyou and watched as the redhead leaned up from the floor, his eyes filled with pain as he looked up at Tobio.

Tobio froze.

A trail of blood was running down from Shouyou's nose. When Shouyou felt his nose and saw the blood on his hand, his eyes widened.

A lump formed in Tobio's throat as panic began to set in because  _that was a lot of blood—_

" _Tobio!"_

Tobio jumped and whirled around to see his father and Bokuto rushing over to them. Bokuto immediately crouched down next to Shouyou, helping him to his feet and checking his face for injuries.

Tobio's father crouched in front of him, a strange expression on his face.

"Tobio, what on earth  _happened?!_ Did you do that to Shouyou?!" his father asked frantically.

Tobio's lips wobbled and he averted his gaze. He nodded slowly in response, eliciting a small gasp from his father.

"What?! Why? Why do you want to hurt someone, Tobio?!" his father asked.

Tobio gripped the hem of his shirt and shivered as tremors began to wrack his body. He could feel the sobs starting to build, the telltale signs quickly emerging: the stinging in the eyes, the frog in the throat, snotty nose and the inability to properly  _breathe_.

"Answer me, Tobio!"

His father grew impatient, waiting for answers. But Tobio had no answers to give. All he could explain was that he was  _sad_.

With that sudden realization, the dam broke.

"I… I… I  _don't know!"_

Tobio's voice came out in a wail, and his little hands released his shirt in favor of covering his eyes. He could feel hands on his shoulders and the sounds of soft voices talking to him, but he could not hear a word.

All he could hear were his own cries.

* * *

It had taken what seemed like ages for Akaashi to calm Tobio down.

He had been so startled by Tobio's sudden outburst of tears that his anger immediately flushed out of his system. Even Shouyou, who still had blood running down his face, was staring at Tobio with a small sense of concern on his face.

When Tobio had calmed, he clung to Akaashi like a koala, his head buried in his father's chest. They sat down with Shouyou to try to get the story, and Akaashi frowned hard at his explanation.

_It all revolves around you, doesn't it?_  Akaashi thought, his mind drifting wearily back to his ex.

She had caused so much trouble for them. But Akaashi could not completely blame her. He was also part of the blame.

And Bokuto, gracious and wonderful Bokuto, was the one to explain to Shouyou's mother—his sister—everything that happened. She looked a little concerned at first, but Shouyou wasn't crying. If anything was off, it was just that he was oddly subdued and quiet.

Akaashi bowed several times to Shouyou's mother but she patted his shoulder to make him rise, telling Akaashi that "kids will be kids."

Akaashi smiled politely at her words, grateful for the forgiveness, but his stomach was in knots. The reason behind Tobio's cries was still fresh in his mind, searing into his heart like a sharp knife. He never wanted Tobio to ever feel abandoned. He wanted to protect Tobio from ever feeling this way.

But, Akaashi supposed, that it was bound to happen one day. And fate chose today to let it run its course.

Akaashi pulled Tobio close to his chest as he got ready to leave, the tips of his bandaged fingers still sore from over-practicing. He leaned over to grab his gym bag, his arm dangling as he tried to hold Tobio upright. He fumbled a few times, the strap of the bag falling further and further from his grasp. He sighed in exhaustion, the emotions still swirling around.

"I got it," came a familiar voice, and suddenly Bokuto was there to grab the bag. He smiled softly at Akaashi as he tossed the bag over his shoulder. "Ready?"

Akaashi sighed. "You really don't need to carry that for me."

"It's all good," Bokuto said, waving him off with his free hand. "Let me walk you home."

Akaashi winced, letting out another tired sigh. He nodded and hummed, giving in to Bokuto's blinding smile.

"All right."

They walked towards Akaashi's apartment in total silence, the sounds of their footsteps the only noise echoing in the darkened streets. Bokuto kept glancing over at the still child in Akaashi's arms. Akaashi wondered if Bokuto was just walking them home to see if Tobio was okay. Bokuto had looked pretty frightened himself at seeing Tobio cry like that.

When they reached his apartment, Akaashi, as he usually did, invited Bokuto inside. And just as he usually did, Bokuto accepted, coming inside and shuffling out of his shoes.

Akaashi walked straight to Tobio's room and laid him down on the bed. All of the crying had worn him out, his eyes obviously puffy and swollen. Akaashi winced, running his fingers through the boy's hair.

"You want anything, Tobio? You hardly ate any dinner," Akaashi asked, patting Tobio's belly.

Tobio sniffed and shook his head, the light from the hallway reflecting off of the tears in his eyes.

Akaashi frowned. "Not even milk?"

Tobio shook his head, looking pitiful. His answer made Akaashi frown harder, the worry obvious on his face. He took a quiet breath and patted Tobio's belly one last time before standing to his feet.

"Okay. Well, I'll make sure you have a nice breakfast in the morning, okay?" Akaashi asked.

Tobio nodded wordlessly and moved to cuddle with his plush fish. Akaashi pulled the covers up and over both Tobio and his fish before leaning down to kiss his son's forehead.

"Goodnight, Tobio," Akaashi said, and he turned to leave the bedroom.

"Daddy?"

Tobio's voice made him pause by the door and he turned back to see his son sitting up in bed, squeezing his fish to his chest.

"Yes?" Akaashi asked.

Tobio's eyes shimmered slightly.

"Do I have a mommy?" he asked.

Akaashi sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth, almost choking on his spit. He cleared his throat and looked at Tobio, trying to keep his own eyes from tearing up.

"You used to," Akaashi answered, as blunt as ever. "But she went away."

Tobio paused, trying to process that answer.

"Oh," Tobio said. "Did I… make her go away?"

His question made Akaashi's heart hurt.

He rushed over to Tobio's bed and swept him up in a hug, squeezing him to his chest. He kissed Tobio's hair and rubbed his back.

"Not at all," Akaashi said. "You did nothing wrong, Tobio. Do you understand that? You did  _nothing wrong."_

Tobio sniffed and nodded against Akaashi's chest, apparently more tears falling down the boy's cheeks. Akaashi rubbed his back until the sniffling diminished, and he pulled his son back and wiped the tears from his face.

"Better now?" Akaashi asked.

Tobio nodded, his wet eyelids heavy. Akaashi kissed his forehead one last time and then gently guided the boy to lie down.

"We'll talk more tomorrow, okay? Get some rest," Akaashi said.

"Okay, Daddy," Tobio responded in a tired whisper, his eyes closing as soon as his head hit the pillow.

Akaashi let a moment pass, waiting to see if Tobio was asleep, and then he tiptoed out of Tobio's room, softly closing the door behind him.

"Is he okay?"

Akaashi turned to see Bokuto leaning against the wall outside of Tobio's bedroom, his arms folded across his chest and a concerned look on his face. Akaashi sighed and nodded in response.

"He will be. After some rest he should be fine," Akaashi said. He walked down the hall and into the living room, Bokuto in tow. He sat down on the couch and let his head hang back on the backrest.

"Ah," Bokuto said as he plopped down on the couch next to Akaashi. He sat stiffly, his hand reaching up to nervously rub the back of his neck. "He seemed… really upset today."

Akaashi paused, glancing at Bokuto out of the corner of his eye. "Yeah," was all he could answer.

"And… what Shouyou said to him…" Bokuto started, sounding unsure of himself. "It was… about his mother."

Akaashi's hands curled into fists. He leaned up and glanced down at his lap, staring at his still-bandaged hands.

He wanted to talk to him about it. He wanted to tell Bokuto everything that had happened before.

But could he trust him?

What if Bokuto thought badly of him afterward?

What if Bokuto…

_"If you think I'm leaving your side because of this, then you're wrong. I'm sticking next to you whether you like it or not!"_

Akaashi's chest tightened with renewed energy. He stood to his feet, his legs wobbling with nerves. His whole body trembled at what he was about to do.

"Akaashi? Where're you going?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi sucked in a quivering breath. "I'll be right back."

He did not look back to see Bokuto's strange expression and he headed to his bedroom. Once again, he got on the floor and searched under his bed, where all of his past seemed to hide.

Akaashi pulled out a cardboard box, the lid not taped or sealed. His hands trembled as he ran his fingers over the edges. He had not seen the contents of this box in almost five years. He had vowed to burn it or throw it away, but he could not bring himself to do it.

Akaashi got back up on his feet and stumbled down the hallway and back to the living room, where Bokuto was anxiously fidgeting on the couch. When he noticed Akaashi, his eyes immediately went to the box. But, thankfully, he did not ask any questions. Instead, he let Akaashi set the box down on the coffee table and open it himself.

The first thing Akaashi pulled out was a picture. He took one glance at it and sighed, his heart feeling as if it were ripping to shreds. He maneuvered around the coffee table and plopped down next to Bokuto, handing him the picture.

Bokuto took the picture and studied it, noticing four figures. One of them was Akaashi—Bokuto could see that right away. There was also two other guys and one girl in the picture.

"Who are they?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi leaned over, his shoulder bumping into Bokuto's.

"This a picture from when I was in college. The four of us were in a string quartet together," Akaashi explained. He pointed to the two guys in the picture. "These two were brothers. One played viola and the other played cello."

Bokuto nodded in understanding, watching as Akaashi took his fingers away from the picture. He paused and then pointed to the girl in the picture.

"And who is she?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi's chest tightened so hard that he thought he would suffocate. His heart was pounding madly in his chest, and the anxious butterflies in his stomach were enough to make him queasy. But he took a deep breath and looked at Bokuto with sincere eyes.

"That's Kageyama Mei," Akaashi started. "Tobio's mother."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still taking any offers for any artwork :) 
> 
> Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucke1)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter for you all!!
> 
> Huge shoutout to Tayu-chan for helping me with this one. There was a lot to this chapter and I really really appreciate you helping me with this.
> 
> And also... guys, we have ART.   
> Velvloid has made some beautiful, AMAZING art!!! Check it out [here!!!](https://velvloid.tumblr.com/post/178382908634/little-doodles-from-path%C3%A9tique-fic-by-lucke1)
> 
> Also, don't forget the warnings. There is mention of cutting/self-harm in this.
> 
> Thank you guys so much for reading and leaving kudos!
> 
> Happy reading!!!

_"Oh! My name is Kageyama Mei."_

_The girl bowed her head, holding her violin and bow in her lap._

_Akaashi bit his cheek when he saw a few strands of her hair fall into her face, but he schooled his expression when she looked back up at him._

_"It's, um… nice to meet you, Kageyama-san. My name is Akaashi Keiji," Akaashi introduced._

_Kageyama snickered at him. "I know that already. They announced your name, remember?"_

_Akaashi's face flushed red and he turned his gaze away to fiddle with his bow._

_"R-Right," he stuttered. "I, uh…"_

_"Forgot?" Kageyama offered._

_Akaashi smiled and looked at her once again. "Right."_

_Kageyama giggled again and scooted to the edge of her chair to study the music on their shared stand._

_"Well, hopefully you won't forget how to play," she challenged._

_Akaashi smiled playfully and also leaned forward to look at the vast selection. "I won't."_

_The first program of the year looked exciting, including a short piece by Ravel, a Beethoven piano concerto, and lastly, a symphony by Brahms. It was difficult and heavy music, but beautiful nonetheless. Akaashi briefly wondered if the conductor wanted to have a spectacular opening to the performance season._

_The conductor stood up at the front and got the orchestra's attention, a smile on his face._

_"All right, everyone! As you can see, we've got hefty works for the first program," he said. "But, I'm certain that you all can handle it. Am I right?"_

_The orchestra enthusiastically sounded off a collective, "Yes!" It made the conductor smile wider and he lifted up his baton into the air._

_"Good. Then, let's start with the Brahms, shall we?"_

_Akaashi looked to Kageyama and nodded at her, leaning forward to open the page to the beginning of the symphony. There were some tricky passages at the bottom of the page, but it was nothing Akaashi couldn't handle._

_He, along with the rest of the strings, lifted his violin to tuck under his chin, his bow ready. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kageyama doing the same, her sharp eyes focused on the page on their stand._

_"Here we go," the conductor said, stilling his body._

_The stage suddenly grew quiet as everyone anticipated the conductor's downbeat, their eyes locked on the baton in his hand. He had everyone's undivided attention. Everything was so focused that even the dust seemed to settle._

_Then, the conductor lifted his baton and lowered it delicately._

_Sound sprouted from the double basses and then blossomed out of the wind section, traveling until it reached the front strings. The stage vibrated, rattling a few stands as the brass played the lower notes._

_Akaashi knew the melody well. He inhaled through his nose and then pulled his bow._

_A familiar, beautiful sound hit his ear as he played, making him close his eyes as the notes naturally came to his fingers._

_Brahms' symphonies were truly heavenly._

_The passages became more intense, Akaashi playing through each note with precision and passion._

_Ah, he thought. The flutists are crystal clear. And the trumpets aren't blaring._

_Everything was so… beautiful._

_They played until they reached the satisfying ending to the first movement, the conductor waiting as the last notes disappeared into the tall ceilings of the auditorium. He lowered his hands and smiled at the orchestra._

_"Now, that's what I call a good sound," he said._

_Akaashi lowered his violin as well and took a deep breath out, feeling slightly winded from playing an entire movement without break. He glanced up and around his space, his heart leaping in his chest._

_The entire violin section was staring at him in awe._

_He swallowed thickly, his hand fidgeting with the strings of his violin._

_"Um…" he stuttered._

_"Wow! Your sound is amazing!" one of the upperclassmen said._

_"Of course his sound is amazing! He's an Akaashi, after all," another said._

_Akaashi felt his face flush and he looked down at his lap, already overwhelmed. He gulped and then glanced over to Kageyama, wondering if she was acting more normal than the rest of the orchestra._

_But Kageyama was staring at him with wide eyes, her violin still tucked under her chin. She blinked a few times at him, her eyes piercing._

_"That was… really amazing, Akaashi-san," Kageyama said._

_Heat flooded Akaashi's cheeks and his ears burned. He glanced away shyly, his fingers messing with the hairs on his bow._

_"Now, now, it's the boy's first day. Don't go harassing him," the conductor said, interrupting the embarrassing flood of questions. He tilted his head to Akaashi and smiled at him. "You'll fit in here, Akaashi, my boy!"_

_Akaashi smiled shyly, still fiddling with his bow._

_The conductor began to talk about the symphony and what he heard during the run-through, Akaashi listening with attentive ears. He absorbed everything he could from the man, his heart thrumming happily in his chest._

_And next to him, Kageyama Mei was staring at him with wide, piercing eyes._

* * *

"Tobio's… mother? This is…  _his mom?"_

"Mmn. That's her."

Bokuto stared down at the picture with wide eyes, studying the picture carefully. Everyone looked so happy in the scene, all with smiles and laughs. Even Akaashi had a smile on his face, and his arm was wrapped around an equally ecstatic Kageyama.

Bokuto studied her carefully, the way her black hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and how her blue eyes were sharp. They were squinted and shining in a way Bokuto recognized.

Then, he inhaled sharply.

"Tobio looks—" Bokuto snapped his mouth shut, sheepishly glancing at Akaashi out of the corner of his eye.

Akaashi nodded, quietly. His eyes looked tired.

"Mmn. You're right," Akaashi said. "Tobio looks just like her, doesn't he?"

Bokuto bit his lip and glanced down at the picture again. He shifted on the couch, his shoulder knocking in to Akaashi's.

"So… You guys met in college?" Bokuto asked carefully.

Akaashi hummed and nodded in response and let out a long sigh, slouching down in the couch and tilting his head back.

"Yeah. He even got her eyes. I can especially see the resemblance when he gets angry," Akaashi said.

Bokuto's lip curled up on one side. "Isn't that like all the time?"

Akaashi managed a smile and rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Mostly."

Bokuto relaxed back against the couch, letting his side rest against Akaashi. He placed the picture on his thigh.

"So, she… she was a musician, too?" Bokuto asked.

"Yep. That's how we met, actually. We sat next to each other in orchestra," Akaashi explained. "We got to hang out together a lot since we were in most of the same classes."

Bokuto turned his head to look at Akaashi softly. "What was she like?"

Akaashi paused, humming thoughtfully. He blinked at the ceiling and rested his hands on his stomach as he slouched further into the cushions.

"She was very passionate about playing. And very driven to practice a lot," Akaashi said. "She was… a good friend. And… girlfriend. At least, she was a good girlfriend for a while."

Bokuto twisted his lips, his brows pinching. "So… you guys dated?"

"Yeah. For almost two years," Akaashi explained.

"Wow," Bokuto said. "All the girlfriends I had never lasted that long."

Akaashi huffed. "I'm guessing they didn't see your charm?"

"What? Are you making fun of me?" Bokuto asked cheekily, a smirk playing on his lips.

"Not at all, Bokuto-san."

Bokuto nudged Akaashi's shoulder with his own and leaned back into the couch, staring up at the ceiling as Akaashi had done so before. He sighed softly through his nose as the room fell into silence. His leg bounced nervously as the obvious question hung in the air. He bit his lip and turned to look at Akaashi, practically swallowing his tongue when he opened his mouth.

"So… what happened with you two?" Bokuto dared to ask. He held his breath, watching as his friend's eyebrows twitched and lowered to rest sadly over his eyes.

"I…" Akaashi started, his hands fidgeting on his stomach. "Everything seemed fine between us. Until it wasn't."

Bokuto tilted his head to better see Akaashi's face, his brows furrowing.

"What do you mean?" Bokuto asked.

"We… We started dating our third year of college, and it was really fun and we pushed each other to do really well. We always,  _always_  supported each other's dreams," Akaashi said. "At least… it seemed that way until we started auditioning for orchestra spots."

Bokuto's eyes widened a little. "What happened, Akaashi?"

Akaashi's eyes shined and squinted, and Bokuto could see the pain written all over his face.

"I… I think I made her hate me."

* * *

_Akaashi ran over the passage again, the notes almost feeling secure under his fingertips. The audition music was from the concert they had just played. It was the last concert of Akaashi's college career, and the orchestra had performed Tchaikovsky's 6_ _th_ _Symphony. Nicknamed "Pathétique," the piece had a very sad sound to it, but the Russian composer had made every note sound so incredibly beautiful._

_It was a piece he would never forget._

_"Almost there," Akaashi whispered as he moved his finger along the string. "Almost there."_

_He was just at the finish line of the passage. Every note had sounded perfect, the sweet, sweet sound filling his ears._

_His fingers moved on the string, vibrating the sound._

_Ah, he was almost at the last, satisfying note._

_Just a few more notes and—_

_"You're practicing that again?"_

_Akaashi jolted, his fingers slipping from the strings and making the violin screech. He turned his head away from the music and to the door of the spare bedroom._

_His girlfriend, Mei, was standing in the doorway with a hand on her hip and a strange look on her face._

_Akaashi quirked a brow at her, lowering his violin to his lap._

_"Yeah. I've almost got it, I think," Akaashi said._

_Mei's brows lowered. "Almost? You've been practicing it forever."_

_Akaashi smiled, glancing back at the music. "I know. I just wanted it to be perfect for the audition tomorrow."_

_Mei folded her arms across her chest._

_"It already sounds good enough," she said. "You'll probably move on to the next round."_

_"Mmn. And you will, too," Akaashi said, looking back at her with a smile._

_Mei rolled her eyes and turned her head away, her folded arms tightening around her chest._

_"Yeah. Sure," she said, her voice dripping with ice-cold sarcasm._

_Akaashi's smiled slipped from his face as he studied his girlfriend. She seemed more hostile than usual, and Akaashi started to wonder if auditioning together for one spot was the greatest idea._

_"Um… Mei, do you… do you not want me to take this audition?" Akaashi asked, tilting his head._

_Mei suddenly turned to stare at Akaashi with big, startled eyes._

_"No, it's… it's not that, Keiji," Mei said, looking down at the ground. "I want you to do well. Really."_

_Akaashi paused, unsure of what to say. He fidgeted with the bow, his fingers smoothing down the soft hairs. They had not really fought before, but things had been tense between them since they graduated._

_The silence was uncomfortable._

_"Sorry," Mei suddenly said, making Akaashi look up at her. She looked a little sad, lost even. "I didn't mean to snap."_

_Akaashi quickly stood to his feet, setting his violin down, and walked over to her. He rubbed her arms gently to sooth her._

_"Hey, I know we're both stressed. But it'll all work out, okay?" Akaashi said. Mei looked up at him, a pout on her face. "If one of us doesn't win the audition, then so what? We'll still have each other."_

_Mei managed a small smile, and nodded, leaning forward to bury her face into Akaashi's chest. Akaashi squeezed her in his arms, taking in the sweet smell of her shampoo._

_Man, he loved this girl._

_"Fine, fine. You're right," Mei said, leaning back to look at Akaashi. "So, are you done practicing for now?"_

_Akaashi quirked a brow at her, a playful smile on his lips._

_"Well, I could practice for a bit longer, but you said I sounded fine," Akaashi said. "Did you want to do something?"_

_Mei's brow twitched but her smile was enticing. She ran her palms over Akaashi's chest, smoothing out the fabric of his t-shirt. Akaashi inhaled softly at the touch, feeling heat rise to his cheeks._

_"I might have an idea of something I want to do," she said, her hands moving slowly down his sides._

_Akaashi smiled and wrapped her up in an embrace. "Is that so?"_

_"It is so," Mei said._

_Akaashi smirked, leaning forward to kiss her nose._

_"Shall we retire to the bedroom, then?" Akaashi asked._

_Mei nodded, grabbing Akaashi's wrist to tug him from the spare bedroom to head to the master's. As soon as the door shut behind them, Mei pressed against Akaashi in a flurry of kisses, her hands moving down to grope him._

_Akaashi pushed against her shoulders, feeling overwhelmed. He enjoyed the attention, but Mei's sudden mood change had him reeling. He could not keep up and it was making him dizzy._

_"M-Mei, Mei," Akaashi said, finally forcing her to meet his eyes. "Let's slow down, okay? I still need to get a condom and—"_

_"No condom," Mei said, kissing his jaw._

_Akaashi's eyes widened. "W-What?"_

_"I don't need it. C'mon."_

_Akaashi's eyes squinted, shimmering with desire. He held her shoulders more firmly, his brain finally caught up with what they were about to do._

_"Are you sure?" Akaashi asked._

_Mei nodded, her eyes also swimming with lust. Akaashi swallowed thickly and let Mei push him back to the bed to climb on top of him, both quickly shedding their clothes._

_It was a long night that Akaashi would never forget._

* * *

_The following day, Akaashi moved on to the next round of the audition._

_Mei did not._

* * *

"Oh, wow," Bokuto said. "That's really… tough."

Akaashi nodded and hummed. Bokuto noticed his thumbs circling each other in a nervous dance. Bokuto wanted to grab them to stop his fidgeting. He resisted and instead moved to lean against Akaashi to make his presence known. Akaashi's shoulders sagged with his touch, and it made Bokuto feel a little lighter.

"I'm guessing she didn't take it well?" Bokuto asked after a brief moment.

Akaashi paused, his face pulling into a wince. "She broke up with me a week later."

Bokuto's jaw dropped and his chest felt as if it was caving in on itself.

"She just… dumped you? Just like that?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi nodded. "I didn't even move on in the audition process after that round and I wanted to tell her that. I thought we could talk things over if she knew I didn't make it. I thought it would maybe make her feel better," Akaashi said. "But she changed her phone number and just fell off the face of the earth."

Bokuto thought he would have to pick his jaw up from the floor.

"She  _ghosted_  you? Seriously?! What the hell is wrong with her?" Bokuto asked, his hands curling into shaking fists. He could feel his muscles tense, causing pain to rise through his back and shoulders.

"She was hurt, I guess," Akaashi said.

"That's no excuse!" Bokuto said, whirling around to face Akaashi with anger in his eyes.

Akaashi did not seemed phased by his outburst, though, and he shrugged in response.

"Whether or not it was a good reason, she broke things off," Akaashi said, his gaze lowering.

Bokuto paused, his anger suddenly draining from his system. He looked to Akaashi sadly, his brows scrunching up.

"You… You really loved her, huh?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi took a deep breath, his chest moving slowly as he sighed. He leaned forward from the couch and reached for the box on the table that he had grabbed earlier. After sorting through it for a moment, he pulled out a small, velvet box and handed it to Bokuto.

Bokuto's heart stuttered as he took the box from him, his fingers trembling as he snapped it open.

Inside sat a beautiful diamond ring.

Bokuto glanced up at Akaashi, eyes wide in shock.

"You… This…" Bokuto stammered.

Akaashi nodded, his eyes and face looking exhausted. "I was going to propose that weekend, but… it didn't work out that way."

Bokuto bit his lip, feeling his stomach churn uncomfortably. He had not realized how much Akaashi had fallen for the girl.

He suddenly felt anger bubbling in his chest.

If he ever had the chance to meet this girl, so help her…

"Anyway," Akaashi said, gently taking the ring back and pulling Bokuto from his thoughts. "She moved out of the apartment while I was gone one day and I didn't see her or talk to her for over a year."

As Akaashi placed the ring back into the box, Bokuto's anger dissipated. It was replaced with a tremor of fear that started at his chest and fluttered down to his stomach.

He recalled Akaashi's words from the night he coaxed him down from the bridge.

_"I… I didn't even know he existed until he was six months old."_

"Wait a minute," Bokuto said. "So… you saw her over a year after that?"

Akaashi leaned up from the couch, his face looking absolutely miserable. He hunched over on his knees and took a slow, trembling breath. It looked as if his lungs struggled to function.

"Yeah," Akaashi finally answered after a labored minute.

Bokuto leaned up, worry etched into his face. His hand hovered over Akaashi's back, wondering if he should take the plunge and lower it to touch him. Before he could make a decision, Akaashi began again.

"I was getting ready for another audition. I had made it all the way up into the final round, and it was between me and another violinist. I had prepared for over a year for the audition and I was ready for it," Akaashi said. He hunched over more on his knees and hung his head. "I thought that if I could win the audition, I could move past her and move on completely."

At his solemn words, Bokuto finally let his hand rest on Akaashi's back.

"So… did you?" Bokuto asked. "Did you win the audition? She wasn't there at the audition, was she?"

Akaashi swallowed, his lips trembling a bit.

"I didn't even make it to the music hall."

* * *

_"Okay, got rosin, got a tuner… a water bottle. I'll need to grab that. Okay, I think that's it."_

_Akaashi packed up his violin and triple-checked his bag to make sure all of the audition materials were safely inside. His hands were trembling with nerves but he felt a small bit of confidence in his chest._

_If he won this audition, it would launch his career as a performer forever. He would have a foot in the door. And the only way he could go from there was up._

_He was ready._

_He could do it._

_This was his chance to do something that would make his father_ proud.

_Akaashi took a deep breath, his hands resting on the smooth violin case. He said a silent prayer to whoever would listen, and then he stood to his feet. He walked down the hall and to his bathroom, making sure that his suit was in order. His tie was a tad crooked so he pulled it loose to start over. He could hear his father's nagging words in his head about his sloppy appearance._

_Before he could even make one loop with his tie, the doorbell rang._

_Akaashi quirked a brow as he turned his head towards the hallway. Was he hearing things? Was his father here? Was he here to wish him luck on his audition?_

_The doorbell rang again, startling Akaashi from his thoughts. He let his tie hang loose around his neck and he walked to the front door. He glanced down at his watch, making note of the time. He only had about two hours to get to the audition site before his time._

_He sighed. If it truly were his father at the front door, then he would have to tell him to make it quick._

_Akaashi grabbed the handle and pulled the door open, a sarcastic comment ready to jump from his throat._

_But all words died on his tongue in an instant._

_Kageyama Mei was standing outside his door._

_"M-Mei?" Akaashi tried to say, but his voice was suddenly lost as his breath stayed stuck in his lungs._

_Mei did not say anything back at first. Her lips were pulled into a frown so filled with disgust that she looked sick. Her blue eyes, those beautiful eyes that Akaashi had adored, were filled with hatred. He had seen that look on her before but never had it been directed at him._

_It sent chills down his spine._

_He cleared his throat and tried to speak again._

_"Mei, why are you—"_

_"Wa-a…"_

_Akaashi lowered his gaze at the sound, his eyes widening._

_It was a baby carrier._

_Mei had… a baby carrier and…_

_Was there a baby in there?_

_Was that baby… Mei's?!_

_He glanced up at her, the shock apparent on his face. He opened his mouth again and startled when his voice cracked and trembled._

_"Mei, who… who is…"_

_"I thought I'd introduce you to your son."_

_Akaashi paled._

_Time seemed to skid to a halt as his mind went completely blank._

_His stomach twisted like a wet rag._

_What did…_

_What did she just…_

_The baby in the carrier babbled nonsense, and Akaashi tilted his head to peer inside._

_The baby was haphazardly dressed in a onesie, the feet and sleeves crooked. He had some leftover food on his face and his small mop of black hair was matted._

_"He's… my…?" Akaashi stuttered._

_Mei said nothing as she marched past him and headed to the kitchen of their once-shared kitchen. Akaashi shut the front door and hurried after her, his mind still reeling._

_Once in the kitchen, Mei plopped the carrier down on the floor next to the kitchen table. She kept her gaze lowered at the carrier, almost glaring at it._

_"I've tried taking care of him for six months, and he left me no time to practice," Mei began, and it was the most words she had spoken to him in a year. "I don't have time to take care of him while I practice, and all of the nannies I've tried to hire quit because of how fussy he was. I've had enough of this."_

_Akaashi blinked at her, feeling his heart sink into his stomach. He glanced down at the baby, the boy sticking his fingers in his mouth and staring at them with curious eyes._

_"Six months…? When… was he born?" Akaashi asked._

_Mei sighed picking up a paper and slamming it on the kitchen table. Akaashi peered over at the table._

_It was the child's birth certificate. He was born in December, and apparently she had named him Tobio._

_While Akaashi liked the name, he couldn't help but feel out of place. He had not even been there to help name him._

_He wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel about that._

_"Why…" Akaashi found his voice again, slowly moving his gaze to meet her eyes. "Why didn't you tell me about him? Why didn't you call?"_

_Mei folded her arms across her chest, still avoiding Akaashi's eyes. She huffed out a quick breath, her hands gripping her arms tightly._

_"I wanted to make it on my own. I wanted to get a spot before I called you. I wanted to—"_

_"You wanted to prove that you were better?"_

_Mei snapped her mouth shut and finally—_ finally _—locked eyes with Akaashi._

_And all of the air rushed out of Akaashi at once._

_This was not the Mei that he knew and loved._

_This was someone entirely different._

_"So what if I did?" Mei mumbled, turning her gaze down. She huffed out an annoyed sigh. "Well, it doesn't matter now. I'm not keeping him."_

_Akaashi snapped his head up to stare at her with wide eyes. Mei ignored him, turning away from him and gathering up the rest of her things._

_"What do you mean by that?" Akaashi asked, watching as she straightened her jacket._

_"I got a new job and I don't have time to babysit," she said, moving further and further away from the baby. "He's yours now."_

_Akaashi blinked at her, his eyes nearly popping out of his head._

_"Wait a minute, Mei. You can't just leave him with me," Akaashi said, moving to stand in front of her to block her path before she could leave the kitchen._

_"I'm moving out of the country. I can't take care of him," Mei said, staring at his chest rather than his eyes._

_"And you're just handing him off to me?" Akaashi said, raising his voice. "Mei, you can't do this! He's your child! You have to take care of him!"_

_"No. I don't want anything to do with him," Mei said, brushing past him and avoiding his eyes again. "He's under your care now."_

_"Wait a damn minute!" Akaashi yelled at her back, slamming his palm loudly against the wall, causing an echo and making Mei jump in place. Mei paused at the doorway of the kitchen, not daring to look back. "You're not going anywhere!"_

_There was a brief pause._

_And then a whimper._

_And suddenly, the tiny baby in the carrier began to wail._

_Akaashi paled, whipping his head down to look at the baby, watching as fat tears ran down his pudgy cheeks. His heart sunk in the sudden realization that he made the baby—his apparent son, for crying out loud—cry!_

_"O-Oh, no," Akaashi mumbled, turning towards the carrier._

_What should he do?_

_How do you even calm a baby down?_

_What was he supposed to do—_

_"I'm leaving."_

_Akaashi whirled back around, watching as Mei headed straight for the front door. His heart pounded as he watched her hand touch the doorknob, her hand opening it. He felt his anger rush back into him in a second._

_"Just hold on a minute!" Akaashi snarled, his voice booming in the room._

_Just before she opened the door wide, Mei turned to look at Akaashi with a vacant expression on her face._

_"Goodbye, Keiji," she said, and she disappeared beyond the door and vanished out of sight._

_Akaashi moved to take a step towards the door, ready to sprint after her, but the baby's cries grew louder as the child became more and more frightened._

_Akaashi turned back to the carrier, watching as the child shook with wails and sobs. He was frozen in between the front door and the kitchen, unsure of where to move. And while his thoughts were running a mile a minute, it did not seem fast enough to keep up with the strange turn of events._

_'I have to go after her!' Akaashi thought, looking back at the door. 'I can't just let her get away with this!'_

_He took a step towards the door again, but froze, his heart squeezing in his chest as heard the cries. He glanced back at the carrier, watching as the baby wriggled uncomfortably in the seat._

_How many times had Akaashi been left alone without anyone to comfort him?_

_'A baby should never be left alone…' Akaashi thought sadly._

_Akaashi huffed out an aggravated groan, his hands clenching into fists, and rushed back over to the carrier. He unbuckled the seatbelt and carefully maneuvered his hands around the wriggling baby's body._

_"Um… shh, shh, it's okay. It's… It's okay," Akaashi comforted, unsure of how to hold him._

_The baby continued to cry and Akaashi felt his heart sink._

_How should he calm him down? If he kept screaming like that, he could pass out!_

_Akaashi cradled the baby close to his chest, letting the wet tears stain his suit and white shirt._

_"Shh, it's okay. It's okay…" Akaashi glanced back at the table, remembering the birth certificate. "It's okay… Tobio. It's okay."_

_He rocked the baby in his arms while gently cradling his head in his hand. The baby opened his eyes, looking up at Akaashi with quivering lips. Akaashi wondered if he recognized his name._

_"It's okay, Tobio," Akaashi said. "It'll be okay."_

_Little Tobio had reduced to hiccups. He was obviously still in a fragile state, but he was calm enough for Akaashi to move._

_"Okay, Tobio. Let's go get your mother, okay?" Akaashi said._

_Tobio sniffled in response, and Akaashi stood to his feet. He held the baby close to his chest as he hurried to the front door, whipping it open and rushing down the hall and to the main level. He ran out of the complex and glanced around, watching as cars passed by on the darkened street._

_There was no sign of Mei._

* * *

Bokuto was stunned silent.

He could not believe what he was hearing.

He didn't know whether to be angry or shocked or upset…

All Bokuto knew was that his heart felt like it was tearing in two.

He glanced down at Akaashi, who was still hunched over on his knees. But now, the stress of retelling this story had caused him to bury his face into his hands, making his shoulders rise with tension.

It must have been painful to sit like that, Bokuto thought.

The hand on Akaashi's back slowly slid up to rub in between his shoulder blades. Akaashi shuddered at the touch, inhaling deeply into his palms.

"What did you do after that? Did you find her?" Bokuto asked, his voice almost a whisper.

Akaashi let his hands drop from his face and he shook his head. He reached up and carded his fingers through his hair a few times. Bokuto noticed that his hand was shaking.

"She apparently had left straight for the airport," Akaashi said. "She fled the country and hasn't been back since."

Bokuto's hand stopped its ministrations on Akaashi's back, his body frozen in time. The story was getting more and more out of hand. And Bokuto's anger was growing by the second.

"I didn't know what to do, so I called the police," Akaashi continued, pulling Bokuto back from his mind. "And they took me and Tobio to the hospital."

"Hospital?" Bokuto asked.

"Mmn," Akaashi hummed. "Since he was technically an… an abandonment case, they wanted to make sure he was okay."

Bokuto winced. "And was he?"

Akaashi grimaced and reached up to rub his eyes. He took a long breath, Bokuto feeling his back rise under his palm.

"He was a little malnourished," Akaashi explained.

Bokuto's breath hitched in his chest, his fingers tightening on Akaashi's shoulder blades. His body went rigid and he bit his tongue to hold back any curse or blatant scream of rage.

"Social Services were called and I was questioned by both them and the police. It didn't really get anywhere. All I could tell them was that I didn't know he was mine and I didn't know where Mei was," Akaashi continued. "I was at the hospital for almost 36 hours, I think."

"What? Did they question you for that long?" Bokuto asked.

"Mmn," Akaashi nodded. "And Social Services wanted to see the results of the DNA test to confirm that Tobio was really mine. It was… exhausting."

Akaashi groaned and covered his face, letting out another sigh.

"I completely missed the audition, and the other guy won the spot by default," he added. He huffed out a breathy laugh. "My dad was pissed."

At the mention of Akaashi's father, Bokuto felt the anger boil over.

"Yeah, well your dad is—"

Bokuto snapped his mouth shut, realizing that the next few words were probably not the most pleasant, especially with a five-year-old in the next room.

Akaashi huffed out another laugh, one more genuine this time.

"It's all right, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said. "I know my father is an ass."

Bokuto pouted a little. His description of his father was mild in comparison to what Bokuto had in mind.

"Thank you," Akaashi said suddenly, his voice cracking. The sound made Bokuto's heart leap, and when Akaashi turned his head to look at him, his heart sunk into his stomach. "For watching out for me."

While Akaashi had a smile on his face, his eyes were shimmering with unshed tears.

Bokuto's hand smoothed up Akaashi's back to grip his shoulder, and he leaned forward a little, scooting closer.

"Akaashi…" Bokuto whispered.

Akaashi turned his head away and waved his hand in the air. Then he wiped his face and sniffled a bit.

"I'm all right," Akaashi said softly, his voice trembling the slightest bit.

Bokuto gripped his shoulder. "Are you sure? We can stop talking about this…"

Akaashi wiped his eyes dry and shook his head, hanging his head.

"No, no. It's okay," Akaashi assured. "I can continue."

Bokuto's face tightened but he nodded. "Okay. So… what happened then? Did you just… take him home?"

Akaashi rubbed the back of his neck, a little sheepishly.

"I actually thought about giving him up."

* * *

_"All right, Akaashi-san. It seems we've got all the information we can here."_

_Akaashi stood in the hospital room, his apparent son lying in a hospital crib next to him with wires attached his arms._

_The baby was much calmer than he had been when they first arrived at the hospital. He had been a crying mess all the way there, but now, the baby was sucking on a plush fish that Akaashi had, for some inexplicable reason, bought at the hospital gift store. Akaashi supposed that in his moment of panic, he did what he could to calm the baby down. And so far, it seemed to work._

_"What happens now?" Akaashi asked, looking back at the baby._

_"Well, since he is an abandonment case, you have some options," the social worker said. "Since you have not been involved in his life, and the biological mother has not legally bound you to any obligations, you can relinquish your custody of him."_

_Akaashi snapped his head back to her, staring at her with wide eyes._

_"I… I can just… give him to you?" Akaashi asked._

_The social worker nodded. "Yes. All you have to do is sign some documents."_

_She shuffled through her briefcase and pulled out a few papers. She handed them to Akaashi along with a pen._

_"Just sign your name in these few places and we can put him in the social services account," she said, still looking through her briefcase. She sighed when she couldn't find what she was looking for. "I think I left my stamp in the car. I will be right back. Just fill out the forms, okay?"_

_Akaashi nodded, watching her leave. He sighed and then glanced down at the papers in his hand. He flipped through the papers, looking for any possible loopholes or tricks. But he found none and, with a shaking hand, he began to sign the lines. When his signatures were too shaky, he huffed and moved the papers over to a table next to the baby's crib to continue signing._

_Before he could sign his name on the last page, he felt his pen stiffen in his grasp._

_Akaashi glanced up to see that Tobio had dropped his fish plushie on the floor and his tiny hand had grabbed Akaashi's pen. His blue eyes were wide, staring at Akaashi with curiosity._

_"Um… sorry. This isn't yours," Akaashi said, gently pulling the baby's fingers off of the pen._

_The baby's lip pooched out into a pout and his eyes shimmered. Akaashi felt his chest clench as a few tears spilled down his cheeks. He put down the pen and hurried to grab the fish plushie on the floor. When he rose back up to his feet, he heard the first tiny whimpers._

_"A-Ah, no, no, it's okay," Akaashi said, gently lifting the baby into his arms. "Here. This is yours, okay?"_

_The baby stared at the fish, the tears suddenly drying. He reached out with his hand and latched onto the fish's fin, dragging it close to him and sticking it into his mouth. He glanced up at Akaashi, looking calm and satisfied._

_Akaashi sighed in relief and moved to put the baby back down in the crib, but the baby fussed, latching onto Akaashi's suit jacket. Akaashi winced and leaned back up, bouncing the baby in his arms once._

_"What's wrong?" Akaashi asked. "Don't you want to lay down?"_

_The baby just stared at him, his fish tucked close to his chest. And Akaashi sighed, still unsure of how to even talk to the child. He was only six months old, for crying out loud._

_"All done with the—oh, my. Did he get fussy?"_

_Akaashi turned to see the social worker back in the room._

_"Ah. I still have one more page left to do," Akaashi said._

_The social worker shook her head and tsked playfully._

_"You silly boy. Why are you giving him such a hard time, huh?" she cooed at the baby, her hands on her hips. She looked to Akaashi and put out her hands. "I can take him for you if you want to finish the page."_

_Akaashi nodded stiffly, not expecting the offer. He glanced down at the boy for a brief moment and then started to pull him away from his chest._

_But then, he felt something grab his finger._

_Akaashi glanced down at the boy._

_And his heart squeezed._

_The boy's hand was wrapped around his index finger._

_Akaashi could see his little nails on each of his tiny fingers, and his chubby knuckles were white with how hard he was gripping him. His eyes were staring up at Akaashi, a slight hint of fear woven in the beautiful blue irises._

_Why was he afraid?_

_Could he even comprehend what was going on?_

_Was he afraid of being…_

_…alone?_

_Suddenly, Akaashi was reminded of that long, long night in the hospital bed when he was sick with pneumonia. It was miserable and lonely._

_And he never had felt more afraid in his entire life._

_"Akaashi-san?"_

_Akaashi jolted, the baby jumping in his grasp but he did not cry. He glanced up at the social worker, seeing her staring at him patiently._

_Akaashi swallowed, tugging the baby back to his chest._

_"I… I've changed my mind. I… don't want to give him up," Akaashi said, the words flying out of his mouth before he could even think twice._

_The social worker gazed at him. "You want full custody?"_

_Akaashi glanced back down at the boy, his eyes still peering up at Akaashi with wonder. It made Akaashi's chest flutter and tighten at the same time._

_It was painful._

_"Yes," Akaashi answered. "I'm… I'm his father."_

_The social worker paused, but then she smiled, a hint of understanding in her eyes. She slipped around Akaashi to grab the papers._

_"Well, he is yours biologically. You have the rights to take him," she said, a playful smile on her lips. "I'm sure you will be a good father to the boy."_

_"Tobio."_

_The social worker looked at him, tilting her head. "I'm sorry?"_

_Akaashi managed a small smile, lifting a hand to cradle the baby's head._

_"His name is Tobio."_

* * *

"After I took him home, I nearly panicked. I had no idea how to take care of a baby." Akaashi huffed out a laugh. "I was such a disaster."

Bokuto's lips twitched into a smile. He felt butterflies in his stomach at hearing the story. It was all so sad but at least Akaashi felt that he could not abandon the little guy. Even with all of the hardships Akaashi had faced, he knew that it was probably the best decision he had made for the boy.

"My father called nonstop to yell at me about missing the audition and throwing my life away and all this stuff about being irresponsible," Akaashi said, straightening his back.

Bokuto's hand fell away from Akaashi's back as he leaned back against the cushions. Akaashi's eyes were red and puffy, and he looked like he hadn't slept in days.

"But I had already made my decision. He was my child and… and I didn't want him to be left alone," Akaashi said, his voice small.

Bokuto grabbed Akaashi's shoulder and squeezed, making Akaashi turn his head to look at him.

"You did the right thing, Akaashi," Bokuto said. "You're a good parent."

Akaashi blinked at him, taking in his words, and then he frowned. He turned his head to look up at the ceiling.

"Well, I thought I was a good parent. But I could barely provide for him," Akaashi said with a sigh. "Since I lost the audition opportunity, my father cut me off and stopped helping me pay for my apartment. So I had to find a job right away. And since there were no openings that accepted my degree, I had to work multiple jobs at convenient stores and moving companies."

Bokuto's brow furrowed in worry. "What did you do with Tobio?"

Akaashi pinched the bridge of his nose. "I hired nannies for him. But since I couldn't afford to pay them, they all quit one after another."

Akaashi dropped his hand and stared up at the ceiling, making Bokuto's heart jump in alarm. His eyes were blank and his expression was empty.

"I was also trying to practice when I got home from work, but I was too exhausted from my multiple jobs and taking care of Tobio that I just ended up sleeping," Akaashi said. "My… My skills started to deteriorate. And… And I was starting to wonder if I would ever have a chance to be a performer again."

Bokuto inhaled softly. "I bet you still sounded good, Akaashi."

Akaashi winced, shaking his head lightly. "Not good enough, Bokuto-san." He paused, looking miserable. "Never good enough."

"Akaashi, that's not true. You were brave and mature for taking in Tobio," Bokuto said. "You should be proud of yourself."

Akaashi hesitated, his face turning sour, and Bokuto thought he was going to cry. But instead, he leaned up from the couch cushions, his face scrunching up. He turned to Bokuto, something akin to trepidation in his eyes as he reached for the sleeve of his hoodie.

"After…" Akaashi started, his voice choking slightly. "After having my heart broken by Mei, failing the audition, and fumbling through being a parent to Tobio, I started having these… thoughts. And I was hurting all the time and couldn't sleep and… and I just wanted the pain to stop, so… so I…."

He took a deep breath, and with shaking fingers, he rolled up his sleeve and turned out his forearm to Bokuto.

Bokuto had to suppress a gasp.

His forearm was covered in white scars.

And he understood exactly what they were.

"Akaashi…" Bokuto whimpered, reaching out. He gently cradled Akaashi's arms in his hands, rubbing his thumbs over the particularly long scars.

"The thoughts, they… they scared me. They made me start to blame Tobio for taking away my dreams," Akaashi said with a shaky voice. "I know that it was never his fault. I chose him, after all. But I still had those thoughts, and the guilt of thinking that way was too much, and everything was so overwhelming and I…"

Akaashi's arm trembled as Bokuto ran his fingers over the scars. Bokuto glanced up at him and saw that Akaashi had his head turned away, as if ashamed to even look at the scars that marred his arm.

Bokuto suddenly felt his eyes burning with tears. He leaned down and pressed his forehead on Akaashi's arm, closing his eyes to prevent the tears from spilling.

It hurt.

It hurt to see that Akaashi had been in so much pain that he resorted to maiming himself in order to feel a release. An escape.

Bokuto wanted nothing more than to go back in time and hold Akaashi through it all.

Everything sucked. It just wasn't fair.

"My actions were nothing to be proud of, Bokuto-san," Akaashi whispered from above. "Instead of being a dad Tobio can be happy with, I've ended up being the same kind of worthless parent that I despised in my own father."

Bokuto lifted his head, eyes wide as he watched the tears streak down Akaashi's cheeks.

Akaashi looked as if he had given up completely.

"Now I can't even give Tobio what he needs. I've become just like him, just like my father," Akaashi said, shutting his eyes tight. "I've turned into someone who can't properly care for his kid."

Bokuto shook his head, trying to get Akaashi to stop before he said something that he would—

"I hate myself."

"No!" Bokuto suddenly shouted. He leaned forward and gripped Akaashi's shoulders, startling the fragile man and making his wet eyes shoot wide. "Don't  _say_  that, Akaashi!"

"B-Bokuto-san," Akaashi said, stunned.

"You're  _not_  worthless, and you  _shouldn't hate yourself!"_  Bokuto pleaded, shaking Akaashi's shoulders. He needed Akaashi to understand, to  _see_. "You're doing what you  _can,_  Akaashi. And that's so,  _so_  amazing."

More tears spilled from Akaashi's eyes but he did not look away from Bokuto.

"But… I've caused Tobio so much pain. I've made him feel so lonely and I haven't shown him the proper love that he deserves," Akaashi whimpered. "I'm a horrible parent!"

"You're  _not!"_  Bokuto shouted, giving Akaashi's shoulders another shake. "Sure, you might've made some mistakes, but you've also done so much good for him! You took him in when no when else wanted him. Would your father have done that?"

Akaashi stammered a bit, caught off guard by Bokuto's sudden intensity. He looked off to the side, more tears spilling from his eyes.

"No, he… he wouldn't have," Akaashi said.

"Exactly!" Bokuto said, a smile pulling on his lips. He was surprised that he managed to keep the tears at bay. "See? You're nothing like your father. You have so much love in you, Akaashi. There's no way that Tobio doesn't see that."

Akaashi inhaled sharply, his chest stuttering as his lungs struggled to regulate his breaths. He lowered his gaze again, his forehead wrinkling. Bokuto rubbed the sides of Akaashi's arms, his eyes trailing to the marks on his forearm. He covered them with his hand, and he could feel the rough skin against his palm.

"So… So don't hurt yourself, okay?" Bokuto said. "It won't do you any good because Tobio loves you. You are  _so_ loved, Akaashi."

Akaashi's face relaxed slightly, a stray tear falling down his cheek as he glanced up at Bokuto.

"I hope you're right, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said softly.

"Of course I'm right, Akaashi!" Bokuto said with a wide smile while pointing his thumb to his chest. "You can trust my words, honest!"

Akaashi huffed out an amused breath and reached up to wipe his face.

"You're always so confident, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said.

Bokuto released one of Akaashi's shoulders to rub the back of his neck in an unusually timid fashion.

"Not always," Bokuto said, his smile still wide.

Akaashi opened his mouth to speak, ready to come up with a smart comment, but soft footfalls and a small voice made him suck the air back into his lungs.

"Daddy?"

Both Akaashi and Bokuto turned to look at the edge of the hallway.

Tobio was standing in his pajamas with his fish plushie clutched close to his chest. His eyes were red and his lips were wobbly.

"What's wrong, Tobio?" Akaashi asked, worry etched into his features.

Tobio sniffed, pushing his face into his little fish.

"I had a bad dream," he said with a slight crack in his voice.

Bokuto winced at his voice, but he turned to Akaashi and smiled encouragingly. Akaashi hesitated but seemed to get Bokuto's quiet message, and he smiled back at him, his eyes just as red as Tobio's. Then, Akaashi stood up from the couch and walked over to Tobio to scoop him up in his arms.

"Wanna hang out with me and Bokuto-san for a bit?" Akaashi asked.

Tobio looked up at Akaashi with wide, sparkling eyes, and he nodded his head quickly. Bokuto smiled as Akaashi walked back to the couch and plopped down next to him. He ruffled Tobio's hair and smiled at him, trying to get him to smile.

Tobio lowered his head as Bokuto ruffled his hair and his gaze traveled to Bokuto's lap. Something caught his eye and he pointed to it and tilted his head.

"Who's that?" Tobio asked.

Bokuto glanced down at his lap and saw the picture that Akaashi had handed him a while ago.

His stomach flipped in a bit of panic as he scooped up the picture turned it away from Tobio, smiling at the boy to hopefully get him to change the subject.

"Ah, no-nothing, Tobio! Why don't we—"

"Bokuto-san."

Bokuto's jaw clicked shut as Akaashi interrupted him, but he had a small smile on his face. He extended his free hand to Bokuto and gestured towards the photo. Bokuto blinked at him but then slowly handed the picture over to Akaashi.

With the picture pinched in between Akaashi's fingers, he flipped it over so Tobio could see.

"This is from when I was in college," Akaashi explained. He moved his thumb along the picture to point out the people. "These two were my friends. And this," his thumb tapped on the left side of the photo, "is your mother, Tobio."

Tobio's eyes widened and he snapped his head up to look at Akaashi with amazement written all over his face.

"Really?!" he asked.

Akaashi nodded. "Do you want to hear stories about her?"

Tobio nodded furiously, almost dropping his plush fish. And Akaashi gave him a tired smile.

"Okay. I can do that," Akaashi said.

He glanced up at Bokuto, his smile widening.

And Bokuto smiled back.

"Well, I'm gonna make some tea!" Bokuto said, standing to his feet. "You want some, Akaashi?"

Akaashi hummed and nodded, and Tobio let out an excited, "Me too!"

Bokuto chuckled as he saluted them in acknowledgment. Then, he walked into the kitchen, grabbing the kettle and a few mugs. He could hear the other two talking from the living room.

"So I met her in college. And she played violin," Akaashi said.

"Whoa! Just like you?" Tobio asked.

"Mmn," Akaashi said. "And she also played in the orchestra with me."

"Whoa."

Bokuto smiled as he poured water into the kettle and set it on the stove.

_You're a good father, Akaashi,_  Bokuto thought.  _I hope you believe it one day._

He heard Tobio asking more questions in the next room, and it made Bokuto's heart soar. He poked his head around the corner of the kitchen and glanced into the living room, watching as Akaashi used his hands to hold an invisible violin. Tobio was copying him, watching his every move with great concentration.

_Tobio's not the only one who deserves love, Akaashi._   _You deserve it, too._

Bokuto reached up to hold onto his shirt near his heart, feeling his chest squeeze.

_And I'll be there to make sure you feel that way._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucke1)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Another chapter for you all. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who left kudos and comments. They mean so much to me! Especially since this fic is based off of my own experiences, it makes my heart warm to know that so many people are interested and care.
> 
> Shoutout to Tayu-chan and Velvloid for helping me with this chapter and reading it over for me! You guys are the best.
> 
> Happy reading!

Akaashi sighed and massaged his neck as he walked down the street after dropping off Tobio at school, his fingers digging into the muscles along the spine. He had been practicing so much that his neck had gone stiff, the muscles sore and inflamed.

Ever since his late night talk with Bokuto, he had been practicing almost nonstop. Bokuto had rejuvenated him with positive energy and motivation, giving him the push he needed to work hard for the upcoming audition. He felt that he could do it as long as Bokuto was by his side.

Akaashi walked to the familiar coffee shop that he and Bokuto had frequented and opened the door with a small hiss, a spark of pain shooting up his arm and making his neck spasm. He sighed as he reached up to knead the spot again. He wondered if he should lay off some of his practicing.

"Ah, hello, Akaashi-san!"

Akaashi tilted up his head to look see the regular barista working at the counter, her chipper smile bright on her face as usual. He stepped up to the counter, putting on a smile.

"Good morning," he greeted back.

"What can I get for you today?" she asked, ready to punch in the order on the register.

"Just the usual latte, please," Akaashi said.

"Coming right up!" she said, punching in the numbers. "You know, I was surprised to see you this morning. I thought Bokuto-san was bringing you a coffee or something."

Akaashi tilted his head at her as he handed her the money. "What do you mean?"

"Oh, he came by this morning to pick up a coffee," the barista said, looking thoughtful.

Akaashi blinked at her as he took the receipt. "A coffee…?"

The barista nodded. "Yeah. He doesn't drink coffee so I thought that maybe he had ordered one for you. But I guess it was for himself…"

Akaashi quirked a brow. "What kind of coffee was it?"

"Just a black coffee," the barista said as she put her hands on her hips.

Akaashi made a face. "That's way too bitter for him."

"That's what I tried to tell him! But he didn't listen to me," the barista said, pointing a finger up in the air. She folded her arms across her chest and sighed, her face falling slightly. "Although, he  _was_  looking a bit worn out, so I didn't press it."

"Worn out?" Akaashi asked, furrowing his brow.

"Mmn," she hummed sadly, turning away to grab a to-go cup. "I've seen these moods come and go with him sometimes. He must be in some sort of funk."

Akaashi furrowed his brows, trying to remember if he had even seen Bokuto that morning when he dropped off Tobio at Fukudoroni. Now that he thought about it, he was so preoccupied with his schedule that he did not stop by the gym.

He would have to call Bokuto during lunch.

"Akaashi-san! Your latte is ready!"

Akaashi snapped out of his thoughts and glanced up to see the barista holding up his latte in his to-go cup. He lurched forward and quickly grabbed it, bowing his head at her in thanks.

As he turned to leave, his distracted mind almost made him run into the customer coming in the door. He stuttered to a halt and backed up a step, eyeing his latte to make sure it did not fall out of his grasp. The customer was quick to spill out apologies.

"Ah, sorry, I wasn't—Akaashi?"

The familiar voice made Akaashi snap his head up from his cup. He blinked in surprise.

"Konoha-san?" Akaashi said, straightening his back.

Konoha smiled wide and reached out to clasp Akaashi on the shoulder.

"Whoa, man! It's been a while!" he greeted. "How've you been?"

Akaashi smiled, not having realized how much he had missed talking with this annoying chatterbox. Konoha  _was_  the only one who was nice to him at the music hall, after all.

"I've been okay. How about you, Konoha-san?" Akaashi asked.

Konoha's smile turned a bit sheepish as he rubbed the back of his head, his fingers ruffling his blond hair.

"Ah, it's been a little… strained… since you left," he said with a nervous laugh.

Akaashi felt his eyebrow twitch, a drop of sweat gliding down his neck.

"Oh, is that so?" Akaashi said, not really sure if he wanted to know any details. He was sure that his father was livid after he stormed out, especially since Bokuto was there to throw his arrogance back in his face.

"Yeah. We haven't gotten the parts for Act III of the opera because we still don't have an orchestra librarian," Konoha explained. He paled and gave Akaashi a tense smile. "Mori-san is…"

"Stressed?" Akaashi wondered.

"Pissed," Konoha corrected. "He even let us have the day off today so he could try to get the work done himself."

Akaashi winced, his face growing apologetic. Konoha laughed and clapped Akaashi's shoulder encouragingly.

"Don't look like that, Akaashi!" Konoha said, smiling widely. "You wanted to do something else so you did something else! Nothing to feel bad about."

Akaashi sighed and reached up with his free hand to rub his sore shoulder from Konoha's endless slapping. He glanced down at the ground sadly.

"While that's true, I didn't mean to make a mess of things," Akaashi said.

"Akaashi, it's not a big deal," Konoha said. He rubbed the back of his neck and shrugged. "I mean… it  _was_  sudden. But that doesn't mean it was a disaster."

Akaashi wasn't convinced.

"Right…" he mumbled.

"A-Anyway, what are you up to? Was there a better job out there for you, or something?" Konoha said, quickly changing the subject.

Akaashi perked up at that, lifting his gaze to meet Konoha's eyes.

"Oh, I'm actually practicing to audition for a violin spot in a different orchestra," Akaashi said, the words spilling out of him before he could even think.

Konoha's brows rose and his jaw dropped. "For real?! A violin spot?"

Akaashi smiled at his enthusiasm and nodded. "Mmn. I've been practicing for a while."

"Wow! That's impressive!" Konoha said, thoroughly impressed. "When's the audition?"

Akaashi fiddled with the edge of his coffee lid. "The first round is next month."

"That's great!" Konoha said. "Wow, I hope you do well, Akaashi!"

He slapped Akaashi's shoulder one last time, almost making him stumble. Akaashi smiled at him, thankful for his kind words. He felt his chest buzzing with excitement, sending tingles down to his fingers.

"Yeah. I really hope so, too," Akaashi agreed.

"Well, I won't hold you up. I'm sure you've got lots of practicing to do," Konoha said, moving inside the doorway to let Akaashi through. "But hey! Keep me updated on how the audition goes."

Akaashi nodded as he made his way out. "I will."

He waved off Konoha and walked out of the coffee shop, a spring in his step. He felt refreshed and motivated after hearing Konoha's words, and he was ready to get back to practicing at home.

As he turned the corner that led down the street towards his apartment complex, he took tentative sips of his latte. The steaming liquid hit his tongue and he winced at the heat, not expecting the latte to still be hot after his long conversation with Konoha. He glanced down at the cup, glaring at it as if it personally offended him, and the shop's logo caught his eye.

_"Although, he_ was  _looking a bit worn out, so I didn't press it."_

Akaashi twisted his lips, thinking back on the barista's comment. With his other hand, he dug into his pocket to grab his phone and he searched until he found Bokuto's number. He hit the green button and lifted the phone up to his ear, waiting patiently as he listened to the robotic ring.

"The person you have reached is currently unavailable or out of service…"

Akaashi took the phone from his ear and stared at with furrowed brows. It was unlike Bokuto to ignore a call. Maybe he was busy?

Akaashi sighed and ended the call, putting the phone back in his pocket.

He would have to try again later.

* * *

WHAP!

_How long has he been hurting himself?_

WHAP!

_Has he been doing it since we've been friends?_

WHAP!

_…Have I been a reason he's hurt himself?_

WHAP!

_What if I have been a reason?_

_What if Akaashi is upset at me?_

_What if Akaashi tries to kill himself again?_

WHAP!

"Bo?"

WHAP!

"Bokuto?"

_WHAP!_

"Oi, oi, Bokuto! Slow down!"

Bokuto stuttered to a halt, panting and huffing as he barely landed on his feet. He whipped his head around and made himself dizzy, stumbling backward.

"Bokuto!"

Two arms reached out and grabbed his shoulders, steadying him. The gym spun for a moment before settling, the ceiling lights and a mop of black, messy hair coming into view. He blinked and squinted at the man in front of him as his vision cleared.

"Kuroo?" Bokuto asked, standing on his own.

Kuroo still clung to his shoulders, his fingers digging into his sweaty practice shirt. Kuroo was wearing his normal dress shirt with a tie, his standard for teaching. Bokuto always made fun of him for having to wear it, but he always pulled it off so effortlessly.

"Dude, second period is already over. Don't tell me you've been in here since the morning practice," Kuroo said.

Bokuto blinked at him, and then he craned his head to look at the clock on the wall. Once he read the hands behind the protective bars, he glanced back to Kuroo.

"I, uh… Maybe?" Bokuto said, not even trying to smile.

Kuroo furrowed his brows, releasing one of Bokuto's shoulders but keeping his other hand on him.

"Bo, are you in one of your moods again?" Kuroo asked.

Bokuto stared at him, his face scrunching up. "What do you mean?"

"You know exactly what I mean," Kuroo said, his brows lowering. "You're acting just like you did when our team lost in college."

Bokuto huffed, moving out of Kuroo's grip to grab one of the stray volleyballs on the ground.

"I'm fine," Bokuto said, facing him but not looking at him. "Just a little tired is all."

"Ah, so that's why you're wearing your hair down today?" Kuroo said, folding his arms across his chest.

Bokuto startled, his hands dropping the volleyball and reaching up to card through his loose locks. He felt all the blood drain out of his face as he realized he had put no gel in his hair that morning.

"Oh… Is that why the team was looking at me funny this morning?" Bokuto wondered aloud.

"It was probably because your mood is all over the place," Kuroo said, leaning over to pick up the volleyball that Bokuto had dropped.

Bokuto pouted a little and ruffled his two-toned hair, huffing like a child. Kuroo just leveled him with the same, stern look. He held the ball under his arm and placed his other hand on his hip.

"Now, are you gonna tell me what's going on? Or are you gonna pout for the rest of the day?" Kuroo asked.

Bokuto paused, lowering his gaze to the ground to ponder his options. He knew that the longer he put it off, the worse the mood he would be in later. Kuroo had always been there to help smooth his moods over, but it did not always work. And Bokuto knew that.

And Bokuto also knew that if he blabbed Akaashi's life story, Kuroo would know everything. And he did not want to break Akaashi's trust.

"It's… It's really personal," Bokuto said.

Kuroo's face softened. "Like how personal?"

Bokuto sighed, scratching his limp hair. He huffed in agitation at feeling his hair so loose and folded his arms across his chest.

"It's just… I have a friend who's sad. And I don't know how to make things better," Bokuto said. "I want to make them happy, but I… I'm nervous that I'm the reason he's sad."

Kuroo quirked a brow. "Why would you make him sad?"

Bokuto ran his hands down his face and groaned.

"I don't know! Because I'm annoying or something?" Bokuto said, exasperated.

Kuroo sighed softly and approached him. "Bo, you're not annoying. You're excitable. But not annoying."

Bokuto peeked in between his fingers, seeing Kuroo's smug face. He sighed and dropped his hands from his face.

"Then what am I supposed to do? I want to make things easier on him," Bokuto said.

Kuroo smiled softly, his eyes crinkling like they usually did when he was relaxed.

"Well, the first thing you can do is not wear yourself out," Kuroo said, walking close to him. He flung an arm around Bokuto's shoulder. "And, secondly, I think you know what makes Akaashi happy."

Bokuto startled, his shoulders jumping underneath Kuroo's arm.

"W-Wha— How did you know it was Akaashi?!" Bokuto asked.

"Bro, you've been following after him every day like a lost puppy for the past  _month_ ," Kuroo said. He feigned a hurt face. "I feel like I've been replaced."

Bokuto straightened his back, his eyes nearly popping out of his skull.

"Never, dude! You're still my best bro!" Bokuto said. "B-But… Akaashi, he—"

"Oh, gimme a break! I'm just messing with you," Kuroo said. "I know you're good buds with him, too. I can share, I guess."

Kuroo took his arm from Bokuto's neck and placed the volleyball in the nearby cart. He placed a hand on his hip and faced Bokuto, a smile on his face but a crease folded in between his brows.

"Now, no more practicing this morning, all right?" Kuroo asked.

Bokuto sighed, his shoulders visibly sagging, and he nodded. Kuroo chuckled, the crease disappearing, and he saluted Bokuto before turning to leave the gym.

Bokuto watched him go, waiting until the click of the door to finally start moving. He picked up all of the stray volleyballs and put them all away, closing the storage room door with a dull thud. He sighed, hanging his head as he left the gym to wander to the teacher's lounge. He was starving since all he had to consume that morning was coffee. And he didn't even finish it.

It was a poor choice on his part, really. He never should have taken Kuroo's suggestion to try it.

He shuffled down the hallway, his hands in his pockets, and passed by the kindergarten classes. The classes were exceptionally noisy at this hour, and Bokuto stopped in front of Shouyou's class to see what the commotion was.

The students were gathered at their tables to eat their mid-morning snack. Several of the kids were grouped together, showing each other their crackers and drinks. Shouyou was talking animatedly to a group of students, his eyes sparkling and his mouth, of course, full of crackers. His nose was still bruised from the incident the other day, but he acted as if it did not bother him. He just continued to spit out crumbs with every word.

Bokuto shook his head fondly at the boy and couldn't help but smile. He was just so adorable when he was excited. Bokuto turned his head to the other tables, observing the kids, but stopped at a certain table in the corner.

Tobio was sitting by himself at a table. An empty milk box rested in front of him, but his crackers were left untouched.

Bokuto frowned, his brows scrunching up. What was wrong? Was Tobio still upset? He seemed fine by the time he left their apartment the other night…

"Oh! Hello, Bokuto!"

Bokuto jumped as Suga appeared out of nowhere. He put a hand to his chest and smiled softly.

"O-Oh, Suga-san! Good morning," Bokuto greeted.

Suga smiled brightly as he normally did and pointed to his hair. "Trying a new look?"

Bokuto reached up and tugged on a loose strand. "Oh, no. I just forgot to put gel in it today."

"Ah, I see. Well, are you here to see Shouyou? It's perfect timing since it's their snack time," Suga said.

Bokuto shook his head. "No, no. I don't want to rile him up."

He paused, his eyes gazing over to Tobio's seat. The boy was still sitting by himself, his eyes now glaring at his empty milk box.

"Actually… I was wondering if Tobio was in time-out or something?" Bokuto said, pointing to the boy in the corner.

Suga cast a glance back at Tobio and then faced Bokuto, a sad smile on his face.

"Ah. No, he's not in time-out," Suga said. "He usually hangs out with Shouyou, but it seems that they're not speaking today."

Bokuto frowned. "So, Tobio doesn't have anyone else to hang out with?"

Suga shrugged, his smile slipping. "None of the other kids want to talk to him. They tell me that his face is scary."

Bokuto rubbed the back of his neck. He could understand that, but if the kids would just  _talk_  to him, they would see that he's not scary at all. He was just a kid.

"That's… rough," Bokuto said.

"Mmn. I've been sitting with him during the play times so he doesn't feel lonely. But other than that, I don't know what to do," Suga said with a sigh. He folded his arms across his chest and glanced back into the classroom.

Bokuto twisted his lips, looking back to Tobio. He watched as the boy pushed his crackers to the side and glanced over to Shouyou, his blue eyes shiny and red.

"Um," Bokuto started, moving a few steps back from the doorway and grabbing Suga's attention. "Do you think I could talk to Tobio? Just for a minute."

Suga made a thoughtful face but nodded, turning back into the classroom. He called Tobio over, the boy startling at his seat. Tobio's lips wobbled as he walked to the door, looking a bit fearful, but his eyes softened into surprise when he saw Bokuto just outside the door.

"Bokuto-san wanted to talk to you," Suga said. He nodded to Bokuto and walked back inside the classroom to talk with the other students.

Bokuto smiled softly and crouched down next to Tobio.

"Hey, little man. What's going on? Why are you sitting by yourself?" Bokuto asked.

Tobio pouted and lowered his gaze to look at the floor. "No one wanted to sit with me."

"Not even Shouyou?" Bokuto asked with a wince.

Tobio's pout turned into a sad frown as he shook his head. His hands grabbed fistfuls of his pants, wrinkling the material.

"I don't think we're friends anymore," Tobio said, his voice small and squeaky.

Bokuto felt his chest squeeze, the pain radiating down to his sternum and gut. He remembered Akaashi telling him one day that Tobio had never had a friend before. It was something that had always concerned Akaashi, the poor man worrying over the state of his son's loneliness.

Bokuto frowned. He just wanted them both to be all right. They had been through so much in such a short amount of time.

_"I think you know what makes Akaashi happy."_

As Kuroo's voice echoed in Bokuto's mind, a thought came to mind.

He looked at Tobio, feeling a weird fluttering in his stomach.

"Hey, Tobio. Do you like meat buns?"

* * *

Akaashi set the ball up into the air for the student to spike and immediately felt a twinge of pain in his neck. He cringed as the ball wobbled a bit as it soared into the air, but the spiker managed to hit it, stuttering to a stop next to the net before he could touch it. The ball flew out of bounds and bounced against the back wall.

Akaashi lifted up a hand to him. "Sorry. That was my mistake."

The spiker smiled timidly and shook his head. "No, no! It's all right! I'm sure it was mine. My run-up wasn't timed right."

Akaashi cocked a brow at him, watching as he rushed to the back of the line with the rest of the team. The players were all uptight around him today, being extra polite yet jittery.

And Akaashi knew the exact reason why.

"Hey, hey! Akaashi is setting those perfectly! Make sure your form is right!"

"Y-Yes, sir!"

Bokuto was acting… strangely.

Akaashi had felt it the moment he had walked into the gym. Bokuto was already inside, practicing intense serves that ricocheted off of the far wall and sent balls flying. His hair was a mess and his eyes had bags under them, showing obvious signs of stress.

He had witnessed Bokuto's strange moods before, but it was nothing like this. It was as if Bokuto was a ball of stress that was ready to explode.

And his behavior only got worse as practice carried on—especially if a player even remotely disrespected Akaashi.

"C'mon! Do it again! And this time, make it a straight!" Bokuto hollered to a third year.

"Yes!"

Akaashi sighed, his limbs suddenly feeling heavy. He had no clue what was stressing Bokuto out, but he hoped he could find a way to resolve it soon.

He turned his head over to the side of the gym, where his other worries lied.

Shouyou was passing a volleyball back and forth with the team's manager, his eyes bright and his nose still bruised.

And Tobio stood by himself on the sidelines, a ball in his hands and a pitiful look on his face.

Akaashi sighed again and tried working out the kink in his neck. It seemed that Tobio and Shouyou were not on speaking terms. And seeing that hurt. Shouyou was Tobio's first friend.

There was just too much for Akaashi to handle right now. He wondered if talking to Tobio that night about his mother actually helped.

_"So… where is she now?" Tobio had asked after Akaashi explained how they met._

_"Ah. She went to go work in a different country," Akaashi answered truthfully._

_Tobio stared at the picture in his hands, his blue eyes focused and razor sharp. He blinked a few times and bit his lip._

_"She moved?" Tobio asked._

_"Mmn," Akaashi hummed. "She couldn't take you with her, so I decided to take care of you."_

_"…Oh."_

He was oddly quiet after that and did not bring it up again. And ever since then, he had been subdued and unenthusiastic. He did not even mention volleyball, which was a new hobby for him.

And now he was alone.

"Akaashi! What's wrong?"

Akaashi jumped, turning around to come face-to-face with golden eyes. He stumbled back a step, the crick in his neck worsening.

"Ah, Bokuto-san," he said. "What do you mean?"

Bokuto pointed to his neck. "Your neck. You've been rubbing it a lot. Are you okay?"

Akaashi stilled in his massage and rested his hand on his shoulder. He twisted his lips and stood up straighter.

"It's nothing much. Just stress, I think," Akaashi said.

Bokuto winced, frowning hard. "Oh. Sorry. Can I do anything to help?"

Akaashi sighed through his nose and shook his head. Bokuto's anxiety was only adding to his own.

"No, not really," Akaashi said, turning his gaze back to Tobio in the corner. "There's just… been a lot going on."

Bokuto hummed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Are you… worried about Tobio?"

Akaashi whipped his head around so fast that his neck twinged with pain again, and he lifted a hand to rub the same spot.

"Ah! S-Sorry!" Bokuto apologized, waving his hands around frantically.

"I'm fine, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said. He dropped his hand, unable to work out what felt like a massive lump on his cervical spine. "And I suppose I am a bit worried. He and Shouyou… Ever since their fight, they've been…"

"Not talking?" Bokuto finished.

"Yeah," Akaashi said.

They both turned at the sound of a stray volleyball bouncing along the sidelines, rolling to a stop at Tobio's feet. A mop of orange hair bounded to the ball, skidding to a halt in front of Tobio. The two boys met each other's eyes for a moment, their faces neutral, before Shouyou picked up the ball and rushed back to the team's manager without a word. Tobio's lip trembled as he squeezed his volleyball close to his chest, looking more lost than before.

"He seemed real close to Shouyou. And he feels bad for what happened between them," Akaashi explained, remembering the long conversation they had that evening. "But Tobio just doesn't know how to apologize. He doesn't know how to make it go back to how things were."

Akaashi watched as his son plopped down on the floor next to the wall and watched the team play, the volleyball still pressed to his stomach.

"I just… don't know how to make things better for him," Akaashi said.

Beside him, Bokuto folded his hands across his chest and paused, his teeth gnawing on his lip.

"I, uh… I may have an idea," Bokuto said, unusually timid.

Akaashi tore his gaze away from Tobio to stare at the quiet coach, his floppy two-toned hair falling into his eyes. He tilted his head at the man, wondering where this unsure behavior was coming from.

"What do you have in mind?" Akaashi asked, resting a hand on his hip.

Bokuto smiled, the first smile Akaashi had seen on him all day.

"Wanna go to the park?"

* * *

Bokuto twirled the volleyball in his hands, focusing on how the colors swirled together with each spin. The ball distracted him from the three silent bodies that followed behind him. Akaashi and Tobio were at their normal level of quietness, but even Shouyou was silent.

Bokuto breathed through his nose nervously, his breath stuttered and shallow. He could feel a drop of sweat glide down the back of his neck.

He hoped his idea worked.

And it didn't hurt that he had a bag of warm meat buns under his arm.

"So, Tobio, Shouyou," Bokuto started, turned his head to look back at the two boys. They were standing as far away from each other as they could. "Are you guys excited to learn how to set and spike with each other?"

Shouyou and Tobio exchanged glances, and then pointedly looked away from each other, neither one of them answering.

Akaashi's face pulled into a wince and Bokuto internally panicked. He just had to fix this problem, he just  _had_  to.

"I think they can do it, right, Akaashi?" Bokuto asked, looking to his friend.

Akaashi's face relaxed, his eyes locked on Bokuto's face.

"They've been practicing enough. I think they can do it if they work together," Akaashi said, a small smile on his face.

Bokuto stared at that smile, ready to smile back—

_"I hate myself."_

Bokuto released a shuddering breath, hearing Akaashi's words echoing in his mind. He wondered if Akaashi still felt that way, right now, as he walked towards the beautiful park.

_Do you, Akaashi? Do you still think that way even with a smile on your face?_  Bokuto wondered.

"Bokuto-san," Akaashi called, ripping Bokuto from his spiraling panic. "Are we almost there?"

"O-Oh! Yeah, this way, this way!" Bokuto said, turning at the corner.

They walked one more block and then turned into the park where the grass began. Bokuto craned his neck to see Shouyou and Tobio looking around, their mouths open and their eyes sparkling. Akaashi even looked more relaxed. It brought a smile to Bokuto's face.

One little victory at a time. He could do this.

"Okay! This looks like a good spot!" Bokuto said, coming to a stop near a tree. He set down the bag next to the trunk of the tree and then turned around, holding up the volleyball in one hand. "Okay. So you guys are going to learn how to set and spike with each other!"

Shouyou and Tobio jumped, blinking up at Bokuto as they processed his words. Shouyou was the first to open his mouth.

"But I wanna spike with you!" Shouyou protested.

"And I can set and spike all by myself!" Tobio said.

Akaashi pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed, and Bokuto knew that he had to act fast if he wanted to take this stress from his friend's shoulders.

Bokuto tucked the ball under his arm and lowered his brow at them.

"Both of you are wrong!" Bokuto bellowed, making the two boys shut their mouths. He pointed to Shouyou. "You can spike with me all day long, but if you don't have a setter, you won't be able to spike at all!"

Shouyou frowned sadly, his hands gripping his shirt. Bokuto ignored the look on his face and turned to Tobio, pointing at him next.

"And you can't set and spike by yourself! The same person can't hit the ball twice in a row!" Bokuto said.

Tobio pouted, his brows pinching together out of frustration. But he didn't protest, and Bokuto knew that he had understood.

"So you guys are going to practice together. Starting now," Bokuto said. He pushed the ball into Tobio's hands. "Now, show us what you've learned about being a setter."

Tobio glanced down at the ball and then up to Akaashi, looking a bit worried. But Akaashi nodded at him encouragingly.

"Go ahead, Tobio," Akaashi said.

Tobio swallowed, but nodded. He lifted the ball up and above his head, and tried to set the ball into the air. The ball wobbled and went up in an uneven arc, falling to the ground a few steps away.

"Hey, that wasn't bad!" Bokuto said, smiling as he picked up the ball. "But can you make it go higher?"

Tobio nodded, taking the ball back from Bokuto's hands. He tried again, making the ball go high up in the air in a pretty arc, landing a few steps away. Bokuto smiled and grabbed the ball.

"That was good! Now don't forget what you just did, okay?" Bokuto said to Tobio, eliciting a silent nod from the boy. Bokuto then turned to Shouyou. "Now then. You show me a good spike."

Shouyou nodded, sticking his tongue out of the corner of his mouth as he bent his knees, ready to run. Bokuto nodded at him and then tossed the ball into the air, about the same height as Tobio's toss. Shouyou ran up and, with his eyes closed, he swung in the air, missing the ball completely. The ball dropped and fell on his head, making him squeak.

"Oi, oi! What did I tell you about closing your eyes?" Bokuto said.

Shouyou rubbed the top of his head and looked up at Bokuto. "Um… don't do it?"

"Exactly!" Bokuto said, picking up the ball. "Here. Akaashi and I will show you how it's done."

He looked to Akaashi, his friend nodding back at him. Bokuto tossed the ball in the air and Akaashi moved underneath of it, moving his hands up in the air. The ball fell right onto his fingertips and he pushed the ball into the air.

Bokuto smirked. Akaashi's tosses were always perfect.

Bokuto leapt into the air, his back arching and his left arm going forward as he right arm reared back. As soon as the ball was in perfect position, Bokuto flung his right arm forward, hitting the ball at a steep angle and making it smack against the grass.

"Uwah!"

"Wow!"

The two boys were both in awe, their hands curled into excited fists and their jaws dropped.

Bokuto landed on his feet with ease and smiled at Akaashi, giving him a thumbs-up. Akaashi smiled back, returning the gesture.

"Okay!" Bokuto said, hurrying to grab the ball and rush back to the boys' sides. "Now it's your turn."

Shouyou and Tobio jolted and then looked at each other with worried glances.

"But what if we can't do it?" Shouyou asked.

"You will," Bokuto said, handing the redhead the ball. "Now, toss it to Tobio."

Shouyou hesitated for a moment, taking a few steps back and looking at Tobio with apprehension. But he took a deep breath and nodded to the other boy.

"Okay! Here it comes!" Shouyou said. Tobio bent his knees in response.

Shouyou tossed the ball into the air, and Tobio put his hands up to receive it. The ball connected with his fingertips and he pushed it into the air, the ball wobbling slightly. Shouyou jumped, his eyes still closed, and missed the ball.

"Do it again," Bokuto said, putting his hands on his hips.

The two boys took deep breaths, moving back into their positions to try again.

They repeated the process and received the same result.

"Again!" Bokuto said.

They tried again, Shouyou jumping too early this time.

"Again!" Bokuto called.

A third time, and Shouyou managed to touch the ball with his fingers, but it wasn't a solid spike.

"Again!"

They tried ten different times, each time getting closer and closer to the goal but not quite reaching that satisfying connection.

"Okay, I want you guys to think of something different," Bokuto said. "Tobio, I want you to imagine Shouyou before he even jumps. How high should the ball be? Where do you think the ball should go so that Shouyou can reach it?"

Tobio blinked at him, taking in his words. He looked and Shouyou and then up into the air, his brows furrowing in concentration.

"And Shouyou," Bokuto said, turning to the other boy. "This time, I need you to jump higher and keep your eyes  _open._ "

"But I forget sometimes," Shouyou said.

"I know you do. But I need you to picture that there is a net. And that there are people on the other side of that net," Bokuto said. "Can you do that?"

He saw the gears turning in Shouyou's mind as he nodded furiously. Bokuto hummed and gave Shouyou the ball.

"Now, do it again. And this time, concentrate!" Bokuto said.

Shouyou stuck his tongue out, staring at Tobio who was looking back at him with sharp, wide eyes. He tossed the ball into the air.

"Picture the spiker, Tobio! See where he needs to go!" Bokuto coached.

Tobio breathed out and then moved under the ball, his blue eyes wide as the ball landed perfectly against his fingers. He pushed the ball into the air, his hair flopping away from his forehead.

Bokuto's heart leapt. For a split second, Tobio looked just like Akaashi.

The ball flew into a nice arc in the air. It was high, and ready for Shouyou.

"Keep your eyes open!" Bokuto said. "See the net! See your opponents and  _beat them!"_

Shouyou ran forward and jumped, higher than he ever had before, startling Bokuto a little. How could a five-year-old jump that high?

Shouyou had his eyes shut only for a second before he popped them open, his eyes wide as the ball started to descend. He reared his arm back, just as Bokuto had taught him, and he slammed his arm forward.

Ah. There it was.

That satisfying smack.

Shouyou landed on his feet but his momentum kept him going until he fell face-first into the grass. But he immediately popped his head up to watch the ball.

The ball flew to the ground and bounced towards the tree, rolling to a stop.

It was silent for a moment, the boys staring at the ball in awe.

Then, they turned to each other.

And screamed.

"Why didn't you do that sooner?!" Tobio asked, his blue eyes shining from excitement.

Shouyou jumped to his feet and pointed to Tobio. "How in the world can you toss like that? How are you so good at this?! You're so amazing! Amazing!"

"Ehh?! Y-You dummy! I… that's!"

Bokuto smiled, placing his hands firmly on his hips. He knew they could do it. And once they had it, he knew that the two could become friends again.

Then, he heard a sound. It was a small, sound that resembled a cough.

He turned his head to see Akaashi covering his mouth with his fist. A smile hid behind his hand.

Akaashi was laughing.

_Laughing._

Bokuto's smile widened and he hurled himself at Akaashi, flinging an arm around Akaashi's neck.

"Akaashi! I told you they could do it!" Bokuto said.

Akaashi smiled, laughing at him. "Yeah. You were right, Bokuto-san."

Bokuto  _beamed._

"Hey, hey! Let's do it again!" Shouyou yelled.

"Okay, fine! But don't mess it up!" Tobio said.

"I won't! Just toss!"

Bokuto released Akaashi's neck and hurried over to the tree where the meat buns still sat.

"Hey, guys! Time for a break! Come get some meat buns!" Bokuto said.

The boys screamed again, rushing over to grab a wrapped bun from Bokuto's hands. They bit into the meat buns and hummed, Shouyou trying to speak with his mouth full. Tobio seemed to understand, his head nodding in agreement.

It was amazing how food and volleyball could bring these two knuckleheads together again.

"Bokuto-san."

Bokuto turned, a meat bun coming into view. He looked up to see Akaashi handing him a meat bun.

"Good work, Coach," Akaashi said.

His smile was genuine, and the crease in between his brows had smoothed out. His shoulders were relaxed and his hands weren't fidgeting.

He looked at peace.

Bokuto took the meat bun from him, smiling brightly.

"Thanks, Akaashi!"

* * *

"Huh? Akaashi is doing what?"

"He's auditioning! Auditioning for a spot in an orchestra!"

"What orchestra?"

Konoha twirled his mallets in his fingers and then pointed towards the back wall of the stage.

"I think it's that orchestra down the street," Konoha explained. "The other one based in Tokyo."

His fellow percussionists scratched their heads, their jaws going slack with shock.

"I can't believe he's trying out for that spot," one musician said.

"Yeah, doesn't his dad own this place?" the other said. "I bet he's not too happy about it."

Konoha shrugged. "All I know is that he said he's been practicing nonstop. I told him to keep me updated on how the audition goes."

"When is the audition?" one asked.

"Mmm… I think he said the first round is next month," Konoha answered.

"Next month? Wow, it's coming up really fast."

"Yeah, Konoha. You'll have to keep us updated on how he does, too!"

Konoha laughed. "Of course, of course!" He put up a hand. "But maybe we shouldn't spread it around. Especially to Mori-san."

"Yeah, sure. I won't say anything!"

"Yeah, same!"

"Thanks, guys. So, have you guys practiced the part for rehearsal today?"

"Huh? You mean Act III? Not yet, ha…"

"What? Guys, Mori-san…"

* * *

"…Guys, Mori-san is going to kill you!"

"Don't remind me, Konoha! I already know this!"

"Ha! Just grab your parts and I'll help you right now!"

Just outside the door to the stage, Akaashi Kyosuke leaned against the wall with his arms folded across his chest.

And he was  _livid._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [Tumb](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucke1)


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back!! Thank you for your patience with me.  
> Sorry for the break. I was swamped with schoolwork. Keep checking my tumblr for any updates or changes in my schedule.
> 
> Thank you Tayu-chan and Velvloid for your edits and constant support. We make a great team <3
> 
> Happy reading!

Akaashi pressed down on the strings hard with his bow as he reached the climax of the piece. The emotions in this section were supposed to be strong, and Akaashi was struggling to make every note have some sort feeling. The excerpt did not contain fast notes but it was the most challenging when it came to the quality of sound. Akaashi had to make it sound perfect.

He only had a week left until the first round.

Akaashi moved his bow again, the sound desperate on the strings as he vibrated his fingers.

This is a sad section _,_  Akaashi told himself. Make it sad. Make it sad. Make it—

_Wow, how pathetic._

Akaashi grit his teeth, his bow stuttering on the strings. He only paused for a moment before continuing, trying desperately to ignore the voice.

_Can you really get this perfected in one week? It sounds terrible._

Akaashi's jaw hurt from how hard he clenched, feeling his teeth ache as he ground them.

_You won't get this violin spot and you know it._

Akaashi breathed out of his nose, focusing on the notes on the page. He was almost at the end of the passage, the heart-wrenching notes right in front of him—

_You should just give up._

The last note was played, full of vibrato and a loud, finishing sound, and Akaashi lifted the bow up to hear it echo. Then, he dropped his arms by his sides, feeling winded and exhausted. His brow furrowed in agitation.

It was not what he wanted.

"Wow, Akaashi! That was amazing!"

Akaashi glanced up wearily, seeing two pairs of eyes staring at him from the floor of the living room. Bokuto and Tobio were sitting on the floor with crayons and paper, Bokuto's phone mutely playing volleyball videos. Their eyes were sparkling at him.

"That was so good!" Bokuto said. "Don't you agree, Tobio?"

Tobio nodded and sniffled, his fist reaching up to wipe his nose.

"Yeah, yeah! It sounded pretty," Tobio said after another sniffle.

_They have no idea how bad it actually sounded, do they?_

Akaashi grimaced, feeling that spark of irritation grip his heart and shake it, making his chest feel hot. He stiffened his shoulders to contain the anger and forced out an annoyed breath.

"It still needs work," Akaashi said, turning back to the music stand to look at the excerpts. The notes had started to blend together, which only made him feel worse.

"Oh, really?" Bokuto asked, cocking his head. "You sound ready to me."

Akaashi sighed as the frustration grew. He gripped his bow hard and caused the muscles in his arms to flex.

"It's far from ready," Akaashi said, his voice clipped. He glared at the music, feeling a drop of sweat glide past his brow and down the side of his face.

Bokuto stood up from the couch, leaving Tobio to continue drawing on his paper, and walked to Akaashi's side. He studied the music on the stand, hands on his hips.

"Is there a part where it's stumping you? Maybe I can listen to it again," Bokuto said.

_He knows nothing._

Akaashi breathed in through his nose. "I don't think so. It's the whole thing, really."

"Oh. Well, I can try to listen again, if you want. Maybe me and Tobio can be your judges!" Bokuto said, his smile infuriatingly large.

_He doesn't know anything about being a professional._

"I can't really help you practice, but I'm here if you need to relax or talk through it."

_He's an idiot._

Akaashi's breath stayed in his chest as he held it in his lungs. His muscles tightened and his teeth ground together.

"And… I know that I don't know much about music, but I can be here to help you."

Bokuto's smile was too much for him to handle, and Akaashi tried to bite his tongue but the words flew out of him before he could even think.

"You're right. You  _don't_  know much about music," Akaashi snapped, turning at him with fierce eyes. "So, enlighten me, Bokuto-san. How is it that  _you_  can help me here?"

Bokuto's shoulders jumped and his mouth clicked shut, his eyes widening in a hurt gaze. Even Tobio, who still sat at the coffee table in the living room, had a worried look on his face.

Akaashi's heart leapt in his chest, realizing his mistake. He swallowed, his shoulders slumping as he hung his head.

"S-Sorry," Akaashi apologized, unable to meet Bokuto's eyes. "I… I didn't mean…"

A hand gently touched his shoulder, making him look up. Bokuto was smiling at him softly, an understanding look on his face.

"It's no worries, Akaashi! I know you're stressed," Bokuto said. "You should really relax though. I really don't think you have anything to worry about."

Akaashi glanced down at his violin in his hand, the wooden instrument suddenly weighing a ton in between his fingers.

"Right…" he whispered, the guilt gnawing on his bones and making him slump.

Bokuto patted his shoulder. "Why don't we give you some privacy? I can take Tobio to get some ice cream."

Akaashi glanced in the living room at Tobio, who was still watching volleyball videos on Bokuto's phone and coloring at the same time. He had moved on from their situation and was, thankfully, distracted again by volleyball.

Akaashi sighed, feeling the energy exude from his body. He could feel his body beginning to spiral into a dangerous breakdown, and he never wanted his son to see that terrifying side of him.

"All right. He could use some fresh air," Akaashi agreed.

Bokuto beamed, his hand sliding down to pat Akaashi's back. "Well, don't overwork yourself, okay? We'll bring you some ice cream back."

Akaashi nodded, feeling cold when Bokuto took his hand from his back. He watched as Bokuto walked over to Tobio and made the offer, Tobio's eyes sparkling as he nodded.

"Okay, little man. Grab your jacket and we'll go," Bokuto said.

Tobio jumped and shuffled to the front door, grabbing his jacket from the hook.

Bokuto tossed a smile over his shoulder as he headed to the door to help Tobio with his shoes.

"Bye, Akaashi! We'll be back in a flash!" Bokuto called.

Akaashi lifted up a hand to gently wave at them as they left the apartment. As soon as the door clicked shut, Akaashi heaved out a heavy sigh and he closed his eyes.

One week to go.

* * *

"So what kind of ice cream you want, Tobio?"

"Hm… vanilla?"

"One vanilla coming up!"

Bokuto passed over a few bills to the woman at the register and waited for her to return with the two cups of ice cream. He handed over the small cup to Tobio, who took it with anxious hands and wide eyes.

"Be careful, little man," Bokuto said as he snagged a few napkins from the counter.

Tobio nodded and waddled after Bokuto to a table. Bokuto helped him into the seat and then sat across from him. Tobio immediately began to dig in, getting vanilla ice cream on his chin. Bokuto followed suit, shoving his mint ice cream into his mouth and shivering at the cold.

"Is it good?" Bokuto asked after he swallowed.

Tobio nodded and then stuck another large spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. After a moment or two, his eyes squinted shut and he shivered, his hand coming up to touch his forehead. Bokuto barked out a laugh.

"Got a brain freeze, Tobio?" Bokuto asked.

Tobio pouted and nodded, rubbing his forehead a few times. Bokuto took the opportunity to wipe the ice cream from his chin, making the boy open one eye to look at him.

"Slow down, yeah?" Bokuto said. "It's not going anywhere."

Tobio nodded and released his head, glaring down at his ice cream for a moment before picking up his spoon and slowly continuing. Bokuto smiled and took another bite of his own.

"So, are you enjoying school, Tobio?" Bokuto asked.

Tobio nodded, taking another bite. "Me and Shouyou play volleyball a lot."

"You really like Shouyou, huh?" Bokuto asked with a smile. "You guys must be good friends!"

Tobio paused for a moment before he nodded. "I think he is. I've never had a friend before."

Bokuto frowned. "Really? What about at daycares or preschool?"

Tobio pursed his lips, his eyes turning sad. "There was Oikawa-san, a bigger kid who came to daycare when he was done with first grade," he started. "I thought we were friends, but…"

Tobio's voice trailed off, his hand fiddling with his spoon and pushing his ice cream around distractedly. Bokuto frowned, twirling his green ice cream around in his cup.

"Did he move away or something?" Bokuto asked.

Tobio frowned and shook his head. "No. He picked on me a lot."

"A lot?" Bokuto asked. "How much is a lot?

"Every day."

Bokuto's lips twisted, his face falling into an angry pout.  _So a bully, then._

He stabbed his ice cream with his spoon.

"But Daddy helped me a lot," Tobio said softly, taking another bite. He looked less sad, which made Bokuto straighten in his seat.

"Really?" Bokuto asked.

"Mmn. Daddy would talk to me a lot, and play with me at night even though he was busy." Tobio's brows furrowed suddenly. "I wish we could play more but he's been really busy."

Bokuto paused for moment, thinking about Tobio's words.

"Your dad is trying to do something really amazing," Bokuto explained, smiling at the boy.

"Amazing?" Tobio asked, his eyes widening.

Bokuto nodded, getting more excited. "Yeah! He's working really hard to achieve his dream."

Tobio's eyes sparkled. "Is Daddy gonna g—a…  _achoo!"_

His sneeze rattled the table and left him sniffling.

Bokuto frowned, grabbing a spare napkin and reaching across the table to wipe Tobio's snotty nose.

"That was a big sneeze. Are you okay, Tobio?" Bokuto asked, handing him another napkin.

Tobio nodded, grabbing the other napkin from Bokuto and wiping his nose. He put the napkin down on the table and went back to his ice cream. He took a big bite and looked back up at Bokuto with wide eyes.

"Is Daddy gonna get a violin job?" Tobio asked after he swallowed.

Bokuto smiled and nodded. "He definitely is, Tobio!" Bokuto said, excitement in his voice. "I know he will!"

* * *

"Okay, everyone! Go change and head to class! You're already running behind!"

"Yes, sir!"

Akaashi could hear the players as they scurried off to the locker rooms in haste, leaving the practice volleyballs scattered throughout the gym. He sighed as he headed over to the balls, picking them up and balancing them in his arms.

Since the boys had a practice match that afternoon, Bokuto had asked Akaashi to come in to help with the morning practice. He was hesitant at first since his audition was only a few days away, but he could not resist Bokuto's pleading and puppy dog eyes.

After all, Bokuto was helping him out a lot by taking care of Tobio while he prepared for the audition. It was only right that he assisted Bokuto in return.

"Hey, hey, Akaashi! Good work today!" Bokuto called as he wheeled over the ball cart.

Akaashi tossed the balls in the cart and nodded, humming in return.

"Thanks. They look ready to play this afternoon," Akaashi commented, trying to get his brain to focus on something other than what he had to do when he got home.

"I think so, too," Bokuto said, gazing proudly out at the court. He tossed a grin over his shoulder at Akaashi. "Thanks for helping today! I really needed the extra set of hands."

Akaashi felt the blood drain out of his face at Bokuto's sincerity, and guilt dropped into his stomach. He should not complain so much, especially when Bokuto was being this grateful.

"You're welcome," Akaashi said, tossing another volleyball in the bin.

Bokuto smiled, wheeling the cart over to the wall. "So, how is practicing going?"

Akaashi frowned, the stress immediately coming back.

"It's… annoying," Akaashi admitted, surprised at himself.

Bokuto picked up a volleyball and held it in his hands, staring at Akaashi with a worried expression.

"Really? I know you were stressed, but it sounded so good yesterday," Bokuto said.

Akaashi sighed. "I guess it was fine. I just need it to sound perfect. And the audition is only a few days away."

Bokuto paused, glancing down at the volleyball in his hands. "Is it… not fun?"

Akaashi paused, giving Bokuto a weird look. "Fun?"

Bokuto spun the ball in his hands. "Yeah. I thought you enjoyed playing violin."

"I…"

Akaashi paused. He could not truly say that the last few weeks were  _fun_. With all of the stress of the upcoming audition, Akaashi has had no time to allow himself to even think about enjoying himself.

"You know, I didn't always enjoy volleyball."

Akaashi snapped his head up, his strange expression morphing into plain confusion. He tilted his head at Bokuto and watched as the coach spun the volleyball in his hands.

"I had this… moment, I guess, when I was in high school," Bokuto continued. "My cross spikes kept getting shut out by this one team. So I practiced line shots like a madman."

He balanced the volleyball on his finger and spun it, the colors whirling around and blending together. He smirked, looking as proud than ever.

"Then, in a later tournament, we played that same team," Bokuto said. He threw the ball up into the air and slammed it towards the net, the ball riding along the boundary line. "And I smashed a line shot past those blockers. They didn't even touch it!"

He laughed and folded his arms across his chest, standing tall.

"From that moment, I was completely hooked on volleyball," he said, his smile widening.

Akaashi stared at him in awe. The man in front of him was shining, seeming to be glowing in some sort of sunshine. He was so bright that Akaashi felt almost unworthy to stand in his presence.

"What about you, Akaashi?" Bokuto asked, bringing Akaashi back to the present.

"Me?" Akaashi asked, raising a brow.

"Have you ever had a moment like that? Like, with orchestra or violin?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi stood straighter, his brows pushing together to form a crease. The words, 'Of course,' were on the tip of his tongue, ready to spew, but he stopped short.

Has… Has he ever had a moment like that before?

He rattled his brain, trying to come up with answers. He could remember very memorable, very  _vivid_  moments of his time in orchestra. He even remembered when his orchestra director expressed great sorrow when he spoke of a composer's life or a certain piece that touched his heart. He also remembered playing concerts that made his hair stand on their ends as shivering goosebumps sprouted along his arms and neck.

But… there were also moments…

_"No! Do it right!"_

_"Why can't you understand that what you're playing is wrong?"_

_"That was a waste of time. Let's end today. I expect a better performance next week."_

…several,  _several_  moments where Akaashi hated the fact that he played the violin. Especially when his father was around.

Bokuto's question had suddenly given him pause and made him question every decision he had made in the past 23 years.

"Uh, 'Kaashi?"

Akaashi blinked, the gymnasium coming back into view, and Bokuto stood in front of him with a worried expression.

"Are you okay? You just spaced out on me," Bokuto said.

Akaashi swallowed, nodding slowly as he lowered his gaze to stare at another stray volleyball on the floor.

"Yeah. I'm okay," Akaashi said.

"Ah. Okay, then. If you're sure," Bokuto said, eyeing him carefully. He put the last volleyball away and pushed the cart towards the closet. "You wanna get something to eat? The vending machines are in the lounge. My treat!"

Akaashi nodded distractedly, his eyes still to the floor, and he followed Bokuto out of the gym like a mindless zombie. Bokuto was saying something about the food he was going to get but the words were muffled. Akaashi's head was still a muddled mess after Bokuto had spoken to him, the thoughts swirling around in his mind.

Was what he was doing really making him happy?

"I've got to find someone to—Oh!"

Akaashi snapped his head up, seeing a different teacher standing in front of Bokuto. She had apparently run smack into Bokuto.

"Ah, hello there! What's the rush?" Bokuto asked, putting his hands on his hips.

The teacher sighed heavily and adjusted the glasses on her nose. She seemed to be in a state of mild panic.

"Ah, good morning, Bokuto-san. You see, with the kindergarteners here in the building, we've built some extracurriculars for them. Today is supposed to be their day for music, but…" She glanced down the hall and then back to Bokuto. "But the music teacher is running late this morning, so the class is missing a teacher."

"The music teacher?" Bokuto asked, scratching his cheek.

"Yes. There are three classes of kindergarteners waiting in the classroom, but I'm trying to stall until I can find someone to do something for them," the teacher said, fiddling with her glasses again. "Do you have any ideas, Bokuto-san?"

Bokuto's shoulders jumped and he snapped his head to the side to look at Akaashi with wide eyes. Akaashi stared back at him, quirking a brow at the look on his face. It was a peculiar expression, almost scheming as those gold orbs studied Akaashi.

Akaashi felt a drop of sweat glide down his neck. Just what was Bokuto up to?

Bokuto took one more moment to study Akaashi and then he glanced back at the teacher.

"Um, Akaashi here is real good at music!" he blurted.

Akaashi's eyes widened comically. "What?"

"He is?" the teacher asked, now looking at Akaashi to confirm.

"Yeah!" Bokuto continued, gaining more confidence as he spoke. "He's super smart and really talented! He can play violin like a pro!"

Akaashi lifted a hand, trying to interject. "Um…"

"Can he teach children?" the teacher asked Bokuto.

Akaashi turned to Bokuto, trying to plead with him with his eyes, begging Bokuto to  _please shut his mouth_.

But Bokuto only smiled wider.

And Akaashi knew he was screwed.

"I'm totally sure he could!" Bokuto said.

"B-Bokuto-san," Akaashi said under his breath.

"Oh, my! That would really be a big help!" the teacher said. She shifted in front of Akaashi and bowed at her waist. "If you could just do one lesson with them, we would be grateful!"

Akaashi stiffened, surprised by her sudden bow, and he lifted up his hands to try to get her to raise her head. But she stayed low, practically begging.

"I, uh… I don't know what to teach them. I don't really have any experience…" Akaashi said, rubbing the back of his head.

The teacher leaned back up and shook her head, holding on to her glasses.

"It's okay! If you want to just talk to them about music, that's fine! We have spare violins here in the band storage room," the teacher said. "We will compensate you for your time."

Akaashi's brows lifted, and he turned his head to see Bokuto staring back at him with a curious expression.

"What do you think, Akaashi?" Bokuto asked, looking genuinely concerned. He had a smile on his face, which gave Akaashi a little more comfort, but he still hesitated. The only time he had really worked with children was with his own child. Other than that… Akaashi had no experience.

"I know you can do it, Akaashi," Bokuto said softly.

Akaashi blinked out of his daze and swallowed thickly. He could feel a slight tremor in his hands and he quickly closed them into fists.

He glanced back to the teacher and nodded once.

"I'll… I'll try," he said.

The teacher's eyes lit up and Bokuto beamed, both looking beyond excited.

"R-Really? You'll do it? You'll really do it?" the teacher asked, leaning forward.

Akaashi leaned away from her. He almost regretted his decision but it was too late to turn back now—especially with these two people looking at him like he gave them the best news of their lives.

"Um… I don't know what all I can do, but I'll give it a shot," Akaashi said.

"Oh, thank you, thank you!" the teacher exclaimed. She took a deep breath and sighed in relief before turning. "Okay, the classroom is this way. I'll grab a violin or two from the storage for you."

Akaashi felt his stomach clench and then release, a thousand fluttering butterflies traveling up to his chest and through his arms. He felt tingly all over, and his heart was pounding. Why was he so nervous about this?

The teacher led the three of them down to the music wing of the school. She quickly dipped into the orchestra room and grabbed a few violins, handing them to Akaashi. He fumbled with the instruments in his hands and hurried to follow the teacher into the classroom next door.

"Okay, everyone!" the teacher said upon entering. "Sensei is late this morning but we have a special guest who is going to teach you today!"

She gestured for both Bokuto and Akaashi to enter. Bokuto walked in confidently while Akaashi trailed behind with his shoulders hunched.

When he walked into the classroom, he nearly froze at the sight of nearly 60 kindergarteners staring back at him.

"This is Akaashi-sensei, and he's here to teach you all this morning!" the teacher announced.

Akaashi's legs wobbled as he stared at the kids in the room, all of their eyes locked onto him. Their stares seemed to pierce through him like lasers, making his whole body stiffen. It was suddenly hard to breathe.

Akaashi's brows furrowed in frustration. He had performed in front of hundreds of people before, nearly a thousand. He even stood up on stage by himself to perform in front of the entire orchestra, along with a large crowd. And not once was Akaashi nervous.

So  _why?_

Why was  _this_  making him so incredibly nervous?

"Daddy?"

Akaashi's eyes popped open at the familiar voice and he turned his head towards the sound.

Sitting on the far right was none other than his son.

"Tobio," Akaashi said in surprise.

Tobio stood up from his spot and hurried over to his father's side, hugging his leg.

"What are you doing here?" Tobio asked. "Are you really teaching our class this morning?"

Akaashi gave him a warm smile and nodded, unable to hug back because of the instruments in his arms.

"Ah, yeah. I was asked to," Akaashi said.

Tobio's eyes shined. "Are you gonna play for us?!"

"Akaashi-san plays an instrument?" came another familiar voice, and when Akaashi looked up, he saw Shouyou sitting next to Tobio's vacant spot.

Akaashi smiled at him, also nodding in response. "I do, Shouyou. I play violin."

The kids in the room quietly went "ooh" as Akaashi rested the instruments down on the nearby table. Tobio hurried back to his seat next to Shouyou and sat up straight, his hands on his knees and his mouth twitching as he tried to contain his smile.

"Um… So, do any of you guys play an instrument?" Akaashi asked, looking around the room.

Some of the kids raised their hands, and Akaashi called on each one to ask them what they played. All of the kids who raised their hands claimed that they had started piano recently.

"Piano is a good instrument," Akaashi explained. "It teaches you a lot of the basics that you need to learn to understand music."

He turned to the instrument cases on the table and opened them up, studying each violin. After debating which one looked to be in the best shape, he pulled it out of its case and held it up for the class the see. The children all hummed again, their eyes widening at the beautiful brown instrument in front of them.

Akaashi swallowed, lifting up the violin higher so the whole class could see.

"When I was your age, this is what I practiced," Akaashi explained. "A violin has four strings, and you can make sounds on it in two different ways."

He lifted a finger and plucked one of the strings, a soft sound lifting into the air.

"You can pluck the strings like this," Akaashi started. He turned back to the case and pulled out the bow from the side pocket. "Or, you can use this bow to make a sound."

As if on autopilot, Akaashi lifted the violin to tuck under his chin and immediately pressed the bow to a string, pulling it down and creating a nice, smooth note. The class gasped at the sound and  _ooh-ed_  again, amazed at the sound.

"Wow!"

"That's a cool sound!"

"Can you play a song?"

Akaashi stared out at the students, lowering the violin to his side. He blinked at them curiously.

"You… You want me to play something?" he asked them.

The students nodded, some lifting their hands into the air and yelling a collective "yes!"

Akaashi fiddled with the strings, racking his brain on ideas. He thought back to his high school days, a short piece that he practiced over and over. But it was such a fun, light piece that he was sure the kids would enjoy.

With a deep breath, he lifted the violin to his chin and raised his bow, and he began to play Kreisler's  _Schön Rosmarin._

He had the piece memorized and he even surprised himself with how well the notes flowed underneath his fingers. The charming melody even made him smile a bit as he continued. He could hear the piano part in his mind, the keys mimicking his own beautiful melody as he played.

Thoughts of his recitals back in high school came into mind, playing this piece in an elegant auditorium. The sound reverberated around the big space and echoed in the tall ceilings. The stage was empty save for himself and a piano behind him. His playing was on point as his fingers moved up and down the strings, his bow moving in perfect sync.

He approached the last line, each note more passionate than the last. He descended on a few quick notes and slowed down until he reached the final note, bowing it lightly and cheerfully. The note lifted into the air and dissipated, fading out and ending on a vibrating tone, beautifully and wonderfully played.

It was like a breath of fresh air.

There was a pause, and Akaashi opened his eyes—when had he even closed them?—and he stared out at the looks of awe on the children's faces. After a beat, the children began to clap and cheer.

Akaashi felt his face flush as he lowered his violin and gazed out at the children. A smile tugged on his lips and slipped onto his face, his eyes landing on Tobio and Shouyou, who were both practically standing in amazement.

Akaashi stuttered and quickly bowed at his waist, thanking them as they continued to clap.

"The violin is so cool!" Shouyou said, beaming. "I want to play one!"

"Yeah!" Tobio said, wiping his runny nose on his sleeve. "Can I play, too, Daddy?"

Akaashi smiled at him, reaching on the table to grab a tissue. He walked over to Tobio and knelt down to his level to wipe his nose.

"I can let you guys try, if you want," Akaashi said.

Tobio brightened. "Really?!"

Akaashi smiled and nodded, reaching down to take his hand.

"Come up here, Tobio," Akaashi said.

Tobio followed him up to the front of the room, and Akaashi grabbed the other violin for him to hold. Luckily, the teacher had grabbed a smaller violin, so the instrument was not too big for Tobio to hold.

"Now, put your fingers here," Akaashi instructed, showing Tobio how to hold the violin. "And put your chin on this part."

After a few more instructions and adjustments, he had Tobio hold up the bow to touch the hair to the string.

"Okay, now put a little pressure on it, and then pull the bow down," Akaashi said, motioning his bent arm in a downward glide.

Tobio watched his father like a hawk as he mimicked the motion, pulling the bow down along the string.

And there it was.

A sound.

It was a little screechy, but Tobio produced a real sound.

Tobio's eyes lit up and his face flushed with excitement as he stared up at his father, looking proud.

"You did it!" Akaashi said, unable to contain his smile. "You made a sound, Tobio!"

Tobio's lips twitched until they spread into a wide smile across his face, one of the widest smiles Akaashi had ever seen on his son.

"That was amazing, Tobio-chan!"

"Can you do it again?"

The other children started getting excited from Tobio's success, and Tobio looked up to his father as if asking for permission.

Akaashi smiled and nodded at him. "Try it again, Tobio."

Tobio nodded and positioned the violin back to where his father had instructed him the first time. He bent his right arm to hold the bow over the strings, and with another pull, a sound burst from the instrument, louder than before. The children gasped and clapped, Shouyou the loudest of them all.

Akaashi smiled, feeling so incredibly warm. His chest felt both tight and loose at the same time, his emotions unable to regulate. It was a strange feeling that made him feel things that he had never felt before.

He wanted to feel this way again.

"Nice job, Tobio!"

Akaashi jumped a little and turned his head over his shoulder.

Bokuto was standing on the side, leaning against the wall with his arms folded across his chest. His smile was wide, and his eyes were squinted and gleaming with pride.

_"Have you ever had a moment like that, Akaashi?"_

Akaashi inhaled sharply, now understanding Bokuto's words.

He glanced back at the kids and smiled fondly as they all watched Tobio learn.

Maybe he has had a moment like that.

* * *

"Okay. You can do this, Akaashi. Just take your time."

Bokuto massaged Akaashi's shoulders as they stood in the long corridor of the music hall, right near the private practice rooms and a few paces from the auditorium. The practicing violins screamed down the hallway in a collective jumble of sounds, all reverberating into Akaashi's ears.

It was overwhelming.

"You need anything?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi swallowed, holding his bag and his violin close by his sides. He shook his head mutely, thankful for Bokuto's offer.

Bokuto smiled and patted his shoulders, moving one had down to rest at his shoulderblades. It reminded Akaashi of that night on the bridge—Bokuto's sturdy presence was there as a comfort and a solid foundation. Just having Bokuto here made him feel as if he wouldn't collapse.

"It's going to be great!" Bokuto said. "Right, Tobio?"

Akaashi tilted his head down to see his son standing next to Bokuto, his cheeks red and his eyes wide. His little hands were curled into fists, his stance determined.

"Yeah!" Tobio said. "You—"

Suddenly, Tobio's voice choked off and he sneezed, clearing his throat and wiping his nose on his sleeve. Akaashi tilted his head at him.

"Are you okay, Tobio?" Akaashi asked, reaching into his pocket for a spare tissue. "Don't wipe your nose on your shirt."

Tobio nodded, taking the tissue and staring up at his father with bright eyes.

"You're really good at violin, Daddy!" Tobio said, finishing what he had started to say earlier.

Akaashi managed a small smile, albeit tight and strained, and he bent over to ruffle Tobio's hair with a shaking hand.

"Thank you, Tobio," Akaashi said softly.

Tobio sniffed and smiled, and it warmed Akaashi's heart. That boy had been smiling a lot more lately.

"What time is your audition?" Bokuto asked when Akaashi straightened his back.

"Noon," Akaashi said.

Bokuto looked at the time on his phone, placing his free hand on his hip.

"Ah, so you've got a few hours…" Bokuto said softly, making Akaashi wince and lower his gaze apologetically.

"Sorry. I wanted to make sure I got here with plenty of time to warm up," Akaashi tried to explain. His hands fiddled with the handles of his bag and violin case. "You don't have to stay here if you don't want to."

"No, no! It's totally fine!" Bokuto said, putting his phone back in his pocket. "I've got lots of things to keep me and Tobio busy until you're done."

He gestured with his foot to the duffle bag on the floor next to Tobio, smiling down at Tobio and then back up at Akaashi.

"I've got volleyball magazines, coloring sheets, and over 20 hours of volleyball matches downloaded on my phone!" Bokuto said, standing with his arms folded across his chest. "It's going to be fun!"

Akaashi took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay. As long as you're sure."

"One-hundred percent," Bokuto answered. "We're here for you, Akaash'!"

Akaashi smiled at them, humming softly. Never in a million years did Akaashi think he would have company like this. He never even had this level of compassion and genuine dedication with Mei.

"Okay. Well, I'd better go find a practice room," Akaashi said.

Bokuto grinned encouragingly and gave his back a light pat before releasing him.

"Okay, Akaashi! We'll be in the lobby waiting for you," Bokuto said.

Akaashi nodded. "Thank you for this."

"Of course, 'Kaashi! Now go, go! Go get that violin spot!" Bokuto said, giving Akaashi a light push on his back.

Akaashi smiled at him and nodded. He gave a gentle wave to Tobio before turning on his heel and heading down the hall towards the practice rooms. He passed by the noisy rooms, clutching his bag and violin closer to his body as a shudder ripped through him.

It was all so intimidating. He used to audition all of the time for things: placement in college, talent scholarship programs, performance exams… He had even auditioned for a professional orchestral spot.

But this?

This was miles different than what he had done in the past.

Before, he had years of experience and confidence under his belt.

Today, he was a bundle of nerves with five years of neglect that produced rusty skills and shaking hands.

With another deep breath, Akaashi found an empty room and stepped inside, closing the soundproof door behind him.

And suddenly, the noises were cut off, muffled beyond the door.

Akaashi took a moment just to breathe, letting his pounding heart calm inside of his chest. He turned around to gaze at the small, enclosed space. It was barely smaller than his office back when he was the orchestra librarian, and yet, he felt that he could breathe just a little better.

He set his belongings on the chair in the corner and pulled out his audition music, placing the sheets on the music stand. He then pulled out his violin— the violin he had when he was in college. That violin had gotten him through several auditions in the past. Could it get him through this one, as well?

_"Go get that violin spot!"_

Akaashi felt his heart leap at hearing Bokuto's confident voice echo in his mind.

Maybe that violin had gotten him through several auditions in the past.

But this time, he wasn't alone.

Akaashi adjusted the chin rest on the instrument and fiddled with the strings, making sure they were in tune. He lifted the violin up, tucking it under his chin, and he ran his bow over all four strings to test the sound. They were all in tune.

His eyes flitted over to the music on the stand in front of him, the notes staring back at him.

He breathed through his nose.

And he started to warm up.

* * *

"Wow! How did he do that?"

"Hm? You mean get the ball up higher?"

"Yeah, yeah!"

"Oh, he jumped while he set the ball! See? Let me rewind it a bit."

Bokuto moved the video back a few seconds to show Tobio the play again, watching as the setter leapt into the air to reach the ball sooner and set it higher up into the air for the spiker to slam on the other side of the net.

"Wow! He must be really good!" Tobio said, looking up at Bokuto.

"Oh! He is pretty good! One of the top players in the country!" Bokuto said.

He turned to the seat next to him and searched through his duffle bag until he found that volleyball monthly magazine. He flipped it a few pages until he found that team's player stats.

"Let's see… Ah! Here he is," Bokuto said, moving closer to show Tobio the page. "He's known for getting the ball up higher for his spikers. His spikers really like that he sets higher so that their angle of spike is sharper. Their balls get through the blockers and hit the ground faster."

"Wow…" Tobio hummed, looking at the setter's picture on the page. "He must be really strong if he can get the ball that high."

Bokuto chuckled softly. "It also helps that he's almost 187 centimeters."

Tobio whipped his head up to stare at Bokuto with bright eyes.

"I want to be that tall!" Tobio said.

Bokuto paused and then burst into laughter, his hand coming down to ruffle Tobio's hair.

"You sound just like Shouyou! He wants to be tall, too!" Bokuto said. "But don't worry. You've still got time to grow. And I'm sure you'll gain lots of height."

"Really?" Tobio asked, looking hopeful.

"Mmn! I'm sure of it!" Bokuto said. "You wanna watch another clip?"

Tobio nodded rapidly, and Bokuto was afraid the boy would break his neck.

"Okay, okay!" Bokuto said with a laugh. He flipped his phone sideways and searched for a new clip. "Oh! This one is good. Watch the players here."

Tobio scooted closer and focused on the screen, his eyes zeroing in on the players. He would ask a few questions here and there, pointing at the screen, and Bokuto would answer, watching every so often as people entered and exited the music hall.

After a few minutes, Bokuto heard someone come in alone, and out of his peripherals, he could see the man walk up to the front desk.

"Hello. How may I help you?" Bokuto heard the woman at the desk ask.

"Could you point me in the direction of the practice rooms?"

Bokuto froze, his mouth clicking shut and cutting off his words mid-sentence.

That voice was eerily familiar—deep and cold enough to make the hair on the back of his neck rise.

"Ah, yes! If you go down that hall and through the doors, take the second left, and they will be along on the wings," the woman at the front desk said.

"Yes, thank you."

Bokuto lifted his head just in time to see the man pass by him and he nearly gasped when he recognized his face.

Because Akaashi's father should not be here.

This was the last place that Akaashi's father should be.

All of the giddiness that Bokuto had once felt at the beginning of the day all flushed out of his system in an instant, leaving his heart pounding nervously in his ribcage.

_What is he doing here? Is he a judge or something?_  Bokuto thought, watching the man head down the hallway.  _No, that can't be it. He wouldn't be here to listen to this. Akaashi said he's a pianist!_

Bokuto paused the video, watching as Akaashi's father made it to the other side of the entrance and to the double doors. He could feel Tobio shift next to him but he did not say anything.

_Wait a minute… That's how you get to the practice rooms,_  Bokuto thought as Akaashi's father pulled open one of the doors.  _If he's going to the practice rooms… then…_

The horrifying thought caused him to spring to his feet, jostling poor Tobio on the bench.

"A-Ah, sorry, Tobio!" Bokuto apologized, holding the boy's shoulder.

He glanced over at the double doors and saw that they had closed, and Bokuto felt the panic grip his heart. He could not let Akaashi's father into the practice room.

He had to stop him.

He took a step towards the doors, ready to sprint after that poor excuse of a father.

"B-Bokuto-san?"

Bokuto stuttered to a halt, whirling around to see a confused Tobio still sitting on the bench.

_Ah, crap! I can't leave him here by himself!_

Bokuto glanced back and forth from Tobio to the doors. He had to make a decision, and fast.

The frustration caused him to grip at his hair, releasing a low groan.

"Ugh! Okay, Tobio. We're going on a little trip!" Bokuto said, rushing back over to the boy.

"A trip?" Tobio asked, tilting his head.

Before the boy could ask anything else, Bokuto scooped him up in his arms, making him squeak.

"Just hang on, okay?" Bokuto asked as he grabbed the duffle bag from the ground, throwing it over his other shoulder. "We've got to pay another visit to your daddy."

"Daddy?" Tobio asked, clinging to Bokuto's shirt.

"Yep," Bokuto said, his voice clipped.

He hurried down the stretch of the entrance and burst through the double doors. He jogged down the hall and headed back to the practice rooms where he had left Akaashi.

_Please don't find him, please don't find him,_  Bokuto begged.

He went through another set of doors and took the second left, rushing towards the sounds of violins.

_Don't be there! Don't be there!_

Just before Bokuto could make it to the place he left Akaashi, he heard that same, ice-cold voice call out.

"So, Keiji. Would you mind explaining to me what this is all about?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucke1)


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, guys!! Thank you all for the kudos and wonderful comments! You guys are awesome.
> 
> Thank you Tayu-chan and Velvloid for reassuring me and checking this over for me. I greatly appreciate all of your encouragements!!
> 
> TW: Panic attack.
> 
> Happy reading!

Akaashi had no warnings whatsoever.

One moment, he was playing long notes to warm up, and the next he knew, the door to his practice room flung open. It made Akaashi fumble with his violin, causing his bow to screech on the strings as he stuttered to a stop. And when he looked up, he was met with a familiar face whose eyes were so cold that it sent chills down his spine.

"So, Keiji. Would you mind explaining to me what this is all about?"

Akaashi froze on the spot, watching as the practice room door shut behind his angry father. The small room suddenly felt incredibly cramped, making him claustrophobic.

_Oh, look who is here!_

"Father," Akaashi acknowledged. He tried to ignore the mocking voice but his face went pale from shock. He stood straighter, lowering his violin and bow to his sides. "What are you doing here?"

"I caught wind that you were auditioning at this establishment," his father seethed, folding his arms across his chest. "Care to explain why? Is Tokyo Phil too good for you?"

Akaashi sucked in a breath and held it in his chest painfully.

_Uh, oh. Looks like you got caught. Way to go, genius._

"What are you talking about?" Akaashi asked, and was his voice shaking? "I thought you would be proud that I was auditioning for a spot at all."

"Not if you're  _my_  son. You know damn well that Tokyo Phil competes with this orchestra every year for patrons," his father spat. "And you decide to audition here? With  _my_  name?"

Akaashi's brow twitched. "It's not as if I  _belong_  to you."

"You do if you hold my last name," his father replied.

"What?" Akaashi asked, voice clipped and short. "You don't own me. You and Mom didn't even  _want_ me."

_Oof. Was that really the right thing to say?_

His father let out a low growl as he grit his teeth and curled his hands into fists. Akaashi backed up a step, feeling his back lightly bump into the wall behind him. The small space was really starting to feel too small now.

"You still haven't learned to watch your mouth! Have you no respect?" his father yelled, stepping closer to him.

Akaashi's heart did a strange leap in his chest, the sensation traveling down to make his stomach flutter. Something about the look in his father's eyes was different than it had been before.

_Oh, wow! He's really angry, huh? You're such an idiot._

Akaashi winced and shifted over to where his violin case sat, lowering the instrument safely inside. He turned back to face his father, eyeing him carefully.

"I'm just trying to audition for this spot," Akaashi tried calmly.

"Without consulting me first?!" his father accused, taking another step forward.

"I don't need your permission. I can make my own decisions," Akaashi said.

"By supporting something that goes against me?" his father added. His lips curled downward in a snarl, and his hands went into fists. "I gave you everything, boy! Everything that got you to this level, it was all because of me! Your  _father_ , don't you remember?"

Akaashi felt something sour in his gut at his words. Sure, his father encouraged him to pursue violin. And sure, his father helped him through his lessons and through school. He was grateful for all of it.

But not once had he been a proper  _father_. He never helped him with homework or took him to the park. Walks to school were lonely and his dinners were always prepared by the butler, only for him to eat at the table in silence. His father didn't even show up at the hospital when he came down with pneumonia, and when he cried, his lungs only protested in agony as they burned inside of his chest, making it impossible to sleep. He's forever hated hospitals because of it, and he forever knew that if something were to happen to him, his parents wouldn't care.

His father was everything he never wanted to be.

He couldn't do that to Tobio.

_Go ahead and tell him off. You deserve it._

"Of course, I remember," Akaashi muttered. "I remember every single time you weren't there for me!"

His father's eyes widened, his back straightening as Akaashi continued to yell, his body quivering with anger.

"You left me alone every day! You never spoke to me unless it was about something that  _you_  needed!" Akaashi yelled. He choked on a breath as a lump forced its way into his throat. "You abandoned me at that  _hospital_ —"

"The doctors kept us well informed on your health—"

"But you never visited!" Akaashi yelled, clenching his teeth. "You  _never_ cared! You only ever care about your stupid reputation and your damn ego!"

Akaashi took a tense moment to inhale a shaking breath as he glanced up at his father. The older man's eyes were dark, threatening, and ready to explode. Akaashi knew he was treading the line, right at the edge and nearly crossing it. All he had to do was say one thing, just one little thing, and the line would snap.

He took a deep breath.

He had held back for too long.

He decided to take a giant leap over that line.

"I never want to be a bastard of a father like you! I hope your company fails!"

The words were out, bouncing along the white walls of the practice room and echoing back into Akaashi's ears.

_Hahaha! Nice one! Let's hope he doesn't kill you now._

The voice's mockery made his stomach drop as he recoiled in the horrifying realization of what he had just said, and he barely had a second to think before his father lunged forward and grabbed his collar, his face twisted in a dark gaze.

"I've had it with your mouth," his father said under his breath. "I will make you regret ever coming here today!"

He raised a hand up in the air, and Akaashi closed his eyes, bracing for the blow that his yammering mouth certainly deserved.

_What a fool you are!_

Yes, Akaashi thought, squeezing his eyes tighter. He was certainly the biggest fool of them all.

Suddenly, the practice room door slammed open again, smacking hard into the wall and causing a loud noise to pierce Akaashi's ears. Then, he heard a familiar voice yelling into the small room.

And the familiar voice was angry.

**"Oi, let go of him!"**

Suddenly, his father's hands were ripped away from his collar, causing him to stumble backwards. His back hit the wall, knocking the wind out of him. He winced, his lungs sucking in harsh breaths as he slid to the floor, his hand clutching his chest. He shut his eyes and tried to will the pain away.

"Daddy!"

Akaashi's eyes forced themselves open and he was met with a concerned Tobio. His tiny hands were touching Akaashi's knees but he could barely feel them with his body trembling.

"Daddy, what's going on?" Tobio asked, looking teary-eyed and fearful.

Akaashi blinked for a moment, trying to sort out his frazzled brain. "Tobio, I—"

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

Akaashi snapped his head up, his eyes widening in shock.

Bokuto was holding Akaashi's father by his collar, his teeth bared in a snarl and his eyes wild.

Akaashi felt his heart flip. He had seen Bokuto angry. But this was a whole new level.

Bokuto seemed to be holding back his rage.

"Get your hands off of me!" his father snapped, grabbing Bokuto's hands.

"Not until you tell me why the hell you were attacking my friend!" Bokuto growled back.

Bokuto wrenched away from his grasp, both men letting go of each other and panting slightly.

"This has nothing to do with you,  _boy,"_  his father hissed.

"It does if you're hurting my friend!" Bokuto yelled, stepping closer to the older man. His eyes narrowed in a threatening glare, sending a chill down Akaashi's spine. "You need to leave. Now."

"Mind your own business," his father spat. "This is my own son's poor choice. He isn't fit to do something like this."

He turned to Akaashi, his eyes lit with hot rage that made Akaashi wince. He took a step towards them, and Akaashi felt his panic spike.

Was he going to hurt him?

Was he going to hurt Tobio?!

Akaashi tugged Tobio closer to him and held the back of his head, trying desperately to protect his son from his rampaging father. He knew his father could get angry, even enough to strike him, but he had no idea what he would do to a child.

Especially since his father hated this child.

"Hey!" Bokuto yelled, lunging forward and grabbing Akaashi's father by the wrist. "Leave them  _alone!"_

He yanked Akaashi's father back, causing the older man to stumble, running into the music stand and knocking it over, sending music sheets flying. The sound made Tobio jump, and Akaashi squeezed him harder against his chest.

His father and Bokuto suddenly got into a shouting match as each wrestled for dominance. Their shouts increased as they became more physical, his father reaching forward to grab Bokuto's collar.

The noise was overwhelming. All of his senses were flooding at once. His chest tightened painfully. It was getting harder to breathe.

Suddenly, Bokuto's eyes flashed as a fist came flying and hit his cheek.

Akaashi's eyes widened in horror as Bokuto's head snapped to the side, a grunt escaping his lips.

"Bo—"

Akaashi tried to say Bokuto's name but his lungs constricted, making him gasp painfully. Tobio leaned up from his chest and stared up at his father with concerned eyes.

"Daddy, what's wrong?" Tobio asked, reaching up to tug on the sleeve of his shirt.

Akaashi inhaled again but the air seemed to stop at his throat.

He could not breathe.

"Leave,  _damn it!"_  Bokuto yelled, throwing a punch of his own on the older man's face.

Akaashi's father stumbled backwards but Bokuto hauled him up by his shirt and threw him out of the practice room, his father tumbling to the ground.

Akaashi choked on a breath, feeling his chest tighten. It was so painful and tight and his thoughts were spiraling out of control and  _he could not breathe—_

"If I see your face again, I swear, you'll be sorry!" Bokuto yelled.

And with a growl, Bokuto slammed the door to the practice room shut, leaving the room quiet.

"Crazy bastard…" Bokuto mumbled, turning back around. Once his gaze landed on Akaashi, his eyes blew wide with alarm. "Akaashi!"

In an instant, Bokuto was on his knees next to Akaashi's side, pulling Tobio away and resting his hands on Akaashi's shoulders.

"Akaashi, hey, hey… It's all right, it's okay. It's over," Bokuto said.

Akaashi tried sucking in another breath and he shook his head in confusion. Why did Bokuto look so strange and concerned? Even Tobio, who sat next to him with his hands tightly gripping his pants, looked on with fear in his eyes.

"Akaashi, you need to slow down your breathing. You're panicking," Bokuto said.

The words "I'm fine" were on Akaashi's tongue and he opened his mouth to force them out, but the sound came out raspy and weak.

"Breathe with me, okay? Can you do that, Akaash'?" Bokuto asked.

A strangled noise seeped from Akaashi's throat, and Bokuto's brows furrowed nervously.

Bokuto leaned forward and slid off Akaashi's tie and made quick work of unbuttoning his shirt. Then, he took one of Akaashi's hands and placed it on Bokuto's chest. His other hand went to Akaashi's chest, his palm warm through the white undershirt.

"Here, match my breathing, Akaashi," Bokuto said. He breathed in, and Akaashi could feel Bokuto's chest move up and down with the motion. "Do you feel that? Copy me. Here."

Bokuto breathed again, his chest rising under Akaashi's palm. He tried to mimic the motion with his own breath but it came out of his mouth stuttered and shallow.

"That was a good job. Try again," Bokuto said. "Breathe in. Slowly."

Akaashi purposely slowed his breathing, concentrating with all his might to copy Bokuto's movements exactly. His fingers shifted on Bokuto's broad chest as he flattened his palm against it. After a second or two, he could feel Bokuto's heart slamming away.

It made Akaashi's heart jolt.

Even though he was calm and collected, Bokuto was just as nervous as Akaashi was.

"You're not doing it, Akaashi," Bokuto said, snapping him out of his reverie.

He followed Bokuto's soft instructions for what felt like hours, the pain in his chest dissipating as well as the violent tremors in his limbs. His mind cleared with each breath, the fog that he was once lost in finally lifting, and he was able to distinctly see the practice room in front of him. His heart no longer felt out of control, but the stress of it all left him panting and exhausted.

"There, you're calming down," Bokuto said with a smile. He patted Akaashi's chest lightly. "Can you breathe okay?"

Akaashi breathed in deeply and nodded, sitting up and letting his head rest against the wall behind him.

"Yes. Thank you, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said with quivering breaths, letting his hand slide off of Bokuto's chest.

"Good," Bokuto said. He finally removed his hand from Akaashi's chest but it only moved to rest on his shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

Akaashi felt damp from sweat, his fancy clothes now too sticky to be comfortable. He wiped his forehead and slid his palm to cover his eyes, sighing heavily. Tired. He felt tired.

"Daddy?"

Akaashi flinched and dropped his hand, turning to see Tobio staring at him with a few tears trailing down his cheeks and snot starting to creep out of his nose.

"Oh, Tobio," Bokuto said softly, reaching around the boy to hold his shoulders carefully. "He's okay now. He was just feeling a little sick."

"Sick?" Tobio asked him.

"Mmn," Bokuto said as he nodded his head and smiled sadly. He rubbed Tobio's back and wiped his face with his sleeve. "He's going to be just fine."

Tobio's lips wobbled but he nodded, his hands clutching the bottom of his shirt.

"There we go," Bokuto said once Tobio's face was clean. "Okay. Why don't we get off the floor?"

Akaashi breathed out slowly and watched as Bokuto stood to his feet, hooking his hands under Tobio's arms to get him up as well. Then, he extended a hand down to Akaashi. His smile was small, but it was there. Akaashi felt some comfort in it, though, and it gave him enough energy to grab his hand.

In one gentle tug, Bokuto hoisted Akaashi up to his feet. He stumbled a bit, bracing against Bokuto's shoulders as his legs wobbled.

"Easy there," Bokuto said, gripping his upper arms. "You okay?"

Akaashi could barely stand, but the shame of his friend finding out was too much to bear. He kept his gaze focused on the ground as he nodded, his hands fisting in Bokuto's shirt.

"Okay," Bokuto replied, his voice uncharacteristically quiet. "Why don't we go get some water and then rest, yeah?"

Akaashi knew it wasn't really a question. It was just like the night on the bridge. Bokuto had every intention of forcing him to get that coffee, but he still asked.

Akaashi nodded, forcing himself to stand up straight.

Bokuto smiled, his eyes light and his eyes glowing. He glanced down at Tobio, reaching out to take his hand.

"Okay! One water bottle for you, and a milk for the little man!"

* * *

The walk around the music hall to the vending machines was the exercise Akaashi needed to work out the jitters and tingles in his legs. His heart still pounded an unsteady rhythm that pulsed in his ears, but he no longer felt that the world was spiraling out of control.

And, luckily, his father was nowhere in sight.

Akaashi's hands shook as he lifted the newly purchased water bottle to his lips, the water quenching his thirst as if he had not had anything to drink in days. Tobio was sitting on the bench next to him, a small milk carton held in his hands as he sucked it down through a straw.

Bokuto had also bought water, but he held it in his hands as he fidgeted in front of them. It was as if he had a question, and Akaashi felt that at any moment, he would—

"Akaashi," Bokuto started hesitantly.

Ah. He knew Bokuto would crack.

"Yes?" Akaashi said, taking the bottle away from his mouth. His throat felt as if he had swallowed glass but his voice no longer showed any evidence.

Bokuto glanced down at the water bottle in his hands, his lips pursing as he studied its contents. After a quick breath through his nose, he lifted his gaze to stare back at him.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi paused, looking at Bokuto curiously. His eyes were squinted a little in concern, and his brows were pressed together.

"Mmn," Akaashi hummed. "I'm fine."

There was a beat of silence as Bokuto straightened his back, his face serious and solemn. It was a strange look on him, Akaashi noted. He preferred Bokuto's charming smile to anything else.

"What do you want to do?" Bokuto asked, looking down the hallway that led to the auditorium.

Akaashi followed his gaze and breathed, the water bottle crinkling in his hands. He glanced down at Tobio by his side, who was still drinking his milk contentedly. He glanced up at his father and stared with reddened eyes, still sore from his crying. Akaashi winced, feeling guilty for putting the boy through so many traumas in one day.

"I don't know. Tobio's had a long day, and…"Akaashi answered, lifting a hand to run his fingers through Tobio's hair. He noticed his hands trembling again, making him wince. "…and I'm not sure I could do the audition now."

Both Tobio and Bokuto sputtered, making him jump.

"What?!" Bokuto said, kneeling down in front of him. "Why do you think that, Akaashi? You're not still thinking that you're not good enough, are you?"

Akaashi fidgeted, messing with the lid of his water bottle.

_"This is my own son's poor choice. He isn't fit to do something like this."_

His father's words still rang in his ears.

"Maybe my father was right," Akaashi said. "I'm… probably not making the best decision by doing this audition."

"Don't say that, Akaashi," Bokuto said, his voice pleading. He placed one hand on Akaashi's knee. "Your father didn't know what he was saying. He was wrong to tell you that. You're strong. You're not  _unfit_  to do anything."

Akaashi bit his lip and sniffled. He felt worn down just by speaking.

"I think you could do it, Akaashi," Bokuto continued. "But if you want to leave, I'm right behind you."

Akaashi looked at him, brow quirked. "You really think I could do it?"

Bokuto nodded, smiling softly. "Of course! You're  _Akaashi!_  You're amazing at this."

Akaashi sniffed a bit and reached up to rub his eye, trying to press the tears back into their ducts. He took a slow breath to calm the sobs that desperately clawed to escape and he glanced back up at Bokuto, dropping his hand to his lap.

Bokuto looked determined and sure, his smile encouraging and his gentle touch at his knee comforting. It made Akaashi feel that someone cared.

"I want to give it a try," he said suddenly.

Bokuto's eyes lit up like fireworks, his hand squeezing Akaashi's knee out of excitement.

"Really? You'll still audition?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi wiped his nose and nodded, clutching the water bottle to his chest. And Bokuto stood to his feet and placed his hands on his hips.

"All right! Did ya hear that, Tobio? Your dad is gonna get himself an orchestra job!" Bokuto said.

Akaashi breathed out quietly as Bokuto and Tobio spoke with excitement in their voices about the upcoming audition. With their enthusiasm buzzing around him, Akaashi felt that he could finally move on from his embarrassing episode earlier. He really owed Bokuto for all of this.

"Well, you should get back to the practice room, right?" Bokuto asked. "You still have about 40 minutes until your audition time."

Akaashi struggled to hold back the grimace from appearing on his face. Had he really panicked for that long? He lost a lot of time but he could still warm up enough to be ready.

He nodded and pushed himself up from the bench and onto his wobbly legs. Bokuto grabbed his bicep to steady him, and once he gained his footing, he let go. He thanked Bokuto quietly as he grabbed his violin and his bag and led them down the hall to the practice rooms. Bokuto and Tobio followed him right to the door of the same practice room they had vacated earlier.

"Good luck, Akaashi. Just text me if you need anything, okay? I'm here to help," Bokuto said, giving him a soft smile.

"Me, too!" Tobio said, lifting up his hand to tug on Akaashi's shirt.

Akaashi nodded to them, thankful, and turned towards the door. But he paused just before he entered the practice room and eyed Bokuto's face. The evidence of his father's punch was definitely starting to show on his friend's cheekbone, and Akaashi wouldn't be surprised if Bokuto had a black eye tomorrow. He winced at the thought, suddenly feeling a little guilty.

With a small sigh, he grabbed the water bottle from Bokuto's hand, startling the man a little, and he lifted the bottle to press against the reddened skin around his eye. Bokuto jumped at the cold, his eyes widening from the contact.

"Akaashi?" he said quietly.

"Keep this on your face. It's not as cold as an ice pack, but it should help to prevent swelling," Akaashi said.

Bokuto hesitated for only a second before taking the bottle from Akaashi's hand and pressing it to his face. He nodded mutely, looking almost like a child. It warmed Akaashi's heart a bit and he smiled at Bokuto.

"I'll see you afterwards, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said, turning towards the practice room. "Thank you for watching Tobio."

He took a step to go inside, ready to open the door.

"Um! Akaashi!"

Akaashi stopped and turned back at the sound of Bokuto's voice. "Yes, Bokuto-san?"

Before Akaashi could get all of the words out, he was wrapped up in a bone-crushing hug, his face pressed into a bulky shoulder. He stiffened only for a moment until he heard Bokuto speak.

"You can do it, Akaashi!" Bokuto said at his ear. "I have your back, one-hundred percent."

Akaashi felt his eyes water. He reached up and clutched onto Bokuto's shirt, returning the hug with a squeeze of his own. He rarely received hugs as a child, and he often found them uncomfortable, but with Bokuto, it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

"Thank you, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said.

"Mmn. You're welcome, 'Kaashi."

With one more squeeze, they separated and Akaashi gave them both a wave as he dipped into the practice room, the noises all fading. In the silence, Akaashi felt his body unwind and relax, the adrenaline finally leaving his system.

He could do this. Bokuto believed in him. If Bokuto believed he could, then he had the strength to go through with it.

The violin case in his hand suddenly felt heavier, reminding him of the task at hand. He took a deep breath and got back to work, taking his instrument out and bowing a few notes to get his fingers warm. The shaking finally ceased as he got more into a groove, and he felt his posture grow more rigid as his muscles tensed.

After taking the time to become familiar with his instrument in the limited time available, Akaashi emerged from the practice room. The hallway was noisy but empty, and Akaashi let himself breathe. He half expected Bokuto and Tobio to still be waiting for him against the wall.

He shut the door behind him and took careful steps towards the hallway where the side door to the auditorium lied. He could feel his heart throbbing inside of his chest as it sped faster and faster with each step.

As turned the corner, his brow twitched when he noticed that the voice was silent.

It was an unsettling feeling. He must have been more nervous than he originally thought.

As he came upon the door, he was met with two monitors, both standing next to a desk outside the door. They had clipboards in their hands and soft smiles on their faces. When they noticed Akaashi approaching, they stopped in their whispering to look at him.

"Hello, there. You're Akaashi-san, I presume?" one of them asked.

Akaashi managed to swallow past the lump. "Yes."

"Okay! We were just about to go looking for you, but you're just in time. The last audition just left, so you're up."

Akaashi took a slow breath and nodded. He watched the monitor open up the door to the auditorium, and Akaashi got a glimpse of the edge of the stage. A flurry of nervous butterflies surged up from his toes and through his stomach, making him shiver slightly.

"You can go on in. The panel is ready for you."

At the monitor's voice, Akaashi jumped, and he turned towards them and bowed his head, muttering out a shaky "thanks."

Once inside the auditorium, Akaashi could see the panel of judges sitting in the audience. There were three of them, and Akaashi had a feeling that one of them was the conductor.

Akaashi swallowed and made his way up to the stage. He set his music down on the stand and took a deep breath, lightly shaking the tingles out of his hands.

This is familiar, Akaashi told himself. This is normal and he's done this before.

No need to be nervous.

He's stood in a stage before.

This was nothing to be worried about.

"Welcome. Please play the first Mozart excerpt."

Akaashi stiffened. The lights from the ceiling made it hard to tell who exactly asked him to play.

He quickly shuffled the music around on his stand until he got to the Mozart excerpt. He looked at the notes carefully for a moment, refreshing his mind of the symphony and the exact sound that the judges would want. It was light, delicate, yet challenging.

Then, he tucked his violin under his chin and then gently placed the bow across the strings. With a deep breath through his nose, he began to play.

He did not dare look up at the judges as he played, his mind struggling to concentrate on each note.

Did it sound good? Was it what they were looking for? What did they think? What did he even sound like right now? Did that one note sound right?

He got to the climax of the excerpt, his left hand vibrating the string with increased passion, his heart swelling with the mood as it lifted into the air and—

"Okay, okay. That's enough."

Akaashi jolted to a stop, his bow screeching to a halt. He lifted his head to look for some sort of cue from the judges but they all were furiously writing something down on their clipboards.

Akaashi's heart rose to his throat.

Did he sound that badly that they had to stop him?

"Okay. Move on to the Beethoven excerpt, please."

Akaashi's lips wobbled as he shifted around the music again. Were they just trying to get rid of him faster? Get his audition over with?

With tears in his eyes, Akaashi pressed onward. He lifted his violin and bow and began to play the next excerpt.

* * *

Bokuto leaned back against the white, soft wall behind the bench, letting his head bump against the smooth surface. He and Tobio had found the same bench that they had occupied earlier. With all of the excitement, Tobio was fast asleep, using the duffle bag as a pillow and Bokuto's jacket as a blanket. Bokuto sighed softly, keeping his breaths quiet so he did not disturb the sleeping child next to him.

Bokuto's body was jittery, making his stomach twist. His hands fidgeted in his lap while his leg bounced anxiously. He was a bundle of nerves all over again, just like the night he coaxed Akaashi down from the bridge. He had hoped his face did not betray his anxiety when giving his encouragement to Akaashi. The last thing his friend needed was more distress.

He sighed again, letting out a soft whine. He needed to calm himself down before Akaashi got back from his audition. He had to be strong for Akaashi but he found himself starting to spiral into his own sense of panic.

He huffed, making the final decision.

Pulling out his phone, he quickly searched for Kuroo's contact and dialed the number. After a few rings, a familiar, gravelly voice answered.

"Eh? Bo? What's up? Why're you calling so early?" Kuroo greeted.

Bokuto quirked a brow, twisted his lips to the side. "It's after twelve, Kuroo."

"Yeah, on a  _Saturday_. You know I like to sleep in on the weekend," Kuroo said with a yawn. "Where are you, anyway? Are you out? You wouldn't be calling me from our kitchen, would you?"

"Ah, no," Bokuto answered, rubbing the back of his neck. "Akaashi's audition is today."

"Oh, that's right. How is he?"

Bokuto bit his lip, the unsettling feeling coming back to attack his stomach in full force. Seeing Akaashi panic was scary. Seeing him unable to breathe was frightening.

But the worst of it was seeing Akaashi's eyes. They were blown wide and so full of terror that Bokuto considered calling for help. He was one second away from calling for an ambulance when Akaashi finally started to breathe properly and recognition lit up in his eyes.

While Bokuto was relieved that Akaashi finally calmed down, it was overshadowed by the overwhelming feeling of fear, and it was then that Bokuto realized that he didn't want to lose him.

He didn't want to lose Akaashi.

"Bo?"

Kuroo's voice startled him back to reality, and the music hall's entrance came back into view. He swallowed and breathed in slowly, noticing that his heart had picked up again.

"Yeah, he's…" Bokuto clicked his mouth shut. He knew Kuroo was perceptive to a fault. He would be able to hear through Bokuto's lies and eventually drag out the truth sooner or later.

Bokuto cleared his throat.

"Akaashi's father showed up and threatened to hurt him," Bokuto said. He winced as he looked down in his lap. "Akaashi had a panic attack."

"W-What?" Kuroo said in alarm. Bokuto noted the slight hint of anger in his voice. "Is he okay? Did he get hurt?"

"No, no. I managed to get there in time before he hurt him," Bokuto said.

"Oh. That's good," Kuroo said, a little calmer. "Well, did you call the police or something to stop his dad?"

"Ah, well…" Bokuto lifted up his free hand to gently touch the bruise surrounding his eye. "No. I handled it myself."

There was a pause.

"Don't tell me you punched him."

Bokuto pouted. "Well, he punched me first…"

"Bokuto!" Kuroo scolded, making Bokuto wince and pull the phone away from his ear for a moment. He heard Kuroo sigh, and he could picture him rubbing his eyes. "Are you hurt?"

Bokuto smiled softly at his friend's concern. He knew that Kuroo couldn't stay mad at him for long.

"I'll probably have a black eye tomorrow, but that's all," he answered.

"Okay. And Akaashi?" Kuroo said. "Is he okay, or…?"

"Ah, he's auditioning now," Bokuto replied.

"Oh? Really?" Kuroo said in surprise.

Bokuto bit his lip, feeling his mood start to drop again as the heavy weight of guilt pressed on his shoulders.

"I… I encouraged him to go through with it," Bokuto said. "Was… that the wrong thing to do?"

He had been concerned for the past hour that he had not made the right choice. What if pushing Akaashi was not what he needed right now? What if Akaashi spiraled into more panic?

What if Akaashi hated him for this?

"No, no. That's good," Kuroo said.

Bokuto sat up straighter on the bench, surprised. "Really? Akaashi won't be mad at me for this?"

"Of course not, Bo," Kuroo said. "You turned a terrible situation and made it positive. You normalized everything. You made the right call."

Bokuto inhaled sharply and breathed out just as quickly. He nodded to himself, as if he answered his own question, and he gripped his knee with his free hand.

"Thank you, Kuroo," Bokuto said.

"Mmn. So, when are you heading back?" Kuroo asked. "I guess I should start getting food together before the guys come over."

"Ah, yeah that's today, isn't it?" Bokuto said thoughtfully, rubbing his chin.

"Yeah. Akaashi's welcome to come, if he wants," Kuroo said.

"Mmn. I'll ask Akaashi whenever he gets done," Bokuto said. "Which should be—"

Suddenly, the double doors on the far end opened, and out came Akaashi with his head hanging and his violin held limply in his hand.

"Oh! Akaashi's back. I'll see you later, Kuroo," Bokuto said.

"Good luck!"

Bokuto hung up the phone and carefully shook Tobio's shoulder to wake him.

"Daddy's back," Bokuto said to him when he opened his eyes.

With those two words, Tobio leaned up in a flash and hopped off of the bench, hurrying over to meet Akaashi halfway and hug his leg. Akaashi stopped when Tobio hugged him and he patted his head gently.

Bokuto hurried over to them with a smile, but it quickly slipped from his face when he saw Akaashi's reddened eyes.

"Akaashi?" Bokuto said, approaching him carefully. He put a hand on his shoulder. "Are you okay?"

Akaashi glanced up at him and nodded, and Bokuto could see the slight glisten in his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Bokuto asked. "Your eyes, they… You look like you were crying."

"Ah," Akaashi said, lifting up his free hand to touch his eye. "I kinda… messed up, I think."

Bokuto's heart sunk into his stomach. "Messed up?"

"Yeah, maybe…" Akaashi said, his eyes narrowing as he tried to hold back his tears, and the sight broke Bokuto's heart. He desperately wanted to ask all of the details, but being out in the open like this was not the best place.

"Okay, Akaashi," Bokuto said.

Bokuto leaned forward and took Akaashi's things from him, making him startle slightly. He glanced up at Bokuto with wide, confused eyes.

"Bokuto-san?" Akaashi asked as Bokuto turned and headed to the bench to grab the rest of his things. "What are you doing? Where are we going?"

Bokuto tossed a small smile over his shoulder.

"My place!" Bokuto said. "And we're gonna get food!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucke1)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Chapter!!! Thank you, Tayu-chan for edits! Hope you guys enjoy :)
> 
> Happy reading!

"Bokuto-san, this isn't food."

"Ah, details, details."

"Beer isn't food. You said we were getting  _food."_

"Yeah, but it still goes to the same place."

Bokuto happily handed over a few bills to the convenient store cashier, readjusting the bags over his shoulder. He smiled at the woman behind the register as she handed him his change and he bowed at her politely.

"Thank you!" Bokuto said, reaching to take the plastic bag.

"I can take the bag, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said.

Bokuto turned around to face him, happy at his offer, but he stopped short. Akaashi had bags under his eyes and his skin was reddened from how much he had been rubbing them. He looked small in his ruffled button-up shirt, his tie crooked and wrinkled. It was as if he walked into a windstorm.

Bokuto sent him a strained smile and readjusted the bags in his arms so he could carry everything.

"It's no trouble, Akaash'! I've got it," Bokuto said.

"But you're already carrying my things," Akaashi argued weakly.

"What, you saying I'm not strong enough to carry these?" Bokuto challenged, wiggling an eyebrow.

Akaashi's brows furrowed in response. "That's not what I'm saying, Bokuto-san."

"Then let me handle it! I  _want_  to carry these," Bokuto said.

Akaashi sighed, dropping his hand to his side and looking at the ground sadly. It made Bokuto's heart drop a little, but he quickly tried to shake it off. He had a task to do.

"Okay! To my place!" Bokuto said as he moved to march out of the convenience store.

He heard Akaashi sigh again behind him, the painful noise making his chest throb.

_If Akaashi didn't make it, wouldn't it be my fault?_  Bokuto thought as he sucked his lip in between his teeth. He shook his head a little, trying to fling the thought away.  _No, no. Kuroo said it was a good call. I should just think that and it'll be fine._

Bokuto glanced over his shoulder to see the two trailing behind, Akaashi delicately holding Tobio's hand as they walked. Akaashi's eyes were glued to the ground, his gaze shifting over to his son every so often to make sure Tobio didn't trip.

_But what if he's really upset this time?_  Bokuto thought nervously.

_Will he fall apart?_

_Will he hurt himself?_

_What if he tries to…_

Bokuto choked on a breath, his air stopping painfully in his chest. He turned his head back to face the sidewalk in front of him and held his breath. He could hear his heart pulsing in his ears loudly and his eyes stung.

_Just focus on cheering up Akaashi_ , Bokuto thought.  _And then, maybe… maybe he'll be okay._

Bokuto glanced back at Akaashi and tried to smile.

"So, Akaashi," Bokuto called, getting his friend to look up at him. "The guys from our volleyball night are coming over to hang out and have dinner."

Akaashi blinked at him. "Oh. Is that so?"

"Mmn! Daichi'll be there, and Asahi and Kenma, too. Oh and maybe a few others," Bokuto said, thinking back to who all plays on the weekly meetings. "Oh, and Kuroo is cooking dinner."

Akaashi huffed a little. "Ah, will Kuroo-san be poisoning everyone?"

Bokuto hesitated, and then barked out a laugh when he realized that Akaashi had made a joke.

"No, no. Kuroo is actually really good at cooking," Bokuto explained.

"Ah," Akaashi hummed, a little distractedly.

"We're already going back to my place to hang out, but I was hoping that you'd stay and talk to everybody," Bokuto said, wincing at how desperate he sounded. But he turned to look back at Akaashi, giving him his best puppy-dog eyes. "You'll stay and hang out, right? It'll be really fun!"

Akaashi paused and glanced down at Tobio, who was staring at a stray cat that darted into an alleyway. Bokuto immediately picked up on his hesitation and was quick to fix the issue.

"Oh! Tobio can come, too!" Bokuto said. When Akaashi eyed the beer in the plastic bag in his hands, Bokuto shook his head quickly. "We're only having beer. It won't be enough to make us drunk. Nothing stronger, I promise."

Akaashi paused, and Bokuto could see him biting his lip thoughtfully. He swallowed, feeling that he was about to lose his opportunity. He came to a stop and faced him, his face turning serious.

"Please, Akaashi? The guys really like you," Bokuto said. "And Tobio will have fun, I promise."

Akaashi squinted at him, but he finally sighed and sagged his shoulders.

"All right, Bokuto-san. We'll come," Akaashi said. "But no rough-housing."

Bokuto  _beamed_.

"You have my word!"

* * *

_Failure!_

_Moron!_

_Idiot!_

_How could you even think that you would be good enough for something like this, huh?_

_Did you_ really _think you would do well?_

_You're a fool if you think you could ever make it in the performance world!_

_Just go disappear!_

_Disappear!_

Every time Bokuto stopped speaking, the voice would fill the void, attacking Akaashi's mind with every painful step he took. His heart seemed to sit heavily in his chest, weighing down on his lungs and diaphragm. It made his breathing sluggish and his body dense. It was as if gravity itself was against him and make him sink into the pavement.

He sighed as they turned the corner to head to Bokuto's apartment. Tobio was next to him, still holding his hand. The boy seemed to be sluggish, as well, and Akaashi was worried that this get-together would be too much on the boy.

_It's your fault he's tired, you know._

Akaashi sighed, letting his shoulders roll forward and sag.

_If you hadn't brushed off your father's words, then none of it would have happened._

_You should've never auditioned today!_

_Never!_

Akaashi sighed, mentally begging Bokuto to speak again so the voice would disappear. It was unrelenting, pounding against his skull. It was annoying. He felt like he was losing his mind, that at any minute he would just snap.

He needed to drown out the voice.

He needed to get it out of his head.

He needed to… to get a knife and  _shut it up_ —

"Akaashi!"

Akaashi flinched, almost violently, as a hand grabbed his shoulder and pulled him back. He whipped his head up to meet Bokuto's worried eyes, his brows pressed together to form a crease.

"You okay? The light's red…" Bokuto said, nodding towards the road.

Akaashi looked around and noticed that they were at a crosswalk, the light on the other side of the road signaling to stop. He swallowed thickly, his heart suddenly beginning to race again. Was he about to have another panic attack?

"Are you okay? You really spaced out," Bokuto said, eyeing him with furrowed brows.

Akaashi took another slow breath, feeling his heart gradually relax into a steadier pace. He nodded to give him an answer.

"O-Okay. Well, if you change your mind about coming, then let me know," Bokuto said.

Akaashi nodded again. "I think I'll be fine, Bokuto-san."

And he meant it.

There was no way he should be alone right now.

And Akaashi knew that.

"Mmn. Okay, then," Bokuto said, his smile hesitant as the light turned green.

He led Akaashi and Tobio across the street and down one more block to the apartment complex. After a trip through the lobby and up the elevator, Bokuto pulled the door open, stepping inside and dropping off all of his and Akaashi's bags to the side.

"We're back!" Bokuto called as he pulled off his shoes onto the genkan. Akaashi followed behind him, tugging Tobio inside the door. He pulled off his shoes and then crouched down and helped the boy out of his own.

"Ah, welcome back," Kuroo greeted from down the hall, making Akaashi look up at him.

Kuroo had poked his head around the corner, his bedhead impressively worse than usual, and he waved a large knife in the air with a smirk on his face.

Akaashi felt his eyebrow twitch as the dangerous gesture, but he followed Bokuto into the kitchen. Bokuto rested the plastic bag down on the counter, Kuroo smiling as Akaashi and Tobio entered the room.

"Oh, you brought the little guy! And beer!" Kuroo noted, his eyes moving over to peek inside the bag.

"It's for  _later_. And Tobio's here, so we can't go crazy with it," Bokuto said, placing his hands on his hips.

Kuroo rolled his eyes and turned back to the counter to continue cutting up the vegetables.

"Oh, please. The guys aren't going to drink that much," Kuroo said. "Besides, Yuu brought up something about playing volleyball tonight."

At the mention of volleyball, Tobio twitched at Akaashi's side, his head perking up and his blue eyes shining with more energy than before. At his little display, Kuroo chuckled.

"You can play, too, Tobio," Kuroo said.

Tobio nodded at him. "O-Okay! I want to be the setter!"

"Oho? Already a master at it, huh?" Kuroo asked, giving him a playful smile. Tobio nodded, making Kuroo laugh. "Of course you are. Well, I know you guys have had a long day. Take a seat on the couch or something. Relax."

Akaashi glanced over his shoulder at the comfy-looking couch across the room. It was so enticing to just sit and rest his legs. He felt as if he had run a marathon.

"Go ahead. Don't worry about us, 'Kaashi," Bokuto said, smiling at him gently.

Akaashi grimaced slightly. "But what about dinner preparations? Shouldn't I help?"

Kuroo waved his knife in the air, not even bothering to turn around to face him.

"I've got it. No worries, man," Kuroo said.

"Yeah! Kuroo can handle it," Bokuto said. He lifted up a hand to cup on the side of his face, his voice lowering to a whisper. "Besides, Kuroo doesn't like it when you interfere with his cooking."

" _Oi,_  what'd you say? _"_

"Eeeh, nothing!"

Akaashi opened his mouth to protest, but as if on cue, he heard a tiny yawn next to him. He glanced down at his son and noticed him rubbing his eyes. Akaashi breathed deeply and reached down to grab his hand.

He supposed a quick rest wouldn't hurt.

"All right. Let's go sit down for a bit, Tobio," Akaashi said.

Tobio nodded mutely, and Akaashi led him to the couch. As soon as his body touched the couch, he sunk into the cushions and felt himself relax.

The couch was incredibly comfortable.

Next to him, Tobio curled up into his side, his head resting on his chest. His eyes were already shut and his little hands fell limp in his lap.

From the kitchen, Akaashi could hear Bokuto and Kuroo talking softly. Akaashi yawned slightly at hearing their soothing voices speaking in the kitchen, his eyelids growing heavy.

A rest after a long day was just what he needed—

_You're a failure…_

Akaashi felt his eyes sting and he quickly closed them, tugging Tobio closer to himself.

_It's over… You're worthless._

Akaashi leaned down and pressed his face into Tobio's hair, a tear escaping.

_You will never be on a stage ever again._

"I know…" Akaashi whispered, another tear leaking out just to slip into Tobio's hair. He hugged Tobio even closer and he let the exhaustion take over as he slipped into unconsciousness.

"I know."

* * *

"When are the guys coming over?" Bokuto asked after Akaashi left the kitchen, leaning on the counter to sneak a slice of one of the raw carrots from Kuroo's cutting board.

"Don't eat the food! It's for dinner, you dumbass," Kuroo said, smacking Bokuto's hand. Bokuto sadly dropped the carrot and pulled his hand back with a pout, cradling it like a child. Kuroo ignored his antics and continued chopping.

"Daichi called and said he and Asahi and the others would be here around 4. Yuu and Tanaka should be here sometime, but who knows with those two."

"Ah, right, right," Bokuto said.

Bokuto paused, drumming his fingers on the counter. He glanced back over at the couch, seeing Akaashi slumped over to the side. His brows knitted together as he tiptoed over to the couch, peering over the back.

Tobio was curled up in Akaashi's side, a little line of drool already sliding down his chin. Akaashi's eyes were closed, his neck bent over at an uncomfortable angle. His chest was moving steadily as his breaths came out in soft, even pants, and Bokuto could tell he was asleep.

Bokuto sighed sadly when he noticed the shiny tear tracks that coated Akaashi's cheeks.

He grabbed the fleece blanket from the other couch and carefully draped it around both of them. As gently as he could, he cupped Akaashi's face and maneuvered his head so that his neck was no longer bent awkwardly. Before he left them alone, Bokuto reached up and gently swiped away the tear marks from Akaashi's face, holding the air in his lungs. He breathed out softly in relief when Akaashi did not wake up.

When he was finished, he walked lightly back into the kitchen. Kuroo had turned around from the counter, his hand paused in his chopping.

"He asleep?" Kuroo asked, his voice is low.

Bokuto hummed. "Yeah. Tobio, too."

"Ah." Kuroo turned back to the counter and grabbed an onion, readying to chop it. "Is he okay? He seemed down when he came in."

Bokuto slumped down on a stool at the kitchen island, leaning down until his forehead touched the cool countertop.

"He's upset about his audition," Bokuto said.

Kuroo threw a surprised glance over his shoulder. "He got the results already?"

Bokuto moved his head side to side on the countertop, making his forehead redder. He sighed, his air fogging the surface underneath him.

"He just told me afterward that he thought he messed up," Bokuto said.

"Oh. Did he say why?" Kuroo asked.

Bokuto groaned softly, wanting to sink into the floor. "No. I didn't ask. He looked like he was about to cry, so I wanted to get him back as soon as possible so he could relax."

"Mmn," Kuroo hummed thoughtfully. He eyed his friend with a look that Bokuto couldn't decipher. "You're really bent out of shape about this."

Bokuto sat up from the counter and shot Kuroo an irritated scowl.

"Of  _course,_  I am! Akaashi was really upset about the whole thing," Bokuto said, his voice reducing to a whisper. "I can't help but think the reason he's so down is because of me."

Kuroo paused, his face serious. He even set down his knife and turned around, folding his arms across his chest and leaning back against the counter.

"Wow, you've really grown up," Kuroo said.

Bokuto quirked a brow strangely at him. "What's  _that_  supposed to mean?"

Kuroo shrugged a shoulder. "It's just… five years ago, if you were this upset, it was because you were concerned about yourself. Now, you're  _this_  concerned about someone else," he said. "It's just very mature of you."

Bokuto pouted and leaned down on the island again, sulking. Kuroo chuckled softly and ruffled Bokuto's hair, messing up some of the gel.

"Hey!" Bokuto said, covering his hair protectively.

"My boy's growing up!" Kuroo said, cheekily. He placed his hands on his hips. "And I wouldn't worry too much about Akaashi. He'll be all right."

Bokuto sat up straighter. "How do you know that?"

Kuroo smiled.

"Because he has us."

* * *

Akaashi came back into consciousness by a gentle shake of his shoulder. He startled at first and then blinked rapidly, trying to adjust his eyes to the mid-afternoon light. He felt someone standing in front of him, but his vision was still too blurry to see who it was.

"Hey, Akaashi. Dinner's ready."

Akaashi rubbed his eyes and looked up, surprised to see Kuroo standing in front of him. He sat up and blinked a few times, and Kuroo leaned back up, placing his hands on his hips.

"Well, good morning, sunshine," Kuroo greeted. "Or should I say evening?"

Akaashi sent him a weak glare before glancing around. Tobio was no longer on his lap, but he could hear quiet talking coming from the kitchen. Glancing over his shoulder, Akaashi could see the guys from volleyball night standing around the island, all chatting softly. Bokuto was sitting on one of the bar stools, and Tobio sat on his lap.

Akaashi breathed out softly and turned back to face Kuroo, the glare gone.

"What time is it?" Akaashi asked.

"A little after 5," Kuroo answered. Akaashi snapped his gaze up at him in alarm, but Kuroo only smiled at him, waving his hand up in the air. "Don't sweat it. You probably needed the rest. C'mon. Let's go eat."

Akaashi pushed himself up from the couch and followed Kuroo into the kitchen, a small blush on his cheeks. He hadn't meant to sleep that long.

"Oh, he's awake!"

Akaashi glanced up, seeing the familiar faces staring back at him, all with smiles on their faces. Bokuto was the first to perk up, his eyes lighting up when he saw Akaashi approach.

"Hey, Akaashi!" Bokuto greeted. "Did you have a good nap?"

Akaashi felt his ears burn. "Yeah."

"Here, have some food," Daichi said, handing him a full plate of delicious-smelling food. "Kuroo actually has excellent cooking skills."

"Is that a back-handed compliment?" Kuroo asked, an annoyed look on his face.

Akaashi immediately began to dig in to the food, tasting the rice and stewed veggies. His eyes lit up at the taste. It was surprisingly one of the best dishes he had ever eaten.

"Yeah! Dinner was really good, Kuroo-san!" Noya chirped from the side, ignoring Kuroo's grumbling.

Akaashi paused in his chewing and glanced around. Everyone else's plates were empty, only a few stray pieces of rice here and there.

"You guys already finished?" Akaashi asked, his mouth full of rice.

"Yeah, sorry! It smelled too good to wait," Noya said, smirking.

"Sorry, Akaashi. It was already done and you hadn't woken up, yet," Kuroo apologized.

Akaashi sent him a weary glare, resulting in a shrug from the other man.

"A-Ah, sorry! We wanted to wait," Asahi apologized. "B-But…"

Akaashi swallowed and waved his hand in the air.

"No, do not apologize. It's quite all right," Akaashi said.

"Oh, you forgive  _him_  and not  _me?"_  Kuroo asked, folding hid arms across his chest.

"Anyway," Bokuto said, pushing Kuroo's face away. "Hurry and fuel up! We're gonna play some volleyball!"

Akaashi swallowed another bite and quirked a brow at him.

"Now? Where are we going to play? Isn't the school closed today?" Akaashi asked.

"Ah, I'm a co-owner at the local rec center," Asahi explained. "My uncle does most of the work, though."

Akaashi hummed in response and stuffed his face with the last few bites of the food. He wished the experience didn't have to be rushed. Kuroo's food was really good. He wondered if he could possibly bribe Kuroo to make him more.

When he was done, his plate was taken from him, and he blinked rapidly to see Bokuto looking at him with a small smile.

"You ready to go?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi inhaled, ready to respond.

_You're really trying to ignore your issues with volleyball? You're a fool._

Akaashi clicked his mouth shut, his shoulders collapsing a little. He swallowed, a lump in his throat. He ended up nodding wordlessly, his gut churning with the delicious food he just ate.

Bokuto's face fell, his brows upturning in concern, but Kuroo hurried to throw an arm around his neck.

"Great! Let's get going!"

Akaashi hesitated, his fingers fidgeting in his lap.

_Fool._

He sighed, forcing himself to move. He had to move if he wanted that voice to stop. And he had to keep moving. He had to keep hearing Bokuto's voice.

After putting the dishes in the sink, the gang put on their jackets and headed to the door. Akaashi helped Tobio put on his shoes, the boy standing impatiently as he tied the laces.

It only took a few blocks to get to the rec center building. Asahi had a spare key and badge to get in, and he led them to the gym upon entering. After Asahi had turned on the lights, everyone quickly got to work warming up.

Akaashi first helped Tobio out a bit, going over the basics of setting. Luckily, Bokuto helped them both out, which drowned out the sound of the voice for a while. Hearing Bokuto coaching was enough to distract his mind for a bit.

Once Tobio was getting too tired, Akaashi had him sit down on the sidelines to watch, and Bokuto immediately grabbed Akaashi and pulled them both to the net to practice spiking. Kuroo was not far behind, jumping up to block him.

"All right! 'Kaashi's on my team!" Bokuto called.

"Yeah, yeah," Kuroo droned. "All right. Let's pick the rest of the teams."

Akaashi stayed on one side, Bokuto on his team once again. He breathed out, suddenly feeling anxious.

_You're going to mess up again._

Akaashi winced, his hands curling into fists. He could see Asahi about to serve on the other side of the net.

_You're going to fail._

Akaashi gasped when he heard the signature  _smack_  of the serve, the ball careening over the net for Noya to receive.

"Ah, it's up!" Noya called.

"Akaashi, to me!" Bokuto called.

Ah, right.

He had to get the ball.

He  _was_  the setter after all.

Akaashi moved, keeping his eye on the ball. He put his hands above his head, ready to receive, and—

_"He isn't fit to do something like this."_

Akaashi gasped.

Why was something like that coming back to haunt him?

Hearing his father's words sent chills down his spine.

"Akaashi!"

Akaashi blinked back to reality just before the ball came into contact with his fingers. He managed to push the ball into the air, his hands flimsy. The ball barely made an arc, and it was far too low.

_Oh, lookie there. You messed up, didn't you?_

Bokuto leapt into the air and tried to smack the ball down, but it was easily blocked by the infamous Kuroo, who managed to slam it back down near Akaashi's feet.

For a moment, his teammates just stared at him with indecipherable expressions on their faces. Bokuto's face was twisted into something that resembled surprise, or maybe even concern.

But it didn't really matter. Akaashi felt horrible.

_I told you so._

Akaashi bit his lip and bowed his head, hiding his face from his teammates.

"Sorry," Akaashi apologized, his voice coming out surprisingly small.

Bokuto was quick to get to his side and slap a hand on his back.

"No sweat, Akaashi! Let's just get the next one, yeah?" Bokuto said.

Akaashi nodded, and then turned back to the net to watch Asahi bounce the ball a few times. After another moment, Asahi threw the ball up into the air and smacked it hard, letting it soar over the net. Bokuto received it this time, and Akaashi ran underneath of it, setting it up into the air.

There! That one is much better! Akaashi thought.

_Are you sure about that?_

But then, the ball dropped to the ground with a thud.

Akaashi blinked at it and then turned his head to see Bokuto still too far back from receiving the ball earlier. He had been on his way to spike but he couldn't recover fast enough from his receive.

_Did you not see him receive that ball? There wasn't enough time for him to get to the net, you idiot!_

"S-Sorry, Bokuto-san!" Akaashi apologized quickly.

Bokuto hesitated, staring at the ball for one more second, before breaking out into a wide grin and placing his hands on his hips.

"No worries, Akaashi! I should've gotten that one," Bokuto said.

_He's taking the blame for you._

"I'll get it next time!" Bokuto said, reaching down to grab the ball. He rolled it under the net for Asahi and then got back into position. "Let's win, okay, Akaashi?"

_He can't win with you here._

Akaashi swallowed and nodded.

Why was this voice torturing him so much?

It was so,  _so_  loud. Even with Bokuto here, it still rang through and echoed all of his failures over and over again.

He just wanted it to end.

"Bring it, Asahi!" Bokuto shouted, spreading his arms.

Akaashi sighed and got back into position, begging the voice to stop so he could concentrate.

He didn't want to be a failure in Bokuto's eyes, too.

* * *

Kuroo helplessly watched Akaashi throughout the entire game from the other side of the net. He could tell something was off but he couldn't quite put his finger on what it was.

And whenever Akaashi messed up and apologized, Bokuto was quick to cheer him up with either a pat on the back or a quick high-five. He was all smiles and encouragement until he turned away from Akaashi. When Akaashi wasn't looking, Bokuto's face strained, worry lines etching onto his forehead. He looked pained and anxious, expressions that have no business being on his friend's face.

Kuroo sighed as he wiped the sweat from his forehead and neck with a towel. It was annoying how much Bokuto was getting worked up, and all because Akaashi was stressed. Akaashi's stress shouldn't hinder other people, dammit. Bokuto already had self-esteem issues, and he didn't need the added pressure. Akaashi needed to grow up and—

_"Akaashi had a panic attack."_

Kuroo paused, Bokuto's words striking him in his chest. It was a painful reminder that dispelled his bitterness in a heartbeat. And after a moment or two, it was replaced with guilt.

He remembered Bokuto coming home one night after hanging out at Akaashi's apartment for a few hours. His eyes were swollen and red, and his hair was limp. He was holding himself tightly and looked on the verge of bursting into tears.

When Kuroo asked was what wrong, Bokuto only said that Akaashi was having a rough day. He didn't go into details, but it made Kuroo curious. The way Bokuto had been acting, it made it seem like more than just one bad day.

The volleyball game ended with Kuroo blocking the final point by Bokuto, the ball smacking at Akaashi's feet again.

"Nice one, Kuroo!" Asahi congratulated.

Kuroo shot him a smile but quickly looked back at Bokuto and Akaashi. They were conversing softly, Kuroo unable to read their lips.

It made him furrow his brows. What in the world was going on with them?

"So, beer back at your place, Kuroo-san?" Noya asked, dipping under the net.

Kuroo forced himself to pull his gaze away from his other two friends and focused on Noya, who still had a ton of energy after multiple games. Kuroo placed a hand on his hip and smiled.

"Of course! You're all invited back to our place," Kuroo announced, which the group responded with a collective 'whoop!'

When Kuroo turned around again, Akaashi was retreating to the bathroom alone while Bokuto squatted down next to Tobio to talk.

Kuroo quirked a brow and ducked under the net, taking long strides to get to the bathroom doors. He pushed open the door to the men's room and immediately froze.

There was a choked sob barely hidden in the sound of running water.

Kuroo poked his head around the corner to see Akaashi hunched over the sink, his trembling hands gripping the sides. His eyes were narrowed and he was biting his lip, holding back the cries. There were no tears, but the dam looked close to bursting any second.

Kuroo swallowed and walked inside, letting the door close behind him softly. The click of the door startled Akaashi, making him snap his head up and stare at Kuroo with wild eyes. Kuroo held up his hands.

"Hey. Just came in to wash the sweat off," Kuroo lied.

Akaashi's stiff back relaxed slightly, but his eyes remained alert. His entire stance was a bit standoffish, making Kuroo feel a little intrusive.

Kuroo walked to the sink next to the one Akaashi was using and turned on the faucet. Kuroo's brows pushed together as he washed his hands. Akaashi seemed really shaken up.

Out of the corner of his eye, Kuroo saw Akaashi turn back to stare down at the sink, reaching to turn off his faucet. He leaned against the sink again and sighed quietly, his breath coming out in a shaky pant. Kuroo's eyes drifted from the mirror to Akaashi's hands, seeing that they were trembling.

_Is he having another panic attack?_ Kuroo thought, pausing in scrubbing his hands.  _Or is he just nervous?_

Then, something on Akaashi's wrists caught his eye.

And the sight made his heart do a complete flip in his chest before sinking down to sit heavily on his stomach.

Akaashi had rolled up his sleeves to his upper arms, revealing thin white cuts that littered Akaashi's left wrist. The lines traveled all the way to his elbow, some even curving around to his forearm.

The sight made Kuroo feel sick to his stomach. He knew Akaashi was having problems, but had he been hurting himself because of it?

Why had he never noticed this before?

And now that Kuroo looked closer, he realized that every time he had been around Akaashi, he had worn long sleeves, even during intense volleyball practice.

Just how long had this been going on?! How much did Kuroo not know?!

_"Have you… Have you ever talked to someone who… wanted to kill themselves?"_

Kuroo felt his body freeze over, his heart pounding. He remembered the night Bokuto had come home looking as if he had seen a ghost. And when Bokuto said those words, they stuck in Kuroo's mind like a tattoo, permanently embedded on his brain.

Kuroo felt his stomach swirling with guilt, wishing he had never had any of those angry thoughts.

He shut off his faucet and quickly wiped his hands on a paper towel. After he threw it away, he turned to Akaashi and slapped his back  _hard_ , making the poor guy stumble forward and almost smack his forehead against the mirror.

"W-Wha—Kuroo-san?" Akaashi said, finally speaking when he regained his balance.

"We're having drinks back at our place. So come," Kuroo said. He turned to leave the restroom, grabbing the handle of the door. "I'll make sure Tobio has something to do, so you can't back out of it."

He glanced over his shoulder, watching Akaashi stand stiffly at the sink, his eyes downcast.

But, to Kuroo's surprise, Akaashi nodded.

"Yes."

Kuroo threw him a smile. "Don't take too long in here or Bo will come searching."

Akaashi nodded again, and Kuroo walked out of the bathroom. He nearly ran into Bokuto, who was on his way inside.

"Oh, Kuroo. Did you see Akaashi in there?" Bokuto asked, pointing to the door. "I was gonna ask if he wanted to come over, but… I'm not sure if he would want to go…"

Kuroo threw his arm around Bokuto's neck and pulled him away from the bathroom.

"Already checked on him, dude," Kuroo said. "And he told me he would love to go."

Bokuto's eyes widened, a smile creeping onto his face. "Really?"

"Of course!" Kuroo said, happy now that his friend looked more relieved and relaxed. "He wouldn't miss hanging out with us, right?"

Bokuto smiled, standing tall and proud. "Of course not, dude! We're the best."

Kuroo smiled. "Indeed, we are."

* * *

"Hey, hey, pass me another beer, would ya?"

_You're hopeless._

"Isn't this like your fourth one?"

"Don't underestimate Yuu. He can slam them back all night and never get drunk."

_None of them even care about you, don't you know that? You're all alone._

"What's… drunk?"

"Don't worry about it, Tobio. You'll understand when you're older."

_And you will always be alone._

Akaashi shivered as he finished his second beer, his cheeks starting to redden. He stood in the kitchen next to the island while watching most of the volleyball gang sit around the coffee table in the living room. Some of the others were walking about, but a majority of them were conversing there.

Even his own son had left him in the kitchen to go sit in Bokuto's lap. But Kuroo was playing the Fukudoroni practice matches on the TV, which grabbed Tobio's attention in a heartbeat.

_Even Tobio has abandoned you._

_The rest will do the same._

_Why not just leave now and save them all the trouble?_

Akaashi sighed as he threw his beer bottle into the recycling bin, and then he opened the fridge to grab another. He popped off the cap and took a long swig, letting the alcohol infect his mind and make the voice fizzle out until his head was foggy.

He glanced back into the living room, his eyes landing on Kuroo.

Kuroo.

The look on his face at the gym bathroom… and Akaashi's sleeves had been rolled up…

He had been caught.

Kuroo had seen.

Akaashi slammed back the rest of the bottle, trying to drown out any and all invasive and intrusive thoughts. He wanted it all to be silent tonight.

Once was he feeling officially buzzed, and once the voice had ceased for now, Akaashi hugged the empty bottle to his chest and glanced down at the island counter. The alcohol had made his chest warm but his body heavy, and his eyelids threatened to close.

But he did not want to sleep.

Not on a night like tonight.

"Oh, hey, Akaashi."

Akaashi looked up from the counter to see Daichi come into the kitchen, a few empty beer bottles in his hands.

"Ah. Hello, Sawamura-san," Akaashi greeted back.

Daichi inched forward to throw the bottles in the same recycling bin, his mouth frowning in concern.

"Geez, man. Are you all right?" Daichi asked.

Akaashi blinked at him, suddenly feeling stricken. Did it look obvious? He tugged on the sleeve of his shirt, making sure it covered his wrist.

"What do you mean?" Akaashi asked.

Daichi folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the nearby wall.

"I mean, you don't have to stick around here if you're tired," Daichi said.

Oh. So that was what he meant.

"Ah. No, I'm okay," Akaashi answered.

"You sure you don't want to head to bed? You look exhausted," Daichi commented, his brows creased a little in concern.

Akaashi nodded, still holding onto his beer bottle. He wouldn't dare tell Daichi that on nights like this, he rarely got to sleep. It reminded him of the days when he first got Tobio, and he dreaded going to sleep because he had nothing to look forward to in the morning. There was nothing worth waking up for, so why bother going to sleep?

But he wasn't going to tell Daichi that.

"I'm fine," Akaashi finally answered.

Daichi hummed thoughtfully and nodded. "All right. Well what about your boy? It's getting kind of late, isn't it?"

Akaashi glanced over in the living room to see Tobio sitting next to Noya, talking and pointing to something on the TV. He seemed happy, and very much full of energy.

"I don't want to interrupt his fun. Tomorrow is Sunday anyway, so he can sleep in," Akaashi said, looking back at Daichi. "Thank you for your concern, Sawamura-san."

Daichi nodded, clasping a hand on his shoulder. "No problem. Just take it easy, yeah?"

And with those parting words, Daichi left to join the others in the living room, leaving Akaashi alone in the kitchen area. He turned around and leaned against the island, staring down at his empty beer bottle.

What in the world was he doing here anyway?

Getting drunk with his son in the next room?

It really was like how it used to be. He was spiraling back into the person he hated.

Suddenly, Akaashi's phone buzzed in his pocket, startling him from his thoughts and almost making him drop his beer bottle. He slipped his hand inside his pocket to grab it and he turned the screen on. His heart nearly broke from his chest when he saw the notification.

It was an email from the director of auditions.

It was the results of the audition.

But he wasn't expecting to get the results back for a few days!

Did they already rule him out as a possible candidate?

Is that why they were emailing him already?

The alcohol immediately flushed from his system at the thought, and he suddenly felt sick to his stomach. Akaashi felt the blood drain from his face as his thumb hovered over the "open" option. He bit his lip, trying to stop the shaking. Should he really open this  _now?_  Where other people could see him be a failure?

"Akaashi!"

Bokuto's voice made him flinch, and he turned to see the man standing right next to him. When in the world did he sneak into the kitchen?

"Whatchya doing, Akaashi? You're over here all by yourself," Bokuto asked, peering over his shoulder. "Hey, what's that?"

Akaashi stiffened, looking down at the email notification on his screen. He took a deep breath and steeled himself.

"I think it's the results of the audition today," Akaashi answered.

"Really?!" Bokuto shouted, moving to stand closer. "Well, what did it say?"

Akaashi bit his lip and shrugged. "I don't know."

"What do you mean you don't know?!"

"I haven't opened it, yet."

Bokuto paused, his brows furrowing sympathetically. "Are you nervous?"

Akaashi knew the answer to that one.

"Yes," he said, looking back down at his phone. "I'm scared to see what it says."

"What's the worst that could happen?"

Kuroo suddenly appeared next to them, opening up the fridge to grab another beer. He turned to them and placed his free hand on his hip, looking at Akaashi with a relaxed expression.

It was irritating to look at.

"I don't want to read that I've failed when I worked so hard for it," Akaashi said.

"What's wrong with failing?" Kuroo asked.

Akaashi's eyes widened at his comment, the anger that was growing inside of his chest stopping and fading.

" _Kuroo!"_  Bokuto whispered loudly, but Kuroo waved him off.

"What? Seriously, what's wrong with failing?" Kuroo asked, opening his arms up wide. "If all you do is succeed, then how do you grow as a person? You have to lose sometime or you'll never flourish."

Akaashi felt the anger weakly trying to fight back as he hung his head.

"All I've been doing is failing," Akaashi said softly.

Bokuto touched his shoulder, concern written on his face. "Akaashi…"

"Now you know that's not true," Kuroo said.

Akaashi raised his head to peer up at Kuroo's face. He nodded in the direction of the living room, and Akaashi turned his gaze around to look at the couch.

Tobio was talking to Daichi, Asahi, and Kenma. He couldn't clearly make out what Tobio was saying, but he was gesturing with his arms wildly. It was probably something about volleyball.

"You raised that kid all on your own," Kuroo said, pulling Akaashi back into the conversation. "And he's turned out to be one of the good ones."

Akaashi's eyes stung as tears prickled along his waterline. He turned his head away from the couch and lifted a hand to press his fingers to his eyes, preventing the tears from falling. He could feel Bokuto move closer, his arm wrapping around his shoulders.

"You can't call yourself a failure when you've got the greatest proof of success right before your eyes," Kuroo said.

Akaashi's breath hitched, and Bokuto's arm held him tighter. He swallowed down the sobs and sniffled, dropping his hand from his face. He glanced up at Kuroo, who was smiling gently at him.

"Thank you, Kuroo-san," Akaashi said, a few stray tears running down his cheeks. He blamed the alcohol for being so loose with his emotions.

Kuroo's smile widened, and for a moment, he looked like he could be a truly caring guy. But that moment only lasted for a second when his lips curled into a smirk.

"So, are you gonna be brave or am I going to have to read that email for you?" Kuroo said.

Akaashi took it all back.

Kuroo was seriously a pain in the ass.

He shot him a harmless glare and wiped his face, looking down at his phone. He took a deep breath before opening it, his eyes skimming over the contents.

_Dear, Akaashi Keiji,_

_Thank you for your lovely audition today. We are here to inform you that you have passed the first round. The second and final round of auditions will be held in a month's time on the following date…_

Akaashi blinked down at the phone in his hands. He reread the email again, and when he came upon the same words, he found that he couldn't breathe.

He… passed?

He really… truly… passed?

"Well? What's it say?"

Akaashi blinked and glanced up at Bokuto and Kuroo who were staring at him with concerned eyes. He took a deep breath, his hand gripping the cell phone, and barely got the words out.

"I… I made it."

Both Kuroo's and Bokuto's eyes widened, and for a moment, they were both speechless.

"You… made it?" Kuroo asked.

"Does that mean you…?" Bokuto started.

Akaashi nodded, his heart feeling like it might explode.

"I get to move on to the next audition."

There was a pause.

And then Kuroo and Bokuto erupted into boisterous cheers, both of them grabbing onto Akaashi and lifting him up into the air. He grabbed onto their shoulders to balance himself.

"I knew you could do it, Akaashi!" Bokuto yelled, pressing his face into Akaashi's shoulder.

"I knew it longer than you, idiot," Kuroo said.

"Oi!" Bokuto barked back, pouting.

"Hey, hey! What's all the commotion?" Noya asked from the couch.

Kuroo and Bokuto put Akaashi down on the ground, Akaashi staggering for a moment before regaining his balance. Then, Kuroo threw an arm around Akaashi's neck, making him stumble even more.

"This guy just passed a major audition and gets to move on to the next round," Kuroo said.

The volleyball members all sat up and smiled, each congratulating Akaashi with high words of praise.

"Way to go, Akaashi!"

"That's awesome!"

Akaashi felt his cheeks burn with their words.

Once again, Bokuto had saved him. By bringing him closer to all of these new people, Bokuto had brought more meaningful friendships into Akaashi's life.

And perhaps that was worth waking up for.

"Daddy?"

Akaashi glanced down to see Tobio standing in front of him, giving him the most attention he had all day.

"You did it?! You passed it today?!" Tobio asked, tugging on Akaashi's pants.

Akaashi's eyes watered.

And he smiled down at his son.

"Yes," Akaashi answered breathlessly.

Tobio beamed, his lips widening into a precious smile. He lifted his arms up and jumped into Akaashi's chest. Akaashi caught the boy and snuggled him close.

Bokuto leaned close and ruffled Tobio's hair. "See? Isn't your daddy the best?"

Tobio nodded and laughed, pressing his face into Akaashi's chest. Akaashi glanced up at Bokuto and smiled at him.

"Thank you, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said.

Bokuto hesitated only for a moment before he stood tall, placing his hands on his hips.

"Of course, 'Kaashi!" Bokuto said, smiling brightly. He reached up to rub the back of his neck. "So… what's next?"

Akaashi glanced down at the email on his phone, rereading the instructions.

"Well, I have an interview with the committee," Akaashi explained. "And then one more audition."

Bokuto blinked at him for a moment, his arms folding across his chest.

"So… if you pass both of those, then…" he started, and Akaashi nodded.

"Yeah," Akaashi said. "I get the position."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucke1)


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, guys! Another new chapter for you all!  
> Thank you Tayu-chan for the edits and Velvloid for the suggestions. 
> 
> Just some trigger warnings: there is mention of suicide, self-harm, and relapse. Please proceed with caution!!
> 
> Also, if anyone would like to do any artwork, feel free to do so! Just make sure you tag me on Tumblr so I can see your beautiful creations!!
> 
> Happy reading!

The Monday after the results were posted, Akaashi went into overdrive.

For the next week and a half, he was practicing every chance he could, making sure the new set of audition music sounded perfect or as close to it as he could. He even found the energy to practice in the mornings while Tobio munched on his breakfast before taking him to school.

Akaashi had suddenly found the drive and motivation to get back to where he once was. And this upcoming audition was the key to finding his dream again.

It was Wednesday morning, four days before the interview, and Akaashi found himself at Fukudoroni High, helping out the volleyball team in their morning practice. They have a big tournament that weekend, and Bokuto needed all the help he could get to prep the boys.

"All right, good job, guys!" Bokuto said, clapping his hands together. "Pack it up and head to class. Don't be late for practice this afternoon! We still have a lot of work to do!"

"Yes, Coach!"

Once the teenagers dispersed, Akaashi quickly wiped his brow and then hurried over to the bench to gather his things. His violin was tucked underneath, along with his bag of sheet music.

"Ah, off to practice again?" Bokuto called.

Akaashi glanced over his shoulder to see Bokuto walking towards him, a smile on his face as his arms cradled the back of his head. Akaashi stood up straight and nodded.

"Yeah. I need to take Tobio to class first, and then I'll head to the orchestra room," Akaashi said, glancing over at Tobio, who sat on the other end of the bench.

For the past few days, Akaashi had been using the orchestra classroom to practice. He had gotten permission from the principal since he had been working at the school, and Akaashi was grateful. Practicing away from home had limited distractions and made practicing easier and more meaningful.

"Why don't you go ahead? I'll take Tobio to class," Bokuto offered.

Akaashi glanced at him, eyes wide in surprise.

"Really? You could do that for me?" Akaashi asked.

Bokuto nodded, his hands dropping to grip his hips.

"Of course! I'll get to drop by to see Shouyou, so why not?" Bokuto said.

Akaashi smiled, sighing a little. That would mean he could beat the crowd to the orchestra room and get in extra time to practice.

"Thank you, Bokuto-san. I owe you one," Akaashi said.

Bokuto grinned, giving Akaashi a thumbs-up. Akaashi nodded at him and then turned to Tobio on the bench.

Tobio had quit playing with a volleyball earlier, and instead chose to sit and look through one of Bokuto's volleyball magazines. But as Akaashi got closer, it seemed that Tobio was staring blankly at one of the pages, his eyelids heavy. Akaashi's brow raised in suspicion as he knelt down to him.

"Did you not get enough sleep last night, Tobio?" Akaashi asked, a little concern in his voice.

Tobio blinked at his father, his shoulders coming up in a shrug.

Well, that wasn't helpful.

"Make sure you sleep during nap time, okay? I know you usually can't, but do it today, okay?" Akaashi said, brushing his hair out of his eyes.

Tobio nodded sluggishly, and Akaashi leaned forward to kiss him on his forehead. He stood back up to his feet and nodded at Bokuto.

"I'll see you later, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said.

"Good luck, 'Kaashi!" Bokuto said, heading over to Tobio's side to ruffle his hair.

With those parting words, Akaashi scurried out of the gym, his legs swiftly taking him down the halls of Fukudoroni High and to the orchestra room at the end of the corridor. He could feel his lips twitching into a smile as he slid open the door and walked inside.

The room was silent at this time in the morning, but Akaashi loved it. He was surrounded by music stands and chairs, and there was a distinct music room smell that only old instruments could produce.

It was familiar.

He took a deep breath, letting his mind wander for just one more second, before he straightened his back.

All right. He had a job to do.

He used one of the nearby stands to set up everything, placing his audition music on top. He opened his violin case and attached the chin rest, adjusting it for comfort, and he tightened the hair on his bow to the right tension, making sure it wasn't too loose.

When everything felt right, he tucked the violin under his chin and began to warm up, playing long, smooth notes that pierced the dead air. The sound echoed in the room and bounced off of the walls, making the space seem bigger. He could feel himself relaxing bit by bit as he adjusted to the sound.

However, his concentration was broken when the door suddenly slid open.

Akaashi jolted, whipping his head around to look at the door. To his surprise, it was the teacher that had asked him to be a substitute a few weeks ago.

"Oh, Akaashi-san!" she said, adjusting her tilted glasses on her nose. "Sorry! I didn't realize it was you."

Akaashi shook his head. "It's no trouble. Can I help you with something?"

She scratched her cheek. "Well, I was hoping that you would be a new orchestra teacher candidate."

Akaashi tilted his head. "Candidate?"

The teacher nodded, clasping her hands in front of her.

"Yes. You see, the orchestra teacher is retiring this year," she explained. "And we've been trying to get in people for an interview, but no one has applied for the job, yet."

Akaashi furrowed his brows, his hand tightening on the neck of his violin. How could no one want this job? Was it really that unpopular?

"I guess I just got my hopes up when I heard you playing," the teacher continued. She took a deep breath and sighed, smiling softly. "Oh, well. Sorry I disturbed your practicing, Akaashi-san."

"Oh," Akaashi said intelligently, snapping out of his gaze. "It's no trouble. Have a good day."

The teacher bowed and left the room, closing the door behind her and leaving Akaashi alone in the room. He glanced around the orchestra room, his eyes landing on the conductor's stand. He felt a pinch of pain in his heart.

It was a shame that no one applied, Akaashi thought distractedly.

He took a deep breath and lifted his violin, readying to practice once again. And while he bowed the string, he subconsciously stared at the baton that rested delicately on the conductor's stand.

* * *

"Okay, everything looks good. Tobio, you ready to go to class?"

Bokuto turned to look at Tobio, who stood by the door of the gym. He was looking down at the ground with glazed eyes, his hands barely gripping the straps of his backpack.

Bokuto's brows pinched as he walked over to him.

"Hey, you okay, buddy?" Bokuto asked, reaching out to touch his shoulder.

As soon as Bokuto touched his shoulder, Tobio let out a huge sneeze, the sound echoing in the gymnasium and making Bokuto jump.

"Whoa, whoa! That was a big sneeze!" Bokuto said. He patted Tobio's back. "You feeling okay, there?"

Tobio sniffled and then nodded quietly, and Bokuto felt something tug at his chest. Something did not seem right with him. But earlier, Akaashi had mentioned that he might not have slept the night before. So… maybe he was just tired?

"Okay. You ready?" Bokuto asked, putting out his hand for Tobio to take.

Tobio nodded slowly, reaching up to weakly grab onto Bokuto's hand. They walked a little sluggishly down to the kindergarten hallway, and Bokuto was starting to lose his patience. But he pressed on, taking his time to get to where he needed to go without leaving the tired child behind.

Just as they were about to turn down the hallway, he was met with a familiar face at the corner, who nearly knocked Tobio over.

"Oh! Sorry, Tobio-chan," Kuroo apologized, taking a step back and peering down at the child. "Whoa, there. You tired, little buddy?"

Tobio gazed up at him, staring at him blankly, and shrugged. His eyes drifted back over to the side to stare at the wall, and Kuroo's eyebrow twitched. He glanced up at Bokuto.

"Everything okay?" Kuroo asked.

Bokuto scratched the back of his head and nodded a little stiffly as he moved to the side to continue walking. Kuroo walked next to them at their slow pace.

"I think he's just tired," Bokuto explained, as they approached Suga's classroom. "Akaashi told him to sleep during nap time today."

Kuroo hesitated, his face turning a bit sour and serious. It was far from his usual cocky grin, and it made Bokuto feel uneasy.

"Is he okay?" Kuroo asked softly.

Bokuto blinked at him. Didn't he just answer that question?

"Yeah. Like I said, he's probably tired or—"

"I'm not talking about Tobio."

His voice was a little strained, and the sound almost made Bokuto halt in his tracks. After a baffled moment, Bokuto opened his mouth to speak.

"What're you—"

"Oh, hello Tobio!"

Suga's kind voice interrupted Bokuto's sentence, making both men turn towards the man in the doorway. He was peering down at Tobio with brows scrunched but a slight curve of his lip.

"Come on in and put your backpack away, okay?" Suga said to the boy.

Tobio nodded and dragged himself inside without a word. Suga's eyes followed after him and he turned around to face Bokuto with a look of concern.

"Akaashi said he was tired today," Bokuto explained.

Suga looked skeptical, but he nodded anyway, guiding the sleepy boy into the classroom.

Bokuto got to wave at Shouyou before turning away from the classroom, and Kuroo was standing a little ways away, his hands in his pockets.

And he was still looking as dark as ever.

"What did you mean earlier?" Bokuto asked as he walked up to him.

Kuroo opened his mouth to speak, but stopped when a mother and her kindergarten daughter walked by, making Kuroo promptly shut his mouth. He rubbed the back of his neck and nodded to the side, motioning for Bokuto to follow. Bokuto took his cue and followed behind.

Once they were a safe distance away, Kuroo finally spoke again, his voice soft and deep.

"I was asking about Akaashi earlier, when I asked if he was okay," Kuroo said.

Bokuto furrowed his brows. "Akaashi? Why?"

Kuroo's brows knitted together, and his frown was set. He sighed softly and stopped walking, Bokuto taking a few steps before he also came to a stop.

"The day we played volleyball… after his audition," Kuroo started, "I saw him in the bathroom. His sleeves were rolled up and… and I saw scars."

Bokuto felt his stomach flip, the nausea rolling inside. He felt his shoulders tighten as he stiffened.

Kuroo saw?

"I know what they were. And seeing Tobio looking so down this morning… I guess I was just… concerned," Kuroo continued, rubbing the back of his neck. Bokuto fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. "Akaashi isn't… he isn't…"

Bokuto shook his head rapidly. "No, no! He isn't doing… He stopped doing that a while ago."

Kuroo blinked at him, hands fidgeting in his pockets. "I see. Well… I guess I'm concerned because people who… people who hurt themselves tend to relapse."

Bokuto's hands tightened into fists. "Relapse?"

Kuroo nodded. "I had to take a few psychology courses in school to be a teacher, remember? They go over these things."

Kuroo sighed and folded his arms across his chest, his breath coming out in an agitated huff. He was far more tense than the usual laid-back Kuroo, and it was stressing Bokuto out a little.

"Anyway," Kuroo said. "It's common for someone who has gone through something like that to go back to old habits when things get stressful."

Bokuto sucked in a sharp breath. "They… they do?"

Kuroo nodded solemnly, his eyes dark.

"It's… like an addiction of sorts," Kuroo said. "It releases chemicals in the body that makes them think it feels good, and it relieves them for a moment."

Bokuto scratched at his chest to try to stop the pain from his pounding heart. It was so painful to think about. What if Akaashi did relapse? Would he do something like that again?

"He seemed so down the day of his audition thing. And after seeing his arms, I just… It's been on my mind," Kuroo said.

Bokuto nodded, feeling somewhat guilty. Kuroo had been bothered about this for a week and half and he hadn't said anything. And Bokuto didn't even notice. What kind of roommate was he?

"Anyway," Kuroo said with a sigh. "I thought I would just bring it up. I don't know him as well as you do, and maybe I'm just being paranoid, but…"

He clasped his hand on Bokuto's shoulder and looked him in the eye, his gaze surprisingly serious.

"Just keep an eye on him, okay?" Kuroo said.

Bokuto bit his lip. He couldn't quite form the words to speak so he settled for a hesitant nod. It was enough to placate Kuroo, however, and he gave Bokuto's shoulder one last squeeze before releasing him.

"Good," Kuroo said. He cradled his head with his hands and sauntered down the hall. "Well, that's off my chest. I can go teach Chemistry in peace."

Bokuto hesitated for a moment and let out a puff of laughter.

"Chemistry? Peaceful? In what universe?" Bokuto asked, running after him.

"Everyone's! Chemistry isn't too hard."

"Yeah, maybe for nerds like you!"

Kuroo snickered and sent him a harmless glare, to which Bokuto laughed. He was glad that Kuroo was feeling better, but his words left him feeling uneasy.

He would have to keep an eye on Akaashi.

* * *

"Where is… ugh. Where is it?"

"'Kaashi, it's over here."

"Oh. Thank you, Bokuto-san. Now all I need is—"

"Your notes? They're here, too."

"…I see. Thank you."

It was the morning of the interview, and Akaashi was rushing around the apartment to gather all of the paperwork he needed. His mind was focused solely on getting to the interview on time and knowing the right words to say.

The interview process wasn't necessarily about his musicianship skills, but it was just as equal in importance. The conductor of the orchestra would be there, and possibly the first violinist. They were going to ask questions about him and feel him out, seeing if his personality was a good match for their orchestra. If they felt that he did not fit, then they would probably dismiss him during the final audition.

There was a lot of pressure riding on this interview.

"You're going to be fine, Akaashi," Bokuto said as he handed him a folder of papers. "You're stressing out too much. They're gonna love you!"

Akaashi took the folder from him and smiled softly. "Thank you, Bokuto-san."

For the first time in a while, Akaashi actually felt confident in himself.

He glanced back at the kitchen, where Tobio sat eating his lunch. The sight made him frown a little, as Tobio was just chewing mindlessly and staring at the wall.

Akashi glanced back to Bokuto, the smile gone.

"Are you sure you can watch him today?" Akaashi asked.

Bokuto smiled, folding his arms across his chest.

"You know, you always ask me that. Do you expect a different answer every time?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi stared at him for a moment and then rolled his eyes.

"I suppose not," he answered. He took a deep breath and sighed. "But you have the tournament this afternoon. I mean, my interview should be done in time, but…"

"Don't sweat it," Bokuto said. "If push comes to shove, I'll just take Tobio with me to the games."

Akaashi winced. "I don't want him to get in the way, though."

"He won't! He's great at sitting and watching, Akaashi. He'll be fine," Bokuto said.

Suddenly, Bokuto grabbed Akaashi by the shoulders and started to push him towards the front door of his apartment.

"Now, hurry up and go! Don't be late to your interview!" Bokuto said.

Akaashi glared at him weakly and rolled his eyes. He glanced over his shoulder at Tobio and called out to him.

"I'll be back soon, Tobio. Be good for Bokuto-san, okay?" Akaashi said.

Tobio nodded slowly and then glanced back down at his food without a word. Akaashi sighed at the lack of response and allowed himself to be guided out the front door.

After a quick goodbye and a charming "good luck" from Bokuto, he hurried down to the station and to the same music hall where he had the unfortunate run-in with his father. He shuddered as he passed by the practice rooms but he did his best to keep his father out of his mind. This was his time to shine, under his own name and by his hard work.

He spoke to the receptionist at the front desk and was immediately led down a different hallway filled with offices. They passed by several rooms that were filled with busy workers. Akaashi even spotted a room that looked like the office for the orchestra librarian. It was bigger than his old office.

There was a slight tinge of jealousy in his heart.

"Okay, Akaashi-san. Right through here, please," the woman said.

Akaashi stiffened, his heart fluttering in his chest. He bowed to the woman before entering through the door, his fingers shaking as he closed it behind him. When he turned around, he found himself in a conference room. A long table was in the center of the room, and three people sat on one side.

"Ah, hello. Welcome, come in," the man in the center greeted.

Akaashi's heart jolted. He recognized these three people. The woman on the left was the director of auditions. A stern woman, but friendly enough. On the far right was the conductor of the orchestra. A tall, brooding man, but not harsh like Mori-san was. Akaashi had watched this conductor online and the passion was evident on his face. He was eager to talk with him.

The biggest surprise was the man in the center.

He was the  _owner_.

"Come on in, Akaashi-san," the owner repeated, gesturing for him to sit in the chair.

Akaashi swallowed and, on wobbly legs, made his way over to the table. He bowed to the three first before sitting in the cold chair. He sat with his back stiff against the chair, his hands fidgeting in his lap.

"Well, I never expected to have an Akaashi sit in my office. But lo and behold, here we are," the owner said with a kind smile.

Akaashi held his breath in his lungs.

Of course this man knew his father.

"Now then, I'm sure you already know who we are," the owner continued. "But let's talk about you, shall we?"

"Um. Yes, sir," Akaashi said.

"No need to be so serious," he responded with a chuckle. "Now then, let's start with your audition. Very impressive."

Akaashi thought his heart would explode as it danced around his ribcage. He bowed his head to them, both out of respect and to hide his embarrassment.

"Thank you, sir," Akaashi said.

"We read your file and it said you took a break from performing for a while," the conductor spoke up. "Your performance was quite exceptional despite the break in your career."

The conductor had an accent as he spoke, and Akaashi remembered that he wasn't a Japanese native. He couldn't quite remember where the conductor was from, though. Somewhere in Europe?

"Yes, we thought so, as well," the conductor said. "And seeing through your file, it seems as though you haven't really performed much. You haven't played in any professional orchestra before?"

"No, sir," Akaashi answered.

"I see. Well, that's a little interesting," the owner said, rubbing his chin. "I thought that Kyosuke would've snatched you up in his orchestra by now."

The giddiness in Akaashi's stomach fluttered away in a heartbeat, and it felt as if a rock sat on it instead. His shock must have been obvious on his face because the owner laughed, waving his hand into the air.

"Don't overthink it, my boy," he said. He sat back against the chair and folded his arms across his chest. "Although, I can't say I'm not curious as to why you're not working with your father instead."

Akaashi swallowed, his hands tightening into fists on his lap.

_"He isn't fit to do something like this."_

His breath hitched, and he strained to prevent it from coming out as a gasp. He felt a drop of sweat slide down the back of his neck.

"Um…" Akaashi fumbled. "My father is…"

What should he say? That his father basically disowned him? Cut him off?

Hurt him?

There was no way that Akaashi would say any of that. There was no telling what consequences would come up if said a word about his father's violent tendencies and manipulative nature. There would be hell, and Akaashi could not risk his or his son's safety in the aftermath.

"He's…" Akaashi continued, feeling his throat close up as if fear itself had grabbed him by the neck. It was getting hard to breathe again.

"Ah, yes, yes. Kyosuke is a hard man, isn't he?" the owner spoke.

Akaashi snapped his gaze up to look at the owner, a little baffled by his response.

"I've known Kyosuke for years," the owner said. "He's always conducted business with one hand over his heart and the other gripping a knife behind his back."

Akaashi's eyes widened, his hands gripping his knees. The grip around his throat started to loosen, making it easier to breathe.

"I know your father is a difficult man to work with, so you have nothing to worry about," the owner said. "Your honesty is all I ask for."

Akaashi released a quivering breath, the air finally leaving his lungs. He bowed his head and nodded once, his voice trembling with each word.

"Yes, sir."

The owner nodded and smiled.

"Good. Well, let's continue. We still have much to discuss."

Akaashi sat up, his nerves still reeling, and he managed a small smile.

"Of course," he answered.

"Good. Now, then. Please tell me why you are interested in joining our orchestra and not your father's."

Akaashi took a deep breath, his hands still firmly gripping his knees. His shoulders were loose and his back no longer felt strained and sore.

"Okay."

* * *

Bokuto checked his watch one last time. He sighed.

Akaashi was late.

He glanced over at the small boy sitting on the floor with his volleyball, his tiny hands clutching it to his chest. He looked ready to topple over but he fought to keep his eyes open.

Bokuto bit his lip. Tobio was in no shape to go to the games today. But he couldn't just leave Tobio all by himself.

_Should I call Akaashi?_  Bokuto wondered. He shook his head at the idea.  _No, no, no! He's probably still in the interview. I can't interrupt him!_

Bokuto gripped at his hair and groaned, overwhelmed by his internal conflict.

His watch beeped, signaling the top of the hour, and he had to make his decision.

He whirled around to face Tobio and placed his hands on his hips, giving Tobio a smile.

"Say, Tobio, do you want to help me be a coach today?" Bokuto asked.

Tobio glanced up at him, eyes alert. He stood to his feet and nodded.

Bokuto sighed in relief. He looked livelier than he had all day.

"Okay! Then let's get ready to go!" Bokuto said.

He quickly scooped the boy up and helped him put on his jacket and shoes before sprinting out the door towards the Fukudoroni. He decided to send a quick text to Akaashi to let him know the plan.

When they arrived at Fukudoroni, the team was already waiting out in the parking lot next to the bus. The team's faculty supervisor was standing by, looking at his watch, and his eyes lit up when he saw Bokuto.

"Oh! You made it!" the supervisor said, exasperated. "I thought we were going to be late."

"Ha! You have no faith in me!" Bokuto said, smiling proudly.

The supervisor glanced down at the boy in his arms. He pointed to him and cocked his head.

"Oh, is Tobio coming, too?" he asked.

"Yep!" Bokuto answered, bouncing the boy in his arm to readjust him. "Are we all ready to go?"

The supervisor blinked at him for a moment, the opportunity to ask any further questions gone. He cleared his throat and adjusted the glasses on his nose before nodding, pointing his thumb over his shoulder.

"Yep. Bus is ready to go," he answered.

"Well, why are we just standing around here, then?" Bokuto said, loud enough for the entire team to hear. "Let's go win us some games!"

The team cheered as they boarded the bus, each going to a seat and settling in. Bokuto took Tobio onto the bus and sat him in an open row near the front, giving the small boy the window seat.

After the team captain made sure everyone was there, the engine started to life and left the school, quickly making its way to the main sports center on the other side of town. It was a relatively quick trip, but boys were stoically quiet, all concentrating on their series of matches later that day.

Bokuto also kept quiet, his arms folded across his chest as he thought about the teams that they would face today. The schools in the prefecture were always tough, but the one to beat was Nekoma. They were always a tough match for Fukudoroni, and he had to keep his boys focused throughout that match.

But the matches were not the only thing plaguing Bokuto's mind.

He glanced to the side and saw Tobio watching the scenery zip by out the window. Normally, the boy would be bouncing in his seat, or itching to look at a volleyball magazine. But today, Tobio was silent and still, only moving to wipe his runny nose.

Runny nose?

Bokuto furrowed his brow. Lifting up his hand, he brushed Tobio's bangs away and pressed his palm to the boy's forehead. Tobio jumped at the contact and glanced up at Bokuto with curious eyes.

_Hm… It doesn't feel warm,_  Bokuto thought.  _But… then again, I can't really tell._

He took his hand from Tobio's forehead and cocked his head at him.

"You feeling okay, little guy?" Bokuto asked quietly. "You're being really quiet."

Tobio paused for a moment and blinked at Bokuto, seeming unsure about what to say. His lips wobbled as he finally nodded.

"Are you sure?" Bokuto asked. "You have been sneezing a lot, too. And your nose is running. You don't feel sick anywhere else?"

Tobio paused again, his lips still wobbling uncomfortably. He wrapped his arms around his stomach and frowned.

"My tummy kinda feels funny," he admitted softy.

Bokuto's eyebrows shot up, feeling a bit panicked. He leaned over and rubbed the boy's back.

"Do you feel nauseous or anything? Do you need to go home?" Bokuto asked. Tobio remained hesitant, his eyes not meeting Bokuto's. "I can call your daddy."

At the mention of his father, Tobio shook his head firmly. Bokuto sat back in surprise, his hand pausing on Tobio's back.

"No?" Bokuto asked, just to be sure. And Tobio shook his head again, making Bokuto rub the back of his neck. "Why not, Tobio? He'd come to get you right away."

And then Tobio paused, Bokuto seeing the little gears turning as he tried to formulate a sentence. He chewed on the inside of his lip and puffed his cheeks as he thought. When he finally had an answer, his hands tightened around his stomach and took a deep breath.

"Daddy's working hard," Tobio said. "So I have to work hard, too."

Bokuto sighed a little, his eyes narrowing at the sweet gesture. He continued his gentle ministrations on Tobio's back, trying to ease the little boy's obvious discomfort.

"You can work hard, buddy. But you can't push yourself to be sick," Bokuto said. "You need to tell someone when you aren't feeling good."

"I'm okay," Tobio assured, looking up at Bokuto with determined eyes. "I want Daddy to get the job he wants."

He paused again, his little hands rubbing at his belly softly. His lips twisted a little and he turned his head down to look at his lap.

"If Daddy thinks I'm sad, then he'll be sad," Tobio said. "I wanna be strong for Daddy so he can be happy again."

Bokuto's heart did a strange lurch in his chest at his words. Had Tobio noticed how sad Akaashi had been?

Maybe he wasn't as thickheaded as Bokuto originally thought. Tobio was actually a really caring, observant boy.

Bokuto's chest swelled in pride. He lifted his hand from Tobio's back to rest on the top of his head.

"Well, if that's the case, then I'll need your help today," Bokuto said, ruffling his hair. Tobio tilted his head to look at him, blue eyes shining from the sunlight that streamed in through the window. "But you have to promise to tell me if you feel too sick. Okay?"

Tobio nodded, moving Bokuto's hand along with him.

"Promise?" Bokuto asked, holding out his pinky finger.

Tobio stared at it for a moment before reaching out his own hand. He fumbled for a moment as he stuck out his own pinky finger and wrapped it around Bokuto's securely.

"Promise."

* * *

"Well, thank you very much, Akaashi-san. This interview has been very enlightening."

"Thank you very much, sir."

Akaashi stood to his feet and bowed to the three people across the table. He gathered up his things and headed towards the door, feeling a little on edge. The interview process was exhausting and went on longer than he had expected.

Once he had gathered all of the paperwork, he turned on his heel to leave. When he hand was on the doorknob, he turned and ducked his head one last time.

"Have a good day," he said.

"You, as well, Akaashi-san," the owner said. He smiled, bright and friendly. "I look forward to seeing you at the final audition."

Butterflies swooped from Akaashi's stomach and fluttered through every limb. He stiffened, his eyes wide as he nodded rapidly.

He passed the interview.

"O-Of course! I will do my best!" Akaashi said, bowing at the waist.

The owner chuckled wholeheartedly and waved his hand in the air.

"I have no doubt that will do your best, Akaashi-san," the owner said.

Akaashi straightened his back and nodded to them again, feeling grateful. Then, with a final goodbye, he opened the door with trembling fingers and left the conference room. He took only a few steps before he stopped and leaned against the wall, his eyes staring up at the ceiling.

He passed. He actually passed. And the owner seemed to like him, along with the audition coordinator and the conductor. It felt fairly comfortable, and Akaashi hadn't felt this confident in his abilities in five years.

It was an incredible feeling.

After a few deep breaths, Akaashi pushed himself off of the wall and reached into his pocket to grab his phone. When the screen brightened to life, his heart jolted.

He was late.  _Very late._

And had three text messages from Bokuto.

_From: Bokuto-san._

_Just letting you know, I'm taking Tobio to the games! Little man is excited!_

_Hey, we won our first game, about the start the second. If we win the second and third games, we get to play in the semi-finals next week!_

_Oh! Here's the address of the sportsplex!_

Ah, that's right. It was the tournament to determine if the team would go to nationals.

Akaashi looked at the time he received the messages. It had been about twenty minutes since the last text, which means the second game had probably already started.

Akaashi gripped his phone. He should go over there and relieve Bokuto from his babysitting duties. He had to have been swamped from coaching and watching Tobio at the same time.

He quickly punched in the address that Bokuto had sent him and hurried out of the music hall and to the nearest station. With his heart pounding in his chest from the adrenaline of the interview, he boarded the train, clutching his phone in his hand.

It took a few minutes for the train to get to the other side of Tokyo, where the sports center was located. As soon as the train stopped at the correct station, he hurried down the street and to the sports center that Bokuto had described in his text.

There were volleyball signs everywhere, along with a tentative schedule of events for the day. He recognized some of the schools in the tournament, namely Fukudoroni, who had been scheduled to play an hour before.

The sound of a distant whistle and cheering pulled Akaashi's attention back to the long hallway, and his legs carried him to the stairs that led to the stands. He rushed inside and walked straight up to the edge, his hands holding onto the bars. He panted as his eyes darted around the court.

On the wooden floor stood six players, all decked out in the Fukudoroni black, white, and gold signature colors. The rest of the team stood in their respective box, all cheering for rest of the team on the court.

And on the side closest to him were two familiar faces.

Bokuto was standing, his arms folded across his chest and a serious expression on his face. Tobio sat on the bench next to him, holding what looked like Bokuto's clipboard.

Akaashi tilted his head at the boy, his eyes widening a bit. Tobio was usually so attentive during volleyball games, but now… he looked a little distracted.

Suddenly, the buzzer sounded overhead, and Akaashi's eyes snapped over to Bokuto. He apparently called for a timeout, his eyebrows drawn in a frustrated crease. He glanced over at Tobio, his gaze softening a bit, and told him something that Akaashi could not hear.

Tobio nodded, giving Bokuto the clipboard and hopping off the bench. He hurried over to the water bottles, gathering three at a time in his arms, and handed them around to the exhausted players, all looking grateful for his help.

Akaashi smiled fondly at his son. Even while looking exhausted himself, Tobio was determined to help in any way that he could. He was proud of how far his son had come in the months that they had known Bokuto. It had done great things for his son, and Akaashi was thankful to have ever met him.

Speaking of Bokuto, the coach was gesturing wildly to something on his clipboard, looking more stressed than usual. Akaashi's eyes moved to the score, and he swallowed nervously.

It was the third set. Each team had won a set, and the score was tied at 23-23.

Akaashi's hands tightened on the railing. He could practically feel Bokuto's nerves from here.

And suddenly, Akaashi was swept back to when he played in a match similar to this in high school. The score was this close, and the team depended on him as the setter to help lead them to victory.

But, his skills were surpassed by an incredibly keen setter on the other side of the net, along with a powerful left-handed spiker.

It was the last match he ever played in high school.

The buzzer overhead dragged Akaashi back from his memories and he snapped his head back down to see the team jogging back out onto the court. Bokuto gave his clipboard back to Tobio and went back to standing rigidly in his spot from earlier.

The game resumed, each side putting up their best fight. It was an intense battle for dominance as the battle volleyed back and forth, each side getting the ball up again and again.

"C'mon," Akaashi said under his breath. "Set it up properly. Watch for an opening."

And the players did just that, receiving the ball with ease that floated in an arc to the setter. The setter received it, and pushed the ball into the air, right to a wing spiker. He slammed the ball down on the other side, the ball bouncing off of the wooden floor and flying high into the air.

Akaashi felt his heart pound in his chest. Fukudoroni only needed one more point to win.

He glanced down at the bench, seeing Bokuto now standing with his fists by his sides, his eyes wide with hope. He did not smile, not yet. He knew that there was still one more point to gain. Even Tobio leapt from the bench, his hands in tight fists by his sides.

Fukudoroni served the ball over the net, the other team's libero easily receiving it. Fukudoroni looked winded, discouraged by the other team's skills.

Akaashi gripped the railing again, begging them to keep fighting and not give up like he had done so many years ago.

"You can do it," Akaashi said aloud. "You can—"

"Keep your heads up!"

Akaashi jumped at the sound of Bokuto's voice as it echoed in the large space, causing some of the crowd to hush in astonishment.

"Dig in deep and  _keep going!"_  Bokuto yelled. "Don't stop fighting!"

The players on the court set their stances, their faces determined as the ball came back to their side.

Bokuto never failed to amaze Akaashi. In just a few words, he rallied his team and got them to focus.

When the ball popped back up on their side, it went straight for the setter, the boy ducking under the ball with his hands up.

Akaashi watched, his eyes wide open.

He had done this play before.

He remembered when Bokuto taught him at practices.

Akaashi felt his hands almost lift into the air as he mimicked the setter. He could practically feel the ball touch his fingertips as he pushed it into the air, aiming right at Bokuto.

The imaginary Bokuto in his mind leapt into the air, his determined and excited smile on his face. His strong arm whipped forward, slamming the ball down with such a force that the sound echoed in the large space.

When Bokuto had landed on his feet, he pointed at Akaashi with a grin on his face, and he would shout—

"Hey, hey,  _hey!"_

Akaashi snapped his eyes open, his heart fluttering.

Whistles were blown and Fukudoroni had gathered in a pile on their side of the court, Bokuto and Tobio included. Akaashi glanced over to the score to see that they had scored the final winning point, earning them to move on to the next round.

Akaashi smiled, the sense of victory swelling in his heart. He watched as Bokuto picked up Tobio and put the boy on his shoulders, lifting a fist into the air. The crowd for Fukudoroni cheered loudly in response, and Akaashi couldn't be more proud.

He lifted up a hand and waved, cupping the side of his face.

"Tobio! Bokuto-san!" Akaashi called.

Bokuto jumped and turned towards him, his smile growing wide. He pulled Tobio from his shoulders and hurried over to where Akaashi was standing.

"Akaashi! You made it!" Bokuto said.

"Congratulations, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said, a rare smile playing at his lips.

"Couldn't have done it without this little guy!" Bokuto said, ruffling Tobio's hair. "He's great, isn't he, Akaashi?"

Akaashi smiled as Tobio smiled at the compliment, and he almost wanted to chuckle. But he felt a slight prickle of tears in his eyes.

He truly was grateful every day for Bokuto's part in their lives.

"Yes, Bokuto-san," Akaashi said. "He is."

* * *

"Your boys did a great job, Bokuto-san."

"Thank you, Akaashi! And Tobio was such a big helper tonight!"

"I see. You must've worn him out."

"Ah… sorry."

"Don't apologize. It was my fault for being late."

Bokuto smiled as they walked down the darkened street back to Akaashi's apartment. Tobio was fast asleep in Akaashi's arms, soft snores coming from his lips.

Bokuto truly did feel that Tobio boosted the team's morale. The boy, even though he looked sick as a dog, was actively trying to encourage each player, giving them high-fives or handing out towels and water bottles. Bokuto wouldn't mind if Tobio came to every game in the future. He needed the little guy.

He glanced at Akaashi fondly, stretching his arms above his head before resting his hands on the back of his neck.

"Speaking of, how did the interview go?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi smiled, almost giddily. It was a rare look for Akaashi.

"Great, actually," Akaashi said with a small sigh in relief. "I think they really like me."

"Oh?!" Bokuto said, his voice echoing on the empty street. "That's great, Akaashi!"

Akaashi smiled, readjusting Tobio in his arms. "Thank you. I really appreciate you watching Tobio. I didn't expect it to run that long."

"What did they ask you about, anyway?" Bokuto asked, raising a brow.

"Hmm… They asked me about my performance record, and my experience," Akaashi said.

"Ah. That makes sense," Bokuto said, glancing up at the stars in the sky.

"They… They also asked me about my father."

Bokuto's shoulders stiffened, and he whipped his head down to look at Akaashi with worried eyes.

_"People who hurt themselves tend to relapse."_

Bokuto bit his lip, worry etching into his forehead.

"Oh… um. How did that go?" Bokuto asked, trying to approach the topic carefully.

Akaashi blinked a few times and craned his head up to look at the stars.

"It wasn't so bad. A little awkward and… a bit uncomfortable, but I managed to get through it," Akaashi said. He patted Tobio's back and nuzzled his hair. "I just hope there won't be any long-lasting consequences to this. If my father hears about it… he could get angry and… and find me to lash out again."

_"It's common for someone who has gone through something like that to go back to old habits when things get stressful."_

Bokuto put a hand on his shoulder, making him stop. Akaashi looked at him with a look of surprise.

"I won't let anything like that happen, okay?" Bokuto said. "You just keep on pursuing your dream. And I'll help out where I can."

Akaashi paused for a moment, tightening his grip on Tobio, and then he smiled, his eyes watering.

"Thank you, Bokuto-san," Akaashi thanked.

Bokuto smiled.

Everything would be fine.

Hear that, Kuroo? Akaashi was going to be just—

"Achoo!"

Both men jumped at the tiny sneeze that elicited from Tobio, the poor boy sniffling wetly against Akaashi's chest. Akaashi patted his back gently.

"What a sneeze," Akaashi said quietly. "Are you okay, Tobio?"

Tobio sniffled again and nodded against Akaashi's chest, a small shiver rippling through the poor boy's tiny body.

Bokuto felt something akin to dread surging through his body.

"Maybe it's just the cold air. We'd better get you home," Akaashi said. He glanced up at Bokuto, giving him another smile. "Thank you for taking care of him and letting him help out today."

Bokuto rubbed the back of his neck, feeling a little antsy.

"Uh, sure thing, Akaash'!" Bokuto said, trying for a smile. Hopefully in the dark it wouldn't be so obvious that he was worried.

Akaashi reached out and patted Bokuto's shoulder. "My apartment is just around the corner. You can go on home," he said, and he started to walk on by. "I'll see you tomorrow, Bokuto-san. Have a good evening."

Bokuto startled, watching as his friend walked down the street. He lifted up a hand and waved.

"Bye, Akaashi!" Bokuto called. "Have a good night!"

Akaahsi lifted a hand to wave back, and in a few quick steps, he disappeared from sight.

Bokuto swallowed thickly, the dread making his stomach churn.

_"Just keep an eye on him, okay?"_

Bokuto sighed and stood up tall, his hands curling into fists.

"I will, Kuroo," Bokuto promised. "I won't let anything happen to Akaashi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucke1)


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone!  
> Sorry this took so long to get a new chapter out. Writing this fic has been very difficult, especially since it makes me relive a lot of things that happened to me in the past. I needed a break from all of the emotions to clear my head.  
> Thank you Tayu-chan and Velvloid for helping me get back on track and read through this chapter with me. You guys are seriously the best <3  
> Also, I changed it so that there are 17 chapters now total, so you guys will still get 2 more after this!!  
> And you readers are awesome. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for sticking with me.
> 
> As always,
> 
> Happy reading!

"All right. I think I'm ready to go. You've got everything you need, Bokuto-san?"

"Yep. Everything's all set here."

"Okay, Thank you, Bokuto-san. I really owe you."

Akaashi watched as Bokuto rolled his eyes and shook his head fondly. He folded his arms across his chest as he leaned against the nearby wall.

"How many times do I have to tell you that you don't owe me a thing?" Bokuto asked, smiling. "I like hanging out with Tobio!"

"But it's a Sunday. I'm sure you would rather be sleeping in," Akaashi said, shifting uncomfortably.

"Ah, I'm too excited to sleep, 'Kaashi! I'm way too pumped from that win last night!" Bokuto said.

Akaashi had to smile at that. With their win in the semi-finals the night before, the Fukurodani team could go to nationals. Bokuto was downright giddy, his voice traveling and cheering louder than the exhausted players and fans. Everyone was excited, even Akaashi, who stood in the stands with a proud smile on his face.

The only person who didn't seem as excited was the glum five-year-old that sat sluggishly next to him throughout the whole match.

Akaashi bit his lip and glanced down at Tobio. He stood next to Bokuto, Tobio's hand holding his. Although, his hand looked as if it was barely holding on, and his eyelids were heavy. Was he about to fall asleep standing up?

Suddenly, Tobio broke out into wet coughs, his hand coming up to rub his chest.

"Tobio," Akaashi called, kneeling down to the boy. "Are you okay? What's wrong?"

Bokuto patted Tobio's back gently to help him through the coughs, and when they subsided, Tobio cleared his throat and sniffled. He shook his head and shrugged lightly.

"I'm okay," Tobio said, his voice a little hoarse.

Akaashi winced at the sound, reaching up to cup the side of his son's face. He ran his fingers through his hair soothingly, and Tobio closed his eyes at the contact.

"You don't feel warm," Akaashi said under his breath. Tobio's eyes opened as Akaashi retracted his hand, looking at him curiously. "Maybe I should take some days off, take you to the doctor or something."

Tobio suddenly leaned forward and grabbed Akaashi's hand, shaking his head furiously.

"I'm okay," he said. "It's just a cough."

Akaashi's brows furrowed. "Tobio, I don't want you feeling bad."

"I don't!" Tobio said. "It's just a cough."

Akaashi looked at him skeptically for a moment, his mouth pulling into a deeper frown. He hesitated, his fingers squeezing Tobio's, reluctant to let go. He finally eased his grip when Bokuto touched his shoulder.

"I'll buy him some cold medicine today," Bokuto said, his smile gone from his face.

Akaashi bit his lip, nodding. He gave Tobio's hands one last squeeze before ruffling the boy's hair. He stood to his feet and leaned over to grab his violin case and his bag of music, adjusting both over his shoulders.

"I'll be back this afternoon," Akaashi said. He eyed Tobio briefly. "Call me if something happens."

Bokuto smiled, giving Akaashi a thumbs-up. "No worries, Akaashi. I'll make sure Tobio gets medicine, and he'll be good as new!"

Akaashi hesitated, but he glanced down at Tobio with a timid smile, clasping a hand on his shoulder as if to ground himself.

"Have a good day, okay?" Akaashi said.

Tobio nodded, leaning into his father's touch. When he let go, he waddled over to Bokuto's couch and plopped down, sagging into the cushions.

Akaashi bit his lip, practically chewing it raw at this point. The boy seemed all right. Maybe he did just have a cold. A little one. He was only five, after all. It was normal for five-year-Olds to be sluggish when they got sick. No big deal.

Akaashi sighed.

"All right," Akaashi said, adjusting his bags. "Well, I'm off, then."

Bokuto saluted in his dorky way, making Alaashi smile and roll his eyes. Alaashi waved to Tobio, frowning when he didn't respond, and left Bokuto's apartment.

Bokuto is good at watching Tobio, Akaashi thought. Tobio will be fine. He'll get medicine and everything will be—

_You're acting just like him, you know._

Akaashi stumbled on nothing, as if the sidewalk had reached up and grabbed him. He felt sweat form on the back of his neck, the cold wind catching the drops and sending chills down his spine. It made him shiver despite his insulated jacket.

The voice had been silent for the past few weeks. Why was it speaking now?

_You're being a terrible father, just like your own._

"No. I'm not," Akaashi argued quietly as he turned the corner and headed towards the station. "I've left him with Bokuto-san. He's safe, and he's in good hands."

Akaashi huffed as he entered the station and glanced around for the right train to board. His words kept the voice quiet for a few short moments. But, of course, it didn't last.

_Maybe so. But just like your father, you're letting someone else take care of Tobio while you do whatever you want._

Akaashi froze, causing someone to bump into his back and making him stumble forward. He quickly turned around and stepped out of the way, bowing his head.

"S-Sorry," Alaashi stuttered out, his apology weak. The person who ran into him just sent him an annoyed glare and passed by without a word.

Akaashi swallowed, his free hand reaching up to grab his shirt near his heart. He could feel it pounding against his chest painfully. He held his breath, bracing himself for more abuse from that wretched voice.

But just as quickly as it came, the voice vanished, leaving Akaashi's mind silent and empty. He sighed in relief, releasing his shirt and slumping. It was only morning, but he felt exhausted.

Akaashi boarded the next train and headed to the other side of town. Luckily, the train car was fairly empty, and he slumped down in a seat near the door, slouching just as Tobio had done on the couch earlier. He needed to refocus his mind, get back into the groove of practicing again.

Focus.

Breathe, and focus.

Akaashi breathed out, feeling his anxieties decompress as he released a few breaths. He sat up in his seat and thought through the regimen of his upcoming practice session.

Since he had impressed the owner at the interview, he allowed Akaashi to use the practice rooms at the music hall. Akaashi had been extremely grateful and thankful—overwhelmed at the gratitude. The owner had said something about Akaashi being able to "use a music hall worth of his talents."

Akaashi took the comment with a smirk, knowing it was a jab at his father's company. He often wondered if the owner was just using him to become a thorn in his father's side.

He squeezed his bag to his chest and shook his head. The owner wasn't like that. There was no way he was just a pawn on the owner's chessboard. He had reached this level through his own merits.

Right?

The train came to a stop, the announcer's voice startling him out of his reverie. He jumped to his feet and bolted out of the train and onto the platform, huffing and puffing as the doors closed behind him.

He really needed to pay closer attention to his surroundings. He almost missed his stop!

Akaashi took a step towards the exit but froze as he took in his surroundings.

He had gotten off at the wrong station.

Akaashi sighed heavily, his shoulders falling as a wave of frustration washed over him. He whirled around on the platform and stared out at the tracks, suddenly feeling exhausted.

_Ha. Idiot._

Akaashi huffed, anger spiking through his shoulders.

"Shut. Up."

The voice fell silent once again, but its presence left Akaashi feeling uptight and uneasy for the rest of the day.

* * *

"Say, Tobio. You wanna go practice your receives?"

"No."

"Oh. Then, uh… wanna play a game? I've got two controllers."

"No, thank you."

"…A movie?"

Tobio stared up at Bokuto, the boy still sitting on the couch from earlier. He had been there since Akaashi left, sitting listlessly with his head leaning to the side and threatening to topple over. It was pitiful, and Bokuto worried that there was something more wrong with him than just a cold, regardless if his temperature was normal.

Tobio was about to respond to Bokuto's movie question when he broke out into wet coughs, the boy's back and shoulders shuddering as he tried to expel the mucus from his lungs.

Bokuto hurried to his side and patted his back gently, reaching over to grab tissues to wipe the tears that leaked from the corners of Tobio's eyes. The cough was exponentially worse than before, and it made Bokuto nervous.

"Whoa, whoa. What's with all the ruckus?"

Bokuto glanced over his shoulder to see Kuroo waltzing into the room, his hair wild and his hand lazily scratching his belly underneath his shirt. He glanced over the couch, his eyes furrowing when he came across the cough-stricken boy.

"That sounds like a nasty cough," Kuroo said, turning around and heading back into the kitchen. He filled up a glass of water and stuck a straw inside.

"It is," Bokuto answered as Kuroo came back with the water. He handed it to Tobio, who sucked down the water with big gulps. Bokuto reached over and gently held the cup for him so he didn't drop it. "I think he's got a cold."

Kuroo suddenly looked skeptical, eyeing the boy carefully. "You sure it's just a cold?"

Bokuto snapped his head back to his friend but his hand still grasped the cup for Tobio.

"What do you mean?" Bokuto asked.

Kuroo leaned down, resting his elbows on the couch and staring at Tobio with squinted eyes. He reached down and pressed his hand to Tobio's forehead. He waited a moment, his lip twisting to one side.

"There's no fever…" Kuroo said.

Bokuto sighed, slumping as his shoulders rolled forward.

"I  _know,"_  Bokuto said. "I've checked, Akaashi's checked a thousand times… All he has is this really bad cough."

He glanced down at Tobio, watching as Kuroo's hand left his forehead, allowing the boy to slump back into the cushions.

"But he looks like he's about to keel over," Kuroo said.

"I know," Bokuto said with a sigh. "But nothing else is wrong, so it has to be a cold."

Kuroo sighed and leaned up. "Did you try giving him cold medicine?"

"Not yet. I wasn't sure where we keep it," Bokuto said sheepishly. "Do we have any?"

Kuroo rubbed the back of his neck. "Not any for children."

Bokuto frowned, realizing Kuroo was right. An adult dosage isn't fit for a child Tobio's age.

"Well, the convenient store is right down the street. We can go look for some medicine for him," Kuroo said.

Bokuto glanced over at Tobio, who had begun to drift off to sleep. Bokuto sighed and stood to his feet, scooping up a startled Tobio in his arms. The boy pouted as he clung to Bokuto's shirt, leaning his head against his chest. He felt bad for disturbing his rest but he really needed to take him to get some medicine.

"Okay, Tobio. Let's get some medicine for that cold, okay?" Bokuto said.

Tobio buried his face into Bokuto's shirt, pushing his runny nose against his collarbone. Bokuto held back the look of disgust on his face and bit his lip to keep him self from gagging. Kuroo, on the other hand, wrinkled his nose and squinted his eyes.

"You must really love Akaashi if you're willing to put up with this," Kuroo said softly.

Bokuto rolled his eyes and bounced Tobio in his arms to readjust him, ignoring the sticky snot smushed against his chest.

"Let's go already," he said with a weak pout.

Kuroo surprisingly threw on a jacket and tagged along, claiming Bokuto would probably get Tobio medicine that would kill the boy. Bokuto fussed about his reasons for coming but he allowed his annoying roommate to traipse behind them towards the convenient store.

"You really think they'll have children's medicines here?" Bokuto asked, looking up at the sign skeptically.

"They will," Kuroo assured, walking inside with his hands tucked into his jacket pockets. "Before I wanted to teach I wanted to become a doctor, remember? I was always fascinated by medications and stuff."

Bokuto raised a brow at him as he followed him into the store and down towards the medication isle.

"You're such a nerd," Bokuto teased.

"Shut up or I'm leaving you to find meds for the boy," Kuroo said, shooting him a playful smile.

Bokuto clicked his mouth shut and shook his head, shrugging in response. Kuroo smiled victoriously and turned to look at the array of cold medicines on the shelf. He frowned as he read over them, his hand reaching up to touch certain boxes and read the labels.

"Does he have a wet or a dry cough?" Kuroo asked.

Bokuto paused, biting his lip. He looked down at the sleepy boy in his arms, hoping to get an answer from the source. But Tobio was too drained to say anything, his head fitting snugly against Bokuto's chest.

"I don't know," Bokuto finally answered. "He's sniffling a lot, though."

"Runny nose," Kuroo mumbled. "It all sounds like a cold, but… why does he still look like this?"

Bokuto shrugged, readjusting the boy in his arms. He didn't have an answer for Kuroo, especially since Tobio didn't feel warm enough for a fever.

"You're the expert. Not me," Bokuto said with a teasing grin.

Kuroo twisted his lips and scowled at him, turning back to the rack of medicines.

"Well, I'll just get this standard cold medicine," Kuroo said. Grabbing a pink box. "It's not too strong, but it should help out some I think."

Bokuto smiled and nodded, reaching out to grab the box from Kuroo. But just as his hand left Tobio's back, the small boy broke out into more raspy coughs. Bokuto retracted his hand and patted and rubbed Tobio's back until he calmed down, sniffling weakly into Bokuto's chest.

"It sounds worse than before," Bokuto said.

Kuroo paused, looking thoughtful and contemplative. He glanced over at the shelves again and reached out, grabbing a white box.

"He'll probably need to wear these for a few days," Kuroo said.

Bokuto stared at the box in Kuroo's hand and frowned.

"He's not gonna like that."

* * *

Tobio dragged himself down the hallway toward his kindergarten classroom, his hand barely hanging on to his father's. His other hand reached up to scratch his cheek, the white mask on his face making it itch.

He felt too claustrophobic. The mask needed to come off; he needed to feel free and to breathe openly.

Tobio's fingers hooked the string of mask, ready to tug it down and away from his nose and mouth—

"Hey, don't take it off."

A hand tugged his wrist away, leaving the mask to stick on his face. His mouth twisted into a frustrated pout underneath the mask. He sniffled pitifully and glanced up at his father with a pitiful glare.

Akaashi just stared back, his brows slightly creased as he shook his head.

"I know it's annoying, but you can't take it off," Akaashi said softly. "Until the cough goes away, it stays on."

Tobio coughed lightly, and Akaashi gave him a knowing look. Tobio glanced away, allowing the scowl to stay on his face. Akaashi sighed softly and led Tobio to his classroom.

Suga was standing inside, talking to one of Tobio's classmates, but once he noticed the mask on Tobio's face, his bright smile vanished. He knelt down to Tobio and gazed into his eyes thoughtfully.

"Oh, dear. Feeling a bit sick, Tobio?" Suga asked, pushing some of his hair out of his face.

Tobio opened his mouth to speak but all that same out were more wet coughs. His father knelt down beside him and patted his back.

"He's been fighting a cough all week," Akaashi explained. "And it's just gotten worse over the past few days. I thought a mask would be the safest thing to do right now."

Suga nodded, determined and reassuring. "Probably for the best. He's not running a fever?"

Tobio cleared his throat after his coughs died down and glanced up at his father just in time to see him shaking his head.

"No. Nothing, yet," Akaashi said. "I'm hoping it's just a little cold."

"I see. Well, I'll be sure he keeps the mask on today," Suga said.

"Mnn. Thank you."

Suga smiled at him and then stood back up to his feet.

"Well, Tobio, you can go ahead and get settled in," Suga said. "The other kids are playing with blocks right now. You can go join them if you want."

Tobio nodded solemnly and slowly, not looking forward to interacting with anyone at the moment. When Suga walked away, Akaashi also rose to his feet and touched Tobio's shoulder.

"Have a good day, Tobio," Akaashi said, a small smile on his face.

Akaashi patted Tobio's shoulder and turned around to leave. Tobio watched his father's back as he left, his black violin case hanging over his shoulder. He remembered hearing him talk to Bokuto about his upcoming audition at dinner the other night.

The audition was just in a few days and his father was a bundle of nerves and excitement. His father had mentioned something about possibly getting a bigger apartment if he got the job, and new appliances along with new clothes both for himself and Tobio. He seemed eager and hopeful about the audition coming up, and Tobio wanted him to get the job. He had talked a lot about violin recently and it was a really fun and pretty instrument.

But…

Tobio's shoulders fell when his father disappeared beyond the doorway of the classroom.

…he sure missed spending time with his dad.

"Tobio!"

Tobio jumped and turned around, seeing a bright face and a fluff of orange filling his sight. Ah, Shouyou was quite a ray of sunshine this morning, as usual.

"Hey! Are you gonna play—" Shouyou suddenly stopped short, his smile disappearing from his face. He cocked his head to the side and pointed at Tobio's face. "What's that on your face?"

Tobio scowled, his brows scrunching up as he twisted his lip to the side.

"It's a mask," Tobio muttered, his voice coming out in a harsh rasp.

Shouyou jumped at the sound, his eyes widening. "What the heck was that sound?"

Tobio's hands curled into fists. "It's my voice, you dummy!"

"Does it normally sound like that?"

"No, stupid! I'm—"

Tobio choked on a tickle in his throat, and he turned away to cough into his hand. Shouyou just stared at him with big eyes, his eyebrows upturned a little.

"That sounds bad," Shouyou said softly. "Are you dying or something?"

Tobio breathed in a stuttered breath and threw a glare at the redheaded boy.

"Hah? I'm not  _dying!_  I just have a cold, you—ack!"

Tobio coughed more, and he sucked in a ragged breath. His heart jolted as his chest exploded into tiny pinpricks of pain that spread up to his throat and down to his belly. He tried to breathe normally but the air was suddenly thick and harsh.

He had never had a cough like that before.

"S-S-Suga-sensei!"

Tobio glanced up to see Shouyou rushing over to their teacher's side, panic evident in his eyes. He tugged on Suga's pants and pointed towards Tobio, his little eyes shining with worried tears. Suga's eyes followed Shouyou's finger until he landed on Tobio. His eyes widened a bit and he hurried over to the boy's side.

"Hey, hey, cough it out," Suga said, his voice smooth and comforting as he patted Tobio between the shoulder blades.

Tobio inhaled a wheezing breath and coughed one last time, and he shuddered when he tasted mucus on his tongue. He swallowed thickly and shivered, the disgusting taste sliding down his throat.

"H-Here! Drink this!"

Suddenly, there was a water bottle being thrust in his face, and that same mop of orange hair was next to him, concern filled in those glassy eyes. Tobio cleared his throat and took the water bottle from Shouyou, tipping it up to his mouth. He stopped short when the top of the water bottle bumped into his mask.

"Relax, Shouyou," Suga said softly before turning back to Tobio. "Here. Let's get that off you so you can drink."

Suga lightly tugged the mask down to his chin, and he finally,  _finally_  felt the sweet relief of being able to take a deep breath. But the breath was ragged and painful, sending a burning sensation down to his chest, making his lungs ache.

The water bottle was pressed to his lips and Tobio welcomed the water graciously, gulping it down easily and getting rid of the nasty taste in his mouth. Once the tickly feeling was gone, he came up for air and panted a little, pathetically sniffling up the snot that tried to run out of his nose.

"You sure have a nasty cold, Tobio," Suga said. "Are you sure you want to stay today? I can send you home if you'd like."

Tobio bit his lip, a few stray drops of water still lingering.

Wouldn't his dad be unhappy if he came to get him? He would have to stop practicing, and then…

Long nights sitting on the couch.

His father forgetting to eat.

Constantly drinking from the bottle, being unresponsive, and…

Lifeless.

Tobio swallowed down the gross, slimy texture in his mouth and stared up at Suga with pleading eyes.

"I'm okay, Sensei," Tobio said. He cleared his throat. "Daddy says I have a bad cough, but I'm not running a fever."

Suga tilted his head at him. "And he took your temperature?"

Tobio remembered the number of times his father, Bokuto, and Kuroo touched his forehead in the last few days. Each and every time, they all claimed he felt normal.

"Yes," Tobio said, certain of his answer. "They said I just have a cold."

Suga still looked perplexed, his lip pouting a little bit as he stared down at Tobio. He nodded slowly and then moved to put the mask back over Tobio's nose and mouth, much to his dismay.

"Well, as long as your father says you're okay," Suga said. "But if you're feeling really sick, I'll have to take you the nurse's office. You have to let me know if you're feeling worse, though. Okay?"

Tobio nodded glumly, lowering his gaze to stare at Suga's indoor shoes. There was a pat on his head before Suga's presence left him alone in the middle of the colorful carpet. He sighed, his throat now sore and tired from all the coughing and talking. He wished it was nap time. Or at least snack time.

"Tobio…"

Shouyou finally approached Tobio with a sheepish expression, the corners of his eyes still wet and shiny from his earlier episode. His hands were bunched in his shirt as he got closer, his mouth wobbling.

"Are… Are you sure you're not dying?" Shouyou asked.

Tobio coughed lightly, his brows lowering comically over his eyes.

"I already told you I'm not!" Tobio shouted. He coughed again and more prickles of pain exploded in his lungs, making him wince underneath the mask.

Shouyou's shoulders relaxed a little but his face was still skewed in apprehension. He fiddled with his hands carefully and pouted his lip.

"Well… If you're not dying, then… Did you want to build something?" Shouyou said, glancing over his shoulder at the blocks. "I saved a bunch of the blue and orange blocks."

Tobio paused for a moment to clear the tickle from his throat. He rubbed his burning chest and nodded, making Shouyou beam. He grabbed Tobio's wrist and tugged him over to the blocks.

"Let's build the tallest building ever, okay?" Shouyou said.

Tobio nodded wordlessly as he stacked two blue blocks on top of each other. His chest hurt too much to say another word, but he kept it to himself.

If it hurt to talk, then he'd have to stay quiet until after his father's audition.

Just a few more days.

* * *

_Akaashi found himself in a cold, pitch-black room. Alone. He glanced around, wondering what on earth was going on._

_"Hello?" Akaashi called out, hearing his voice echo in the small space. "Is… Is anyone there?"_

_For a moment, he only heard his own voice echo back to him. It was eerie, and Akaashi started to feel his stomach swoop in fear. He started to move so he could find some sort of exit, his hands moving in front of him so he would not run into anything._

_Just as he took one step, a light clicked on overhead, shining a bright ray down over him. He shielded his eyes for a moment and blinked rapidly to adjust to the room. His breath hitched when he realized where he was._

_He was on a stage. But the audience was empty and the stage was still eerily dark except for the little light that surrounded him and spread to the wooden floor beneath his feet._

_"What's going on here?" Akaashi called out. "Who brought me here? Show yourself!"_

_"Oh, so you work hard for this but not for me?"_

_Akaashi gasped and whirled around, watching as Mori-san walked into the circle of light. He was glowering at Akaashi with his hands shoved in his pockets, his lip curled down in a scowl._

_"You never worked this hard for me when you worked for Tokyo Phil. So why are you working so hard for this?" Mori asked, gesturing towards the stage._

_Akaashi furrowed his brows. "I did work hard for you. I tried my best to get all of the parts ready and—"_

_"Ha! As if. All you ever did was slow down our progress."_

_Akaashi blinked at him, his brows pinching now._

_This wasn't like the normal Mori-san. He would yell and rant, but never mock._

_Something wasn't right._

_"He's right, Keiji."_

_Akaashi turned around again to see his mother now in the spotlight. She wore a beautiful dress and sat on a piano bench, a glass of wine in her hand. She crossed her legs and eyed him with scrutiny._

_"You used to work hard when you were younger, but now that you've got that boy in your life, everything you do is meaningless," his mother said before taking a swig of wine._

_Akaashi felt his chest constrict as anger surged through his veins. He curled his hands into fists and squared his shoulders._

_"My life isn't meaningless," Akaashi defended. "And Tobio isn't the cause for any of my struggles."_

_His mother took the glass from her mouth and tilted her head condescendingly. Even though she was sitting, she still made Akaashi feel so small._

_"Is that so?" she mocked. "Then what about those cuts on your arms? Are those not because of the boy?"_

_Akaashi recoiled as if he was struck, his hand coming up to cover his wrist._

_"How do you know about that?" Akaashi asked in a terrified whisper._

_"Don't you see it, Keiji?"_

_Akaashi whirled around again, seeing his father standing to the right of Mori-san, his arms folded across his chest. His father did not have the typical scowl that he usually had. Instead, it was twisted in the same fury that he showed in the practice room, when he had almost threatened Tobio._

_"See what?" Akaashi snapped, taking a tentative step backward._

_"Don't you see how you're ruining everything I ever gave you?" his father asked, taking a step forward. "You throw everything away and now you're trying to throw my name away, too?"_

_"It's my name, too," Akaashi said. "I've already told you that I don't belong to you."_

_"You stupid son!" his father yelled, his voice echoing in the small space. "How could you keep that boy and toss me aside? I gave you everything!_ Everything!"

_Akaashi took another step back, suddenly feeling fearful of what his father would do next. Would he really hurt him here? On this stage?_

_"I never should have had you," his mother suddenly spoke from behind._

_Akaashi glanced at her over his shoulder and saw that she was now standing, her arms crossed and her gaze sharp._

_"You don't mean that," Akaashi whispered._

_But his mother's lip tugged into a strange smile._

_"I should have given you up when I had the chance."_

_Akaashi slapped his hands over his ears._

_"Stop it!" he begged._

_"You're a waste! A waste of my time and energy!" Mori yelled._

_Akaashi shook his head, struggling to keep the voices at bay._

_"You're an ignorant and rebellious child who deserves to be punished!" his father yelled. "You are no son of mine!"_

_Akaashi squatted down and squeezed his eyes shut, his hands still covering his ears as his body shook._

_"Leave me alone!" he yelled. "Just leave me alone!"_

_"Daddy?"_

_Akaashi's eyes snapped open and he glanced up to see Tobio standing a few steps away, his eyes red and tears running down his cheeks._

_"Tobio?" Akaashi whispered. He reached out his hand to him. "Why are you crying? What's—"_

_"Why don't you care about me, Daddy?"_

_The question made Akaashi freeze, his eyes widening. His hand started to shake._

_"What?" Akaashi whispered. "Of course I care, Tobio. I love—"_

_"You don't!" Tobio yelled, making Akaashi jump. "You've never cared! You've never cared and I hate you!"_

_Akaashi felt a tear slip down his cheek and he shook his head, falling to his knees. He outstretched both of his hands, feeling rooted to the spot._

_"Please, Tobio. I don't hate you. I could never hate you," Akaashi said. "You're my son, Tobio. Please come to me."_

_"I guess you couldn't take care of him, either."_

_Akaashi inhaled sharply, practically choking on a breath. He hadn't heard that voice in years. He tilted his head to see the familiar look of disgust from those sharp, blue eyes._

_Kageyama Mei._

_"Mei," Akaashi called._

_"No. I don't want anything to do with him," Mei said, her words echoing just as they did when she left nearly five years ago. "He's under your care now,"_

_"No, Mei," Akaashi said, falling forward and bracing himself. He leaned up and reached out one hand to her. "Don't go. Don't leave me."_

_But Mei gave him that same ice cold look as before, and she turned around._

_"Goodbye, Keiji."_

_"Wait!" Akaashi yelled, scrambling to his feet. He started to run after her, his hand extended to her. "Don't leave, Mei! Mei!"_

_Before he could reach out and grab her, a hand seized the back of his collar and made him stop in his tracks, the pressure on his neck choking him. He sputtered and watched Mei disappear into the darkness. He still reached out to her, begging, pleading for her to come back._

_"Mei… please," Akaashi called. "Don't leave me again."_

_There was a beat of silence, and then the hand on his collar released him._

_"You fool. Did you really think you could convince her to stay?"_

_Akaashi froze, the hairs on his neck standing on their ends as goosebumps broke out on his skin._

_He knew that voice._

_He knew it very well._

_It was that sinister voice that spoke to him day in and day out, telling him how awful he truly was and how much he deserved to die._

_Akaashi turned his head around, finally ready to see the face behind the awful insults that plagued his mind for years. The figure stepped out of the shadow and into the light…_

_…And he was met with a creepy, menacing version of himself._

_"No," Akaashi said, taking a step back. "It can't be me. You can't be me!"_

_"Ah, but I am you," the other Akaashi said, smiling wide. The imposter reached out his hand and touched Akaashi's chest. "After all. Who knows you better than you?"_

_And suddenly, the imposter's hand pushed on Akaashi's chest, sending him flying backward and into the dark abyss below._

 

"NO!"

Akaashi awoke with a start, his heart pounding away furiously in his chest.

The tendrils of the dream that had gripped Akaashi's mind finally loosened and fell away, but he still could not quite place where he was. He blinked rapidly and glanced around, noticing the familiar bookshelf in the corner. He glanced over and saw his bed next to his face, and that was when he realized it.

He had fallen out of bed.

Akaashi wiped the sweat from his face with a trembling hand, suddenly feeling overwhelmed by the nightmarish images that plagued his mind.

"What a dream…" Akaashi whispered to his empty room.

He leaned up and looked at the clock on his nightstand, his eyes trying to adjust to the red numbers. It was nearly six in the morning.

Akaashi sighed and wiped off another stray drop of sweat. He leaned back down and stretched on the floor, his gaze staring up at the ceiling with a deadpan expression.

The stress from the audition was really starting to get to him if he was having these kinds of dreams. It was so concerning. Everything in the dream felt so extremely real, as if he could reach out and touch them.

And the sight of the voice as himself…

Akaashi shivered, shutting his eyes tight. No, he shouldn't think about those things. He had a job to do.

Today was the day of the audition.

"Right," Akaashi whispered, opening his eyes. He breathed deeply and sighed.

"Let's do this."

* * *

Akaashi studied himself in the bathroom mirror, his hand reaching up to adjust his tie. His suit had been cleaned and pressed with neat creases along the sleeves and pants. His white shirt was pristine and spotless and his black shoes were polished and shined.

He took a deep breath in and let it all out in one heap to try to relax his shoulders. But his pounding heart protested, sending strange flutters down to his stomach. There was also a strange tremor in his hands and knees. He briefly wondered if he could make it to the music hall today with his legs wobbling as badly as they were. But he knew he had to.

With another soft, trembling breath, Akaashi nodded to himself in the mirror, putting on a determined face.

Today was the day.

Today was the day he played in front of three judges who could determine his career.

And hopefully the start of a new life for both him and Tobio.

Akaashi left the bathroom and closed the door behind him softly, his hand lingering on the door for just a moment. He breathed through his nose and headed down towards the living room.

Tobio sat on the couch, practically asleep, and Bokuto was kneeling on the floor next to his duffle bag, shoving in his athletic shorts and shoes. When Akaashi approached, the two perked up, looking at him with bright eyes.

"Oh, Akaashi! You look so good!" Bokuto said, standing. He patted Akaashi's shoulder and nodded, giving him a thumbs-up. "There's no way they can't accept you now."

"I haven't even auditioned yet, Bokuto-san," Akaashi deadpanned.

Bokuto waved his hand in the air. "Details, details! You're gonna nail it today."

Akaashi smiled gratefully at him, his words making his chest warm. He nodded and hummed, feeling a bit confident in himself.

"Well, I should probably get going so I can get there early," Akaashi said.

Bokuto nodded, smiling brightly. "Okay! And don't worry about Little Man over there. He and Shouyou will have lots of fun today!"

Akaashi glanced over at the couch to smile at Tobio, but it quickly slipped from his face.

Tobio was leaning heavily against the arm of the couch, his eyes glazed over again and his chest moving slowly. He sniffled once, twice, and then coughed wetly.

Akaashi bit his lip.

_"I hate you!"_

His terrifying dream came back to him at full force, startling him and making the blood drain from his face.

It was just a dream, Akaashi told himself. Just a dream.

He took a deep breath and then lowered himself down next to Tobio, his hand reaching up to card his fingers through his hair.

"You feeling any better today, Tobio?" Akaashi asked, his face pinching in worry.

Tobio nodded slowly, sitting up from the arm of the couch and resting his hands in his lap. He hadn't been speaking much, either, which sparked another concern in Akaashi's mind.

"Maybe I should just stay home," Akaashi said softly as he stroked Tobio's hair.

Tobio's eyes widened a fraction as he shook his head. He latched onto Akaashi's hand and squeezed with all of his little might.

"No, Daddy," Tobio said, his voice incredibly small. "You have to get the violin job!"

"But if you're feeling sick, then I need to stay here and take care of you," Akaashi said.

"I'm okay," Tobio said, choking a bit on a cough. He cleared his throat and sniffled. "Really."

Akaashi was unsettled, staring at his son carefully. His blue eyes were not as stark as they usually were, instead of a pale blue that oozed lifelessness. He was a shell of what he used to be, and it made Akaashi's stomach twist.

"I'll watch him," Bokuto spoke up, kneeling down next to Akaashi and placing a firm hand on his shoulder. "And the other guys will be there playing volleyball, too. We'll all keep an eye out for him."

Ah, that's right, Akaashi thought.

The guys were getting together to play this morning. Apparently Shouyou would be there, too. Akaashi felt a little relief at the thought. Tobio needed his friend today.

"So everything will be fine, okay? I promise," Bokuto concluded, a smile on his face.

His words eased the heavy burden in Akaashi's chest enough for him to nod and stand to his feet. He picked up his bag of music and his violin and pulled the straps over his shoulder.

"Okay. I'll have my phone, so… call me if anything comes up," Akaashi said.

Bokuto stood up at saluted playfully, making Akaashi smile. His heart was a mess, unsure if he should feel giddy or anxious.

"We should head out, too!" Bokuto said, leaning over to pull Tobio into his arms. He grabbed the white mask from the end table and slipped it over his face, much to the boy's dismay. "There we go. Ready?"

Akaashi felt his heart skip a beat.

This was it. After today, he could have the job he'd dreamed of having since he was little.

He paused to take a deep breath and then he nodded to Bokuto, feeling his nerves tense, release, and then tense again.

Bokuto smiled.

"Let's go!"

* * *

After parting ways with Akaashi at the station, Bokuto toted Tobio down to Fukurodani High where the rest of the guys were waiting. Bokuto was practically bouncing with each step, excitement flowing through his veins.

Akaashi was going to fulfill his dreams! How could things get any better?

There was a small sniffle down by his chest and Bokuto looked down to the small bundle in his arms.

Tobio was leaning heavily against his chest as Bokuto carried him. He got too tired at the station and Bokuto offered to carry him the rest of the way. He barely had any energy to move, and Bokuto worried if going to play volleyball was the best thing for him today.

"You ready to play some today?" Bokuto asked, trying to get Tobio to speak.

But the boy said nothing, a small nod being the only sign of a response. Bokuto hugged him a little tighter to his chest, his smile slipping a bit.

"Shouyou will be there," Bokuto said. "And that's a good thing, right? You always have fun with him!"

Another small nod, and Bokuto's brows pinched in worry. He would really have to watch him today.

_I'll keep my promise,_  Bokuto thought.  _I'll watch Tobio._

When they arrived at the gym of Fukurodani High, the rest of the guys were already there, busy warming up and practicing serves. Even Suga decided to show up, which was a relief. They needed another setter since Akaashi wasn't going to be there.

Shouyou was over on the sidelines practicing his receives with Kuroo. Shouyou's latest receive ended with him smacking himself in the face with the ball. Kuroo laughed but immediately helped him try again. Kuroo had the patience of a saint.

"Morning, Kuroo!" Bokuto called as they approached.

Kuroo glanced up at them and waved his hand.

"Fashionably late for once, eh, Bo?" Kuroo asked, placing his hands on his hips.

"Yeah, well, I was seeing Akaashi off!" Bokuto explained.

"Yeah, yeah, excuses," Kuroo said, waving his hand in the air. "You ready to play? We're all warmed up and ready to go."

Bokuto beamed. "Of course!" he responded, and he leaned over to set Tobio down. He helped him pull off his coat and he tossed it to the side. "Okay, Tobio. You can practice with Shouyou, okay?"

Tobio nodded, and that was when Kuroo's smile slipped from his face. The two men watched the small boy waddle off to greet Shouyou, who gasped when he saw Tobio's face, shouting something about him "dying." Tobio mumbled something back to him and he picked up a volleyball.

"He looks horrible," Kuroo whispered, his hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck.

Bokuto nodded as he quickly yanked his long kneepads over his legs. He managed to tug them on in record speed.

"Yeah. I promised Akaashi we'd keep an eye on him today," Bokuto said.

Kuroo looked unsure, lines etching into his forehead as his brows crept together.

"Did he take medicine?" Kuroo asked.

"Yep," Bokuto said, putting his shoes on.

"And?"

"Not much better."

Kuroo stretched his arms behind his head and sighed, watching as the two small boys started to bump the ball back and forth to one another. Shouyou looked a little more reserved than usual, his bumps cautious and light as he possibly could make them. And Tobio… Well, he was lucky enough to get the ball up at all with how weak he looked.

"Okay. We'll keep an eye on him. Is he okay to play around with Shouyou?" Kuroo asked.

Bokuto stood up, his shoes secured on his feet, and he began to stretch out his arms, pulling one across his chest.

"I made Tobio pinky-promise me that he would tell me if he felt worse," Bokuto said, a small smile on his face.

"Making lots of promises, I see," Kuroo said, smirking. "Did you pinky-promise with Akaashi, too?"

"Shut up," Bokuto said, pushing on his shoulder. "Let's play already."

Kuroo smiled and slapped Bokuto's back as they walked out onto the court, both of them stretching their arms now.

"All right. Bo's on my team this time," Kuroo announced.

"And I'll suppose you'll want Kenma, too?" Daichi asked. When Kuroo nodded in response, Daichi shrugged. "Sounds fine. Our team will stick kick your ass, so it's no big deal."

Kuroo smirked at Bokuto, and Bokuto smiled back, nodding in excitement.

"We'll just see about that."

* * *

"Okay, Akaashi-san. You'll be on to go in 10 minutes."

Akaashi nodded at the hall monitor and thanked her. She bowed her head politely and shut the practice room door behind her, leaving Akaashi in the silent room. His violin had been thoroughly warmed up, the instrument still warm in his hands.

Akaashi took a deep breath and rested the violin down in its case on the chair, his hands shaking as he let the instrument go.

Akaashi stretched his free hands above his head and rolled his shoulders, moving out the kinks. He huffed out a quick breath to try to calm his pounding heart but it only made his nerves quicken.

He turned around, facing away from his violin, and ended up staring into the mirror in the practice room. His suit was still pristine and clean as it had been when he left earlier that morning. His tie was a bit crooked, but that was due to his constant tugging as his anxieties spiked.

"Breathe," Akaashi told himself, watching his mouth move in the mirror. "You've done this before. It's no big deal. Just breathe."

He closed his eyes and did as his reflection told him to, taking in a long, deep breath through his nose and out through his mouth. The quiet of the room started to calm his heart and he could breathe a little easier.

There, Akaashi told himself. You've got this, you've got this…

_Do you really have this?_

Akaashi jumped, snapping his eyes open and looking around the tiny space.

What in the?

The voice sounded so close…

What was—

_You're such a fool! Did you really think you can do this? After five years?_

Akaashi glanced back in the mirror, and for a split second, he saw the imposter in his dream smiling right back at him.

_You will never get this part! NEVER!_

Akaashi closed his eyes and turned around, putting his hands to his chest as his heart raced.

Go away, go away,  _go away_!

Akaashi's mind repeated the words like a chant and after a minute, the voice faded into the background, leaving him in complete silence. His hands shook a little as he tried to concentrate on happier thoughts. Volleyball, violin,  _anything—_

_"You can't call yourself a failure when you've got the greatest proof of success right before your eyes."_

_"Go get that violin job, Daddy!"_

_"You're gonna be fine, Akaashi!"_

Akaashi's breath hitched in his chest at the sound of that voice. He thought back, repeating Bokuto's words in his mind over and over.

_"I knew you could do it, Akaashi!"_

_"I… I know what you were trying to do at that bridge a few weeks ago,"_

_"So, if… if that's what you were trying to do then… well, Akaashi, I just want you to know…"_

_"…I'm here for you, okay?"_

Akaashi smiled, remembering Bokuto's words echoing in his mind. He kept thinking about them over and over until the tremors alleviated, making his body go still and calm. He finally smiled, and it was as if a weight had been lifted.

_"You're gonna nail it today."_

Akaashi huffed out a laugh. "I really hope so, Bokuto-san."

"Akaashi-san?"

Akaashi turned when he heard the door open, the monitor poking her head inside. She had her clipboard tucked to her chest and a small smile on her face.

"You're going to be next," she said, nodding towards the hallway.

Akaashi gave her a jerky nod and quickly turned around to grab his music and his violin. He took a deep breath and turned back around, preparing himself.

"Okay. I'm ready," Akaashi said to her.

"Right this way, please."

He followed her out of the room and down the hall, passing by some noisy practice rooms. He was led down a familiar hallway to the same auditorium that he had auditioned in a month prior. He heard someone playing in the auditorium, the sound amazingly accurate and crystal clear as the bow hit the strings just right.

It was intimidating.

"They're on the last page of the excerpt," the monitor explained. "Just sit tight, okay?"

Akaashi nodded, subconsciously leaning towards the door of the auditorium. He listened carefully to the other audition, his fingers moving along the strings as the other person played.

It was incredibly intimidating.

* * *

"Here! Toss to me!"

Tobio glanced over at the court, watching as Bokuto called out for Kenma to toss, the ball reaching up towards the sky. The boisterous coach smacked the ball on the ground on the other side of the net and landed on his feet, pumping his fists and hollering in victory.

"Hey, hey,  _hey!_  Good toss, Kenma!" Bokuto yelled.

Kenma sighed and nodded, turning back to get ready for a serve.

Tobio frowned. Normally Kenma's moves made him light up. But today, everything seemed… hazy.

"Tobio?"

Not to mention his chest was hurting  _a lot_.

"Tobio-san!"

Was that normal for it to hurt this badly?

And why did his stomach hurt?

And his… head was so… fuzzy…

"Tobio-chan!"

Tobio jumped, spinning around to see Shouyou staring at him with a quirked brow. He was holding the volleyball in both of his hands, his head tilted slightly.

"What do you say? Can we try it?" Shouyou asked, gesturing towards the ball.

Tobio furrowed his brow, too exhausted to snap back at him. He nodded, taking a few steps back.

Shouyou lit up like a firework. "Yes! Okay, here it comes!"

The ball floated in the air in an uneven arc.

Tobio squinted as he lifted his hands in the air, his eyes struggling to focus on the ball.

_The ball… It's… fuzzy._

He managed to walk under the falling ball, and he felt the cool material touch his fingertips. With all of the strength he had left, Tobio pushed the ball up into the air to form a perfect arc.

Shouyou leapt high into the air, his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth. With his hand flattened, he smacked the ball down with precision. His palm stung from how hard he hit the ball, but it felt good.

"That was a great toss, Tobio!" Shouyou called. He turned around to face his friend, ready to go again. "Can we do it a—"

Shouyou froze, the smile slipping from his face.

Tobio was on the ground.

* * *

The violinist finally left the side of the auditorium door, a small smile on his face as he passed Akaashi. Akaashi smiled lightly at him as he passed, giving him a humble bow of the head in greeting.

I'm next, Akaashi thought. Don't be nervous. You won't fail. You won't mess up. It will all be okay.

The monitor poked her head inside the auditorium door. Akaashi was able to get a glimpse of the stage. The three judges had set up a table on the stage this time, making the audition a lot more intimate than before.

So. Intimidating.

But he could do it.

Akaashi could do it.

Besides, he had people back home who were counting on him.

The monitor exchanged a few soft words with whoever was inside before closing the door behind her. She smiled at Akaashi politely and dipped her head a bit.

"They're still writing some things from the last audition, so please wait just a few more minutes," she said.

Akaashi inhaled slowly and nodded. He closed his eyes and started to echo Bokuto's words in his mind again.

_"Why don't you start playing violin again?"_

_"You enjoy playing violin, right?"_

_"Good. Then do what you enjoy, Akaashi. Don't let others get in your way. Okay?"_

"I won't, Bokuto-san," Akaashi whispered, a smile on his face. "I won't let anything get in my way."

* * *

Bokuto leaped up into the air and slammed the ball down, the ball, once again, hitting the floor with a satisfying smack. It bounced a few times before rolling against the wall.

"Yes!" Bokuto said.

Daichi panted and wiped his face. "Clearly the teams are uneven."

"Oh, a little tired, are we, Sawamura?" Kuroo teased.

"No way! We're not tired at all! Are we, Daichi-san?" Noya chirped, standing tall and looking completely rested.

"How do you have so much energy? You've been running around the most!" Asahi said, the poor man hunched over on his knees.

"Guys, c'mon! Get the ball!" Suga said, hands on his hips. "We've got a lot of points to make up if we're going to crush these guys!"

Bokuto smirked, his arm flailing out to point in Suga's direction.

"You just watch yourself, Suga!" Bokuto said, his confidence growing. "Because the only people getting crushed are—"

**"TOBIO!"**

The loud shriek from the sidelines made everyone startle.

Bokuto whirled around in alarm, his eyes flitting over to the two boys on the side.

And panic overtook him as soon as he saw a tiny body lying on the floor.

"Tobio!" Bokuto called, taking off in their direction.

He slid down next to Tobio on his knees, his face puling into a grimace when he heard the sharp wheezing noises coming from his mouth. Tobio's face was also beet red, and his tiny hands were clutching his chest, seeming to struggle with breathing.

"Tobio, can you hear me?" Bokuto asked, carefully cradling the boy in his lap.

The boy's only responses were the muffled wheezes from behind the white mask. It sounded  _painful_.

"What's going on?" Kuroo asked, suddenly on his knees beside them.

"I don't know," Bokuto said, gently reaching down to tug the mask off of Tobio's face.

The wheezing still continued even with the barrier from his face gone, and it only made Bokuto panic more.

"Here, let me see," Suga said gently, getting on his knees next to him. He gently touched Tobio's face around the sides of his neck and his forehead, his face contorting into a harsh frown. "He's burning up."

"A fever?" Bokuto asked. "But he hasn't had a fever all week!"

"Sometimes fevers are harder to detect in children," Kuroo said softly, his face pulling into a guilty wince.

"Well, what should we do? He's not responding to us!" Bokuto said.

Kuroo shook his head. "We've got to get him to the hospital."

"Hospital?!"

"We have to, Bokuto," Suga said, placing a sturdy hand on his shoulder. "I'll call for an ambulance."

Suga stood and sprinted over to his bag to retrieve his phone.

Bokuto was caught in a daze, watching Suga dial the numbers and put the phone up to his ear. His words were too far away for him to hear, but he could pick out the words "sick" and "fever."

Bokuto's breath hitched.

This was his fault.

He wasn't watching Tobio.

He broke his promise.

"Bokuto."

Bokuto jumped, turning his stricken gaze back to Kuroo. His friend grabbed his shoulder and squeezed.

"You've got to call Akaashi," Kuroo said.

Bokuto's heart leaped in his chest.

"But… his audition…" Bokuto whispered.

"I think Akaashi would need to know about this, Bo," Kuroo said. "We've got to. We don't have a choice. This is an emergency."

Bokuto felt tears prick at his eyes and he nodded, holding Tobio a little closer to his chest.

"Okay," Bokuto said, sniffling. "Can you get my phone?"

* * *

"They're just finishing up, so be ready to go on."

Akaashi nodded as the monitor shut the side door again. He took more deep breaths to calm his pounding heart. He felt ready to take on this audition. He felt ready to play his parts. He felt  _confident_.

And the best part was that the voice was silent. His method of repeating Bokuto's words in his head seemed to work. It was the most comfortable Akaashi had been in his own skin in years.

For the first time in years, Akaashi felt free.

Suddenly, he felt a buzzing on the inside pocket of his jacket. He startled a bit, his heart flipping. He had completely forgotten to turn his phone off.

He reached inside to silence his phone, but the name on the screen made him pause.

_1 incoming call:_

_Bokuto-san_

Akaashi turned towards the monitor and bowed a little. "Sorry, but I have to take this."

She nodded, a little hesitantly, and Akaashi stepped away from the door. He hit the green button and put the phone up to his ear.

"Hello? Bokuto-san?" Akaashi answered.

There was a moment of silence, and Akaashi briefly wondered if Bokuto had butt-dialed him.

But then there was a sharp intake of breath, following by a clearing of a throat.

"A-Akaashi," Bokuto said over the line. "Um… Sorry to interrupt."

Akaashi quirked a brow. "You didn't. I'm just about to audition. What's up?"

Bokuto took a deep breath, hesitating again. It was abnormal for him to take so many pauses, and it sent off alarm bells in Akaashi's head.

"Listen, Akaashi, It's… It's Tobio," Bokuto said. "He passed out at practice and he's going to the hospital."

Akaashi inhaled sharply.

Tobio?

Passed out?

Hospital?

"W-What?" Akaashi asked, frozen in place.

"Ah, but you don't need to worry, Akaashi! I'm going to watch over him," Bokuto said. "So… So you can continue with your audition and just come to the hospital after. Yeah, yeah. You can still audition."

Tobio was going to the hospital.

Tobio was going to the hospital.

_Tobio… hospital…_

"Okay? I promise I'll watch him," Bokuto said.

"B-But… shouldn't I come?" Akaashi asked, his voice trembling fiercely.

"No, no, we've got it. Just… focus on your audition, okay?" Bokuto said, his voice soft.

Akaashi lowered his gaze, his eyes blowing wide.

What had he done?

He was… He was…

_"I want Mom and Dad!"_

_"Goodbye, Keiji."_

Abandonment.

He was abandoning his child.

"Call me when you're done!" Bokuto said. "Good luck, Akaashi!"

The line went dead, and Akaashi's hand fell limp by his side, the phone almost slipping from his grasp.

What… What was going to happen?

What was wrong with Tobio?

Should he… really stay here?

Should he stay here while his son is…

…Alone?

"Akaashi-san."

Akaashi jumped, turning around with a frantic expression as the monitor beckoned him.

"They're ready for you," she said, opening the door for him.

Akaashi swallowed, looking down at his phone.

Bokuto… He said to go through with the audition, but…

_"Goodbye… Keiji…"_

_"I don't… want to be…_

_…ALONE!"_

"Akaashi-san!"

Akaashi jumped again, the monitor looking at him with imploring eyes.

"Come along," she said softly. "The stage is this way."

Akaashi inhaled and swallowed, trying to put back together his shattered nerves. He stuffed his phone in his pocket and grabbed his things.

Things? It was his violin and his music. But they felt so foreign in his hands…

He shook the thought away, carrying his body to the door. He stopped just outside the doorway. Waiting. Hesitating.

Should he really go in there right now?

Should he really go through with this?

Should he really walk into the auditorium to fulfill his dream while his son is lying in some hospital bed—

_What did I tell you, stupid? You couldn't do this. You're so selfish._

The voice spoke again, and it was so close that it was as if the source was right behind him, whispering into his ear.

_Do you know why?_

_You do, don't you?_

_Don't you see it Keiji?_

The auditorium door opened for him, and he stood frozen for a moment, his eyes staring at the stage. His legs jolted forward robotically, his shoulders and movements stiff. He walked up onto the stage and stared at the judges with wide, foggy eyes.

_You're just like your father._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a lot of you may know, this week is Thanksgiving in the US. I will definitely be busy all week but I will try my best to get out chapter 16 next Monday :)
> 
> Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucke1)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, guys. Big chapter for you tonight.  
> Thank you Tayu for the help and Velvloid for the encouragement!
> 
> One more chapter to go!
> 
> TW: suicide attempt, panic, hospitals.
> 
> Happy reading!

_"Goodbye, Keiji."_

_"Are you really satisfied with this Keiji?"_

_"And instead of performing with the top musicians in the country, you're stuck with that… that child."_

_"What do you mean you don't know if you can get them done? I need those parts ready to rehearse tomorrow morning."_

_"What in the hell is keeping you from doing your job?"_

_"Those are for orchestra members only. Put it away before you break it."_

_"Disgraceful."_

_"I hate you!"_

_"Goodbye, Keiji."_

_"I wish you weren't my dad! I hate you!"_

_"Goodbye, Keiji."_

_"I hate you! I hate you! I_ hate  _you!"_

 

"Ah, here he is!"

Akaashi startled, almost violently. He blinked rapidly as he glanced around.

He found himself in the music hall auditorium, the audience lights off but the stage lights on.

How did he get on the stage? Did someone force him up here?

Wait a minute, where was—

"Akaashi-san."

Akaashi startled again, the three judges on the panel staring at him with kind smiles. Thankfully, they hadn't noticed his panic, but that thought did little to calm Akaashi down.

The owner waved his hand, motioning for him to move forward.

"Come, come!" the owner said, smiling brightly. "Come play for us, boy."

Akaashi tried to comprehend his words. Play? He has to play for them?

_Haha, do you even remember why you're here?!_

Akaashi winced at the mocking voice.

He shifted, and that was when he felt the violin in his hand. He glanced down at it, the instrument suddenly feeling foreign in his grasp.

Oh, right. He was auditioning.

He was auditioning for the violin job.

And if he won the audition, he would get the job. The job he had always wanted.

_"He passed out at practice and he's going to the hospital."_

Akaashi sucked in a breath, his legs quivering and trembling so badly that he thought they would give out underneath of him. He couldn't breathe, and his stomach was twisting and writhing, threatening to expel what little he had eaten that day.

_Oh, that's right. Little Tobio is in the hospital._

_And you're here._

Wait a minute. He couldn't stay here.

He had to get to the hospital, right?

He had to go be with—

_"So you can continue with your audition and just come to the hospital after."_

Akaashi breathed slowly, remembering those words from his friend's mouth.

Right, Akaashi thought. Tobio is in good hands. Tobio will be fine.

He just had to get through this audition. He  _had_  to.

"No need to be so nervous, my boy!" the owner said. "Come! Step up closer."

Akaashi took in a quivering breath and took tentative steps towards the music stand in the middle of the stage. His legs wobbled, and he prayed that the judges didn't notice.

With a shaking hand, he set down the music on the stand and stared at it. The black dots on the pages were fuzzy and difficult to read. What notes were those, anyway? Was he able to read the music before today? Had he ever been able to read this music?

"So, Akaashi, this is the principal violinist of the orchestra," the owner said, gesturing towards the woman sitting to his right. She smiled politely at him and ducked her head in respect. Akaashi was too stunned to move. "She will be listening in on your performance."

She would? Why?

"And you remember our fantastic director," the owner said, gesturing towards the tall conductor sitting to his left.

Akaashi's bones went stiff in his back, refusing to bend. He felt like his spine would break if he tried to bow.

"Well, I believe that's enough introductions," the owner said. "Let's get right to it, shall we?"

Get to it?

Get to what?

The hospital?

Tobio was in the hospital…

"Go ahead and play the first excerpt for us, Akaashi-san."

Akaashi blinked rapidly, trying to piece back together his thoughts that his brain had mangled. He squinted his eyes at the sheet music on the stand in front of him. Their pattern seemed familiar… He started with his first finger.

Right?

He cleared his throat and slowly lifted the violin up to his shoulder, the instrument wobbling as his entire arm shook with nerves. He tucked it under his chin, the instrument easily sliding into its proper place, and he lifted his bow, which he just remembered was in his other hand.

Okay, Akaashi thought. Just have to put this on the strings and start playing. No big deal. This would be fine.

Besides, Akaashi's practiced this a thousand times. He has this practically memorized by now.

He placed the bow on the strings and stared at the music. He pulled up on the bow, ready to drag it down across the strings.

You can do this, Akaashi told himself. He pulled down on the bow and began the passage, his hand shaking terribly.

_You know, you're doing exactly what your father did to you when you got sick._

Do it for yourself, Akaashi thought, trying to ignore the vicious voice that echoed in his head. He ran his fingers up the strings and changed the notes, moving on in the passage.

Do it for Bokuto-san.

_Don't you remember? You got so sick that the butler and maid had to take you to the hospital._

He vibrated his hand, making the sound resonate in the hall. It was working, his sound was becoming beautiful like a blooming rose.

Do it for Tobio—

_And they left you there._

_All. Alone._

Akaashi inhaled sharply, his eyes shooting wide as panic bloomed in his chest. His hand slipped and the sound screeched across the strings, making the three judges on the panel jump and look at Akaashi with concern.

"Akaashi-san?" the owner called. "Is everything all right?"

Akaashi blinked, his breath becoming shallow as he strained his eyes to see the music in front of him.

_"I don't want to be alone!"_

But the notes started to blur as his eyes filled with tears.

_See?_

_You're doing the same thing to Tobio._

_Like father, like son, I guess._

He lowered his violin and his bow to his sides, hanging his head to the judges. He took a deep breath in a lame attempt to prevent the tears from falling out of his eyes, but his efforts were in vain. The tears fell out anyway.

"Sorry," Akaashi said softly, finally raising his head to meet the three judges' eyes. He tried swallowing past the lump in his throat but it was too painful, and he ended up sucking in a choked breath.

"Akaashi-san?" the owner started, standing to his feet.

Akaashi finally cleared his throat and shook his head, his shoulders tightening by his ears.

"I'm sorry," he apologized again. "But I can't stay here. I have to go."

Akaashi turned around, leaving his music behind, and sprinted.

"Akaashi-san!"

He could hear the judges' voices calling behind him, but that didn't matter to him. He had to pack up his things and get to the hospital as quickly as he could.

_Oh so now you're choosing to be a good parent? A little late, aren't we?_

He flung open his practice room door and haphazardly threw his violin back in its case. He grabbed the case and tore out of the building as fast as his legs could carry him.

_Could you be any slower? Tobio could be dying for all we know._

Akaashi bypassed the train station and ran straight for the hospital. His lungs burned and his eyes stung as the wind pounded into them, but he refused to stop until he reached the doors of that hospital.

_Don't you remember how you felt in that hospital bed?_

Akaashi winced, a tear springing from his eye as he rounded the corner.

_Don't you remember how you were by yourself for three whole days?!_

Two blocks to go to get to the hospital closest to Fukurodani.

_All alone?!_

Akaashi winced, ducking his head and charging forward the last two blocks. The voice was relentless with each step, making his quivering stomach feel even worse.

By the time he reached the hospital, he was heaving, his legs almost collapsing underneath of him. Luckily, his one free hand caught the top of the front desk before he fell.

"Um," the woman at the desk said. "Can I help you, sir?"

Akaashi felt sweat dripping down his neck as he pulled himself straight. The edges of his vision were black, and he thought he was going to faint.

"Akaashi… Tobio… 5-year-old. Where… Where is he?" Akaashi asked through panting breaths.

The woman blinked at him for a moment until his words clicked in her mind. She typed rapidly on the computer in front of her and squinted at the screen.

"Ah, yes. He's in the child care unit in the west wing… room 204. Are you his—"

"Thank you," Akaashi spit out rapidly before rushing off without hearing what else she had to say.

He ran to the stairs and rushed up the flights to get to the second level. He hurried down to the west wing and sprinted down the hallway to get to room 204. It was the last door on the right, and when he reached the room, he tore open the door and practically flung himself inside.

His breath hitched and he dropped his violin on the ground with a loud thud.

Tobio was on the white bed, his mouth covered in a clear breathing mask. His eyes were closed and his little body was surrounded by wires. His eyes were squeezed shut and harsh, wheezing sounds were coming from his mouth.

He looked so tiny in that bed. Too tiny.

He shouldn't be in that bed in the first place.

_Congratulations. You made it._

_Now what are you going to do?_

"Akaashi!"

Akaashi flinched at the voice and he whipped his head to the side to see Bokuto walking towards him. He looked a little frazzled himself, a few stray pieces of his stiff hair falling limp by his ears.

"Hey, you're here," Bokuto said, his voice uncharacteristically soft. He gave a small smile, but even Akaashi could see right through it. "How did the audition go?"

Audition?

Akaashi swallowed, his eyes focused on Tobio's lifeless body. He shook his head and sucked in a shaky breath.

"I-I didn't… play," Akaashi said, his breath still coming out in pants.

Bokuto's smile fell at his response, moving closer to Akaashi with furrowed brows.

"You didn't audition?" Bokuto asked. He walked closer and put a hand on Akaashi's shoulder. "Are you okay? You're breathing so hard."

"He probably ran here."

Akaashi turned his head and saw Kuroo sitting in a chair in the corner, his hair also looking a little limp.

"What?" Bokuto said, giving Kuroo a brief glance before looking back to Akaashi. "Akaashi, did you run all the way here?"

Akaashi nodded slowly and glanced over Bokuto's shoulder to stare at his son on the bed. He hadn't moved since they got there. Why wasn't he  _moving?_

_It's because you left him, you know. You should've known better._

_You should have been there, you idiot!_

_You should have been there!_

"Akaashi, hey…"

He felt a hand on his forearm, gently pulling him back into reality. He glanced to the side and saw Bokuto looking at him with a worried expression on his face.

"It's going to be okay," Bokuto said softly. "The doctors have already given Tobio medicine. He's going to get better."

Akaashi's stomach lurched.

"W-What's—" His breath hitched, his lungs feeling as if he would collapse. "What's w-wrong with him?"

Bokuto blinked for a moment, looking a little surprised that Akaashi spoke.

"Oh. The doctor said it's pneumonia," Bokuto answered.

_Pneumonia._

_He's got pneumonia._

_Just like what you had, right?_

Akaashi lifted a hand to cover his mouth, feeling tears starting to leak from the corners of his eyes. He sucked in a sharp breath and hiccupped, and Bokuto was by his side in an instant.

"It's okay, Akaashi. It'll be okay, calm down," Bokuto said, rubbing his back.

_You're a failure!_

_A shitty father!_

_You don't deserve to even be here!_

Akaashi bent over, still holding his hand over his mouth. He thought he was going to puke.

"Breathe, Akaashi," Bokuto said softly, his strong arms barely holding him up. "Breathe. You have to breathe."

"Should I call someone?" Kuroo's voice echoed softly from the side of the room.

"No, no," Bokuto said to him. "I don't want him to get more overwhelmed than he already is."

_See that? You're a burden to your friends, too._

_Not just to Tobio._

"That's it, Akaashi," Bokuto said. "Breathe slowly, just like that."

Akaashi managed to force his lungs to cooperate, regulating his breaths in an easy pattern. He coughed a few times before he straightened his back, finally able to see the concerned looks on his friends' faces.

"Hey," Bokuto called, moving his hands to Akaashi's shoulders. "Why don't we go back to your place and grab some things for Tobio? You can change out of these clothes, too."

Akaashi's eyes flitted back and forth between Tobio and Bokuto, his chest igniting with panic. Bokuto immediately squeezed his shoulders, though, and gave him a soft smile.

"Hey, hey! It's okay!" Bokuto said. "Kuroo will be right here. Tobio won't be alone."

_Alone? Perhaps not. But will Tobio have his father by his side?_

_Does he even need a father like you?_

"We'll be right back, Kuroo," Bokuto called, carefully leaning down to pick up Akaashi's violin.

"I'll have my phone if there's an update," Kuroo said, his usual smirk soft around the edges.

Bokuto nodded and turned Akaashi's shoulder until he was facing the hospital hallway, Tobio out of sight. He immediately felt panic spike in his chest and shoulders, and he desperately tried to turn back around.

"But Tobio—"

"Hey, he'll be okay!" Bokuto said, redirecting him out of the hospital room. "You need some time to calm down before you panic. That's the last thing Tobio needs."

Akaashi's lip quivered, a shudder ripping through his body as Bokuto pushed him to the elevators.

"Let's just go to your place, get some of Tobio's favorite toys, maybe a few snacks, and then head back to the hospital," Bokuto said as he lightly pushed Akaashi onto the elevator. "The walk will clear your head. That way, when Tobio is up from his nap, you can comfort him while you're calm. How does that sound?"

Akaashi helplessly watched as the doors closed in front of him, and he lowered his gaze to the ground.

_You fool! His idea is bogus! Bogus!_

Akaashi shivered, his hands coming up to hold his elbows. He swallowed and glanced down at the ground, feeling completely miserable.

"Okay."

* * *

The walk back to Akaashi's apartment was agonizingly slow. The trains even seemed to move in slow motion.

His mind was also a jumbled mess, his thoughts mixing with the evil voice that rang inside in his head. He was going crazy. He could feel the insanity seeping into his bones and travel with his blood through his ice-cold veins. He barely felt the typically grounding touch of Bokuto's hands on his shoulders.

When they stepped inside, Bokuto led them down the hallway towards his bedroom. He set down Akaashi's violin case in the hall, just outside the bathroom door.

"Okay, so you'll grab some clothes while I look at what snacks we've got," Bokuto said, smiling brightly.

He patted Akaashi on the back and turned around to head towards the kitchen, leaving Akaashi alone to stand in front of his bedroom.

Akaashi knew he had to step inside his room to change into different clothes, but without Bokuto's touch, he couldn't bring himself to move.

_Feeling that ache in your chest?_

_That's guilt._

_You deserve to feel worse._

Akaashi swallowed and tried to follow Bokuto's instructions. He reached up and grabbed at his button up shirt, his fingers working his tie loose and letting the fabric fall to the ground. It was all he could do for now. All he wanted to do was to claw his ears out.

"Akaashi?" Bokuto called, the soft patter of his feet coming from down the hall. Akaashi watched him come down towards him, a peculiar look on his face. "I didn't see any of those cookies that Tobio likes."

Akaashi blinked at him, trying to process his words. "I think… we ran out."

Bokuto nodded, rubbing his chin for a moment.

"All right. Well, there's a convenient store just outside the complex. I'll run down there real quick and grab some snacks," Bokuto said, turning around to leave. He smiled over his shoulder at Akaashi. "When I get back, we'll head back to the hospital, okay?"

Akaashi felt his head move up and down without his permission, and he realized how dazed he had been. But Bokuto seemed not to notice, and he continued down the hallway until he was out of sight. The front door opened and clicked shut, and Akaashi found himself alone, still standing in front of his bedroom.

He took a shallow breath, his hand reaching over to rub his other arm. He suddenly felt drained and itchy in the fabric of his suit, and he shivered at the cool air that pierced through his skin.

The day had begun so hopeful. He was well on his way to getting a new job, but now all of that was gone.

Akaashi sighed at the thought. Not only was his son gravely sick, but he also lost his one chance to get the performing job that he had strived and desired for years.

How did everything spiral out of control so quickly?

_What a mess you've gotten yourself into._

Akaashi gasped, looking back and forth for the source of the voice. It felt so close.  _Too_  close.

It sent chills down his spine.

_You've really done it now. Not only is Bokuto taking care of your son for you, but Kuroo, as well._

_Have you ever been a true parent to that child?_

Akaashi covered his ears, stumbling into the wall as he tried to escape wherever the sound was coming from.

_And now, Tobio is in the hospital._

"But I'm going  _back,"_  Akaashi snapped. "I'm going to the hospital to  _be_  with him!"

_Oh, but if you had been the attentive father that you should have been, would he be there in the first place?_

Akaashi's breath hitched in his chest for the umpteenth time that day, and he bit his lip and shook his head back and forth. His legs carried himself to the bathroom and he quickly rushed to the sink to splash water on his face.

"He's going to be fine, he's going to be fine," Akaashi whispered over and over. He turned off the faucet and hunched over the sink.

_If you had noticed that he wasn't feeling well sooner, then he wouldn't be there._

_And now, he's all alone, and possibly dying from pneumonia._

_Don't you know that children are more susceptible to dying from pneumonia?_

"Shut up!" Akaashi yelled, his knuckles turning white from his grip on the sink. "I'm nothing like him!"

_Is that so?_

_Then, tell me, Keiji._

**_Why do you look just like him?_ **

Akaashi paused for a moment, his heart seizing in his chest.

With trembling arms, he glanced up at the mirror.

Akaashi sucked in a breath, feeling his heart pound against his chest.

His face.

It had the same wicked snarl as his father's.

"No," Akaashi whispered, springing back from the mirror. "No, no,  _no!"_

He backed up until he left the bathroom, his eyes still on the twisted expression in his reflection. When he reached the hallway, his foot knocked into something on the ground.

Akaashi glanced down at his feet, finally tearing his gaze away from the horrifying mirror, and he saw his violin case sitting on the floor where Bokuto had left it earlier.

_See?_

_You're just like your father._

_You chose that instrument over your child!_

Anger flashed hot inside his body, bubbling and boiling over as his mind went white with rage and panic.

"This is  _your_  fault," Akaashi said to it in a menacing voice.

He crouched down and ripped the case open, yanking the instrument from its velvet cushions and staring at it with wild eyes.

It was the violin that had gotten him through school.

It was the violin that had been by his side through multiple auditions.

_"Your violin. The one I spent a fortune to get for you, remember? Have you even practiced?"_

The instrument that made him just like his father.

Akaashi gripped the neck with white knuckles and stared back at his reflection in the mirror, the face seeming to mock him.

"This is all  _your fault!"_

He stomped forward, rearing the violin back behind his head, and he flung it forward. The violin smashed against the mirror, the instrument splitting on impact and shattering the mirror.

He slammed the violin over and over again until both the instrument and the mirror were in pieces on the ground. He panted as he stared over his handiwork, dropping what was left of his violin onto the pile of broken shards.

Akaashi had finally gotten rid of the thing that had tormented him this entire time. He destroyed the last remaining connection he had to his father. It was gone, in pieces on the floor.

But…

_It's not enough, is it?_

Akaashi sucked in another breath, hearing that voice speaking calmly to him.

_It's not enough that your violin is gone, right?_

_So you realize what you have to do._

_You have to make yourself disappear._

Akaashi's hands curled into fists, his eyes glazing over. The guilt suddenly hit him like a ton of bricks, heavily and painfully weighing his chest down.

The voice was right. The source of his pain, his father's pain, Tobio's pain…

It was all because of him.

Akaashi choked on a sob as he whirled around and sprinted from the bathroom and out of his apartment. He needed to get as far away from everyone as possible. He needed to…

_Go kill yourself._

…make himself disappear.

* * *

Bokuto vaguely scanned the shelf for supplies to bring to the hospital, not remembering what exactly he was supposed to buy in the first place. He knew he had to look for snacks, but his mind was drawing a blank.

His entire body was shaken from the intense day. From Tobio fainting to the ambulance ride, and then answering question after question while the nurses hooked Tobio up on oxygen and wires. Bokuto was grateful for Kuroo's constant presence next to him, his best friend a solid rock.

But now that he was in the convenient store alone, he felt that he was going to fall apart.

Bokuto's heart was constantly pounding, almost making him feel sick to his stomach. And he tried to concentrate on the labels on the shelf, but his eyes simply wouldn't focus.

All he could picture was Akaashi's petrified face as he stared at his motionless son's body on that hospital bed. It was such a look of despair that it almost made Bokuto freeze up.

It reminded him of the time when he first had a proper conversation with Akaashi, out on that bridge…

Bokuto shook his head, dispelling the awful memory. He had to focus, get some food, grab Akaashi, and get back to Tobio. There was no time to waste.

He quickly snatched some food from the shelves, some waters, and a few candy bars, and hurried to the cashier. He handed her a few bills and then grabbed the bags, making his way back up to the apartment.

"Akaashi," Bokuto called as he opened the door and pushed it open. "I've got the snacks and some waters. Are you ready to go?"

The apartment was silent as Bokuto walked inside, quietly shutting the door behind him. He waited to see if Akaashi would come around the corner, but when he was met with more silence, his chest tightened.

"Akaashi?" Bokuto called, stepping forward in the genkan. He knocked into Akaashi's shoes on the floor and paused, his brows furrowed. "Akaashi? You okay?"

There was still no response, and Bokuto felt his heart jump. He stepped into the apartment, his shoes still on his feet, and hurried inside.

"Akaashi?" he called, walking towards the kitchen and poking his head inside. No sign of his frazzled friend. "Akaashi."

He whirled around and hurried down towards the bedrooms, wondering if maybe his friend had fallen asleep.

"Akaashi, did you fall asleep? We should get back to the—"

Bokuto came to a sudden halt as he passed by the bathroom, and he took slow steps backwards. He leaned forward and clicked on the light, the damage shown in full.

There were thousands of mirror shards and split wood pieces on the floor.

And there was no sign of Akaashi.

Bokuto dropped his plastic bag full of snacks on the ground.

"Shit!" he yelled.

He turned on his heel and sprinted out of the apartment.

"Where the hell did you go, Akaashi?" Bokuto said through gritted teeth as his feet pounded on the pavement. He felt his chest heave and burn as the cold air attacked his lungs.

Where would Akaashi go in a panic? Where has he gone before?

_"Aren't you cold up there?"_

Bokuto's heart startled.

"No, no, no, no," Bokuto whispered. "Just hang on, Akaashi! Don't give up on me!"

He ducked his head and quickened his pace.

He had to get to Akaashi before it was too late.

Bokuto had to go save his friend.

* * *

_Tobio doesn't need you anymore._

Cold.

_He's got others to take care of him._

It was so cold.

Was he forgetting something?

Oh, yeah. He wasn't wearing shoes.

_You're not needed anymore._

_You're not wanted._

_You don't deserve to live._

Akaashi choked as a sob clawed up his throat, his hand gripping at his shirt as his chest tightened in pain.

He stumbled block after block in his socks, his feet freezing from the cold air. Every step was agonizing, and not only because his feet were sore. He just needed the pain to stop.

Akaashi reached a familiar part of the city, and he took a moment to glance around.

In front of him, about one block away, was the same bridge that he had tried to kill himself on just months before.

_There! Go jump!_

_You didn't do it the first time, so go redeem yourself!_

_Let the world be free from your existence!_

A few tears slid down Akaashi's cheeks and he stumbled across the street, not bothering to look if the light was red or not. He made it to the railing and gripped it, the cold metal making his hands ache.

He leaned over and glanced down at the water, watching as it crashed and foamed. The current was strong today.

_Strong enough to kill you._

Akaashi hunched over, letting out a desperate sob. He shook his head back and forth, begging for everything to be just some terrible nightmare. He pleaded that he would wake up, and everything would be back to normal. No one would be in the hospital. He wouldn't have missed his audition. His son wouldn't be so sick.

_But this is reality, Keiji._

_And your time is up._

Akaashi swallowed down the bile that threatened to creep up his throat. He coughed a few times and then straightened his back, his lips trembling.

He had no choice now.

There was no going back.

With shaking legs, he hoisted himself up onto the railing, spreading his arms wide to maintain his balance.

The reality of what he was about to do suddenly struck him.

It was over.

It was really all about to end.

Tears fell from his eyes as he let out a small wail again, his whole body trembling.

"I'm sorry," Akaashi whispered in the air.

_Do it!_

_"Disgraceful."_

_Jump!_

_End your life!_

Akaashi closed his eyes, unable to look at the dizzying sight of the rushing water below. His foot shifted, ready to move it off of the railing.

_Move it!_

_Do it now!_

_For crying out loud, hurry up and kill yourself!_

Akaashi wailed again, his chest hiccupping.

_"I hate you!"_

He moved, his knee bending.

His other foot lifted from the railing.

"I'm so sorry, Tobio," Akaashi whispered, the despair evident in his voice.

He leaned forward, his chest about to drop—

_"Goodbye, Keiji."_

**"NO!"**

A pair of arms suddenly wrapped around Akaashi's waist, pulling him upright but not forcing him down from the railing.

Akaashi startled for a moment and regained his balance on the railing. He knew right away who it was and didn't bother to turn around. He felt more tears spring from his eyes as he tried to lean forward.

"Let me go, Bokuto-san," Akaashi commanded.

" _No,"_  Bokuto said, his voice desperate. "I won't let go."

Bokuto's face was pressed into Akaashi's back, and his arms, while strong and secure, were shaking against his stomach. It felt strange to see and hear Bokuto acting this way.

The usually confident man that Akaashi had grown accustomed to had now turned insecure.

"Don't do this, Akaashi," Bokuto pleaded, his voice cracking in desperation. "Please. Don't end your life. You have so much to live for."

Akaashi shook his head, leaning forward to try to get out of Bokuto's grip, but his arms only held onto his waist tighter.

"I don't!" Akaashi yelled, a sob breaking through. "I've become exactly what I hate! I've become just like my father!"

"That's not true!" Bokuto shouted back.

"It is!" Akaashi cried. "I've neglected him. I've done more harm than good for Tobio. I've never been a good parent for him!"

"Don't you see how much he smiles, Akaashi? Don't you see how much he cares about you?" Bokuto asked. "He does all of that because he loves you."

"Shut up!" Akaashi shouted, startling Bokuto. "You know nothing about me. You know nothing about how awful of a person I am."

"Akaashi…" Bokuto whispered.

"I've lost my dream. My parents hate me. Tobio deserves a father who can actually take care of him," Akaashi said. "I don't deserve to exist. I don't want to exist."

Akaashi inhaled sharply, tears springing from his eyes and falling down into the water below.

_"If I had given you up, I would've been able to take another tour instead of being stuck on maternity leave."_

_"So, I suppose, in a word, yes."_

_"I would have given you up."_

Akaashi cried out, the pain in his chest unbearable. It felt as if his heart was trying to break out of him. He hiccupped as the sobs made him shake and he shut his eyes tight as the realization hit him.

"I wish I had never been born!" Akaashi wailed.

Bokuto let out a strangled noise, his eyes squeezing shut as he pressed his face further into Akaashi's back. His arms tightened around Akaashi's stomach, his hands squeezing his waist.

"Don't  _say_  that, Akaashi!" Bokuto begged, a tear escaping his eye. "If you had never been born, then Tobio wouldn't be alive!"

Akaashi's eyes snapped open, his body freezing as he stopped fighting Bokuto. He breathed in softly, listening to Bokuto talk with a shaking voice.

"If you had never been born, then you never would've joined the volleyball team and helped these kids learn how to be a setter," Bokuto said. "If you had never been born, then none of those kids would've heard you play your violin. None of them would've been inspired to learn something incredible."

Akaashi closed his eyes, tears flowing freely down his cheeks. He shoulders shook as his chest jumped with hiccups and quiet sobs, and he desperately tried to hold it back. He wanted to tell Bokuto to stop. He didn't want to hear anymore.

But for the first time, the voice had completely disappeared.

"If you had never been born, Akaashi…" Bokuto started, his hands squeezing his stomach again and bringing Akaashi's body closer. "Then… Then I wouldn't have met you."

Akaashi's eyes snapped open and he gasped. He lowered his hands until they touched Bokuto's shaking arms that wrapped around his stomach.

"And I  _need_  you, Akaashi," Bokuto said, his voice hitching slightly. He sniffled. "I need you to be here for me, every day. I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you."

Bokuto's voice became brittle, and he sucked in a choked breath.

"So please… don't kill yourself. You're my best friend," Bokuto said, his voice reducing to a strained whisper. "I love you, Keiji. Please.  _Please_. Don't leave me."

Akaashi's heart nearly broke into pieces.

Akaashi was… wanted. Needed.

Loved.

Was that the first time anyone had ever told him that?

Had Mei ever told him that? Did Mei ever say those words to him?

Who was the last person to tell him he loved him?

Akaashi turned halfway in Bokuto's arms, his friend loosening his grip and looking up at Akaashi with red, watery eyes. Akaashi's chest was jumping and his legs threatening to buckle.

This man, who had been by his side for months, never once abandoning him, was someone that Akaashi could depend on. He would never lie to Akaashi. Not ever.

He owed Bokuto so much. He couldn't just throw away their friendship.

_Because he loved Bokuto, too._

"Okay," Akaashi whimpered through the tears. "I'll stay, B-Bokuto-san."

Bokuto's eyes lit up and shined, tears escaping the corners of his eyes. He immediately moved his hands to hold Akaashi's waist, helping him down from the railing. They both collapsed into a heap on the sidewalk, Akaashi planting his face in Bokuto's chest.

"I'm sorry!" Akaashi wailed, sobs causing his entire body to quake. "I'm s-so sorry, Bokuto-san!"

"Don't apologize," Bokuto said, holding him close, his hand holding the back of Akaashi's head. "Please don't apologize."

Akaashi wailed and sobbed into Bokuto's chest, Bokuto's hands pressing into his back and neck, pulling him closer. He was soaking Bokuto's shirt with tears but the man didn't seem to care. He only held onto Akaashi and rubbed his back.

"It'll be okay," Bokuto said, tears falling down his cheeks. "It's all going to be okay, Keiji."

Akaashi nodded against him, fully believing his words.

"It'll be okay," Bokuto repeated. "I promise."

* * *

After what felt like ages, Akaashi finally calmed down enough to move. With Bokuto's help, Akaashi was guided back to his apartment, where he changed his dirtied clothes and grabbed Tobio's favorite plush fish. Bokuto pushed him away from the mess in the bathroom, telling him that they would deal with it later, and they hailed a taxi to go the hospital again.

The entire way, Akaashi held the fish in his arms, pressing it to his chest and his face. He could only hope that Tobio was okay and that he wasn't angry. Bokuto assured him that Tobio wouldn't be, and that he had nothing to be afraid of, but Akaashi was still unsure.

It wasn't until they climbed out of the taxi at the hospital that Akaashi noticed how red Bokuto's eyes were. His hair was limp by now, pieces falling into his eyes and his forehead. The only semblance of normalcy was his smile, which was wide across his face.

"Okay. Let's go see, Tobio, okay?" Bokuto said, smiling kindly.

Akaashi nodded, following behind him into the hospital. The walk up the different floors was surreal, each step feeling as if he were in a dream.

It was crazy to think that just moments ago, he could've been dead.

He shivered as he stepped into the elevator, his legs almost collapsing again. He could feel every limb shake with leftover adrenaline as it seeped from his body.

Bokuto's hand touched his back, just like he did when he guided him to the coffee shop for the first time several months ago.

"Deep breaths, Keiji," Bokuto said, his hand moving to his shoulder. "Take deep breaths. It'll be okay."

Akaashi found himself breathing deeply through his nose, the movement sending tingles down his spine and limbs. Bokuto kept rubbing his back gently, his smile still on his tired face.

The elevator came to a stop on the second floor and Bokuto gently tugged Akaashi off, guiding them both down to the end of the childcare hallway. They reached room 204 and Bokuto pulled open the door.

As soon as the door was thrown open, Akaashi saw Kuroo standing next to the hospital bed. He turned around, eyes a little wide in surprise but a small smile on his face.

"Ah, look! See? He's back, just like I said," Kuroo said softly.

Akaashi stepped into the room and peered around Kuroo's shoulder.

Sitting on the bed was a teary-eyed Tobio, awake and crying with the breathing mask still on his face. It was a pitiful sight that almost made Akaashi weep.

"Daddy!" Tobio called, holding out his hands to Akaashi as tears fell down his cheeks.

Akaashi felt his chest constrict as he took in a sharp breath.

"Tobio," Akaashi said under his breath.

He surged forward, Kuroo moving out of the way, and carefully took the sobbing boy in his arms. He sat on the bed and wrapped his arms around Tobio, cradling the boy gently against his chest.

"It's okay, Tobio," Akaashi said, tears falling from the corners of his eyes. "It's okay, it's okay. Calm down."

"D-Daddy, I'm s-scared!" Tobio rasped, his voice fogging up the breathing mask.

Akaashi winced and held him tighter, continuing his ministrations on his back.

"I'm right here, Tobio," Akaashi said, planting a kiss on his forehead. "And I'm not going anywhere."

Tobio pulled back from Akaashi's chest, his little hands clutching his shirt.

"You promise?" Tobio asked, tears still falling down his cheeks.

Akaashi's heart couldn't take much more of this.

He wiped the tears from Tobio's face and nodded, trying to give him a smile.

"I promise, Tobio," Akaashi said.

Tobio paused, letting his father wipe the tears from his face, and then he blinked up at him. He fiddled with his hand for a moment, his face twisting into a concentrated pout, and then he extended his pinky finger to him.

"P-Pinky promise?" Tobio asked.

Akaashi blinked at him for a moment, and then he smiled fondly at him. He lifted his pinky and hooked it with Tobio's, giving their hands a little shake.

"Pinky promise."

He heard Kuroo snicker from behind.

"Ah, so I see you're not the only one who gives pinky-promises," Kuroo said to Bokuto in a mocking tone.

"I told you! Pinky promises are serious business," Bokuto said confidently.

Tobio paused and then he managed a small smile before breaking out into raspy coughs. Akaashi patted his back and then gently lowered Tobio back into bed, covering him with the blanket.

"You need to rest now, Tobio," Akaashi said.

Tobio latched onto his sleeve. "You'll stay with me, right?"

Akaashi felt the tears form back in his eyes as he smiled and climbed into the bed next to his son.

"Of course," Akaashi said. "And look. I brought this from home."

Akaashi gave Tobio the fish plushie, the boy's eyes widening. He grabbed the plush with both hands and squeezed it to his chest, sniffling happily.

"There, can you rest now?" Akaashi asked him, leaning his head on the top of Tobio's, breathing in his hair.

Tobio hummed, squeezing the fish to his chest. "As long as you're here, too."

Akaashi smiled, wrapping his arms around Tobio and snuggling close to him on the bed.

"I already promised, didn't I?" Akaashi said. "I love you and I'm not leaving."

Tobio hummed, sighing as he got sleepier. He snuggled close to his father, pressing his face to Akaashi's collarbone.

"I love you, too, Daddy."

Akaashi's breath hitched, his eyes blowing wide. Then, they filled with tears.

Tobio didn't hate him.

Tobio loved him.

He  _loved_  him.

While his chest still felt weighed down with pain and anguish, his mind felt completely blank—a white canvas. With those little words, Akaashi felt that he had been washed clean, rid of those heavy burdens. Akaashi no longer felt bonded to his demons. For the first time in his life, Akaashi felt he could overcome them.

Akaashi pulled Tobio closer, pressing another kiss to the top of his head before he closed his eyes as sleep overtook him, finally allowing his body to rest.

* * *

Bokuto pulled the spare blanket down from the shelf and carefully draped it over Akaashi and Tobio's bodies, tucking them into the hospital bed snugly. He gently wiped the last tear from Akaashi's cheek and then took a step back to look over them.

The scene before him was peaceful, drastically different than only minutes before.

_"I wish I had never been born!"_

Bokuto shuddered and grimaced, his hands coming up to hold his arms. If he had gotten there a minute later, or been just  _one second late_ , then… then…

Akaashi could have died.

He was one second away from jumping from that bridge, never to be seen ever again.

If he had died, then who would've been there to be Bokuto's setter?

Who would've been there to help coach the guys?

Who would've been there to have coffee and donuts with him once a week, and then complain about his terrible eating habits?

What would Bokuto have done without Akaashi by his side?

"Bo?"

A hand on his shoulder made him startle, and he whirled around to see a stunned Kuroo staring back at him.

"Whoa, whoa. Easy," Kuroo whispered, easing Bokuto's fluttering heart. Kuroo looked him over for another moment. "You okay, man? You're a mess."

Bokuto started to nod but he stopped midway, his mouth opening and closing. He glanced over his shoulder at Akaashi and Tobio, his hands curling into fists at seeing the bags under Akaashi's eyes.

Bokuto sighed as he turned back and faced Kuroo. He nodded towards the doorway and led Kuroo out of the hospital room. They walked to a nearby bench and Bokuto plopped down, holding his head in his hands. Kuroo stood in front of him, staring down at Bokuto with a worried expression.

"I almost lost him, Kuroo," Bokuto said sadly, his limbs beginning to tremble.

"Lost him?" Kuroo repeated. "What are you talking about?"

Bokuto closed his eyes, his hands gripping at his limp hair. He sighed and let his hands drop to his lap, his gaze watching as his fingers shook.

"He tried to kill himself," Bokuto said.

Kuroo's eyes widened and he paused, taking in Bokuto's words.

"What?" Kuroo asked. "When? Just now?"

Bokuto nodded sadly in response, not daring to look up at Kuroo's expression. He took a deep breath and wiped his face.

"I think he blames himself for Tobio being in the hospital," Bokuto said. "He said he's a terrible father, and that he doesn't deserve to be alive."

Kuroo's hands curled into fists, a frown pulling at his lips. He walked to Bokuto's side and plopped down on the bench next to him, hunching over on his knees.

"So… he tried killing himself because of that?" Kuroo asked.

"Mmn," Bokuto hummed. "Tried jumping off of a bridge."

"Right," Kuroo started. "But… he's still here."

"Yeah."

Kuroo looked at Bokuto with a soft expression.

"You saved him," Kuroo said.

It wasn't a question. Bokuto knew what Kuroo was getting at.

He glanced up at Kuroo, his expression curious.

"I… I guess," Bokuto said. "All I did was tell him how I felt. That I would be sad if he was gone."

"And he believed you," Kuroo said.

Bokuto quirked a brow at him. "Yeah? What are you getting at, Kuroo?"

Kuroo leaned back against the wall, his head bonking against the cold stone.

"Akaashi needs to talk to someone about all this," Kuroo said. "He needs to be able to clear his head and sort out all of this toxic stuff that's flowing through him."

Bokuto winced. "But he's already tried talking to me! And that was obviously no help," he said. He sighed and reached for his hair again. "I'm such a terrible friend! If I had just listened to him more and been there, then—"

"Whoa, stop right there," Kuroo said, stopping Bokuto's hands before they ripped out every fiber of hair. "I meant talking to a professional. Like a psychiatrist."

Bokuto blinked at him, letting his hands fall back down to his lap.

"Oh," he said intelligently. "But… I'm not sure if Akaashi would go for that."

"That's where you come in," Kuroo said, pointing a finger at Bokuto.

"Me?"

"Yep," Kuroo said, his lips pulling into his confident smile. "Akaashi listens to you the most out of anyone he knows. He has complete trust in you, Bo. So you can help him through this."

Bokuto gripped his knees, taking a big enough breath to move his shoulders.

"I just have to convince him to see someone, then?" Bokuto asked.

Kuroo moved one shoulder in a shrug. "I think that would be best for him. He needs all the help he can get. From all of us."

Bokuto swallowed, looking down at his lap. His legs still shook and his arms trembled on his thighs. His stomach was twisting, remembering the sight of Akaashi about to dive off of the bridge, and his terrifying words…

But…

_"Okay. I'll stay, B-Bokuto-san."_

But he gave Akaashi a reason to live.

He glanced up at Kuroo, a determined look on his face.

"I'll see what I can do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucke1)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, guys, we made it! Here's the last chapter.  
> This series has been difficult to write, but I am so glad to get all of this out of my system. It has been quite a journey and I've loved every minute of it.   
> A HUGE thank you to both Tayu-chan and Velvloid for supporting me, editing, and creating lovely works of art. You guys kept me going through this entire adventure and I could not have done it without you guys. 
> 
> One last thing, check out my end notes for a message from me :)
> 
> Anyway! Without further ado, I present the last chapter.
> 
> Happy reading!

The doctor moved the stethoscope down Tobio's bare chest, the boy shivering slightly at the cold. Akaashi kept his hand on Tobio's back, rubbing soft circles over his shoulder blades.

They had been at the hospital for a full 18 hours, Akaashi groggy from sleeping on the hospital bed for a few hours. His neck was a little stiff and his eyes were incredibly sore from crying, but he felt that it was worth it. Tobio was finally calm enough to relax, the boy himself getting some shuteye.

Bokuto and Kuroo left when Akaashi woke up after 2 hours of sleep, Bokuto promising he would be back sometime the following morning.

Although, with it being 6 in the morning, he doubted Bokuto would show up any time soon.

"Well, your lungs still sound a little cluttered with gunk," the doctor said, removing the stethoscope. "But your fever has gone down just in the few hours that you've been here."

Akaashi sat up on the hospital bed and helped Tobio put his tiny gown back on before covering him up with the blanket. The boy laid back down on the bed easily, his eyes looking heavy again. Tobio nuzzled into Akaashi's side, his hands finding his fish plushie and curling his arms around it.

"So, how long will he be here?" Akaashi asked the doctor after tucking Tobio in.

The doctor hummed and glanced down at the clipboard in his hand. It must have been Tobio's chart.

"At least until tomorrow. Maybe even one more day to make sure he doesn't get worse," the doctor said.

Akaashi frowned, reaching over to tuck Tobio's hair behind his ear. He closed his eyes at the contact and kept them closed, his chest slowly moving up and down.

"He's on the path to a full recovery, Akaashi-san, so you don't need to worry," the doctor said. "We're taking good care of him."

Akaashi nodded, remaining silent as he continued to stroke Tobio's hair. He had been terrified the day before, when he came barging into the hospital room. And then running out of his apartment like a fool, only to be chased down and had some sense talked into him.

He sighed, his hand beginning to shake on Tobio's head.

It was crazy to think how close Tobio came to being an orphan.

"If you'd like to go home and get some rest, we can watch over him for you," the doctor said.

Akaashi snapped his head up to stare at the doctor with a shocked expression, his jaw dropping.

"But what if he wakes up and realizes I'm not here?" Akaashi asked, a little frantically.

The doctor smiled and pointed to the machines next to Tobio's bed.

"I just gave him some more antibiotics. That'll knock him out for a while," the doctor said. "His little body is tuckered out from fighting the infection, too, so he's probably exhausted. Don't worry, Akaashi-san. He is in good hands."

Akaashi sat still on the hospital bed, staring down at Tobio's sleeping form. He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and gnawed on it. The last thing he wanted was to leave Tobio alone.

"I… I don't know…"

"Hey, hey! What's going on?"

Akaashi turned his gaze to look at the door, seeing a freshly-showered Bokuto with stiff hair and a bright smile on his face. He was also carrying two steaming cups, one of them labeled "latte."

Akaashi could have fainted at the sight.

"Ah, hello there, Bokuto-san!" the doctor greeted, a kind smile on his face. "I'm trying to convince Akaashi-san to go home for some rest."

Bokuto whipped his head to the side, locking his eyes with Akaashi's.

"Have you not slept at all since you woke up yesterday?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi rubbed the back of his neck shyly, his eyes slowly lowering to avoid Bokuto's concerned stare. He heard Bokuto let out a soft whine from his throat as he walked towards him. He handed him one of the steaming cups, Akaashi taking it with both hands. He took a few small sips, humming as the warm liquid traveled down his throat.

That hit the spot.

"Have you even eaten anything?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi gulped down another sip, practically scorching his tongue, but he slumped back against the elevated hospital bed, feeling content.

"I've only seen him drink that coffee you got him just now, Bokuto-san," the doctor said. "He's only left the room to use the bathroom, which was probably only once or twice."

Bokuto snapped his eyes back to Akaashi, but Akaashi was so relieved to have coffee that he didn't really care anymore. It felt so  _warm_.

"Akaashi, that's not healthy!" Bokuto said.

Akaashi quirked a brow at him, almost pouting as he rooted to the spot.

"What, so you're back to calling me 'Akaashi?' I thought you were calling me 'Keiji,'" Akaashi said, trying to steer Bokuto away from the conversation.

"You  _know_  I think your last name is fun to say! And I… wait a minute, don't change the subject!" Bokuto said, pouting.

Akaashi managed a small smile, knowing he had won. But Bokuto sighed and rubbed the back of his neck, looking somber.

"Seriously, though. You need to go home for a bit. At least take a shower and get some food in you," Bokuto said.

Akaashi's smile fell as he winced, once again moving his eyes away from Bokuto.

"But what about Tobio?" Akaashi asked. "If he wakes up and sees I'm not here, then… then he'll be upset." He paused, his hands tightening around his cup anxiously. "He could hate me."

"Don't even say things like that. You know Tobio could never hate you," Bokuto said, placing a sturdy hand on his shoulder. "C'mon, you. Even the doc is tryin' to get you outta here."

He pulled Akaashi from the bed, Akaashi stumbling to his feet and clutching his latte to his chest. He briefly glanced at Tobio behind him and studied his sleeping face. The boy seemed to be in a deep sleep…

"He'll be fine, Akaashi," Bokuto said. He lifted up his pinky, his face turning playful. "I promise."

Akaashi blinked at him, a deadpan expression on his face, and then he rolled his eyes and sighed softly.

"You're so childish," Akaashi said, lifting up his pinky to lock with Bokuto's. Bokuto beamed and shook Akaashi's hand with their pinkies locked.

"Maybe! But you put up with me!" Bokuto said, smiling victoriously.

Akaashi huffed in agreement, knowing full well that he puts up with Bokuto's nonsense on a regular basis. But, he still followed Bokuto out of the hospital room, giving one last glance back at Tobio before they headed down the hallway.

* * *

"Okay! So, you wanna make some food?" Bokuto asked as they entered Akaashi's apartment.

Akaashi shucked off his jacket and rolled his sore shoulders, the muscles feeling stiff and tight. He glanced up at Bokuto with tired eyes.

"I think I'll shower first," Akaashi said.

"Ah, okay. I'll look around your fridge to see what we can cook up for breakfast!" Bokuto said.

Akaashi hummed and nodded in response, slipping off his shoes. He watched Bokuto scurry into the kitchen like a child, shaking his head at his friend. He hoped Bokuto wouldn't burn his kitchen down. Maybe he should call Kuroo…

Akaashi sighed, remembering it was Sunday and Kuroo would most likely be sleeping like the dead at this hour.

Oh well, he thought as he turned the corner and headed down the hallway. He flicked on the light to the bathroom and then slid open the door, relief filling him as he thought of a nice, hot shower.

Before Akaashi could take a step inside, he froze. The feeling of relief flushed out of his system, a heavy weight sitting in his chest instead.

There were still mirror shards and pieces of his destroyed violin all over the bathroom floor.

The weight in his chest sat heavier as reality set in, making him feel cold. His shoulders began to tremble and his legs wobbled. He had come so close to dying. He was right on the edge, the tipping point, practically shaking hands with Death itself.

But…

_"If you had never been born, Akaashi… Then… Then I wouldn't have met you."_

_"And I need you, Akaashi_.  _I need you to be here for me, every day. I can't live without you. I don't want to live without you."_

_"I love you, Keiji. Please. Please, Don't leave me."_

"Akaashi?"

Akaashi startled, flinching violently and turning his head to the side.

Bokuto was walking down the hall towards him, a confused look on his face.

"What's up? I thought you were going to—"

Bokuto stopped short when he came up next to Akaashi, his brows furrowing as his face softened into a look of understanding.

"Oh," Bokuto said. "We forgot to clean this up, huh?"

Akaashi reached across his body to rub his arm shyly, suddenly feeling the shame of his outrageous outburst the other day. He sighed and moved forward to get on his knees. He rolled up his sleeves and reached down towards one of the shards of the mirror, ready to pick it up.

"No!"

Bokuto suddenly lunged forward, grabbing Akaashi's wrist and tugging it back. Akaashi glanced up at Bokuto in shock, eyes wide.

"Those shards are sharp! You can't just use your hands!" Bokuto said. He glanced down at Akaashi's hand, his thumb gently pressing into Akaashi's palm. "Your hands are precious. You can't mess them up."

Akaashi frowned taking his hand back. He glanced down at the remains of his violin, the neck still intact with the strings frayed from the tuning pegs. He sighed at the sight, his hands feeling empty.

Bokuto, in the meantime, had run to the kitchen and grabbed a dustpan and a small broom. He was back in the bathroom in a flash, gently sweeping up the mess.

"It's not like it matters," Akaashi mumbled as Bokuto deposited the shards in the bathroom trashcan.

Bokuto froze at his words, the empty dustpan hanging above the trashcan. He blinked at Akaashi with wide, owlish eyes.

"What do you mean?" Bokuto asked, his shoulders slumping.

Akaashi grabbed the broken, mangled neck of the violin, cradling it in his hands.

"It's over," Akaashi said. "My performing career is done now."

Bokuto lowered the dustpan and broom to the floor, bracing himself on his thighs.

"You don't know that, Akaashi," Bokuto said.

"I do," Akaashi snapped, making Bokuto flinch. He winced at Bokuto's reaction and sighed, slumping his shoulders right along with Bokuto's. "I abandoned the audition. My violin is…"

Akaashi stopped short, his voice catching in his throat as a lump formed. He tried to swallow it down but the pain only made things worse, tears springing to his eyes.

"Akaashi…"

Bokuto's hand found his shoulder, gripping it and squeezing.

Akaashi swallowed and breathed deeply, finding his voice once again.

"I've worked… so  _hard_  for this… for twenty years," Akaashi choked out. He cleared his throat, swallowing the tears down. "And now it's… it's all gone. I won't get an opportunity like this again. I mean, it took five years for that spot to open up. Who knows how long it will be until the next opening."

Akaashi sighed, leaning backwards until his back rested against the doorframe. The remains of his violin sipped from his grasp and landed on the floor, making a cringe-worthy crunching sound. He finally felt the crushing weight of defeat slam against his shoulders, and he could not hold himself up anymore.

"My dream was taken from me again," Akaashi said softly.

Bokuto frowned, his body seeming smaller than before. It was quiet for a moment, the air incredibly thick as they sat together on the messy floor.

"You know… Maybe this could be a sign," Bokuto said softly.

Akaashi lolled his head to the side and furrowed his brows at him.

"What do you mean?" he asked.

"I mean, like… Maybe you should try to find a new dream," Bokuto said. "Something different, maybe."

Akaashi blinked at him, his chest growing cold. His brows furrowed, the audacity of Bokuto to even suggest such a thing made him furious.

"Are you saying I should give up my dream?" Akaashi snapped, his tone accusing and sharp.

Bokuto was unfazed by his voice, however, and he lifted his shoulder in a shrug.

"Maybe," Bokuto started gently as his shoulder fell in the shrug. "Or maybe it's just the universe telling you that the dreams you have for yourself are not what's best for you."

Akaashi's anger was doused immediately, and he sat back against the wall, slumping. Guilt ate away at him, making his body feel dense and heavy. He had to get his anger under control before he hurt the people he loved.

"Sorry," Akaashi apologized softly, lowering his head in shame.

Bokuto smiled and shook his head. "Don't apologize, 'Kaashi."

Akaashi shook his head, his shoulders rising to his ears as he tried to make himself as small as possible.

"No. I shouldn't take my anger out on you, Bokuto-san. You're trying to help me and I'm pushing you away," Akaashi said. He sighed, bending his knees and pulling them up to his chest. He rested his chin against his knees, hiding his mouth. "I'm just so… frustrated."

Bokuto scooted a little closer to him, his legs crossed in front of him with his hands gripping his ankles.

"What are you frustrated about, Akaashi?" Bokuto asked softly.

Akaashi chewed on his lip, staring at Bokuto's socked feet so he could avoid his calculating eyes. He sighed as the thoughts started to gather in his head, his answer ready on his tongue. He thought about keeping it all to himself, and staying silent. But when Akaashi peeked up at Bokuto's face, he could see the concern.

_"Please don't leave me."_

Akaashi held himself tighter, his heart fluttering. He owed so much to Bokuto. He could at least talk to him.

"I'm frustrated that… that my hard work has gone down the drain," Akaashi admitted. "I'm… angry. I'm angry that I spent so many years working towards something just for it to get thrown back into my face."

He could feel his heart start to race as he kept speaking. It was uncommon for Akaashi to speak his feelings. He wasn't Bokuto, who could easily spout off his words to anyone who listened. He didn't feel allowed to speak or feel, for much of his childhood he spent alone and without anyone to hear his needs.

Akaashi took a deep breath to relax his heart and he kept going, lifting up his head and bonking it back against the doorframe, his eyes trailing upward towards the ceiling. He needed to press forward, no matter how difficult it would be for him.

"For the longest time, I always felt that I was supposed to be something great," Akaashi began, images of his childhood coming to his mind in blurry bits and pieces. "I was never supposed to have an office job, or be that person in a cubicle. I was supposed to go out and  _be_  somebody. Make a name for myself."

He paused, his arms tightening their hold around his legs.

"I always felt like the main character. Like my story was supposed to be this… great adventure that people would talk about. With performing, I thought I would have all of that," Akaashi said, taking a moment to pause.

He frowned as he thought about the past five years and how everything just seemed to crumble before his very eyes.

"But now… everything feels… off," Akaashi said. "It's like I don't belong anywhere. I'm not even a person in the cubicle. I'm a  _background character._ "

Akaashi slumped and leaned his head down until his forehead touched the top of his knees. His back ached for sitting this way for so long and his shoulders felt so damn  _heavy_ , but he had to get it out. He had to tell someone what was going on inside his mind.

And besides, Bokuto deserved an explanation.

"It's all so heavy now," Akaashi said, his voice almost a whisper. "All of my motivation to continue on is just… gone. I'm so, so tired of doing this."

He inhaled sharply as the treacherous lump worked its way back into his throat. His eyes started to sting, as well, and he shut his eyes as the frustration only grew.

"Without performing, what am I?" Akaashi asked. "I feel like I'm  _nothing."_

Arms wrapped around him, and Akaashi found himself being tugged into a broad chest. His eyes fluttered open, coming face-to-face with the familiar cotton shirt that Bokuto was wearing.

"You're not  _nothing,_  Akaashi," Bokuto said. "An object or skill doesn't make you  _you_. You're worth much more than some violin."

Akaashi sniffed, his chest clenching painfully. "But who am I now? What am I supposed to be now that the only thing I had is gone?"

Bokuto pulled back and placed his hands on Akaashi's shoulders, staring at him with conviction and compassion on his eyes.

"You're Akaashi Keiji, the most fun, passionate, caring best friend a guy could ever have," Bokuto said. "And if you don't stop saying bad things about my best friend, I'll be real upset!"

Bokuto's face twisted into a pout. Akaashi blinked at him, the last of his tears squeezing from his eyes, and then he huffed out a laugh, reaching up to wipe his cheeks. Bokuto's façade cracked and he smiled along with Akaashi, his hands falling away from Akaashi's shoulders.

"Sorry. I'll try to stop the habit of saying self-deprecating things," Akaashi said.

Bokuto nodded once. "Good! Actually, maybe you should—" He stopped, his smile turning timid as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Maybe, uh… Do you think you should, um… talk to someone?"

Akaashi tilted his head, his eyes narrowing a little. "Talk to someone?"

Bokuto hesitated, his smile getting smaller and smaller.

"Yeah, like a… professional," Bokuto said carefully.

Akaashi hesitated, his hands coming together and fidgeting in his lap. He had never thought about going to speak to someone. Growing up, if Akaashi cried, his parents would just stare at him and tell him to stop. There was no hugging involved, no pats on the back or gentle shushing. Akaashi had to deal with his emotions all on his own, and eventually grew tired of trying to feel anything at all.

But now, Bokuto was telling him that it was okay to feel. It was okay to go talk to someone about how down he had been feeling.

"It's okay to go talk to someone, you know," Bokuto said suddenly, pulling Akaashi from his daze. "There are lots of people who do it."

Akaashi bit his lip, knowing Bokuto was right. He wasn't the only one who considered counseling. He knew that. But...

_That means you're crazy._

Akaashi gasped, his hands coming up to cover his ears.

That voice had been silent for a whole day and now it chose to rear its ugly head back into his subconscious.

"Akaashi! What's wrong?" Bokuto asked, his hands coming to rest on Akaashi's shoulders.

Akaashi shivered at the touch, waiting for the voice to speak to him again. But when it stayed silent, he relaxed and allowed his hands to drop from his ears. He sighed and hung his head.

"Are you okay, Akaashi?" Bokuto asked, worry laced in his voice.

Akaashi rubbed his chest to comfort his heart and he nodded, feeling almost nauseous.

Bokuto still looked uncertain, but he kept his mouth closed. His hands were sturdy and grounding on Akaashi's shoulders, making his breathing easier and the nausea fade.

Akaashi shivered, sitting back up. He glanced at Bokuto with a wince on his face. Bokuto was right. Maybe he did need help.

"I... I think I do need help," Akaashi whispered.

Bokuto's brows rose a little in surprise, but he quickly nodded encouragingly.

"Okay. That's okay," Bokuto said. "I can help you find someone. Someone you can trust."

Akaashi fiddled with his fingers again, feeling shy as he tossed an idea around in his head.

"Would you... come with me?" Akaashi asked.

Bokuto's face twisted into surprise again, his brows climbing his forehead.

"M-Me? You want me to come with you?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi nodded, feeling more confident in his decision now.

"I would feel more comfortable if you were with me," Akaashi said.

Bokuto only took one moment to be surprised before his face split with a cheerful smile.

"Of course, 'Kaashi!" Bokuto said. "You can count on me!"

Akaashi smiled, finally feeling more at ease. He slumped back against the doorframe and watched as Bokuto pulled out his phone to research local therapy centers, the mess in the bathroom forgotten.

_"You're worth much more than some violin."_

Akaashi's smile grew, and he turned to Bokuto.

"Thank you, Bokuto-san."

* * *

"Are you sure your chest doesn't hurt?"

"It feels fine now, Daddy."

"Okay. Well, if your cough gets bad, then you have to tell Suga-sensei."

"Daddy, my cough's been gone for a whole day!"

Akaashi sighed, knowing he was fretting too much. The doctor had cleared Tobio days ago to go back to school, but Akaashi had kept him home to make sure his lungs were completely clear and pain-free.

Tobio was itching to get back to school, which was a brand new thing for the boy. Just a few months ago, Akaashi had to drag his son out of bed to get to school. It was amazing how much had changed in such a short amount of time.

"Daddy, Shouyou is waiting!"

Akaashi blinked down at his son, the boy impatiently bouncing on his heels with a pout on his face. Akaashi sighed and nodded towards the classroom.

"All right. Get going. But be careful, okay?" Akaashi said.

"I will!" Tobio said, his eyes shining. He turned around and hurried into the classroom and bounded over to Shouyou, who let out an excited screech at seeing his friend.

Akaashi smiled at seeing the two of them rush over to the crafts table to start drawing. Tobio's eyes had been so bright lately, and his temper had cooled quite a bit. Akaashi made a mental note to thank Hinata-san one day. Shouyou was the best friend Tobio could ever have.

"Ah, Akaashi-san!"

Akaashi turned to see Suga approaching him with his shining smile. He stepped just outside the doorway and placed a hand on his hip. He cast a smile over his shoulder at Tobio and Shouyou.

"I see Tobio is back to his normal self," Suga said, turning his head back to smile at Akaashi.

"Mmn. He's doing much better," Akaashi said. "But could you keep an eye on him? He still might tire out easily."

"Of course!" Suga said, waving his hand in the air. "But I'm sure he'll be fine. I had complete faith that he would make a full recovery."

Akaashi smiled. "He's a stubborn one, so he wasn't going to let this keep him from playing volleyball."

"Ah, he's been brainwashed by Bokuto's talents, has he?" Suga asked, smirking.

"Yes," Akaashi said. "But it's not a bad thing to get into."

"Mmn, I'd agree with you!" Suga said. His eyes suddenly lit up and he snapped his fingers. "Oh! Before I forget, the class made 'get well' cards for Tobio. The kids were all pretty worried about him."

Suga pointed to Tobio's cubby in the corner, and Akaashi spotted the colorful drawings of hearts and smiles taped next to where his backpack hung on the hook. It made Akaashi's heart squeeze in his chest.

"Thank you for worrying about him," Akaashi said. "It's nice to have so many people that care about him."

"Mmn, yes. But Tobio wasn't necessarily the one I was really concerned about," Suga said, his smile turning a bit forlorn. "I was actually pretty concerned about you for a while."

Akaashi tilted his head at him, his brow arching in question. "Me?"

Suga nodded, folding his arms across his chest and leaning against the doorframe.

"You seemed really down from the first time we met," Suga explained, his hands tightening on his arms. "I was going to have a chat with you after that day Tobio yelled at you, but I saw you talking with Bokuto."

Suga smiled wider, his face cheery again.

"And then he convinced you to play volleyball with the rest of the guys, and you seemed to be getting better," Suga said. He looked up at Akaashi with a gentle expression. "I don't know, you just seemed a little sad. I wanted to talk to you, honest I did. But when Bokuto got ahold of you first, I thought I would hang back and watch to see how you would do. And it seems that things are better now."

Akaashi stared at Suga, stunned. This whole time, there had been someone else looking out for him without him even knowing? Who else had been watching him from a distance? Kuroo? Konoha?

"Sorry for prying," Suga said, putting up his hands when Akaashi didn't answer. "I hope I wasn't too invasive."

Akaashi blinked at him and then shook his head. "No. No, you're… you're fine."

"I see. So, are you doing better, then?" Suga asked.

Akaashi paused, taking stock of the last few months.

He quit his stable job.

He gave up his audition and destroyed his violin.

He came close to dying three times.

Akaashi winced, remembering how foolish he had been. He knew that hurt and pain could cause someone to make rash decisions. But he never thought he would be one of those people.

But, with all of the hurt and pain and suffering Akaashi had experienced the past few months…

_"Akaashi! Set it to me!"_

_"That… That was amazing. It was… really beautiful, Akaashi."_

_"You can't call yourself a failure when you've got the greatest proof of success right before your eyes."_

_"Please don't leave me, Keiji."_

_"I love you, too, Daddy!"_

…he also experienced some of the greatest days of his life.

"Yeah," Akaashi managed to answer, a smile growing on his face. "I'm doing a lot better."

Suga smiled so brightly that it was almost blinding. He hummed thoughtfully and nodded in approval.

"Good," Suga said. "Oh, right, I almost forgot. Didn't I hear that you auditioned for something recently?"

The reminder felt like a stab to the chest. But he tried to remember what Bokuto had told him.

_"Or maybe it's just the universe telling you that the dreams you have for yourself are not what's best for you."_

Akaashi swallowed. He had to keep an open mind if he wanted to recover and find a new dream for himself.

"It… It didn't really work out," Akaashi admitted.

"Oh. I'm so sorry," Suga apologized.

Akaashi shrugged. "It's all right," he said. He paused, chewing on the inside of his lip. "It…  _will_  be all right."

The correction made the sting in his chest more real, but Suga's look of understanding ebbed the pain into something more manageable.

"Not everything works out the way you want it," Suga said. "Sometimes we've gotta keep searching for that sweet spot, you know?"

"Sweet spot…" Akaashi echoed, mulling it over in his mind.

"Mmn. You might not find it right now, but be patient. It'll come with time," Suga said, smiling.

"I see," Akaashi said with a small smile. "Thank you for the advice."

Suga nodded, placing his hands on his hips.

"Well, I don't want to keep you. You and Bokuto have a meeting or something today, right?"

"Yeah, he should be waiting for me in the gym," Akaashi said.

"Ah, don't want to keep him waiting then!" Suga said. "He gets antsy when you make him wait."

Akaashi rolled his eyes. "I'm aware. Thank you, Sugawara-san."

"Mmn! See you later, Akaashi!"

Akaashi bowed his head politely to Suga and then turned around to head to the gym. The entire way there, Suga's words echoed in Akaashi's mind, mixing with Bokuto's advice from the week before.

They were all around the same age, so why do Bokuto and Suga sound like old men who have gone through tough times? Was Akaashi just that inexperienced?

"Oh, my! Akaashi-san, it's good to see you!"

Akaashi stopped to see the teacher who had recruited him to be a substitute a few months back. She was carrying a stack of papers that balanced carefully over a few textbooks in her arms.

"Oh, good morning," Akaashi greeted, dipping his head.

"I haven't seen you in a few days. Bokuto-san told me your son was sick. Is he feeling better?" she asked, adjusting her glasses with a nervous hand.

Akaashi nodded. "He's in class right now, actually."

"Oh, good, good!" she said, smiling. "Well, that's great to hear. I'm actually on my way to—"

Suddenly, all of the papers in her hands slid off of the textbooks and scattered onto the ground.

"Oh, shoot!" she exclaimed, quickly getting down on her knees to pick up the loose papers. "Sorry, I'm such a klutz!"

Akaashi knelt down with her and started to collect the papers, his eyes scanning each page. One particular paper made him pause, his eyes widening at its contents.

EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY: ORCHESTRA DIRECTOR/TEACHER

_Fukurodani High is looking for a qualified, capable, and talented teacher to fill the role of Orchestra director…_

Akaashi looked up from the paper, his brows furrowing a bit.

"You still haven't found someone to fill in the orchestra teacher job?" Akaashi asked, handing her the paper.

The teacher looked at the paper and frowned, putting it on the top of the stack of papers.

"Unfortunately, no," she said, standing to her feet. Akaashi followed, his eyes locked onto the paper on the top of the stack. "We've called other schools to see if they have any recommendations, but we are just short on music teachers."

Akaashi bit his lip, his hands fidgeting by his sides. No one has really applied for the job, yet?

_"…dreams aren't what's best for you."_

_"…that sweet spot…"_

Akaashi swallowed, an idea popping into his head. His heart was pounding against his chest as he tossed it around over and over.

Could this be an opportunity?

Was the universe telling him something?

"Well, thank you for helping me pick all these up, Akaashi-san," she said, bowing her head. "I should get going! I'll talk to you later."

She took a few steps down the hall, her image getting smaller and smaller as she was getting further away, and Akaashi found himself taking a step forward and inhaling deeply.

"Um, excuse me!" Akaashi called.

The teacher stopped and turned around, the stack of papers wobbling dangerously. She blinked at him through her glasses, waiting for him to continue.

Akaashi swallowed.

This was it, then.

"Do… Do you have an application for that teaching job?" Akaashi asked, his voice a little subdued.

The teacher's eyes practically popped out of their sockets.

"O-Of course!" she said. "Just let me—"

The stack of papers nearly fell to the ground again, but her quick reflexes managed to save them from crashing down. She sorted through the papers until she pulled out a creased piece of paper and thrust it towards Akaashi.

"Here you go!" she said.

Akaashi took the application from her and bowed his head a little in thanks.

"Thank you," he said.

"No problem at all!" she said. "Um, just turn that in as soon as you possibly can so they can process it before the next school year starts."

"Sure," Akaashi said with a nod. "Thanks."

And with those words, the teacher bowed and left him standing in the hallway, his eyes staring at the piece of paper in his hands.

It was all right in front of him. His duties as teacher, his responsibilities, his objectives…

Should he fill this out? Become a teacher? Lead students to learn, play, and love music?

Instill a passion for music in the next generation?

"Akaashi?"

Akaashi startled and whipped around, seeing Bokuto coming down the hall with his hands cradling the back of his head.

"Hey, there you are," Bokuto said. "I've been waiting for ya!"

"Sorry," Akaashi said. "I got sidetracked."

"No problem! We'll get to Dr. Koji's office in no time," Bokuto said. "Speaking of, you ready to head down there for your first session?"

Akaashi nodded, folding up the application and tucking it into his pocket. Bokuto stared at the movement with curious eyes.

"What's that?" Bokuto asked, pointing to his pocket.

Akaashi took a deep breath. "It's… something I want to bring up at the appointment," Akaashi explained as they started to leave the school.

"Oh?" Bokuto said, eyes widening. "You're being proactive! Already bringing things to your first meeting!"

Akaashi tucked the application into his pocket, feeling a bit anxious that he had even taken the paper in the first place.

"Yeah," Akaashi said shakily.

"Is it something that'll help you talk to Dr. Koji?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi nodded. "I think so…"

Bokuto smiled and threw an arm over Akaashi's shoulders, jostling him a little on the sidewalk.

"Good! Just take your time with things, okay?" Bokuto said. "And don't forget that I'm right here, too."

Akaashi sighed and rolled his eyes harmlessly.

"I could never forget that, Bokuto-san."

* * *

Several months later…

* * *

"First day, first day! First day of school!"

"Could you please stop singing that, Bokuto-san?"

"What? Can't a guy be excited for his best friend's brand new job?!"

"Bokuto-san…"

Bokuto smiled brightly, showing all of his teeth. They walked together down the sidewalk towards Fukurodani High, a spring in Bokuto's step. Akaashi would be lying if he said he wasn't a little jittery, too. It was a big day of firsts.

"Daddy, are we almost there?"

Akaashi glanced down at his son, all decked out in a new First-Grade uniform. His eyes were shining brightly, his hands gripping his backpack.

"Sorry, Tobio. We're almost to your elementary school," Akaashi said.

Tobio sighed, slumping his shoulders. "It's not fair. I want to go to Fa… Fo… Fukuro…dani High again. I wanna play volleyball."

"There will probably be a volleyball club at your elementary school, Tobio!" Bokuto said.

Tobio's eyes sparkled. "Really?!"

"Yep!" Bokuto said. "And even if you can't play at school, you can always come over and me and Kuroo will play with you!"

"Bokuto-san, just because we live in your apartment complex now does not mean you can steal Tobio away whenever you want," Akaashi said.

"Akaashi! How dare you accuse me of that!" Bokuto whined, a pout tugging on his lips.

Akaashi rolled his eyes, pointedly ignoring the hurt look on Bokuto's face.

"Then Shouyou can come over, too!" Tobio exclaimed.

Bokuto's pout vanished. "Of course, little man! Both of you guys can come over!"

"You're trying to give Kuroo-san a headache, aren't you?" Akaashi said in a deadpan voice.

Bokuto scratched his cheek. "Well… It wouldn't be on purpose."

Akaashi blinked at him before turning his head back to stare down the path.

"On second thought, maybe you should watch Tobio whenever you want," Akaashi said.

"Now who's the one giving Kuroo a headache?"

Akaashi smirked, giving Bokuto a cheeky look. And Bokuto smiled back, a knowing look on his face.

"Hey! I see Shouyou!"

Akaashi and Bokuto glanced forward and saw Tobio pointing towards a school gate just a few steps away. The redheaded ball of energy was waiting by the gate, a nervous look on his face. But once Shouyou locked eyes with Tobio, he lit up like the summer sun.

"Tobio!" Shouyou yelled, jumping high in the air and waving his arms.

Tobio's lips wobbled into a strange smile and he turned back to look at Akaashi, waiting for permission. Akaashi smiled and gestured for him to move forward.

"Go on. I'll pick you up this afternoon," Akaashi said.

Tobio nodded and scurried off, tearing off towards the gate.

Akaashi sighed, feeling something tugging at his heartstrings. He didn't even get to tell him a proper goodbye.

Akaashi winced, his hand coming up to grip his shirt.

Calm down, Akaashi told himself. Dr. Koji told you not to overthink these things.

Just focus on the positives: Tobio has a friend. That's a positive. He also trusts his school and isn't afraid. That's good, right?

It was fine. Akaashi didn't need a goodbye hug or a kiss from Tobio.

Everything was going to be just—

"Oof!"

A small body suddenly collided into Akaashi's legs, jostling him slightly.

He glanced down next to him and saw Tobio clinging to his body, his eyes shut tight.

"Tobio?" Akaashi called, a little concerned.

"I love you, Daddy!"

Akaashi's breath hitched, the heartstrings snapping as he was filled with an overwhelming amount of joy. He knelt down to the ground and squeezed Tobio in his arms, planting a kiss on Tobio's head.

"I love you, too," Akaashi said. He pulled back and looked at Tobio, moving his bangs out of his face. "See you this afternoon, okay?"

Tobio nodded and then called out over his shoulder as he ran to the school gate, "Bye, Daddy! Bye, Bokuto-san!"

"See ya, kiddo!" Bokuto called, waving wildly at the boy.

Akaashi waved back, his chest feeling pleasantly warm.

He loves me, Akaashi thought.

He would never grow tired of hearing that.

"Akaaaashi, let's goo," Bokuto said, pulling Akaashi along. "We're gonna be late!"

"Ah, I'm coming," Akaashi said.

They walked a few more blocks until they reached Fukurodani High School and entered the front gates. They went down the familiar hallways until they reached the gym, both of them stopping just outside the double doors.

"Well, here's where I leave you," Bokuto said. "Unless you want me to escort you down to class."

Akaashi put up a hand. "That won't be necessary, Bokuto-san. I can handle it."

Bokuto smiled and nodded, placing his hands on his hips.

"I know you can," Bokuto said.

He reached forward and pulled Akaashi into a tight hug, his hands gripping his shirt. Akaashi was a little stunned but he quickly recovered so he could return the hug.

"I'm proud of you, Akaashi," Bokuto said. "You're gonna do great."

Akaashi felt his eyes start to water and he squeezed them shut to prevent any tears from leaking out. He squeezed Bokuto back, almost unwilling to let go.

"Thank you, Bokuto-san."

After another moment in the hug, they parted, both with smiles on their faces. Bokuto gave Akaashi a firm slap on the back as he walked into the gym.

"Go get 'em, Akaashi!" Bokuto yelled as he disappeared behind the gym door.

Akaashi took a moment to breathe in the silent hallway, his heart fluttering like a nervous butterfly. He flattened his palm on his chest to calm it, taking one deep breath.

_Music._

Once the butterflies settled a little, he huffed out air and turned to leave, quickly hurrying down the hallway towards the music room.

_A universal language. A conversation without words._

He could hear some light chatter from the morning classes as he walked by the different rooms.

_A bow pulled across a string, the light tapping of a drum, the warm, rich sound of the French horn, all coming together to create one sound._

With each passing doorway, his heart grew faster and faster.

_He could feel the music in his feet. In his body. In his chest…_

He finally made it to the last door on the hallway, and the teacher who had recruited him was standing there waiting for him.

_In his heart._

"Oh! Akaashi-san! Just on time!" she greeted, a smile on her face. "Are you ready to be introduced to your students, mister director-san?"

Akaashi took another deep breath and looked at the door. His name was etched into a plate on the door, just below the words "Orchestra Room."

"Yes," Akaashi said. "I think so."

"Good," she said. "Let's head on in, then."

She slid open the door and led Akaashi inside. Inside the familiar room—the very same room that Akaashi practiced in—sat several students, all with instruments in their hands. They looked on curiously as Akaashi entered the room, their young faces full of energy and innocence.

"Good morning, class!" the teacher greeted, and the class greeted back politely. "I'd like to introduce to you your new music teacher. This is Akaashi-san, and he will be your orchestra director starting today."

"Oh! We got an orchestra director?!" one student piped up excitedly.

"I thought no one applied for the job!" another said.

"Now, now. Yes, that was true, but Akaashi-san here is an excellent candidate for the job," she said, giving Akaashi a gentle smile. "I'll leave you to it, Akaashi-san."

"Thank you," Akaashi said, bowing politely to her.

After the teacher left the room, it was just Akaashi and the room full of students staring back at him. His heart was bursting into overdrive, but he thought back to his own performing days.

Deep breath in. Feeling the music in your feet. Universal language.

"Um, Akaashi-san?"

Akaashi glanced over at a girl who had a flute sitting in her lap. Her hand was raised and she had a determined expression on her face.

"Oh, uh. Yes?" Akaashi said.

The girl put her hand down. "So, since you're our new orchestra director… Do you have a piece that you want us to work on first?"

Akaashi paused for a moment, his brain going back to when he started planning the first concert of the year.

Right. He had a plan.

And he knew exactly which piece he wanted to conduct.

Akaashi smiled.

"Yes, I do," Akaashi said. He moved to the conductor's box and stepped up onto it, standing tall in front of the room full of musicians. "I'd like to try working on a symphony."

"Oh, a symphony?!"

"Beethoven? Mozart?"

"Yeah, which symphony, Akaashi-san?"

Akaashi's smiled grew as he picked up the baton. He glanced out at the students, his hands fiddling with the baton.

"I'd like to start with Tchaikovsky's 6th Symphony. The nickname: Pathétique."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Did you like this story? Hit me up on [Tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucke1) to let me know!
> 
> Also! My writing days are definitely NOT over! I have plenty of other fics planned that I hope to get started on right away.   
> And, just to give you guys a hint, I'm going back to the Free! universe for my next fic!! I can't wait to see you guys there! 
> 
> Happy reading!!

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on [Tumblr!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/lucke1)


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